Ever feel like you're just not in the mood to be a sub?

[maddie]

I've been finding it a little difficult lately to really let go and allow myself to get into a scene. Usually, though not always, I'm able to let myself go and get caught up in what's going on. I can fully submit both physically and mentally. But lately, I've been finding that my brain isn't quite as willing to go there.

I don't feel like I want to be a Domme, but I'm concerned about not being able to get into "sub mode", for lack of a better term. We're in the midst of getting ready to move, so there's some stress, which could play a part in it, I guess.

Anybody ever have this happen? Any suggestions?

[Warbaby1943]

I've been finding it a little difficult lately to really let go and allow myself to get into a scene. Usually, though not always, I'm able to let myself go and get caught up in what's going on. I can fully submit both physically and mentally. But lately, I've been finding that my brain isn't quite as willing to go there.

I don't feel like I want to be a Domme, but I'm concerned about not being able to get into "sub mode", for lack of a better term. We're in the midst of getting ready to move, so there's some stress, which could play a part in it, I guess.

Anybody ever have this happen? Any suggestions?
I have felt lately that I am not as interested in the sub roll as I used to be. I don't know what the reason is but it is still the only option open to me if I want to enjoy anything in this type of life. I pay for my experiences and I so far haven't found anywhere to purchase someone I could dominate. And to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I'd want to anyway. I still fantasize about bondage but it isn't in the all submissive way I used to. Maybe age plays a part in it, I don't know. Maybe it is because it sounds so intriguing when I read about some of the ways women are dominated here, again I don't know.

Suggestions, I have none but will be watching this thread closely. Nice topic, by the way. :cool:

[frankee]

maddie

i haven't been part of this lifestyle for very long so i haven't felt like that...well not yet anyway, i'm sure i will have days like that at some point.
The stresses of life can most certainly do that to you, it can affect you emotionally and physically. The move is probably the cause of your stress.
Perhaps, you could get your move over with and then have some 'chill out' time and see how you feel then:)

*hugs*



frankee




Proud sub of Mistress Cindy:rose:

[cariad]

I've been finding it a little difficult lately to really let go and allow myself to get into a scene. Usually, though not always, I'm able to let myself go and get caught up in what's going on. I can fully submit both physically and mentally. But lately, I've been finding that my brain isn't quite as willing to go there.

I don't feel like I want to be a Domme, but I'm concerned about not being able to get into "sub mode", for lack of a better term. We're in the midst of getting ready to move, so there's some stress, which could play a part in it, I guess.

Anybody ever have this happen? Any suggestions?

The time I find that happens is when I have had a particularly successful time at work, which has normally always involved me being assertive in addition to being just being strong. I can find it hard to come down from that high, but usually a few well chosen gentle words and a certain look flicks me over into sub mode.

cariad

[Misato36]

Sometimes life is so busy that it is hard to complete my master's every wish. It is those moments that sometimes I do not feel like being a sub. Also sometimes I don't want to give my master every inch of my body and mind which causes me to fight back. It doesn't happen often but sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

[maddie]

Well, at least I know I'm not alone. It's a bit frustrating, but I'm sure I'll get through it. Hopefully, once the move is over, I'll be able to relax a little more.

[Tojo]

Um, if I may contribute to this thread- If one of my girls said that to me, I'd say something along these lines. Just stop, close your eyes & notice how you're feeling. Take some time to get in touch with yourself.

I tend to lean towards starting slowly & getting back to basics, noticing the little things, the subtlety of the experience.

We don't always feel the same, & things don't always work the same, sometimes you have to stop & look at what's going on in some detail.

That's my opinion. I'm sure you'll get it back maddie- just take it easy & don't push it. :)

Tojo

[dzire2pleeze]

the "sub mode" as you put it, Maddie, is, in my opinion, determined by the Dominant. It's kind of like sex, if you will, you're not always in the mood, but a proficient lover can entice you. Now I know that's putting a lot of responsibility on the Dominant, so I don't want all you Dom's jumping all over me...okay go ahead (LOL).

