Do Looks Matter for a Master?

[AdamPowers]

Let me attempt to put this question in perspective and I'd love to hear what everyone's opinions are on the subject. Do looks matter for your master?

Granted, I'm sure half a dozen of you will instantly say yes, take the super-ficial approach and that is fine with me.. at least I understand where you stand on this topic. But let me take it a bit deeper. Does the role of a Master have a stereotypical 'look' for the part?

I consider myself a fairly decent looking man but on occassions feel the 'nice guys don't get the girl' theme coming into the conversation when discussing a D/s relationship. Is it possible for someone to look too nice to be dominate? Or do you tend to get to know someone first... or is it something you discover at your own pace? I understand within an online world, 9/10 times the picture is going to be your first impression, but I'm more curious to hear what you look for in a profile or picture.

It would be great to do a comparison. Hold up two pictures of two guys and tell me which one you thought was the more dominate based on your initial impression. The guy wearing a polo shirt vs. the guy with cut off sleeves and tatoos. Do features such as facial hair, muscles, tatoos, piercings, clothes, etc... make the Master?

As always, thanks for your thoughts and sharing. I look forward to hearing from you all.

- Adam

[Silke]

Hmm, tough question to answer...I haven't really noticed a pattern in my attraction to guys, other than that a certain attitude draws me in.

Yeah, I have a sterotypical ideal in my head, some dark tall sinister stranger who comes up in fantasies, lol...but I'm not looking for 'him' in real life. Looks are so redundant once there is a certain look, sense of humour, way of capturing my attention. Now, if all I had was a picture - what would I do? Guess what, I probably wouldn't be interested. Yeah, I'd probably admire someones looks or shrug. But either way, it wouldn't get me to either want to get to know the person or not. I'm not looking for a face, but the person behind it. So, if it was a Personal, I'd check for how he 'sells' himself, start to get talking, see whether we click.

Does a 'nice' look turn me off? Nope. Neither does a scruffy look, though. The looks don't tell me about that person, and definitely not about their dom qualities, lol. Remember the movie 'secretary'? Well, the guy looked as harmless as can be - nice, friendly, shy. But once he got into his 'role', started whispering....damn, THEN I melt. Looks mean nothing for me. At best, they are an icing to a good cake. ;)

Not sure I answered your question...*laughing*

[SheepishJaina]

What I'm attracted to "looks wise" has no bearing on the Master/Vanilla relationship. My mom pointed out to me taht I tend to be attracted to the "nerdy/geeky" looking guys. However when looking for a partner, looks were only a tiny part of what i looked for. If I cannot stand the personality behind the physical body... then what's the point of there being any sort of relationship, other than to just hook up for physical desires.

I'll take someone who can hold my interest in conversation and share interests every time.

[Talia]

Very good question. At first glance my Master would be considered "to nice" to fit the part (the polo shirt type). But really, underneath ooohhh my! No looks don't play a part for me at all. I don't want the "good looking" guy. They tend to be too self-absorbed and cocky (not saying all good looking guys are that way, just my experience). I look for what's under the surface. If a guy can show respect, love, consideration, care, trust, and compassion...he's got a good chance. If not...goodbye buddy!

Really, I wouldn't care if the guy had third eye...hunchbacked or walked with a limp...if you have what I need on the inside you've won me.

With that being said...being clean is important to me...scruffy after work is one thing...scruffy for lack of care is another. I'm not into tattoos and does nothing for me...but if he has the inside makeup that's right for me...then yes, he would have a chance.

[AdamPowers]

Part of me figured this is what I would hear. I'm sure if the thread continues someone will eventually say looks have a lot to do with the control elements you might be looking for in a relationship. For me, I've always been told that my eyes told them all they needed to know about me look-wise. A simple stare could either completely melt you or command you to do exactly what I desire.

The mental elements become extremely important but can you look past the visual elements and have the same effect.

But more so, I guess it's how to get to that point. I think silke said it best. You may have a fantasy or ideal of a certain look in your mind. This probably has no direct barrier on your openness to meet someone new, but at what point do you begin substituting the person in your mind, with the person in the pictures.

Thanks everyone, this is a helpful topic.

- Adam

[Silke]

You may have a fantasy or ideal of a certain look in your mind. This probably has no direct barrier on your openness to meet someone new, but at what point do you begin substituting the person in your mind, with the person in the pictures.

As soon as that person is under my skin, well, and I know what he looks like. ;)

Just a side note here - I have absolutely no idea what my Master looks like; I've sent him photos of me, but never asked him for pictures or even a description of himself. But I assure you, he'll always look beautiful to me, simply because I love him. I'll be honoured if he ever decides to share this side with me, however, I don't need it for my peace of mind.

