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Sir_G
09-04-2006, 08:40 AM
Well Ruby you certainly got me out of my comfort zone for this one. I decided to make it even more difficult by writing from the womans perspective. I don't know if I succeeded and I'm sure you and the others will let me know either way. Please do it quickly because I am in agony over this one. lol. Talk about writers angst. Damn.

Oh, by the way, thanks Rabbit for the photo inspiration and the inspiration for my unoriginal title. Does that make us co-authors.

Hurricane Party

I had been invited to a party, not just any party this was to be a hurricane party. Now that sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is but for this happy slut it turned out to be heaven.

Since my divorce I have sought as many new sexual experiences as possible. At its end, my marriage was a sexless affair and when you have a libido and drive like mine that makes for some very frustrating times. I was particularly drawn to bondage and sadomasochism, for what reason I am not sure, I just knew there was something in me that found the whole idea appealing. The very idea of having multiple people use and abuse me, left me wet and aching.

Up until the party, my experience was limited to two person sex, not that two person sex is a bad thing and the party offered the opportunity of participating with multiple partners, both male and female. I have had bisexual tendencies all my life so the party seemed like the perfect chance to indulge all my fantasies at once and the prospect of perhaps sharing some intimate moments with another woman was very appealing.

John a good friend and confidant, who was throwing the party, assured me he had spoken to all the guys who were attending, they were more than happy to accommodate little old me and my desire to have several men playing with me at once. Did I mention I have a cum fetish also. The thought of several men using me as their toy, then when they are done with me, jacking off and squirting their come all over me, puts me straight in sub heaven. It is a fantasy that has bought me to orgasm many a time when I have been masturbating. So as you can imagine, I was looking forward to the party very much.

Hurricane Jack was forming in the Atlantic and heading toward us in Florida very quickly. I was just glad its timing was impeccable, it would hit on a weekend and we would be partying as it passed over us. At worst it may cost a day at work and the income that day provided. It was not a bad hurricane as far as hurricanes went, certainly nothing like Katrina, so we were all pretty comfortable with the idea of an extended weekend sex party at John’s storm proof mansion. We would be safe and warm inside while the storm raged outside. I had a perverse sense of safety at the thought of nature doing its destructive best whilst we were being creative and exploring our carnal desires.

As I made my way to the mansion the weather was starting to turn ugly. Black clouds gathered and scudded in from the ocean. The wind was gusting, and rain had begun to fall. The usual Friday late afternoon traffic was sparse and my trip was shortened considerably because of it. I was the first to arrive, something I’m not accustomed to doing, I prefer to arrive fashionably late and make an entrance. I put down my early arrival to being excited by the party’s concept and not wanting to miss a moment of it. That was the beauty of being single again, the only person I had to worry about was me.

I parked the car in the huge undercover garage, grabbed my bag and made my way to the front door. John was waiting for me as I got to the door; he greeted me with a warm smile, an even warmer hug, took my bag and showed me to my room. I unpacked and then met him downstairs in the games room for a drink. I do so love early evening martinis and John knows how to make a good one, in fact I think I would confer expert status on him. I lounged at the bar as he told me what he had been up to and soaked up the ambiance of the games room, giggling girlishly as he related a ribald tale of an experience he had when he was younger.

The mansion is an impressive affair, twenty bedrooms, a games room, library, pool, hot tub, sauna, formal dining room and many other features I could list but won’t bore you with. John is a self made millionaire and loves hosting these little get togethers for his friends and the mansion is the perfect place to slum it during a hurricane.

As the martinis kicked in I felt the need to strip and hop into the hot tub for a soak and I insisted that John join me. It is situated in an atrium inside the games room and surrounded by lush tropical plants, a virtual indoor paradise. I watched him watch me as I undressed and made a special show of it for him. I removed my bra I cupped my breasts suggestively and gave them a squeeze, pinching my nipples and pulling them so that the nipple was elongated and erect. My breasts aren’t large but are firm. a good handful and to date I haven’t received any complaints about them. I slid my panties down over the soft curve of my hips, letting them fall to the floor and gave my pussy a stroke and then a slap. I’m no burlesque dancer but can turn it on when the need arises and Johns eyes went straight to my bald pussy. Judging from the reaction of John’s cock I had succeeded in my mini mission to turn him on and we sat in the tub making small talk until the next guests began to arrive.

As the others began to arrive I decided to shower, get dressed and begin socializing. After my shower I took my time drying myself looking in the mirror and appreciating the way my skin glowed under the light in the bathroom. I carefully applied my make up not wanting to apply large amounts but just enough to enhance my natural good features; a little eye liner, some foundation and a tiny bit of blush. Finally I loved the latest vivid colors the cosmetic companies were producing in lipstick and I colored my lips a nice slutty red that I thought would melt the heart of any man lucky enough to have them wrapped around his hard throbbing cock. I then slipped into a slinky black dress that was quite low cut and that hugged in all the right places. Underneath, I wore stockings held up by a garter belt, no knickers or bra and a pair of “come fuck me” stilettos. I stood back and admired my reflection. Understated glamour was my goal and as I looked in the mirror I was well pleased by the reflection.

I made my way downstairs to the games room where the evening’s activities were going to take place slowly making my way down the stairs and attracting some furtive looks from the men and some jealous but not unkind looks from the women. John had put on an X rated DVD and the big plasma screen was displaying an image of a buxom submissive in tight bondage receiving a caning from her Dominant, who was sporting a large, very hard erection. A long string of precum dangled from the eye of his cock and was about to hit the floor. It was a very distracting sight as I made my way to the bar, greeting people as I moved and wishing that it was me in the scene on the screen. Nearly all the guests had arrived and were busily catching up with each other. Many of the women were casting glances at the screen and the look in their eyes told me they were just as envious as I. I, needn’t have worried though because as the night progressed I would be kept busy and have more than my fair share of hard cock and wet pussy.

I reached the bar and took up a bottle of water, not wanting to be intoxicated to the point where it would detract from the experience. The martinis had relaxed me nicely and I was one horny slut. A fact that I hoped would not be too obvious. After all a bit of mystery added to the dance and we the guests had all collectively attended several of these parties so we knew what to expect. John never failed to surprise us with something new each time. That was the sort of guy he was, spontaneous and generous to a fault.