I have, however, noticed that when I am stressed submission is a nice place to go. What am I talking about, i'm always there! Geez, I'm probably over-stressed and not submissive at all.

And Warbaby - don't even go there with the age thing. ~smiling~ Don't you know that 60 is the new 50.

[katie_21]

Well yeah, everyday of my life lol.

Sometimes I feel like a sub and sometimes I don't (why does that sound familiar?)

I guess I'm still new to all of this, but sometimes I wonder why I'm even here, cause I really don't know what the hell I want lol. But, at least I'm in good company :)

[submissivewife]

There have been times where I really don't want to nor have the energy to be submissive. Then my dom will do or say something that will put me "in my place" so to speak.

[Tojo]

I guess I'm still new to all of this, but sometimes I wonder why I'm even here, cause I really don't know what the hell I want lol.

Seems like you just answered your own question my pretty- many of us are here to find out just what the hell we want. :confused:

(pardon me for interrupting, maddie)

Tojo

[Garnet99]

Maddie, I haven't been on the site for so long, for precisely this reason! When life gets so busy and stressful, i just can't get into sub mode at all. I'm a teacher, so that means most of the year! Summer is our time to "play" though we have some weekends that we get back in touch with this side of our relationship. Don't get upset by this feeling - you have a lot on your plate now with the move. When you are settled in your new place the feeling will be back just as strong as before. :)

Good luck with the move.

Garnet

[Pet_Amanda]

I too have had those I don't want to days. Especially if the kids have been acting up. I usually tell my Master of my day and he is usually willing to accomidate me. It is nice to have your husband be your Dom. He knows how hard delaing with the kids and house can be. Especially since I am a stay at home mom. I just think about how I feel while I am pleasing my Master and I am able to get into the mood. That and seeing the look in his eyes.

[Dragon's muse]

Those days come and go. Usually all it takes to get me back on the sub track is for the Dragon to grab me by the hair and growl in my ear, "Who do you belong to?"

easy slut that i am, i just melt.

[katie_21]

Yes!!! Somedays I feel like a sub, somedays I don't lol

[fantassy]

Some days???? How about moments? Sometimes my mood will switch from sub to nonsub in an instant. And sometimes it seems it happens for no good reason. It's very frustrating.

fantassy

[Ozme52]

Submissives are the epitome of sensual beings.

Knowing that, when you feel that way, not in the mood. is it better if your Dom relents or demands. Do you want to be dominated back into being sensual or would you like to be mundane for the evening.

[SheepishJaina]

Some days???? How about moments? Sometimes my mood will switch from sub to nonsub in an instant. And sometimes it seems it happens for no good reason. It's very frustrating.

fantassy

I couldn't agree with you more.

[selkie]

Interesting discourse! I think whta everyone needs to remember, is that we are not a single-faceted being - each and every one of us - Dom AND Sub are multifaceted- each of us affected by the ebb and flow of our days and the various demands and stressors.

I do NOT think you should be hard on yourself for "not feeling like a sub" sometimes - what I DO hope is that you have a Dom/Master who understands that each of us has stress (usually the main culprit) in our lives that makes it difficult sometimes to get into the spot where He/She wants us at that moment - it is NOT just about being the "perfect" submissive - it is also having a caring, perceptive and nurturing Dom/Master.

I live in a a very long-term 24/7 D/s relationship and yes, there are days where I'm not in the mood and he is - what I have found is there is no simple answer to each of the occasions - there are times when he will very successfully get me in the mood by an exellent spanking - I still find myself grinning that the old adage "she needs a good spanking" really DOES work for me - it is a super effective way to "de-stress" and relax and D. learned this a long time ago ...

I know this is long-winded but I think it is important to differentiate between the fantasy of being the perfect "sub" (or for that matter, the perfect "Dom") and the reality of every day life - it doesn't mean you can't find ways around it and work together but the important thing is to COMMUNICATE - D. smacked my ass the other day and I snarled at him (an unusual thing for me as I ADORE my ass smacked usually) - he initially reacted angrily then sat me down and asked me what was wrong ... I had just worked 60 hours in 5 days ... I ended up bawling about how tired I was ...he ended up tucking me into bed, bringing me a hot cup of tea and then turned out the light and told me to go to sleep ... the next night, I MORE than made up for it ... grateful for his understanding and nurturing.

