Orgasm control

[buttons_70]

Dear all,

Looking for suggestions and ideas of how to control a submissives orgasm at will. Love the idea of being tied up with some form of sensory depravation and allowing another to control when I orgasm. I espically like the idea of being made to orgasm many times over an extended period.

Been reading up on electro play as one way to do this but do not really understand it too well.

Any suggestions,

buttons.:confused:

[Top-Rock]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by buttons_70


Looking for ideas of how to . . . [allow] another to control when I orgasm.

Response:

Ice.

[buttons_70]

What in hell would be done with ice????:confused:

[Lord Douche]

I'm guessing it'd work the same way a cold shower would.

Also, drawing on my knowledge of the body, ice would cause blood-vessels to contract, meaning certain engorged parts of the anatomy would shrink (male or female). Pretty sure this would bring someone back "from the edge", but I'm just guessing.
No idea of how to make someone orgasm repeatedly though :( Need to read more non-fiction, I think.

[SMartie57]

Maybe I am stating the obvious here, but in my experience, prior to controlling a submissives orgasm would come a profound knowledge of his/her likes and dislikes, capacity to orgasm. That alone can lead to devising ways to control orgasm. My "non-fictional" reading on the subject of human orgasm (I take Lord Douche's phrase for wont of a better one) would suggest that it cannot be controlled except by the orgasming person. Mentally, a person approaching orgasm blocks all sensation coming from outside and is totally focussed on his/her own person and needs. So another prerequisite to orgasm control would be the willingness of the submissive to let someone control his/her orgasm. But that is, from a fetish/role-playing point of view is defeating the real purpose, really. So, in real life, I guess, the farthest you can take this play is by having the submissive ask for permission to "cum" at a sufficiently early point on the climb towards fulfillment to be able to really stay in control.

[slavelucy]

my Master practices orgasm deprivation on me (see a post in the 'My BDSM Life' section) i think the key is probably knowing someone really well in terms of what they like and their repsonses to things and, of course signs that they are close to orgasm etc (in my case usually begging very loudly - unless i'm gagged of course). i reckon it's the same for having many orgasms, if the scene is good and you know someone enough to know their body etc then this should happen over time.

Hope this is of some help.

sl

[Frito]

Some antidepressants (such as prosac) have a side effect of making orgasm impossible in some people.

[Curtis]

Absolutely true, but the effect varies from person to person and is only predictable if the sub has taken the medication before. Also, taking prescription medication for "off-label" purposes isn't really advisable.

I would like to know whether the person whose orgasm is being controlled is male or female.
If female, you're probably screwed, unless you're really observant and familiar with her reactions. The best you might hope for would be: 1) Total honesty on her part (ie. co-operating in her own punishment); 2) One of those prescription drugs, though it might make her less horny, or; 3) A topical anaesthetic -- but none of those are great options.
If male, it's a little easier, since it's usually easier to tell when a guy is close to orgasm. In addition to the three female options: 4) A cock-ring might help restrain him, but it can backfire, especially he's a young guy, in which case it may accelerate his orgasm, but keep him hard afterwards, or; 5) The real piece-de-resistance, the squeeze method used to help guys with premature ejaculation to hold back (find an internet piece on sexual dysfunction to explain this more fully).

Does anyone else have any ideas? (I have one for forced multiple O's for women, but it may not qualify as "safe, sane and consensual", so I'm not listing it here. It has worked at least twice, though.)

[Master_JoeHippy]

It does take honesty on the part of your slave, and being able to read how close she is.... I have done this over a weekend on several occasions with delightfully wonderful results. When I finally do allow my slave to orgams, it seems to go on forever....

[LostOne]

I know this is an old thread but I felt compelled to add my two cents.

I had a Dom do the orgasm control thing with me. It had bad results.

I had to tell him if I was close to cumming. Sometimes he would tell me I had permission to cum but other times he would continue the stimulation but tell me over and over I was not allowed to cum. I learned to stop my orgasms on command. The problem was I had a really hard time learning to cum on command.

Next thing I knew, I couldn't cum, period. Permission or no. No orgasms for weeks. Why or how it happened we could never quite figure out.

All I know is orgasm control is not something I look forward to trying again. The whole experience made me feel so inadequate and bad as a submissive. So many weeks spent not being able to do as I was told were heart wrenching. He would command me to cum and I couldn't.