The final guests arrived and once they had settled in and had a drink or two, John called us all together and gave his usual address. We were told to enjoy ourselves and make ourselves at home. We were to eat our fill, slake our thirst and indulge our lust as we saw fit. To help with indulging our lusts he informed us a pre party warm up show would be taking place in half an hour. A spontaneous round of applause went up and John took up station at the pool table to finish a game he had started. I had been chatting to a couple I knew from university, Robert and Julie, prior to the address and we continued chatting, debating what sort of show John had in store for us. As we did, Jordan, another friend snuck up behind me and reached between my legs, sliding his hand up the inside of my thigh and literally grabbing a handful of my pussy.

Surprised, I think I squeaked, causing heads to turn and laughter went up around the room when people saw the cause of my consternation. I laughed of course and felt a little embarrassed at being the centre of attention. Jordy was a great guy and a good friend and I had recently had the pleasure to be treated to a great anal fucking at his hands. My knees went weak at the thought of it and I hoped no one saw me grasp the bar to support myself. I flashed my best pearly white smile at him as he gave details to Robert and Julie. Occasionally I blushed as he described my reactions during the all night session, how I had panted like a dog on heat and screamed the neighborhood down when I came. The police had come and Jordy had to do some fast talking to explain what had happened. The police from Metro Dade had left with wry grins on their faces and no doubt thinking what a lucky stiff Jordy was.

As we were talking John came up to our little group and took me aside. He had a worried look on his face and was very apologetic for disturbing me. I wasn’t perturbed but was curious as he explained that the pre party act had arrived but the girl from the foursome had taken sick and as a result the show would have to be cancelled. The look of disappointment on his face moved me and I asked if there was anything I could do. His face brightened and he asked if I would mind filling in for the girl. I pointed out that I had no idea what the show was about but he assured me all I would have to do was be myself and follow my instincts. Before I knew it I had agreed and it was then that it dawned on me that he had set this up. That was the type of guy he was. He knew about my fantasies and had actually engaged these guys to make them come true.

He took me to the place in the room where the show was to take place. A small stage was set up and I was to stand there and simply go with the flow. The lights were dimmed and the music started. My heart was pounding and my breathing quickened with the nervous tension I felt. The music had a trance like beat and it throbbed through the speakers. The stage lights came on and danced across the stage with the kaleidoscopic effect. A door next to the stage opened and three of the most delicious looking men came through. They were well muscled, dressed in simple loin cloths and had primitive looking masks on. They could dance too, oh how they could dance. They gyrated and twirled, performing some gymnastic type that displayed their obvious strength, moves that had the audience gasping and then they climbed up onto the stage. One of them removed my dress and began to caress my body, all the while the three of them danced sensuously around me. The loin cloths did little to hide their large cocks and my imagination was in overload as I watched. One of them danced up behind me and whispered “go rigid”. I did and the three of them swept me up and lifted me up high above their heads. It was breathtaking to be manhandled that way and I felt like a feather in their grip naked and exposed to all that watched.

They laid me on the stage, stripped their loincloths off and stood over me. It was wonderful looking up at that wonderful man flesh and seeing those cocks swinging and swaying above me. One by one they squatted down and took up positions around me, stroking my body, pinching and caressing my breasts and nipples. I could feel my self starting to respond, my pussy was aching and I could feel it starting to lubricate, my stomach fluttered, all telltale signs I was becoming aroused. I wanted fingers or hands inside me and a cock in my slutty mouth. No sooner had I thought it when a thick cock head entered my mouth and I felt fingers begin to penetrate my pussy and ass. Hands grasped my tits and I felt the cock in my mouth grow harder as I instinctively sucked it. My legs were pulled apart and those fingers continued to excite and stroke my pussy. As the scene progressed I caught flashes of the audience, my good friends, beginning to enter in to the spirit of the evening. One of the women had a cock in each hand masturbating it for the owner as they looked on in lust; another woman was having her pussy licked as she sucked on a cock.

These visions whilst glimpses, spurred me on and caused my lust to rise to new heights. I was picked up again and made to take up a position on all fours on the stage like a dog and in my lust I was panting like dog. I felt my ass being lubricated with some kind of gel and fully expected a large cock to penetrate my ass and fill me. To my surprise a metallic object was eased into my ass, and as my sphincter muscle relaxed I sensed rather than felt wires being plugged in to things. Biting clamps took up residence on my pussy lips causing a sharp intake of my breath and another wire was attached by clamp to my clitoral hood. I couldn’t actually watch this taking place due to the large cock that was continuing to pound my mouth and occasionally the back of my throat causing me to gag. The sub in me was ecstatic, this was all I had imagined and more. Two more wires were attached to clamps on my nipples, not the aureole mind but to the sensitive nipple. I was fully wired, ready for my electro torture and one of the guys began to manipulate the dials on the tens units. The circuit was set up to cause a pulse that started in my ass, moved to my nipples and finally my clit and pussy lips. The buzz in my ass started and I gasped around the cock in my mouth, I think my pussy leaked some juice as my inner muscles contracted and I know my hips ground against the delightful buzz that was occurring deep in my ass. I was vaguely aware of the increasing amount of pre cum in my mouth as the thrusting cock gathered speed, then the pulse hit my nipples and all that seemed to exist was them, the tingling sensation continued down into my breasts. I was beginning to writhe under that buzz when the first jet of sperm shot into my mouth and he withdrew to make sure he hosed my face and tits down as he came. I thrilled to the sensation as his come jetted over me, the molten liquid cooled quickly on my skin and dripped from my chin to further cover my tits. Then the pulse hit my clit and pussy lips and my hips must have resembled a dog as it fucked another. I was coming and being hosed by a cock shooting jets of sperm over my face and tits as I did. My mind raced as it screamed at me that I was experiencing on of my hearts desires, a long held fantasy that had now become reality. As the pulse moved from my clit and pussy lips I had to reach down and finger myself to somehow try to extend this mind numbing pleasure. The sight of all that had transpired had so turned on stud “B” that he proceeded to stick his cock into me doggy style.