[phantasy_seeker]

Submissives are the epitome of sensual beings.

Knowing that, when you feel that way, not in the mood. is it better if your Dom relents or demands. Do you want to be dominated back into being sensual or would you like to be mundane for the evening.


I guess that depends on how severe the lack of mood was? If it was just 'nah, don't much feel like it', some really good domming usually gets me right back into the mood. In fact, I myself am pretty amused at how easy it is. A few words by him, or a task or two... that dom-look would probably work as well, but ah, the limitations of online D/s.

However, if it's the really really bad mood, like if something really terrible happened to me during the day and I am really upset or angry, I certainly don't need a demanding Dom to add to it. I'm sure most subs here would require gentle care and compassionate understanding. And believe it or not, that can actually be done in a firm Dom-ly way, and be the more comforting for that.

[Havensov]

From the Dom's side of the coin.

Personally, i would rather a sub tell me when they are upset or not in any mood to be a sub because, to be honest,i want the sub at her finest. I would rather take a brake, or simply not do a task, until she is in the mood then to do it badly because she is pissed that she has already had a bad day and now i am making it worse.

Now this is just my side, other Dom's may feel differently.

[fantassy]

Do you want to be dominated back into being sensual or would you like to be mundane for the evening.

That's the tough part. Usually, I do want to be "dominated back into being sensual" (what a great way to describe it!); however, sometimes He must tread a fine line. If He puts a word wrong unintentionally, sometimes I'll just flash to anger/irritation/stubborn resistence internally and withdrawal externally. I wish I could predict the reaction, but I can't. Often I am at my most submissive after the most stressful days - it is such a relief. Other times, when I've had a stressful yet successful day, I ride that adrenalin high of being able to conquer the world and beat up any opponent. Those are the dangerous days. . . . And that's not even considering the hormonal influences. Whew ! Domming sure is a tough job!

fantassy

[moptop]

Sorry to butt in a bit off thread. Just wanted to say - LOVE the graphic Pet Amanda has! It's really beautiful.

Maddie, I know I'm only new here, and can't talk from long-term experience, but instinct says, well, sure, we must all get days when we don't want to be submissive - or days when we don't want to be/do something else we normally really love being/doing, cook, go out dancing, dinner with friends, reading, whatever. It seems to me that in any relationship, D/s or other, you need the balance and good communication between the partners for a loving understanding that anyone can have 'off' days, especially where the stress of life is getting in the way.

[Pet_Amanda]

[QUOTE=moptop;147652]Sorry to butt in a bit off thread. Just wanted to say - LOVE the graphic Pet Amanda has! It's really beautiful.[QUOTE]

Thank you. My Master sent that to me.

[dzire2pleeze]

I know this is long-winded but I think it is important to differentiate between the fantasy of being the perfect "sub" (or for that matter, the perfect "Dom") and the reality of every day life - it doesn't mean you can't find ways around it and work together but the important thing is to COMMUNICATE - D. smacked my ass the other day and I snarled at him (an unusual thing for me as I ADORE my ass smacked usually) - he initially reacted angrily then sat me down and asked me what was wrong ... I had just worked 60 hours in 5 days ... I ended up bawling about how tired I was ...he ended up tucking me into bed, bringing me a hot cup of tea and then turned out the light and told me to go to sleep ... the next night, I MORE than made up for it ... grateful for his understanding and nurturing.

See now, in my humble opinion this is what it's all about, Selkie.

The Sarge is very much like this; understanding and nurturing and oh so patient. Even when I'm being difficult, (which i'm sure is way too often to suit him... giggles) he has a way of "guiding" me back to the place i not only want to be, but need to be.

Many times my submission is just as you said...because i feel grateful and fortunate to have someone, who listens to me and communicates with me. He never fails to amaze me.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Doesn't this thread sound like a commercial for something?