You know what's strange, though, Adam? As little as looks of others make a difference for my preference...I always think that it's important when others look at me, that they'd judge me in some way or see me differently. Isn't that strange? ;)

[chattel69]

I agree with what everyone has said so I'm not going to repeat it but I will have to say if if they have the mentality to carry on a conversation but I'm not attracted to them physical it takes a little bit away from the relationship. Now I'm not saying they have to be dump dead gorgeous but I'm not looking for the hunchback either.

[IDCrewDawg]

I know this was aimed at submissives, but I thought that perhaps I could comment on my experience. I remember the reactions I would get when I would state that I was Dominant.

I've been told, I have that nice guy look or too nice of a personality to be thought of as a Dominant. However, once a submissive interacts with me in a BDSM atmosphere, they tell me they now think of me in a differnet way that they first thought.

Anyway, the girls state what I find overall in BDSM. There are shallow people, but most follow what the submissives here are saying.

V/R
ID

[dzire2pleeze]

So here's my two cents...Online relationships are great. Why? Because we see the real person. We get to know the "real" person. And what makes us real is not what is on the outside, (which all too often interferes with getting to know a person in r/l, confirmed by chattel's comment) but what comes from within.

To put it better, a quote from the Little Prince.."it is only with heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Therefore, a Dominant's looks are irrelevant once I've come to know him..what I see are his words...what I hear is his voice. Close my eyes and he is still the Dominant that captured my heart and inspired my mind.

Silke's ending statement makes perfect sense...by societies standards if you are considered "unattractive" you are considered unloveable..~shaking my head~ what a terrible shame that is.

We all crave eye-appeal...even food tastes better when it looks attractive...but if the hunchback has a heart of gold...tends to his appearance and his heath and has the right words to get me going...then i say to hell with the deformity.

Okay...too serious here...someone invented the blindfold for a reason...~giggles~

[Talia]

Okay...too serious here...someone invented the blindfold for a reason...~giggles~

[/B][/I]

hahahahahahaha d2p that was cute

[Talia]

In regards the third eye and hunchback, my Daddy and I were discussing once what he looked like. He threw these discriptions out, playfully, but frankly..if it were so, I wouldn't care...I love him for him. Like Silke, I've never met Daddy. Probably never will. BUT, I have him in my life and that is very important to me.

SB

[phantasy_seeker]

In my (limited) experience, to a (very limited) extent physical appearances do reflect the person inside. Somewhat. I'm not talking about attractive vs non-attractive here, but rather.. whether or not he is 'dominant'. Looking quiet, composed, good-guy etc actually can suit a dominant -- the leather-pants, bald, tattooed guy is a tad TOO stereotypical in my opinion. :)

But how about if you see a tiny guy with a shy, nervous smile, eyes that just can't seem to look straight at you, all geeked-up with uncombed hair, thick-rimmed glasses.. you get the drift. In my humble opinion, that simply isn't how a dominant would portray himself to the world. Even if he WAS tiny and couldn't change that, the way he looks at you, or smiles, etc is completely dependent on his style and personality.

[mina]

I’d definitely be turned off if a Master had stereotypical attire on and seemed like he was trying too hard to look the part. As the others have said, what’s important is his personality and how he handles himself. The "Secretary" example Silke gave was a good one.

But for my personal preference, I probably wouldn’t be too attracted to a Master wearing polo shirts or whatever. How you choose to present yourself is also important.

And… while it's not the most important thing... it never hurts if you look like a Greek god too ;)

[fantassy]

So many good comments here with which I partially agree. Dzire2Pleeze, I share your thought that online relationships have to potential to allow you to see the real person. People online have the choice to be totally honest or totally fake. Personally, I don’t see the point of presenting myself as something other than one I am. I am really enjoying the opportunity to let down all my guards and strip my soul naked online. Unlike you, Silke, I have exchanged pictures with Brosco, but we didn’t do it until after we had gotten to know each other. Quite frankly, other than being interesting to see if we looked the way we had each imagined the other, the pictures were irrelevant - just a shadow in the back of the mind. Our minds are always front and center and are where the real attraction lies. That being said, Phantasy_seeker, you make a good point in that our looks do reveal something about our personalities - to the extent that we have control over our looks. The gorgeous stud who never has a hair out of place is nice eye candy, but doesn’t appeal to me because, in my opinion, he values looks over substance. On the other hand, the guy with ragged greasy hair and unkempt clothing seems to lack care and control, and what kind of a dom lacks care and control. I don’t see giving someone the care and control of my body if they don’t take good care and control of their own. Like the other mentioned, I find the quiet, controlled “nice guy” looks very appealing.

fantassy

[Ozme52]

:wave:

[Tojo]

Excellent post dez.