I moaned like a two dollar whore as he did, his cock filling me as only a cock can and I was equally delighted when stud “C” took up station and filled my come slick mouth with his burgeoning cock. Stud B’s cock stretched my pussy and the extra pain that caused through the clamps was delicious. As the pulse would hit my pussy it also stimulated his cock and it wasn’t long before he was breathing hard and ready to come. The two boys managed to time their orgasms so that when they were ready they flipped me over onto my back and sprayed me with their sperm. Stud B’s first jet snaked its way up my body, initially impacting just above where the wire was attached to my clit hood and continued over my belly. I reached down and smeared across my stomach my hips still moving as if he was still fucking me. Stud C emptied his balls over my face and tits. The sperm caused the conductivity on my nipples to be quite intense and they buzzed maddeningly when the pulse hit them again. My pussy went into paroxysms of joy and orgasm number two caused me to convulse there on my back, small nuclear explosions were taking place in my head and I felt as if I would lose consciousness. After I had calmed somewhat, the units were turned off and the wires removed. My nipples and pussy lips let me know they were still there as the blood rushed back into them and filled the places where the clamps had been. When the clit hood clamp was removed it almost sent me tumbling back over the edge of the orgasmic abyss and I couldn’t help but rub the fresh sperm over my tits, massaging it in like Nivea body lotion. I had always heard it was good for the skin and rich in vitamin e. The three boys grinned, amused by my display of wantonness. They packed up their gear and kissed me good bye and excused themselves.

John had a huge grin on his face as he approached the stage and threw me a towel. I expressed my gratitude and he assured me I would be able to show him just how grateful I was later on. We both laughed and I headed off to shower again and come back for more fun and games. I had to make my way through couples sucking and fucking each other in a myriad of different ways, some were new to me others as old as time.

One particular scene caught my eye. There was Jordy being fucked in the ass by a woman with a strap on whilst another sucked on his cock and yet another whipped his chest with a riding crop. The look of animal lust on their faces was fascinating and Jordy’s cock looked so hard it would burst from the blood pressure. His shaft was purple and the veins knotted and gnarled. It was all I could do to remain an onlooker. The scene in front of me was as confronting as it was erotic. I stood as if hypnotized, staring at what I perceived to be a defining moment in my ongoing sexual education. The only thing that was taboo was what lay in your own mind and the moral lines you drew in the sand of your conscience.

I tore myself away to shower and hurried to re enter the fray. And all the while the storm raged out side. I wondered if Mother Nature was aware of the storm taking place inside this wonderful house.

I came back down the stairs and was greeted by the sight of Jordy now sitting astride the woman with the strap on with his back to her face. He was slowly moving up and down on the rubber phallus, his cock still erect and angry looking. The girl that had been cropping his chest was now cropping the girl’s pussy that had been sucking Jordy’s cock. As the crop struck her most sensitive parts her back would arch. She pinched her own nipples and crushed her tits together. My hand went unbidden to my pussy and I began to masturbate as I watched. Everywhere I looked an erotic sight caught my attention. Moans of ecstasy reached my ears along with grunts of pleasure.

I continued to the bar to get another bottle of water, masturbating as I walked. Robert, who had Julie’s tits bound tight, was whipping them with a light flogger as he fucked her. He caught sight of me masturbating as I watched them. That must have tipped him over the edge because he withdrew his cock to stuff it in Julie’s welcoming mouth, as he did a string of come hit her bound tits and she reached down and frantically rubbed her clit bringing on her own orgasm. Julie was a squirter and as she came her juices coated the rubber sheet they had laid down to protect the carpet.

I giggled to myself as I took in the carnal mass that lay before me. My fingers worked busily on my clit and I felt my third orgasm building. I unashamedly lifted my legs up onto the stool and spread my legs apart as wide as I could get them. I began to pant as I fingered myself, inserting two and then three fingers into my gaping pussy. I decided to try and get my whole hand into myself and succeeded. The sensation was awesome and I could feel my muscles clench and spasm as I neared orgasm. Several men casually masturbated as they watched me and I gestured for one to come over. I looked into his eyes and begged him to slap my face and tits to help make me come, to call me a slut and a whore humiliating me. As he did so my pussy contracted around my hand as I pushed it further inside and I came. My body shuddered as I convulsed on my hand. I opened my eyes and realized I had called Jason over, a young intern that worked for one of John’s companies. He smiled at me as I convulsed and shook and I managed a weak smile back, still coming back from my orgasms sensations. I asked if there was anything he wanted me to do for him and he smiled simply told me no and wandered off to rejoin the mass of bodies that still moved in carnal delight.

I leaned back on the bar still weak from the intensity of my orgasm and thought I had better pace myself, it was only Friday night and I already felt exhausted. Yes indeed the weekend was young and my dirty mind was already at work planning the rest of the weekend.

Rabbit1
09-04-2006, 08:49 AM
Learning to write outside your comfort zone ---Is something you need to learn ----as when it comes up in a story later ---you will know how to write about things that you would not normally write about. From a Womans POV is a hard one---But nessary ---I would love to inspire a lot of writers ---And no you get credit for this one all yourself ---nice job---but I am a man ---let see what the ladies say about your POV

Ruby
09-04-2006, 05:54 PM
Gregsta,

Wow, that was fast! So far, I like what I've read. Am off to a BBQ with the family. Will finish this tonight and get back to you with comments. Hang in there.

Ruby

Ruby
09-04-2006, 11:28 PM
Hi Gregsta,

Congratulations on taking on this assignment and being brave enough to tackle it from the woman’s personal point of view.

The assigned photo has been given a wonderful tale with a beginning, middle and end.

There is so much to enjoy. Action for our leading lady, action all around her, people getting hot and bothered and doing something about it. Yum!

All in all, it was a delightful read and truly shows your creativity. This is a very good story. You’ve passed this assignment and deserve a big high five!

Join me in doing the happy dance.

For your next assignment, you are going to up the quality and believability a notch or three. Take this same story, the same “personal perspective” and work on these things:

a. Pacing – through the use of punctuation, commas and periods.
b. Active versus passive descriptions
c. Really making us believe that a woman wrote it.
d. Layout – break those big paragraphs down and add in more dialog
e. Keeping the tense appropriate for the moment.

Please put the updated version in this thread.

To keep the story under 5,000 words, ask yourself what can be cut and what should be augmented?

You did a great deal of “showing” as well as “telling”. More showing would have helped us be with her in the moment. Yet there were times, when I was right there, seeing through her eyes. This just requires a bit more practice.

Did I believe that it was written by a woman?

No.

Things to consider for your next version.

Women notice details.

What did the men small like?
Taste like?
Feel like?
What did they say to her?
What did their voices sound like?

At times you did excellent in this. At others you skipped the minor details completely.

What does our leading lady look like?
Is she short, round, tall, or curvy?
Hair color? Eye color?