"Do you ever have those not so subbish days?" or "Sometimes you feel like a sub. Sometimes you don't." :4:

I tend to think most of my days are those kind of days. *ggls* Good communication is key, and having a perceptive Dom who knows when to put the pressure on and when to let up has brought me a long way.

[Talia]

Lately, I can't beleive you much I do NOT want to submit. Some of you know I am going through a very rough divorce, a custody battle from hell, and a hell of a lot of other factors in there to. Somedays, I am so overwhelmed with life that I don't want to submit. Other times, I crave it. For Master to take over and lead in the direction i need to go.

As to what Ozzy said, there are time when I need for Master to take back rather than back off. Then there are times when I need him to back off and stay off for a little while. Mostly depends on what has my upset that will determine this.

Does a submissive feel submissive all the time. Hell I sure hope not. A submissive needs to be unsubmissve at times to keep things in balance. Some days, I am in comando role when I am doing things around the house or that require a more assertive role. But when with Master, submissiveness comes naturally. That's not to say, there aren't times when I haven't gotten unsubmissive with him. A time or two I have had to more assertive in my desires and feelings so Master can understand what is going on with me. Then he is better able to understand me.

[babygirlblue]

Short Answer: Yes.
Long Answer: Yes and No. Yes, because sometimes being the servant and person that makes them happy can be irritation and sometimes not balanced. No, because for me personally, I was raised submissve. I don't let people walk all over me or anything like that. I am the one that likes to make everyone happy and help them out the best I can. I enjoy helping people and making them feel good.

[subbaby]

I guess this is what has me nervous about jumping into this life. I am so sexualy aroused by submission and not being in control, but I have all of these what ifs in my mind. What if I don't feel like it? What if I just want what I want? How can you expect the other person to know what you want when you don't know what you want?

[phantasy_seeker]

I've been having a sort of dilemma with this. Is it really submission, if you only submit when you feel like it? What sort of real power would a dom have, if the sub could break rules, or act up, and get away with it due to 'not feeling subbie'? Could there be exceptions for certain circumstances? What circumstances?

I'm really interested in how others work this out.

[wolfs_lilgirl]

only when im a lil sick

[tessa]

I've been having a sort of dilemma with this. Is it really submission, if you only submit when you feel like it? What sort of real power would a dom have, if the sub could break rules, or act up, and get away with it due to 'not feeling subbie'? Could there be exceptions for certain circumstances? What circumstances?

I'm really interested in how others work this out.

Hi phantasy_seeker. I am so glad you asked this. After too many years of living my submission only in my fantasies, to realize it face-to-face has brought up aspects I never could have imagined on my own. I mean, being submissive in one's own fantasies is a hell of a lot different than dealing with an actual living, breathing Dominant. Imagine my shock when I felt it was time to wrap up the scene and a very real voice whipsered in my ear, "we aren't done yet." Can we say "not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy"??

So at that moment, I was clearly aware of submitting to another human's will...when maybe my mind and body were saying "ok, that's probably enough". And it was tough. Mentally, I was exploring places that were, quite honestly, freaking me out. My fantasies might have been about submission but I was still in control, seeing as they were MY fantasies. This very real Dominant was asking for more...and more and more from me. And physically, I was exhausted. So it was decision time...submit or not. If I didn't have the connection I have with Him, the answer would most assuredly have been "not". But I wanted to submit to Him...needed to is more appropriate. So in that way, I suppose I gave Him His power and He took from me what He needed. In return, I got to visit subspace-land. No fantasy I've ever had was good enough to get me to that place.

To address the other aspect of your question, submission, in my limited opinion, is in your heart, mind and soul. You choose to allow Another to have that from You. We are human, so life can come at us and dim the feeling. For example, I had a surgery. Physically, I was not able. Did I want to try? Sure, but common sense said otherwise. Not being a real fan of common sense, I tried anyway. I'll just say it wasn't so pleasant an experience. I did learn something about myself, so it wasn't a total loss, but I had to ask that the physical be put on hold until I was better. Mentally, that put a damper on my subbie self. My Dominant recognized this. He was respectful of it all. But most importantly, He didn't stop being my Dominant and I didn't stop being His submissive. It was just life in the way for a bit.

