Candle wax - Am I just a wimp?

[vistana]

I cannot stand hot wax. First time I tried it I was excited, because I've heard very few complaints about candles in cyberspace, everyone seems to love them. But dear god does it hurt!
Generally I have a decent pain tolerance, I am made very happy by a good bruising beating, up to having several different wooden spoons and things break over my ass.
But wax? *shudder*
I have plain white unscented taper candles, and after more than a few drops I'm twitching. I think I could deal with the pain, learn to appreciate it, but my muscles spasm.
After a few tries in which I shrieked myself hoarse and got sore muscles trying to get myself loose and away from the torment the candles have been mostly retired. Except as a threat to keep me in line when I'm a brat.

Then to make matters worse I recently had a dream in which my back got a fair bit of wax dripped on it, and it felt absolutely lovely. So of course now I'm tempted to ask the guy to give them another go. Decided this evening that I was going to play a little bit myself, and it took a good 5 minutes for me to actually let the first drop of wax hit my skin. And it wasn't as bad as I remembered it being. Then a second and third drop hit and I almost dropped the candle.
I think the biggest problem is that the drops come too close together. I could control the spasming when I was dripping less than half the wax on my leg, the rest onto a sheet of paper. I like my pain at a steady pace, with time to breath.

i want to learn to handle this, but damn it's disconcerting when your muscles take on a life of their own and start jumping all over the place. But I know the guy really enjoyed it and was disapointed when I just couldn't hack it. I never safe-worded on it, or set it as a limit, I just kick up one hell of a fuss.

So two requests - First, I want to know that I'm not the only person out here not enamoured of hot wax, and Second, suggestions on how to stop the twitchies and learn to enjoy the candles.

[_ID_]

The distance the candle is from your body will have an effect on the temp of the wax when it impacts your skin. The further away, the cooler the wax. So start at least at arms length away from the body. Then as you desire more heat, lower the candle. Also, goto a good candle store and get a parifin wax candle, the heat of that is even less than what you have now.

Hope you learn to enjoy it!

V/R
ID

[~hellish one~]

Hmmm...unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately, for me!) i do not share your problem. i am 100% sure that it is a common problem though! So don't think you are a freak or something. i love hot wax play. i've always used the small votive size candles. not the tealights...but the next size up. they are easier to handle and build up more hot wax than taper candles. ;) i've never thought of my pain tolerance as being all that high, but i've never felt any pain at all while playing with hot wax. Even pouring it directly onto my nipples and clit doesn't hurt. It is EXTREMELY erotic and gets me all fired up (no pun intended) in no time flat!

Perhaps you are dripping the wax too close to your skin? i believe the suggested distance is at least 18 inches away from the contact area. If your pain tolerance for the wax isn't that high...try lifting the candle up higher and higher until you find a distance that works for you.

Also...the type of candle you use could factor in. i know you said you use regular unscented taper candles. That is good! But are they paraffin? Paraffin is definitely the safest wax to use. Also, some candles can have hidden additives in them that could cause, not only the melting point to rise, but allergic reactions as well. Are you fair skinned? Hot wax is definitely more sensitive on fair skinned individuals.

I don't know what to tell you about the muscle spasms...i've never had this problem. Hopefully someone else will come along with some better advice, but from my experiences with hot wax...i would definitely try increasing the distance between the candle and your skin.

Good luck!!!

[~hellish one~]

The distance the candle is from your body will have an effect on the temp of the wax when it impacts your skin. The further away, the cooler the wax. So start at least at arms length away from the body. Then as you desire more heat, lower the candle. Also, goto a good candle store and get a parifin wax candle, the heat of that is even less than what you have now.

Hope you learn to enjoy it!

V/R
ID

Oops!! i posted without realizing someone else had already replied! Oh well...i 100% agree with everything IDCrewDawg just said! :)

[cariad]

The distance....


Hmmm...unfortunately...