What is the character/background of this woman?

She sounds educated, but then uses phrases like a “two dollar whore” or “my slutty mouth”. This gives away that it was written from a male perspective.

Narration and Dialog

There is almost no actual dialog. The one line “go rigid” was fracken hot! What else were they whispering? What did their breath smell like? What sensations did their words evoke?

At times our leading lady seemed very clinical in her descriptions. As if she was removed from the scene and not experiencing it.

No sooner had I thought it when a thick cock head entered my mouth and I felt fingers begin to penetrate my pussy and ass.

What did it taste like? What did the fingers feel like? Did they hurt? Were they gentle?

Pacing

Ruby’s rule: When writing erotica or porn, if your leading lady gets to come, your readers should come along with her. Time should slow down, we should feel each sensation with her, be reaching for the climax with her, and savoring it before moving on.

Biting clamps took up residence on my pussy lips causing a sharp intake of my breath and another wire was attached by clamp to my clitoral hood. I couldn’t actually watch this taking place due to the large cock that was continuing to pound my mouth and occasionally the back of my throat causing me to gag. The sub in me was ecstatic, this was all I had imagined and more.

This bit was great! Notice its “active” versus “passive”.

Tenses

Let’s tackle a paragraph that sets up the story:

Hurricane Jack was forming in the Atlantic and heading toward us in Florida very quickly. I was just glad its timing was impeccable, it would hit on a weekend and we would be partying as it passed over us.

She couldn’t be glad yet. The hurricane was forming and hadn’t happened. She can hope that the timing would be impeccable, but as of yet, not know.

At worst it may cost a day at work and the income that day provided. It was not a bad hurricane as far as hurricanes went, certainly nothing like Katrina, so we were all pretty comfortable with the idea of an extended weekend sex party at John’s storm proof mansion.

Again, she doesn’t know, but it can look like the hurricane wouldn’t be bad.

And so it goes. As you reread the story, look to see where you might have tipped off the reader by mixing what the story teller knows after the fact versus during the moment. This helps keep us in a state of “present” even though you are using the “past” tense. And please, keep using the past tense, not the present tense.

Questions? Fire away.

Congratulations, again on passing this assignment.

To your next success!

Ruby
:rose:

Rabbit1
09-05-2006, 03:45 AM
good job Gregsta---I will tell you it is very hard to write in a womans POV--because we do not feel what they feel ---and it is hard to put into words what you have never felt---Ruby has given you some great tips and to tell the truth I learned some things from her just now----which is good ---that is the whole point --us learning from each other

Can not wait to read your next task ---good luck and speed is not nessary --take your time we have no time limit on the course

Sir_G
09-05-2006, 04:11 AM
Cool thanks for your words of wisdom Rabbit. Boy do I know now that I bit off more than I could chew writing from a womans perspective. You girls are such complex creatures. I guess that's why we love you.

Like Rabbit, Ruby, I learned a lot just from reading your review. I think I will take a little while to digest some of the more techo points but I get the big picture.

Little bit hazy on the active/passive description thing. I looked at the example you gave but... I am a technical term moron so please forgive my ignorance, probably better if you give it to me in brail. lol.

Tense I understand ie. past/present. Ahh it's ok I just reread and understand. If you can explain active/passive description a bit more I would appreciate it. Sorry to be so dim but thats what lack of education does I guess. Rocket Scientists unite! lol.

Thanks Ruby.

Ruby
09-05-2006, 02:27 PM
If you can explain active/passive description a bit more I would appreciate it.

Thanks Ruby.

Gregsta,

You are welcome.

Here's an example of active versus passive voice:

Mary was fingered by John. -- passive
JOHN FINGERED MARY! -- active

When you think active voice - think "action"!
It's happening right now, even though it's written in the past tense.

He was sitting in a chair. -- passive
He sat in a char. -- active

Some examples of active versus passive in your writing from a single paragraph:

They laid me on the stage, stripped their loincloths off and stood over me. -- active

It was wonderful looking up at that wonderful man flesh and seeing those cocks swinging and swaying above me. -- passive

One by one they squatted down and took up positions around me, stroking my body, pinching and caressing my breasts and nipples. -- active

I could feel my self starting to respond, my pussy was aching and I could feel it starting to lubricate, my stomach fluttered, all telltale signs I was becoming aroused. -- passive

I wanted fingers or hands inside me and a cock in my slutty mouth. No sooner had I thought it when a thick cock head entered my mouth and I felt fingers begin to penetrate my pussy and ass. Hands grasped my tits and I felt the cock in my mouth grow harder as I instinctively sucked it. My legs were pulled apart and those fingers continued to excite and stroke my pussy. As the scene progressed I caught flashes of the audience, my good friends, beginning to enter in to the spirit of the evening. -- both

One of the women had a cock in each hand masturbating it for the owner as they looked on in lust; another woman was having her pussy licked as she sucked on a cock. -- passive


Instead of: I felt fingers begin to penetrate my pussy and ass.

Try: Fingers penetrated my pussy and ass.

Let's look at the longer part of this paragraph - using more periods to keep the pace moving quickly and active voice to let us know its going on right now:

I wanted fingers or hands inside me and a cock in my mouth. No sooner had I thought it when a thick cock head pushed against my lips. I opened them, tasting salt and manflesh. Fingers penetrated my pussy and ass. Hands grasped my tits. The cock in my mouth grew harder as I instinctively sucked it. Hands pushed between my legs, opening them wider. Callused/rough/smooth/talented (pick your word) fingers excited me, stroking my pussy. I caught flashes of the audience, my good friends, entering into the spirit of the evening.

Compare those two sections side by side and I hope you say, "Ah ha!"

For more examples and explanations, please check out this reading assignment :
ACTIVE Voice - the Voice of GOD
http://darkerotica.blogspot.com/2004...ce-of-god.html

To your success,

Ruby

Sir_G
09-05-2006, 06:32 PM
*Click * The light has gone on. That has made it much clearer for me. Thanks Ruby, you definitely have a way with words.

Ruby
09-05-2006, 09:58 PM
Gregsta,

In a good way, I hope.

* cheeky grin *

Rabbit advised and I agree, take your time on this next assignment. Read through some of the articles, print out your short story and get out the editing pen. A glass of your favorite beverage and some food may also help.

I prefer to print, mark up, leave it for a few days and then read it again to see if I liked my own suggested changes.