Is it really submission if you only submit when you feel like it? That's a question only that particular submissive can answer for her/himself. What sort of power does a Dom have if the sub acts up? As my Dominant says to me, "a Dominant is only as powerful as His pet's submissiveness." So both parties need to wonder, why is the sub acting up? Is the sub dissatisfied with the Dominant? Does she/he want the Dom to be more forceful? Less forceful? Just simply go away? Again, more questions, but self-introspection may be the key here. That and honest, open communication between Dom and sub.

Whether that helped you out at all, I have not a clue. But oh, it did my struggling mind some good. My warmest thanks to you for bringing it up. :)

Most sincerely-
tessa

[Talia]

I've had times when i just didn't want to submit. One time, it really angered me to submit...

Maybe I should explain.....

Over Christmas, i didn't have much money to get Master much of anything, anything at all in fact. I wanted to get him something...anything...I did have cash on me, but I was traveling and I didn't want to use my cash, just in case I would need it for something. I called Master to ask him if I could charge a purchase to my checking account. His first response was why would I need the money. I didn't want to tell him it was because I was getting him a Christmas present so I tried again on explaining there was something I wanted to get and would like to write a check. He knew I had cash on me. He also knew I had money in my account. He insisted to know what I had that I needed more money than what I had on me...although i didn't tell him what I was getting him, I did tell him it was his Christmas present. He told me no, I couldn't get any money from account, and that he didn't need anything. But I insisted. He insisted as well, his response, "you know how I feel about this." I did purchase the gift...but not by using my checking account. I used the cash I had on me.

One..part of me was like...this is MY account and I'll purchase the gift. I really struggled with that for a couple of days...

[Guest 91108]

I think a good Dom / Domme would know when you truly felt bad or sick and would know whether to push the issue or not..
But then, I'm not the typical Dom am I ??
Grins.

[I1985]

No your a lucky.....

But I do agree with you Wolf. It would be best if it is so, that a Dom knows/feels if it's time to back of for a moment, at the least.

[Cage]

Leave it to a self-proclaimed dom to butt in and state the obvious, but I just wanted to point out that not every D/S relationship need be a 24/7 deal with a 98%/2% sharing of the power. Things like slave contracts, collaring ceremonies, household chore assignments and whatnot are sort of standards that evolve in communities like this. They give a common vocabulary for everyone to use in discussions and allow for creating things like traditions and rites within the community. But not every relationship within the community needs to make use of all of those things. Not every D/S relationship needs to actively incorporate the D/S elements all day, every day. Not every distribution of power needs to get down to the level where one person always controls the money, always decides what to watch on TV and always gets the comfortable seat. If that's the sort of arrangement that is most healthy, enjoyable, and rewarding to you and the other person/s in the relationship, then by all means, go for it. But the transition from "vanilla" to "24/7 slavery" is not a cliff that you have to jump off. Those are just 2 ends of a spectrum, with an near-infinite number of tiny steps in between. It's up to every person to decide where the sweet spot is for them on that spectrum, and then presumably try to find one or more other people who want to hang out in that sweet spot with them. And also note that the sweet spot can change over time.

A D/S relationship is not really an alternative to a "normal" romantic relationship. It's just a very specific type of one. Some things are made easier by introducing a D/S structure. Some things are made more complicated -- like the question of "what happens when I'm not in the mood"? But all of the wisdom and best practices that can be used to build and maintain a good vanilla relationship apply to a good D/S relationship, too.

I had a very longtime girlfriend who 75% of the time wanted nothing more than to be my thrall. There is almost nothing I could have asked of her that she would not do. But the other 25% of the time, she wanted to interrupt the Red Sox game on TV to talk about the state of our relationship or might try to start an argument because I wasn't paying enough attention to her -- or any of the other silly things that you see on sitcoms about what it's like to be married. It worked out well because, truth be told, I hate balancing my own checkbook -- I sure as hell didn't want to end up in a relationship where I had to manage the finances for both of us and field daily questions from her like "Can I take out $100 to buy this pair of boots I just found?" A 24/7, 98%/2% D/S relationship would have stifled her and burned me out.