Tojo

[riverwindsong]

Ok, here's my two cents on this issue...what gets me more interested than anything is if the online dominant can stimulate my mind as well as my body. It helps, certainly, if I can picture him next to me as I'm performing for him. It heightens the experience for me. Good looks are, as Silke said, icing on a really good cake. It takes a subtly forceful personality who can challenge my mind to get my motor revving, rather than some Adonis who knows he's good looking and completely vapid. And if that person is a really nice person, but a total slob...no. Friends, yes, but anything more...it speaks volumes of their self-confidence. I'm rambling now...sorry. Hope this wasn't too confusing.

[fantassy]

:wave:

Lol! Of course, Oz you are hugely attractive in my mind. Can't think of a better turn-on than your wit and your stories.

:hubbahubb

fantassy

[phantasy_seeker]

The gorgeous stud who never has a hair out of place is nice eye candy, but doesn’t appeal to me because, in my opinion, he values looks over substance.


Indeed. There's nothing more disconcerting than a dom spending hours preening and perfecting his brilliant smile, IMHO. Or any man for the matter. :rolleyes:

[cariad]

I want a man who can be my best friend and confidant, who is willing to be my champion should I need him to be, but at a word can take control of my mind. If he can do that, the rest is handed to him.

Does his physical appearance matter. If he meets those criteria, no way. Although going back to something Adam said in his second post, many of those qualities together with his strength of character will be revealed in his eyes, and eyes are something I read in everyone I meet.

cariad

[Silke]

Although going back to something Adam said in his second post, many of those qualities together with his strength of character will be revealed in his eyes, and eyes are something I read in everyone I meet.

Yes, I'm with you. :)

[cookiecat]

this is an excellent thread adam. it's been very interesting to read everyone's thoughts. and i have to agree with most - it's all about the connection. haven't we all met someone who might be "oridinary" by the physical standards but become more beautiful as we get to know him or her?

i had this discussion with someone after reading this thread and i was of the mind that sometimes on-line gives people the courage to present a false face. but those people are weeded out quite quickly. on-line gives people the courage to open themselves to all kinds of possibilities that might not occur in real life....those connections are special and the more you connect, the more attractive that person becomes.

i always say look out for the quiet ones....sometimes the stereotypical bad boys are overcompensating for something lacking by presenting a "bad" exterior! those quiet, smart guys always have something special lurking in their heads....

[AdamPowers]

Wow. Thanks everyone for a great conversation.

It would seem many of you have the same opinions, which is very comforting. I think we can all agree in an "online" world our ability to stimulate our minds is much easier to do. You see the inside person as opposed to the external person. I get that.

I also think someone mentioned a certain confidence level. More so than the geeky guy wearing glasses with slicked back hair is the fact that they can not maintain eye contact, or have difficulties having a conversation. The confidence to look directly at someone, peer straight through them and see their most internal fantasies, and to whisper to them and hear in someone's voice the immense desire they have solely for you...these traits can go a long way. Looks have no importance in these scenarios and I also believe fully highten the stimulation and feelings you will have for someone.

Outside of that, I know when I meet someone outside of a BDSM community I will never be labeled as a dominate person despite being extremely confident and demanding of my own person environment. It's one of the reasons this question came to mind. So inside of this community or on other sites I frequent, when I begin meeting new people and share my photo, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

I suppose I have a bit of hope after reading everyone's thoughts. It would seem i might have a chance to actually meet someone special after all.

Thanks again.
- Adam

[cookiecat]

.

I suppose I have a bit of hope after reading everyone's thoughts. It would seem i might have a chance to actually meet someone special after all.

Thanks again.
- Adam

Adam, as long as you share yourself as you have here, i imagine you'll have no troubles finding that someone special. good luck.

cookie

[Warbaby1943]

I suppose I have a bit of hope after reading everyone's thoughts. It would seem i might have a chance to actually meet someone special after all.

Thanks again.
- Adam
Adam your post was excellent and you received great responses. A few more honest and from the heart posts and you'll have someone banging on your mailbox and they will be special as many here are.

[cariad]

Well Adam, outside of the BDSM community nobody would ever consider me to be submissive, and apparently I scare most of the men I work with.

And a word of encouragement, next September I will be going to the wedding of a couple how met on an online board. The topic under discussion was 'nice guys'. They both took the stance which has been taken here, although without the BDSM theme. That was nearly five years ago, and the rest of story they will, I am sure, spend their lifetimes writing.

I agree with what cookiecat and Warbaby have said, you seem a lovely person, do get involved here, and I would be amazed if you don't find someone as special as you are knocking on your door.

cariad

[Submit2Dom{W_W}]

it is actually quite funny actually............

since i first REALLY started looking at guys i have never liked guys my age or younger...... i have always liked them older than me

i mean the celebrity crushes i have had vary from Tom Felton (20)-- Draco Malfoy all the way to Alan Rickman (63)-- Severus Snape (it is his voicee.... it makes me drool a little bit lol)

so when i found out my Master was older than me by quite a few years i was OVERJOYED....... and i love Him more than my own life :)

[hissexypet]

I think its whats on the inside that counts, someone who I can talk to easily.
That is intelligent enough to hold a conversation with me. Like someone said a guy that can stimulate my mind as well as my body.