If yes, then I'll type them in, print, and leave it alone for at least another day.

Each time you come at something fresh, you can say, "Whoa - what was I thinking? or Yes! That's it!"

But if you keep looking at the same thing over and over again without a break, most of us get to the point where we start to read what isn't there.

So consider this assignment a multipart one.

1. Read the article about active versus passive voice.
2. Make some edits on paper.
3. Read an article on pacing.
4. Make some more edits.
... and so on, until you feel your ready to show the next version to us.

Since this is your first big attempt at tackling all these items in the same story - that is knowingly tackle them - give yourself some breathing room. We aren't on a deadline.

If you edit on the computer, I recommend saving your files under different version names so you can see the progressions and changes.

I'm looking forward to seeing the results of all your hard work,

Ruby

Sir_G
09-07-2006, 08:04 PM
Okay Ruby and Rabbit here it is. In case you hadn't guessed I'm a bit obsessive hence it may seem I didn't let it sit for long, but for me it was an eternity.

I managed to keep it under 5000 words just and I think I addressed most of the points you raised. I know it is better than it was. But you guys are far better judges of that than I.

If you think it is worthy I will post it on the main story page.

Please enjoy.


The Hurricane Party

I had been invited to a party, not just any party this was to be a “Hurricane Party”. Now that sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is but for me it turned out to be heaven.

Since my divorce I had sought as many new sexual experiences as possible. At its end, my marriage was a sexless affair and when you have a libido and drive like mine that makes for some very frustrating times. I was particularly drawn to bondage and sadomasochism, for what reason I am not sure, I just knew there was something in me that found the whole idea appealing. The very idea of having multiple people use and abuse me leaves me wet and aching.

Up until this party, my experience was limited to two person sex, not that two person sex is a bad thing, and though the previous parties I had attended offered the opportunity of participating with multiple partners, both male and female, I had chosen one on one interludes. I have had bisexual tendencies all my life so the party seemed like the perfect chance to indulge all my fantasies at once and the thought of perhaps sharing some intimate moments with another woman was very appealing.

John, a good friend and confidante, who was throwing the party, assured me he had spoken to all the guys who were attending. They were more than happy to accommodate little old me and my desire to have several men playing with me at once. Did I mention I have a cum fetish also?

The thought of several men using me as their toy, then when they are done with me, jacking off and squirting their cum all over me, puts me straight in sub heaven. It is a fantasy that has brought me to orgasm many a time when I have been masturbating. So as you can imagine, I was looking forward to the party very much.

Hurricane Jack was forming in the Atlantic and heading toward us in Florida very quickly. It appeared its timing would be impeccable, it was forecast to hit on a weekend and we would be partying as it passed over us. At worst it may cost a day at work and the income that day provided.

All the forecasts indicated it was not a bad hurricane as far as hurricanes went, certainly nothing like Katrina, so we were all pretty comfortable with the idea of an extended weekend sex party at John’s storm proof mansion. We would be safe and warm inside while the storm raged outside. I had a perverse sense of safety at the thought of nature doing its destructive best whilst we were being creative and exploring our carnal desires.

As I made my way to the mansion the weather was starting to turn ugly. Black clouds were gathering and more scudded in from the ocean. The wind was gusting, and rain had begun to fall. The usual Friday late afternoon traffic was sparse and my trip was shortened considerably because of it. I was the first to arrive, something I’m not accustomed to doing, I prefer to arrive fashionably late and make an entrance. I put down my early arrival to being excited by the party’s concept and not wanting to miss a moment of it. That was the beauty of being single again, the only person I had to worry about was me.

I parked the car in the huge undercover garage, grabbed my bag and made my way to the front door. John was waiting for me as I got to the door; he greeted me with a warm smile, an even warmer hug, took my bag and showed me to my room. I unpacked and then met him downstairs in the games room for a drink. I do so love early evening martinis and John knows how to make a good one, in fact I think I would confer expert status on him. I lounged at the bar as he told me what he had been up to and soaked up the ambiance of the games room, giggling girlishly as he related a ribald tale of an experience he had when he was younger.

The mansion is an impressive affair, twenty bedrooms, a games room, library, pool, hot tub, sauna, formal dining room and many other features I could list but won’t bore you with. John is a self made millionaire and loves hosting these little get togethers for his friends and the mansion is the perfect place to slum it during a hurricane.

As the martinis kicked in I felt the need to strip and hop into the hot tub for a soak. It is situated in an atrium inside the games room and surrounded by lush tropical plants, a virtual indoor paradise.

John is a very attractive man, forty something, blue eyes, about Five eleven with a lean hard frame. He has a visible six pack and whilst not hairy he has a nice thatch on his chest that tapers away to his pubic area. His cock is thick, surprisingly so and it has stretched me wide on more than one occasion. I insisted that he join me and I watched him watch me as I undressed, making a special show of it for him.

“Do you like these John?” I purred, cupping my breasts.

“Do you like the way I, ahhhh pinch my nipples and pull them?” I purred again, doing exactly that.

My breasts aren’t large but are firm, a good handful if you asked a man, a C-cup if you asked a woman and to date I haven’t received any complaints about them. He simply nodded and smiled and I watched his cock start to twitch. I slid my panties down over the soft curve of my hips, letting them fall to the floor and gave my pussy a stroke and then a slap as I looked into his eyes.

“Now that’s what I like, you nasty girl.” He encouraged, his voice warm and rumbling.

I’m no burlesque dancer but can turn it on when the need arises and Johns eyes went straight to my bald pussy. Judging from the reaction of John’s cock, I had succeeded in my mini mission to turn him on. We sat in the tub talking about the party, sipping our martinis and stroking one another until the next guests began to arrive. John excused himself and went to greet them; I headed to my room for a shower.

After my shower I took my time drying myself, looking in the mirror and appreciating the way my skin glowed under the light in the bathroom. I take care of my body and I like the way it looks. I’m five feet eight, brown eyes and quite well toned; my curves are well proportioned 34C-24 34, I have a narrow waste although my hips could be a little slimmer. Never satisfied are we.

I brushed out my shoulder length brown hair and carefully applied my make up, not wanting to apply large amounts but just enough to enhance my natural good features; a little eye liner, some foundation and a tiny bit of blush. I love the latest vivid colors the cosmetic companies are producing in lipstick and I colored my lips a nice bright red. I hoped they would melt the heart of any man lucky enough to have them wrapped around his hard throbbing cock. I then slipped into a slinky black satin dress that was quite low cut, clinging to my breasts and outlining my nipples, and hugging my hips suggestively as I moved. Finally applying some perfume, a nice scent that I have been complimented on many times by men and women.