The things that are likely to stick in your mind as you participate in a community like this are the most extreme things. If you're going to get your introduction to BDSM in a place like this, it's just important to realize and remember that it's not necessary for everyone to live at the extreme end of the spectrum. For every person who has 6 live-in slaves who wear chastity devices 24/7 and have highly structured rules about when they're allowed to speak, there are probably 30 people who like to tie up their partner, fuck them in the ass and then apologize for forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning. No spot on that spectrum is inherently "better" than another. It's just about finding the right place for you. So if you're not sure that you'd be happy being actively submissive every day, don't be afraid to try being submissive for just one day.

As far as the original question goes, I'd say it depends mainly on why you submit and what you get out of it, as well as why you don't feel like submitting at the moment. If you don't feel like submitting because you're feeling particularly powerful due to a success at work or elsewhere in life and don't want to give up that feeling just yet, then I'd be inclined to say "Let's go have a vanilla dinner to celebrate and then maybe try some of that 'normal' sex when we get home. I'll even let you get on top." If you don't feel like submitting because you feel completely overwhelmed, unworthy, unattractive, or the like, then maybe a firm hand pushing you through that is exactly what you need.



Yeah, so my name is Cage and I'm a long-winded son of a bitch. I'd been on the road to recovery, but I apparently just fell off the wagon. Back to Step 1...

[Mishka]

Thank you cage. I was looking around for some advice to a silent question without creating a thread about it. You answered it.

(edit...I took something completely out of context)

[TomOfSweden]

I've had a number of slaves over the years and they all function differently. One slave was super-submissive but had a moment now and again, (like once every couple of months) where she just wanted to be alone. One slave came out of wanting to be a sub easily if I did something she didn't like. My slave now is 24/7 and has been now for the couple of months we've seen each other so I think its permanent.

The point is that you are you. Don't worry about it. Just do what feels right for you. Always. Do not spend a minute thinking about what's normal in the scene. That will just grow you an ulcer and is pointless.

[cariad]

Wonderfully said Cage. *applaudes*



Yeah, so my name is Cage and I'm a long-winded son of a bitch. I'd been on the road to recovery, but I apparently just fell off the wagon. Back to Step 1...

On the basis of that post, I cannot wish you success in your efforts to become less long winded.

cariad

[babykat]

Wow. Cage's long-winded post was really helpful. For me - especially this:


But the transition from "vanilla" to "24/7 slavery" is not a cliff that you have to jump off. Those are just 2 ends of a spectrum, with an near-infinite number of tiny steps in between. It's up to every person to decide where the sweet spot is for them on that spectrum, and then presumably try to find one or more other people who want to hang out in that sweet spot with them. And also note that the sweet spot can change over time.

Thanks for butting in.

babyk...

[elyse]

But the transition from "vanilla" to "24/7 slavery" is not a cliff that you have to jump off. Those are just 2 ends of a spectrum, with an near-infinite number of tiny steps in between. It's up to every person to decide where the sweet spot is for them on that spectrum, and then presumably try to find one or more other people who want to hang out in that sweet spot with them. And also note that the sweet spot can change over time.

thank you. thank you. thank you. this is *exactly* my philosophy, that The Life is a spectrum, and that every single point along that spectrum is EQUALLY VALID for the people who find their balance and bliss there.

~elyse

[tessa]

Cage
A D/S relationship is not really an alternative to a "normal" romantic relationship. It's just a very specific type of one. Some things are made easier by introducing a D/S structure. Some things are made more complicated -- like the question of "what happens when I'm not in the mood"? But all of the wisdom and best practices that can be used to build and maintain a good vanilla relationship apply to a good D/S relationship, too.

From a couple who is just starting to try and figure this out, thank you for putting these particular words out there.