Hear, hear.

cariad

[His_pita]

I agree with the need for distance. The last time I did wax play we got low temp candles at an adult sex store. They have them online as well. Much better than the birthday candles we tried the first time. OUCH!!!!

[dzire2pleeze]

vistana...seems like you and I can't hold a...ahem...candle to some of these submissives.

i have had only one experience with hot wax...it was my first and last...that was near five years ago...the wax was dripped on my clit...it was painful beyond belief and i suffered for days later...am thinking now something was not done right...although maybe it was, as it was not intended for pleasure.

hell...i have a phobia of birthday cakes now because of it...just kidding.

[Timberwolf]

I'd just like to throw out a reminder that there's nothing wrong with being a "whimp" as you put it. Sadism and masochism is not about how much pain you can inflict or recieve; this is not the pain olympics. It is about finding the balance between pain and pleasure that works for *you*.

[Phantome]

Candles have different melting points, and tapers tend to melt much hotter than paraffin candles (so they last longer and don't drip all over the tablecloth). Go to the craft store and buy some plain paraffin candles, and try those. I've found that melted paraffin is warm, but not so warm that you can't dunk your finger in the melted wax with no ill effects.

Also, have him pour the wax from 3-4 or more feet above (or away from) your body so it can cool even more on it's way down.

Lastly, have him start on thicker skin, like the palm of your hand or your knee, to get you used to the heat, then move on to more sensitive areas, like your chest or back of your thighs if you can tolerate the heat.

Go slowly, and use the right tools, and you should be able to do this. If not, don't worry- your level of kink won't be determined by whether or not you can tolerate candle wx! :)
-Phantome

[lily27]

i have had only one experience with hot wax...it was my first and last...that was near five years ago...the wax was dripped on my clit...it was painful beyond belief and i suffered for days later...am thinking now something was not done right...although maybe it was, as it was not intended for pleasure.
.


I will continue to be horrified by this for the rest of the day.

*shudders*

lily

[firmandconfident]

This thread reminded me how wonderful it is to play with hot wax. I lured my sub to the bed with fulse pretenses as I tied her to the bed, for anticipation of a flogging. I tied her arms to each post of the bed and got out the candle. The look on her face, as she laid there, turned from fear to avid anticipation as I lite the candle and stood above her on the bed. The first drop hit her and she gasped. As I began to drop more drops of wax from her neck down to her mid thighs she began to squirm from both the burning sensations and from the desire building.

As i controlled the varing heights of the wax to fall on her, her gasps of pleasure turned to cries of anguish as the heat intensity increased; especially in the more sensitive of places (those areas I'll leave to your imagination).

A full candle later her wax covered body was a beautiful site indeed.

Thank you for starting the thread and reminding me that my sub loves her wax play.

[Gr1m'sGirl]

Might I suggest using soy candles? The temperature is much lower than regular candles, and you can rub it straight into your skin.. I like them. :]

[wingsofanangel]

I hate it.


It HURTS... BAD. I have an extremley high pain tolerance... but I can't handle wax. It was used on me as a punishment once and it took forever because I was soooo scared of it... I love fire though... I play with fire.. SO it doesn't really make sense.. maybe because I am fair skinned? Who knows.. but I did not enjoy it at ALL

Sera

[Silke]

I've only had few exposures to wax play and absolutely loved it. Never cared about which kind of candle it was and held it incredibly close, even on the first attempt. *shrugs* It's just something that I found absolutely hot straight away. Everyone's different and to me the key is to find what turns me on personally. Well...wax seems to do the trick, lol.

But pain is so subjective and the tolerance varies with every situation, even with the time of day (scientific data here...not a wild speculation). By all means...try some of the ideas suggested here and you might find something that works for you. If it doesn't, though, you're not a wimp - you just found out something new about yourself, that's all. I'm sure you have plenty more activities on your 'hot' list. ;)

[Misato36]

I do enjoy hot candle wax on my breasts. It gives me the most wonderful sensation. At first I disliked it but I eventually learned to enjoy it. It may be uncomfortable at first but you might learn to like it. Despite the great feeling I get when it is poured onto my breasts I don't feel the same way when it is applied to my lower regions. That pain is too much for me.

