View Full Version : Jeez.. where to start..
ChurchofVirus
07-24-2006, 09:36 PM
So here I am, desperate for knowledge and I'm at my wits end about learning, then I find this place so I figured I'd give it a go. Here my run down. I've been pretty much vanilla sex for my active years, a poor tie up here and there and mild SM type stuff.
My current relationship, my women has turned me onto BDSM and I'm way gung-ho to be the best master/dom I can. She's a switch but prefers to be a sub and really has a desire for a master/pet relationship, I wouldn't say 24/7 but it'd end up being active in our daily lives. Thus far I've gotten a collar and cuffs and have done some bondage, though pretty basic(ei chaining her to a bed and having my way) and have done some SM, spanking is the only punishment I have really tried since that's my only idea when she gets unruly and doesn't listen.
Pretty much I need the full run down, where to start, what to do, how to keep control and dominance, bondage and SM techniques, the whole shabaz as it were. We really have no boundries and she has quite a bit more experiance than I do sub and dom.
I'm your sponge, teach me please!
Putnamcocpl
07-24-2006, 10:51 PM
WELCOME...
The best thing you can do, you have already done.. You signed up here..
Take advantage of the wealth of knowledge here, and within the halls of the Academy..
Sift through older posts as well as the new ones... READ READ READ
ASK whatever Questions, Technical questions, practical questions, humorous questions, serious questions... ASK ASK ASK...
Answers come from everyone.. Opinions too...
But over all....... Have fun, and once again... WELCOME ABOARD
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4529
Check this link out COV- & do exactly what Put says.
But first go & look in the mirror- it comes from within, being a Dom. Confidence, self assurance & all that kinda stuff. Consistency & caring.
My own personal opinion is that I'm doing it for her, first & foremost.
Talk to the young lady- really get to know her & ask her to tell you stuff & write things down (fun reading that....)
& have fun- at least that's my way of looking at it. :wave:
Tojo -oh & let us know how it goes??
I would also recomend some reading that isn't included in this site.
The book 'Screw the roses Give me the Thorns' is an excelent start.
The website www.castlerealm.com is also an excelent start.
Since your a clean slate as it were, she can somewhat mold you to how she enjoys playing, and your devotion to her and her happiness will most likely drive this.
Try new things, and talk with her LOTS. Communication between you two is rule number 1!
Rule number 2 is HAVE FUN!
V/R
ID
Timberwolf
07-25-2006, 10:39 AM
I think especially for new Doms, like myself, maybe the best question you can ask is to her: "What exactly is it you want done to you"? Phrase it however you want, but listen to her words. She's not going to tell you to do something she won't enjoy, especially if she's got experience as a sub. Listen to her desires... and make good on them. It doesn't have to be perfect the first time. Like all other things it's a skill and it takes practice. If she's the more experienced of the pair, make use of that. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your sub - they know better than any what it is they seek. I think this is especially useful in defining punishments for breaking rules (which I find somewhat challenging without some input, I think striking a balance between making punishment a punishment without crossing the line into outright lack of enjoyment is very important).
Read, both the knowledge here, stories, anything. Don't be afraid to push your mind into gray areas. Test yourself. The great thing about words is that if you definitely don't enjoy something, there's not much consequence to having pushed a limit on paper. Find out what you like, what you dont, and what you're unsure about. I even go as far as reccomending that new people read at least a bit about things they *think* they won't enjoy - I discovered an interest or two that way.
Don't be afraid to shamelessly rip something off from stories or people you talk to. If it works for you, go for it.
Welcome, and have fun.
Warbaby1943
07-25-2006, 10:53 AM
Hi ChurchofVirus and welcome.
As you can see you have already gotten a lot of excellent advise. Listing things, as Tojo suggested, does amazing things to facilitate good communication.
The only thing I could add is you said she was a "switch." Maybe you take the sub roll a time or two and see how she handles you. I think you can learn a lot about her likes and dislikes this way. She would probably treat you as she would want to be treated. Who knows, you may even enjoy it during your learning process.
ChurchofVirus
07-25-2006, 03:21 PM
Wow, really this is awsome. I've tried many other communities to learn and such and wow, thank you all. This place definatly looks promising and I'm going to start hitting up all those resources suggested.
Still, I'd like to find some sort of mentor, someone I can communicate with one on one and pick the minds of a knowledgeable dom, it's a lot to ask from a total stranger, but perhaps sometime in the near future if it takes that long as I spend more time with this community it'll be doable. Trust me, I'm a pretty awsome guy.
Isn't the Academy a place where both Doms & subs can get some sort of mentoring?
Stick around anyway COV- who knows what you may find in this place. If I didn't spend 19 hours a day with subs I'd happily talk to the odd new Dom. :rolleyes:
Tojo
dzire2pleeze
07-25-2006, 06:56 PM
Isn't the Academy a place where both Doms & subs can get some sort of mentoring?
Tojo
Seems to me the Academy would be a perfect place to learn and grow. At least that's what i thought, so I registered. Now if someone can tell me how to post an intro there, I'd be really happy.
Ozme52
07-25-2006, 08:18 PM
They'll walk you through the procedures d2.
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welcome CoV, enjoy the adventure.
Silke
07-25-2006, 09:03 PM
Seems to me the Academy would be a perfect place to learn and grow. At least that's what i thought, so I registered. Now if someone can tell me how to post an intro there, I'd be really happy.
Create a new thread in the Introduction forum/Lobby. The rest is self explanatory. Looking forward to seeing you over there. :)
Welcome churchofvirus...not a lot of advice for you - I'm from the other side, lol. But I see you're getting all the help you need anyway. Good luck and enjoy the forums. :)
ChurchofVirus
07-25-2006, 10:15 PM
I'm confused about the Academy. I signed up and can view a 'Rules' and 'Samples' forum but that's it? Not sure where to go from there? I see no introduction forum.
*scratches his head*
Ozme52
07-25-2006, 10:24 PM
They'll contact you and take you through the steps. It's not a typical forum...
dzire2pleeze
07-25-2006, 11:17 PM
thank you Silke. And although I bow down to the superior knowledge of the great wizard, no one offered to walk me through anything. It is confusing to me, but i will try again. With Silke's guidance perhaps I will prevail. But everytime I tried creating a new thread, the old ones kept popping up.
Sorry CoV for bringing my problems to your intro.
If your expecting to be contacted for the academy, and havent yet recieved a reply, besure to check the junkmail or bulk mail folder of your mail program. The free services such as hotmail and yahoo treat the mail from here as spam for some reason. Well at least for me it did.
CoV - Not sure how much of a 'guide' I can be. However if you wish to ask me questions, I will tell you what I know, and what I don't know. I refuse to butter things up for people.
V/R
ID