Underneath, I wore black silk stockings held up by a black lace garter belt, no knickers or bra, and a pair of “come fuck me” stilettos. I stood back and admired my reflection. Understated glamour was my goal and as I looked in the mirror I was well pleased by the reflection.

I made my way downstairs to the games room where the evening’s activities were going to take place slowly making my way down the stairs, sliding my hand sensuously along the balustrade as I went, attracting some furtive looks from the men and some jealous, but not unkind, looks from the women.

John had put on an X rated DVD and the big plasma screen was displaying an image of a buxom submissive in tight bondage receiving a caning from her Dominant, who was sporting a large, very hard erection. A long string of precum dangled from the eye of his cock and was about to hit the floor. It was a very distracting sight and I felt the first flutters in my belly, indicating I was becoming aroused.

As I made my way to the bar, I greeted people as I moved and part of me wished that it was me on the screen. Nearly all the guests had arrived and were busily catching up with each other. Many of the women were casting glances at the screen and the look in their eyes told me they were just as envious as I. I needn’t have worried though because as the night progressed I would be kept busy and have more than my fair share of hard cock and wet pussy.

I reached the bar and took up a bottle of water, not wanting to be intoxicated to the point where it would detract from the experience. The martinis had relaxed me nicely and I was horny, a fact that I hoped would not be too obvious. After all, a bit of mystery added to the dance and we, the guests, had all collectively attended several of these parties so we knew what to expect. John never failed to surprise us with something new each time. That was the sort of guy he was, spontaneous and generous to a fault.

The final guests arrived and once they had settled in and had a drink or two, John called us all together and gave his usual address.

“Welcome my friends. As usual, I expect you to eat your fill, slake your thirst, and indulge your lusts. Please consider those around you as you enjoy yourselves and I look forward to talking to you all throughout the course of the weekend. For your entertainment, I have scheduled a pre party show commencing in half an hour, please enjoy!” he smiled and moved to finish a game of pool he had started.

A spontaneous round of applause went up and glasses were raised. I had been chatting to a couple I knew from university, Robert and Julie, prior to the address and we continued chatting, debating what sort of show John had in store for us. Robert stood about six feet tall and Julie was about five feet ten. Robert was well muscled and good looking. His chiseled features were striking and not unlike Fabio from the cover of romance novels. Julie was also a stunning beauty. Her hair was as black as a raven and she wore it short. She obviously worked hard at retaining her figure and the dress she wore showed off her full breasts to best advantage and it was tight enough to reveal her abdominal muscles underneath. She was as close to an Amazon as I could imagine and while we chatted I wondered what it would be like to make love with her.

As we chatted, Jordan, another friend snuck up behind me and reached between my legs, sliding his hand up the inside of my thigh and literally grabbing a handful of my pussy.

Surprised, I think I squeaked, causing heads to turn and laughter went up around the room when people saw the cause of my consternation. I laughed of course and felt a little embarrassed at being the centre of attention. Jordy was a great guy and a good friend and I had recently had the pleasure to be treated to a great anal fucking at his hands. My knees went weak at the thought of it and I hoped no one saw me grasp the bar to support myself.

I flashed my best pearly white smile at him as he gave details to Robert and Julie. Occasionally I blushed; somewhat embarrassed as he described my reactions during the all night session, how I had panted like a dog on heat and screamed the neighborhood down when I came. The police had come and Jordy had to do some fast talking to explain what had happened. The police from Metro Dade had left with wry grins on their faces and no doubt thinking what a lucky stiff Jordy was.

As we were talking John came up to our little group and took me aside. He had a worried look on his face and was very apologetic for disturbing me. I wasn’t perturbed but was curious as he explained that the pre party act had arrived but the girl from the foursome had taken sick and as a result the show would have to be cancelled. The look of disappointment on his face moved me and I asked if there was anything I could do.

“John is there any way I can help?” I said. “I can see you are disappointed.”

“Well, there is a way but it will involve your trust.” He replied in low tones.

His face brightened and he asked if I would mind filling in for the girl. I pointed out that I had no idea what the show was about but he assured me all I would have to do was be myself and follow my instincts. Against my better judgment I agreed and it was then that it dawned on me that he had set this up. That was the type of guy he was. He knew about my fantasies and had actually engaged these guys to make them come true. I was touched that he had been thoughtful enough to do that and made a mental note to thank him in whatever way he wanted.

He took me to the location in the room where the show was to take place. A small stage was set up and I was to stand there on stage and simply go with the flow. The lights were dimmed and the music started. My heart was pounding and my breathing quickened with the nervous tension I felt. The flutters in my stomach increased and I felt myself begin to lubricate. The music was hypnotic and had a trance like beat and it throbbed through the speakers.

A hush fell over the crowd as they assembled to watch. The stage lights came on and danced across the stage with the kaleidoscopic effect. A door next to the stage opened and three of the most delicious looking men came through. They were well muscled, dressed in simple loin cloths and had primitive looking masks on. They could dance too, oh, how they could dance! They gyrated and twirled, performing some gymnastic type moves that displayed their obvious strength, moves that had the audience gasping and then they climbed up onto the stage.

One of them danced up to me, grasped my dress by the hem and slid it up my body, his hands caressing me as he removed my dress, while the other two danced sensuously around me. The loin cloths did little to hide their large cocks and my imagination was in overload as I watched. One of them danced up behind me and whispered to me.

“Go rigid.” he hissed, his voice hushed, so only I could hear.

I went rigid as he instructed, and the three of them swept me up and lifted me up high above their heads. It was breathtaking to be manhandled that way and I felt like a feather in their grip, a sacrifice, naked and exposed to all that watched.

They laid me on the stage, stripped their loincloths off and stood over me. It was wonderful looking up at that man flesh and seeing those cocks swinging and swaying above me. One by one they squatted down and took up positions around me, stroking my body, pinching and caressing my breasts and nipples. I could feel myself responding, my pussy was aching and wet, my stomach continued to flutter, all telltale signs I was turned on.