[~hellish one~]

This is just one of those things that helps remind us that we all have different pain tolerances...and also that a particular pain may feel differently to everyone.

There are some of us that can't handle the pain of hot candle wax...yet may absolutely love needle play. Then you have me...love candle wax...anywhere...everywhere...every distance...it's erotic to me but has never been painful. But you come at me with a needle and i will scream bloody murder. ~laughs~

This should definitely be a gentle reminder to all that "what goes for one...doesn't necessarily go for another." :)

[Smoke's-Slut]

vistana as others have said hot wax isn't for everyone. I have found the taper candles to be to intense and hurt like hell and take a long time to drip onto your body for pleasure. I tried a dark cherry glass jar candle the last time I did wax play. The wax was warm and felt so good and made me so wet. It also covered my breasts fairly fast compared to the taper candle. I enjoyed it on my inner thighs as well as my pubic area. Maybe you could try some of the suggestions and find you enjoy it. Then again maybe it just isn't for you.

[poetic_justice]

I absolutely adore candle wax on my skin. It was used on me as punishment, because he knew I didn't have a very high pain tolerance, and I ended up begging for more. I love the intense heat, almost burning of it as it covers your skin, dripping softly with the curves of your body. *shivers*

Now I'm getting myself all worked up.
Maybe I should write a poem out of that? HMMM...

[DungeonMaster6]

This is just one of those things that helps remind us that we all have different pain tolerances...and also that a particular pain may feel differently to everyone.

There are some of us that can't handle the pain of hot candle wax...yet may absolutely love needle play. Then you have me...love candle wax...anywhere...everywhere...every distance...it's erotic to me but has never been painful. But you come at me with a needle and i will scream bloody murder. ~laughs~

This should definitely be a gentle reminder to all that "what goes for one...doesn't necessarily go for another." :)

I'm like you. Back when I was strictly a sub, I actually liked candle wax, but I couldn't take a needle. So when I became a Dom, I do use candle wax on my subs, but I don't stick them with needles, unless she really begs for it.

[Timberwolf]

I absolutely adore candle wax on my skin. It was used on me as punishment, because he knew I didn't have a very high pain tolerance, and I ended up begging for more. I love the intense heat, almost burning of it as it covers your skin, dripping softly with the curves of your body. *shivers*

Now I'm getting myself all worked up.
Maybe I should write a poem out of that? HMMM...

Well as one of your biggest fans, I'd quite like that. I've never played with wax myself... and you always do hae such a delicious way with words. ;)

[vistana]

geez, I start a thread and then disappear for a couple weeks. Oops!

Thanks for all the advice, much appreciated. I know that even if I can't get this to work I'm not a wimp That was written a bit more tongue in cheek than it came out. Hell, I was jumping of 25 foot cliffs a coupel days ago and have bite mark bruises on my stomach. I am not a wimp!
Just frustrated because the guy I played with really liked playing with candles and I just freak out.
It's become less of an immediate issue now, he's started dating someone and I've lost him as a Dom (separate topic, but I'm pretty bummed out about that one)

I knew that more distance=cooler wax, but I think my idea of more distance was smalled than what's been said here. I tend to sacrifice distance to improve aim. need to work on that.
And I'll see about paraffin candles. Even though I'm lacking in anyone to play with I think I'm going to pursue some independant wax play. A project, shall we say. Maybe I'll end up with some photos for my trouble.