Has anybody had any good results to share and maybe help me let go of the fear of ever trying it again?

Karen

[S_Couture]

Originally posted by LostOne
All I know is orgasm control is not something I look forward to trying again. The whole experience made me feel so inadequate and bad as a submissive. So many weeks spent not being able to do as I was told were heart wrenching. He would command me to cum and I couldn't.

Has anybody had any good results to share and maybe help me let go of the fear of ever trying it again?

Karen

I used to have a lover I could make cum on command. I'll doubt I would ever go through all that trouble again, but it was fun, I'll give it that. There aren't any books on the subject that I know of, but I approached it differently than your master.

First of all, I never trained her not to cum. She would just tell me she was close and I would stop the stimulation. Hence, begging and pleading, but no coming.

To cum on command, I did similar, taking her to the edge, telling her not to cum, pausing, then giving her permission and providing a last bit of stimulation for orgasm. Later, I was able to get her to orgasm without the last bit of stimulation.

So, it wasn't like you read about in books where the slave is ordered to orgasm while in a church and she involuntarily does so. I would have to get her worked up first. But, we didn't work at it every day or anything...it was just part of our play once or twice a week. Other people have probably done much better, but it was fun and we both enjoyed it.

[slavelucy]

Originally posted by LostOne
I had a Dom do the orgasm control thing with me. It had bad results.

I had to tell him if I was close to cumming. Sometimes he would tell me I had permission to cum but other times he would continue the stimulation but tell me over and over I was not allowed to cum. I learned to stop my orgasms on command. The problem was I had a really hard time learning to cum on command.

Next thing I knew, I couldn't cum, period. Permission or no. No orgasms for weeks. Why or how it happened we could never quite figure out.

All I know is orgasm control is not something I look forward to trying again. The whole experience made me feel so inadequate and bad as a submissive. So many weeks spent not being able to do as I was told were heart wrenching. He would command me to cum and I couldn't.

Has anybody had any good results to share and maybe help me let go of the fear of ever trying it again?

Karen

Hi Karen,

i read your post with interest, my god, you poor thing, i am so sorry for you that the Orgasm control/deprivation thing worked out so badly.

i have only had good results with it, but i think the reason for this is two fold - firstly, i am a ridiculously sexual person and hence it would almost seem inappropriate to me for a dominant to just let me cum willy nilly (as it were!), whenever i see fit. This is to say that for me, it is one of the most important elements of me i could give up. Secondly the notion that another person controls something so personal and urgent, for me, only serves to heighten my overall arrousal. Being deprived of an orgasm was once described to me, by a good friend, as 'sweet misery', and this aptly sums it up....it is sweet and pleasurable in the sense that i never feel more in tune with my submissive side than i do when deprived (the misery element is fairly obvious! *g*).

i guess all this still begs the question as to why it was so awful for you and i am wondering about two things. Firstly, you say "I learned to stop my orgasms on demand"....does this means you ALWAYS did this and never failed? i only ask because there are still times when i fail...although this doesn't happen often and possibly means i am not as dedicted as a submissive, i wonder maybe if it could be important psychologically in terms of the ability to cum becoming a problem. Secondly i think the reasons why a dominant uses orgasm control are fairly paramount; this is to say that i think the reason i had orgasm control imposed on me was not to smother me or 'reign me in', there are still huge chunks of time wherein i can play and cum whenever i like, but the point being that however those orgasms occur, i am aware that they are ultimatley attributed to him.

Hope this makes at least some sense and i wish you luck if you try it again in the future.


lucy x

[Spitman]

I remember reading a book by Cecil St Laurent in which the man always touched the girl's breast in a certain way when she climaxed, and then he was able to make her orgasm at any moment by touching her in that particular way. He made her orgasm in public when she least expected it.

This is the kind of thing that Pavlov researched, and it makes perfect sense. Your mind learns to associate that particular sensation with your moment of climax.

I am not sure how you learn not to climax, but the way this is controlled is in the mind. Maybe you learn to interrupt any thoughts that lead that way, rather like when someone chucks a pillow at you to stop you snoring; after a while you wake up before he throws the pillow.

I think the cure will involve exploring the kind of thoughts that usually turn you on, while your partner / Dom soothes and relaxes you to break the inhibition, washing away the fear.