I wanted something inside me and a cock in my mouth. No sooner had I thought it than a thick cock head entered my mouth. I could taste his salty essence and smell the fresh sweat his exertions had produced, it was a heady smell and it served to fuel my lust. I took as much as I could get into my mouth and looked up to see his mouth grinning broadly underneath the mask. The fact that they were masked added a ritualistic feel to my experience, further fueling the furnace inside me.

Unseen fingers began to gently penetrate my pussy and ass. Hands grasped and squeezed my tits and I felt the cock in my mouth grow harder as I instinctively sucked it, drawing more salty fluid from its tip. My legs were eased apart and those fingers continued to excite and stroke my dripping pussy. As the scene progressed I caught flashes of the audience, my good friends, beginning to enter in to the spirit of the evening. One of the women had a cock in each hand masturbating it for its owner as they looked on in lust; another woman was having her pussy licked as she sucked on a cock.

These visions, whilst glimpses, spurred me on and caused my lust to rise to new heights. I was picked up again and made to take up a position on all fours. I felt my ass being lubricated with some kind of gel and fully expected a large cock to penetrate my ass and fill me. To my surprise a metallic object was eased into my ass and as my sphincter muscle relaxed, I sensed rather than felt wires being plugged in to things.

Biting clamps took up residence on my pussy lips causing a sharp intake of my breath and another wire was attached by clamp to my clitoral hood threatening to push me over the edge into orgasmic ecstasy. I couldn’t actually watch this taking place due to the large cock that was continuing to pound my mouth and, occasionally, the back of my throat, causing me to gag. The sub in me was ecstatic, this was all I had imagined and more. Two more wires were attached to clamps on my nipples, not the aureole mind, but to the sensitive nipple, a sensation that traveled directly to my groin and boosted my mounting arousal.

I was fully wired, ready for my electro torture and one of the guys began to manipulate the dials on the tens units. The circuit was set up to cause a pulse that started in my ass, moved to my nipples and finally my clit and pussy lips. The buzz in my ass started and I gasped around the cock in my mouth. I think my pussy leaked some juice as my inner muscles contracted and I know my hips ground against the delightful buzz that was occurring deep in my ass.

I was vaguely aware of the increasing amount of pre cum in my mouth, viscous and salty as the thrusting cock gathered speed, then the pulse hit my nipples and all that seemed to exist was them, the tingling sensation continued down into my breasts. I was beginning to writhe under that buzz when the first jet of sperm shot into my mouth and he withdrew to make sure he hosed my face and tits down as he came. I thrilled to the sensation as his come jetted over me; the molten liquid cooled quickly on my skin and dripped from my chin to further cover my tits. Then the pulse hit my clit and pussy lips and my hips must have resembled a dog as it fucked another. I was coming and being hosed by a cock shooting jets of sperm over my face and tits as I did.

My mind raced as it screamed at me that I was experiencing one of my heart’s desires, a long held fantasy that had now become reality. I felt deliciously dirty, on display, a wanton slut. As the pulse moved from my clit and pussy lips I had to reach down and finger myself to somehow try to extend this mind numbing pleasure. The sight of all that had transpired had so turned on stud B that he proceeded to plunge his cock into me, doggy style.

I gasped as he did, his cock filling me as only a cock can, spreading my lips as I backed towards him with my ass, gripping his cock with my inner muscles, milking it for all I was worth. I was equally delighted when my first benefactor was replaced. My come slick mouth was filled for a second time with a burgeoning cock while my pussy was being pounded; the extra pain that caused through the clamps was awesome. I noted the slightly different taste of the new cock, he was slightly sweeter and I marvelled that the human taste buds were so sensitive. As the pulse would hit my pussy it also stimulated his cock and it wasn’t long before he was breathing hard and ready to come.

The two boys managed to time their orgasms so that when they were ready they flipped me over onto my back and sprayed me with their sperm. Stud B’s first jet snaked its way up my body, initially impacting just above where the wire was attached to my clit hood and continued over my belly. I reached down and smeared it across my stomach, my hips still moving as if he was still fucking me. Stud C emptied himself over my face and tits. The sperm caused the conductivity on my nipples to be quite intense and they buzzed maddeningly when the pulse hit them again. My pussy went into paroxysms of joy and orgasm number two caused me to convulse there on my back, small nuclear explosions were taking place in my head and I felt as if I would lose consciousness.

After I had calmed somewhat, the units were turned off and the wires removed. My nipples and pussy lips let me know they were still there as the blood rushed back into them and filled the places where the clamps had been. When the clit hood clamp was removed it almost sent me tumbling back over the edge of the orgasmic abyss and I couldn’t help but rub the fresh sperm over my tits, massaging it in like body lotion.

I had always heard it was good for the skin and rich in vitamin e. The three boys grinned amused by my display of wantonness. With furtive looks they packed up their gear and kissed me good bye then excused themselves.

John had a huge grin on his face as he approached the stage and threw me a towel.

“My God John, thank you so much for that! I…” was all I got out before he silenced me with his raised hand and a smile and said.

“You can show me your gratitude later, my love, but for now it is I who should be thanking you. That was quite some show. I think everyone enjoyed it immensely.” His pleasure was evident by his tone and his eyes twinkled with lust.

I blushed and looked around. I don’t think there was a person there who was not engaged in some sort of sexual activity. We both laughed, I excused myself and I made my way to shower again. I had to make my way through couples sucking and fucking each other in a myriad of different ways, some were new to me, others as old as time.

One particular scene caught my eye. There was Jordy being fucked in the ass by a woman with a strap on whilst another sucked on his cock and yet another whipped his chest with a riding crop. The look of animal lust on their faces was fascinating and Jordy’s cock looked so hard it would burst from the blood pressure. His shaft was purple and the veins knotted and gnarled. It was all I could do to remain an onlooker. The scene in front of me was as confronting as it was erotic.

I stood as if hypnotized, staring at what I perceived to be a defining moment in my ongoing sexual education. The only thing that was taboo was what lay in your own mind and the moral lines you drew in the sand of your conscience.

I tore myself away to shower hurrying to re enter the fray. And all the while the storm raged out side. I wondered if Mother Nature was aware of the storm taking place inside this wonderful house.

I came back down the stairs and was greeted by the sight of Jordy now sitting astride the woman with the strap on with his back to her face. He was slowly moving up and down on the rubber phallus, his cock still erect and angry looking. The girl that had been cropping his chest was now cropping the girl’s pussy that had been sucking Jordy’s cock. As the crop struck her most sensitive parts her back would arch. She pinched her own nipples and crushed her tits together. My hand went unbidden to my pussy and I began to masturbate as I watched. Everywhere I looked an erotic sight caught my attention. Moans of ecstasy reached my ears along with grunts of pleasure.