Yeah, so my name is Cage and I'm a long-winded son of a bitch.

My thanks to you for this as well. :)

All the best-
tessa

[Cage]

Glad my experience and long-windedness could help some folks feel a little bit better. I love hearing myself type, so feel free to hit me up if you'd like to see more of my opinions. :)

[cariad]

Glad my experience and long-windedness could help some folks feel a little bit better. I love hearing myself type, so feel free to hit me up if you'd like to see more of my opinions. :)

I for one also love hearing you type Cage. More please!!!

cariad

[STONE'sSLUT]

Lots of good points & advice! IMO, I look at being a submissive as something that should be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically challenging – at least when we’re doing it “right.” ;) So, when other parts of my life require vast amounts of these energies, it can become difficult to fully commit to specific activities. Sometimes, this can lead to pushing my limits to the next level, but there are times I cannot be pushed any more. I don’t think that changes my being a submissive or changes the nature of my needs & desires, but, if you are anything like me, I don’t like half-assing something so profound & important to me. A move is a huge change in your life & you inevitably have your energies focused on all that entails. So, my advice: don’t be so hard on yourself; focus on the challenges you are facing right now, one at a time; &, perhaps, try looking at “shifting into sub mode” as a source of release after the stresses of daily life rather than a challenging goal that must be achieved. No use feeding the vicious cycle of adding more stress to your life regarding something that should be ultimately pleasurable, IMO. Good luck!

Hugs & Spankins
Stone’s Slut

[leggysub]

i feel the same way, sometimes i feel i can really let go and enjoy it, i love everything about being a sub, then there are days when it feels like a chore, and it depresses me, but then my master looks at me and i remember why i am sub in the first place, wouldn't change him or me for the world

[Jensen036]

I am usually submissive by nature and it usually excites me. At times I did wish that I was not a submissive. It usually occurs after my master has been too rough with me. During those times when I can barely move from the pain, I wish I was anything but a sub.

[His_blizzard]

This week I have been with Master and it has been wonderful, but definitely NOT one of my better summissive periods. I find I have been argumentative and crabby. I seem to debate everything that he says, always wanting to "win" the discussion. I have been resenting having to comply with some of my simpliest sub behaviors such as asking to use the bathroom or the PC or to eat something from the kitchen. I believe I may have actually pouted, God help me. I hate the thought of being a pouting sub. My pain threshold sucks. There has been very little BDSM play, probably because Master is getting these "don't hurt me today" vibes. We are only together every three months and I really hate it that I can't be in full blown submissive mode for the brief times we share. Sigh...........................
I am glad that this thread was here today. It made me face what was going on inside of me. I know what I need to do now, and that is to discuss my feelings with Master. I have found that in the past that when I get these feelings and he arranges a good long session with the paddle and quirt, et al, that I am often calmed and more even tempered after.
Thanks for letting me vent, "Peace" ~blizz~

[KoTe]

I`ve been in such a mood once or twice. So my owner covers me up in TLC, while I snug within his embrace and everything is purrrfect after that.

[midi]

The things that are likely to stick in your mind as you participate in a community like this are the most extreme things. If you're going to get your introduction to BDSM in a place like this, it's just important to realize and remember that it's not necessary for everyone to live at the extreme end of the spectrum. For every person who has 6 live-in slaves who wear chastity devices 24/7 and have highly structured rules about when they're allowed to speak, there are probably 30 people who like to tie up their partner, fuck them in the ass and then apologize for forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning. No spot on that spectrum is inherently "better" than another. It's just about finding the right place for you. So if you're not sure that you'd be happy being actively submissive every day, don't be afraid to try being submissive for just one day.

Thanks Cage for this. I remember back to discovering this whole realm and how confusing it could all be sometimes, especially from a submissive standpoint. It took a long time to sort out all the definitions of what this lifestyle is and how I could define it for myself and what it was that I wanted and needed in my life....and how much etc. etc. etc. Reading your words then would have helped me so much, and I thank you for putting them out there for those who can use them now :)