I hope this helps.

[AndrewBlack]

That is very interesting about the conditioned response to the touching of a breast, I would really like to know if that was truly possible or if it must remain a BDSM urban-myth ( I assume the book is a work of fiction ?). The cynic in me finds it hard to believe, but a very seductive notion.

[LostOne]

Originally posted by slavelucy
Firstly, you say "I learned to stop my orgasms on demand"....does this means you ALWAYS did this and never failed?

I did very well at stopping the orgasm. I remember the first time he told me not to cum. I didn't and was very proud of that. I do not recall ever failing to push the feeling away even while he continued the stimulation. I say "push" because that is what I imagined in my mind. I held my breath and pictured myself pushing away something that was between me and my Master.

I too am a very sexual being. I have had "vanilla" lovers that have left because they couldn't keep up with me. I actually need a Dominant person to keep me in check in that area or I will ride somebody to death. :D

He said the reason he wanted to control my orasms was because it was fun. That is not a bad reason. I think anything a Dominant does should have something to do with them finding it fun. I suppose some people may think that it should also be to enhance the submissive but I leave that to the Dominant to decide.

Why it turned out that I could not cum at all could be a couple of things. One reason is tough to think about, even after all this time but I think someone may learn something from it. Anyway, one time, he accused me of cumming and I didn't. I swore and promised I wasn't lying. I was at his feet begging and crying for him to believe me but he wouldn't. Consiquently I was punished for cumming without permission and lying about it. I swear to you all that I did not cum. I was just enjoying the attention so much that day my reaction was similar to an orgasm.

Another reason may be him not letting me cum for maybe 3 weeks give or take a few days. I would beg and he would say "no" but continue to stimulate me so it may have conditioned me (in some Pavlov way) not to cum. Well, after that long I stopped begging. Not out of spite or anything but because I just started to believe if he wanted me to cum he would say so and my begging was just wrong.

After each of those times it was harder to cum but I still could. Then one day I couldn't and it took so long for me to be able to again. I think it may have been a bit like being so afraid I couldn't that I couldn't. You know?

Anyway, the orgasms are back but I am not with him anymore. The relationship fell apart for many reasons. Although I do not look forward to giving my orgasms away again, I will if asked. The only thing is I will ask that the Dominant discuss this experience with me in detail before we begin.

Karen

[slavelucy]

Originally posted by LostOne
Why it turned out that I could not cum at all could be a couple of things. One reason is tough to think about, even after all this time but I think someone may learn something from it. Anyway, one time, he accused me of cumming and I didn't. I swore and promised I wasn't lying. I was at his feet begging and crying for him to believe me but he wouldn't. Consiquently I was punished for cumming without permission and lying about it. I swear to you all that I did not cum. I was just enjoying the attention so much that day my reaction was similar to an orgasm.

Another reason may be him not letting me cum for maybe 3 weeks give or take a few days. I would beg and he would say "no" but continue to stimulate me so it may have conditioned me (in some Pavlov way) not to cum. Well, after that long I stopped begging. Not out of spite or anything but because I just started to believe if he wanted me to cum he would say so and my begging was just wrong.


Hi again,

In terms of your first point (being punished for cumming even tho you hadn't) - sorry, but that's just plain wrong...you don't need to swear to us that you didn't cum, you told HIM you didn't cum and that should have been enough unless he had catorgoric evidence to the contrary.

As for the second point.....when you say 'after that long i stopped begging' - i think this is possibly the key to what became a real problem....the point had almost gone out of it and your mind had become fully conditioned. i think also perhaps your dominant could/should have made more of an effort to make you aware of what he expected of you.....for instance, when you say (paraphrased) 'and i started to believe my begging was just plain wrong'....it all sounds a bit confused, did he want you to beg or not? Was it acceptable or not? These, in my view, are fairly crucial questions (certainly for the submissive anyway) in the whole orgasm control/deprivation issue. my dominant loves the begging element of it, but i only know this because he has told me so; yes, there are times when i try to give his ears a rest and not beg for a while (*grin*)...but generally speaking if i stopped begging for a sustained period, it would give him some indication that something was perhaps going slightly wrong.

Your idea about discussing the experience with any future dominant sounds like a good one to me.

lucy x