I continued to the bar to get another bottle of water, masturbating as I walked, taking in all the visions around me. Robert, who had Julie’s tits bound tight, was whipping them with a light flogger as he fucked her. She was resting on her elbows, her legs spread wide to allow him to penetrate her deeply. Her chin was tucked in giving her a perfect view of the flogger as it impacted her breasts. The look in her eyes was one that only a woman in the throws of experiencing extreme pleasure and pain can give. She looked up with her brown eyes, not moving her chin and said.

“Oh, God, yes, please Robert; whip my tits hard… please!” Her voice was pleading and full of need.

I think the combination of her plea and the sight of me masturbating as I watched them must have tipped him over the edge. He whipped her tits once more and withdrew his cock to stuff it into Julie’s welcoming mouth. As he did a string of cum hit her bound tits. She reached down and frantically rubbed her clit bringing on her own orgasm another string of cum landing on her face before Roberts cock disappeared into her mouth. Julie’s pussy contracted, and as she came her juices squirted, coating the rubber sheet they had laid down to protect the carpet.

My fingers worked busily on my clit. The intensity of what I had witnessed Robert and Julie doing aroused me so much I felt my third orgasm building. I hadn’t realized how much of a voyeur I was until tonight. I unashamedly lifted my legs up onto the stool and spread my legs apart as wide as I could get them. I began to pant as I fingered myself, inserting two and then three fingers into my gaping pussy. I was well aware I was open and on display. The feeling driving me on to bring myself to the impending orgasm that continued to build in my body.

I decided to try and get my whole hand into myself and succeeded. The sensation was amazing and I could feel my muscles clench and spasm as I neared orgasm. Several men casually masturbated as they watched me and I gestured for one to come over. I looked into his eyes and said.

“Please tell me how dirty I look.” He smiled knowingly, put his fingers under my chin and said.

“No, you tell me how dirty you are, bad girl.” The way he said “dirty” filled my mind with images of slutty teenagers I had seen on the internet and the look in his eye was demanding, yet patient.

I was so close, and between gasps I managed to stammer, “Oh God I’m a slut. I’m sitting here with m m my haaannnddd ahhhhhh fuck, I’m cooommming.” My voice betraying my bodies surrender to the ministrations of my hand and fingers.

My pussy contracted around my hand as I pushed it further inside and I came, oh did I come! My body shuddered as I convulsed on my hand. I opened my eyes and realized I had called Jason over, a young intern that worked for one of John’s companies. He smiled at me as I convulsed and shook, holding me steady so I didn’t fall, and I managed a weak smile back, still coming back from my orgasmic sensations. I asked if there was anything he wanted me to do for him and he smiled, simply told me “no” and wandered off to rejoin the mass of bodies that still moved in carnal delight.

I leaned back on the bar still weak from the intensity of my orgasm and thought I had better pace myself, it was only Friday night and I already felt exhausted. Yes indeed, the weekend was young and my dirty mind was already at work planning.

Rabbit1
09-08-2006, 07:01 AM
yes please post it on the story page ---very well done

Ruby
09-08-2006, 11:04 PM
Gregsta,

You've greatly improved on so many things! You did a wonderful job taking this story and "bumping" it up a notch. There is so much more to enjoy. The dialog added, mmmm, fantastic.

The "woman's" personal point of view shines brightly throughout this version. Smells, tastes, feelings, sensations, and descriptions are all much better.

I also like how the voice of the story has morphed into a naughty, fun, erotic and at time humorous confession. Clever comments about how women think such as "Never satisfied are we." help me, the reader, to like this person, to connect with her. Well done!

Give yourself a huge pat on the back. Congratulations!!!
I'm sending long distance hugs and squeezes.

I've already given you your next reading and writing assignment. However, if you want to post this one in the library, I would like to see one more editing refresh focusing on three areas:

1. Add commas. If you pause when reading it aloud, a comma should probably be inserted. Check when commas should be used in quotes and how they are used as pauses and before conjunctions. (Hint - the assigned reading will help with this action item.)

2. Quicken the pacing by taking your long, long, long sentences and split them into smaller ones.

3. Punctuation and spelling - ending questions with a ?, sentences with a . and checking those things like "waist" versus "waste".

Here's an example - you wrote:

I decided to try and get my whole hand into myself and succeeded. The sensation was amazing and I could feel my muscles clench and spasm as I neared orgasm. Several men casually masturbated as they watched me and I gestured for one to come over. I looked into his eyes and said.

“Please tell me how dirty I look.”

Making shorter sentences to speed the pace and action would look like this:

I decided to get my whole hand into myself. And I succeeded. The sensation was amazing. I could feel my muscles clench and spasm. As I neared orgasm, several men masturbated while watching me . I gestured for one to come over.

I looked into his eyes and said, "Please tell me how dirty I look.”

If you decided to tackle those three things, please place the new version in this thread, so you and other students can see the progression and improvement from one version to the next.

"Oooh, Gregsta. I love it when you talk dirty!" exclaimed Ruby. "Mmmm."

Congratulations again! You did a great job on this assignment.

Ruby
:rose:

PS

One more thing is added to your next assignment. When writing action sequences or descriptions, try to remove the words "was", "were", "began", and "being". If you find yourself writing "she was sitting" change it to "she sat".

You can do it!

Sir_G
09-11-2006, 07:35 PM
Thanks Ruby. Feeling a little uninspired at the moment. Too much time sweating over this one I think. I will give it a rest for a week or two and recharge. I was impulsive and posted it before you suggested the extra changes. Rabbit said do it so I did.

Your enthusiasm and instruction is amazing and I appreciate your time very much. You rock.

Ruby
09-11-2006, 11:27 PM
Thank you, Gregsta

I know I've been pushing you, hard.

You've got so much talent and I'm going to keep on pushing you to test yourself. Cause I know you can do it.

Whenever you update this one -- after a week, a month or whenever -- please do post the most recent version in this thread.

Looking forward to reading your next assignment.
When you're ready, please start a new thread for it and we'll keep this thread for this story and its revisions.

Hug hugs and squeezes,

Ruby

---

All,

If anyone else has any comments about this excellent story, please feel free to post them here and/or dash over to rate the story for Gregsta.

Ruby