[buzzy]

breath and relax. The pain will subside, until the next drop hits. Then, breath and relax, of course the domme (in my case) likes to see the all the movement of pain it turns her on. To last till the last drop learn to undure the pain will subside as it cools oh i know but it is so much fun

[Putnamcocpl]

Ahh Yes, Wax play, Who doesnt remember Madonna intorducing Wilem Defoe to it in that movie way back in the early 90's. It gave many an aspiring kinkster the idea to light a few candles and go to town. And yes We were included in that group.

i read up on this subject after some interesting play. We went to town one night, with all the wrong ideas, and ended up getting hot, in all the wrong ways, and just blowing them out and soothing each others burns a different way.

Here is a link to an excellent article with all the basics needed to get started with a SSC approach to candle play.

http://www.fetishexchange.org/waxplay.shtml

[vistana]

breath and relax. The pain will subside, until the next drop hits. Then, breath and relax, of course the domme (in my case) likes to see the all the movement of pain it turns her on. To last till the last drop learn to undure the pain will subside as it cools oh i know but it is so much fun

Relaxing is not one of my strong points. Especially when my muscles start twitching.

[buzzy]

I like wax play but then my Mistress is good at it. It can be hot so maybe distance as stated before and moving it around so not so much was builds up in one place at one time. This gives the wax time to cool over one place, while heating you up in another. Maybe it's just not your thing and nothing wrong with that. take care

[Guest 91108]

hrm.. considering this whole thread. so BTT.

[TheDeSade]

My only advice would be to be sure you are using the proper kind of candle as was spoken to above.

On other suggestion I might make. As you boyfriend if he would accept having any new toy or technique tried out on himself before he uses it on you. Personally, before I use anything different or new I tend to try it out on myself first (the stun gun was an interesting test). It gives me a good perspective on what my sub is feeling and what I can expect from her and from the toy.

[Skruddgemire]

I know what you mean about the wax. The thing you might want to consider is to not buy store bought candles. Here's a little heads up:

Paraffin Wax in it's raw state melts at about 120 degrees. Dripped at a hight of 18 inches you get a pleasant heat shock at point of impact, but the actual temp by then is about 104 degrees (hot tub temp). If it has more oil content then the melting temp is lowered quite a bit.

When you start adding stuff to it the melting point gets higher and higher. Stearine is used to increase the strength and melting point. Tapers and pillar candles use this kind of wax so they don't sag or melt in the heat of the heater in winter. Use care with these to increase the distance between drip and victim to allow the wax to cool. Might want to consider 36 inches or more.

Fragrances do not do too much to raise the temp. 18-20 inches is usually safe.

Color dyes can raise the temp of the wax either a little bit if it's a pale tint or raise it to fragging hot if it's a bold color. Again raise the hight to find out the safe temp

Other additives make the candle "glow" if a translucent additive is applied, other additives can give a frosted effect. Both of these can raise the melt point quite a bit.

Soy Wax. Good choice for play since the melt point is 115-119 degrees (cooler than paraffin) and you can microwave it and not have to worry about open flames. Just make sure you have a thermometer to make sure you're below 120 degrees.

Best choices for play:
Soy Wax - can buy in any craft store with candle making supplies. Microwaveable so no flame is needed.

Paraffin Wax for Hot Wax Therapy devices - This stuff is made to melt at a temp so low that you can dip your whole hand (foot, elbow, etc) in safely. Melt in a double boiler and let cool to safe temp.

Raw Paraffin Wax - With care can be stimulating and fun, but not painful.

Not so good choices (but workable depending on care and/or sub's tolerance)
Container Candles - depends on the additives, might be safe, might be too hot.

Votives - Again not a free standing candle so shape holding is not an issue so tends to have lower melt point. However color additives can change the temp.

AVOID (or at least use with EXTREME care):
Taper and free standing Pillar Candles - made to melt higher to keep shape

Beeswax - It's hard to get a beeswax candle to melt properly (wick tends to burn straight through the candle). Melting temp WAY too high.

Your best bet is to go with something you can make yourself since you can judge the temp and maintain control over the quality of what you want to drip.

Skruddge