But looks arent a bad thing either. There is something to be said for sexy.

[AdrianaAurora]

My Husband REALLY does look like a Greek God. But when we first met, I was completely unaffected by His physical beauty - I was too busy arguing with Him, lol.

The truth is most people would describe Him as drop dead gorgeous, but I didnt notice it, at first, because I was always attracted to a different type - short, dark and Jewish, lol. He is tall, blond, and totally Canadien.

What got to me wasnt the looks - but the force of His personality, His mental strength. No one ever played me the way He does. Loving Him has changed my perception on what I think of as attractive. For some reason I now associate tall and blond with safe and sexy.

The way I view His looks is - they are a reflection of His personality. I adore Him - because I adore the person He is from the inside.

I know this because when He lost a lot of weight do to being severely injured and bedridden - my love for Him only grew.

He is a lot older than me (19y) so it stands to reason that His looks will go before mine. Or at least thats what I hope, :rolleyes:, lol.

And I dont know why, because society certainly tells us that it should be the opposite, but I love the way His looks are changing as He is growing older - gray strays in His hair, a few wrinkles on His face...(and I think I have the right to enjoy them, because I had certainly worked hard to put them there, ;) )

Its not how you look, but how you use it. He is comfortable with the way He looks (He wasnt always, but thats His story to tell), and yes, He is not above using His physical attributes - His size, His eyes...- to build intensity and dominate me.

[TwstdKittie]

To me, the right Master just has to be able to get "that look" in his eyes that makes me turn to jelly. I typically find dark haired men more attractive, but I've known many "nice" looking guys who have occasionally flashed a look that made me wonder what else was under there.

[SubmissiveDoll]

My Master looks like a nice guy. At least from a distance. *grins* He's totally sexy, and I'm very much in love with his looks, but that isn't what I knew first. We met online as friends many years ago. I started falling for him, and his personality far before his looks. I think most Doms have similar personality traits, not fashion sense. I know plenty of Doms, always have, I wouldn't submit to a single one of them. While I find my Dom to be totally attractive physically... it's his personality that forced me to submit.

[shayna]

Let me attempt to put this question in perspective and I'd love to hear what everyone's opinions are on the subject. Do looks matter for your master?


To me this is like asking if looks matter in the vanilla world. Of course they do. Just becuase someone is dom doesnt mean they get an exception from the rule. Am i shallow? Hell no. You should see some of the people i date. I get people that are like 'Why are you dating them!?!" or "you have better taste then that" but to me its not about looks, its whats inside the noggin that counts. I would never want someone to look at me and not give me a chance just becuase of my looks. A lot of people have, saying that i look mean, intimidating, angry, bitchy, and that they didnt want to talk to me becuase of the way i came off. Then once they got to know me, they were shocked to see that i am not that way at all.

Everyone is shallow to an extent. IMO.



As to your next question, on if 'features such as facial hair, muscles, tattoos, piercings, clothes, etc... make the Master'? I like to say no. I know a lot of dom men who have no facial hair, no tattos, or even muscles and they are a very good dominate. In fact my dominate doesnt have facial hair, muscles, or tattoos, is he just as dominate as the muscley, tattooed, bearded man? Id like to think so. Its all up to personal preference on this one. I dont like facial hair, tattoos are fine (since i have 22 of them), muscles are okay, but to me it doesnt make him anymore dom then the rest.

[sinfulsex]

I think for most subs the attitude is important, online you get to know someone so well that when you do see what they look like, it may not matter so much if they arent what you expected because you know they can dominate you and you know how they act so if you look like the "nice guy" the sub in question will know that you are not!

hope that makes sense
emma x

[cattus9]

Appearances have never been a consistent thing for me, and don't normally matter either, personality is much more important; but I remember the first time I saw him I thought, dear god :p

[Mr. Tomcat]

For me it doesn't matter what my tommicat looked like. I knew from the day I met her online that it was meant to be. That's all I needed. But I suppose it depends on the person to be honest. For me it has always been whats on the inside. Personality, smarts, humor, love, devotion. That sorta stuff.

[HisKitty]

I always go for the same look, kinky or vanilla xD Dark hair, dark eyes, tanner skin than my own. I tend towards the Jewish look, lol. <3

[Submit2Dom{W_W}]

hehe i am for right now a "online slave" but happily my Lord is taking me in in real life and so of course i fell for Him far before i ever saw a pic or anything as it turned out my Lord is sexier than any other man i have ever laid my eyes on but as far as i had cared and still care He could have been 4 ft. 2 and not have a leg.... it wouldnt make a difference to me and never will i love my Lord and i am happier than i have ever been in my life and nothing could ever change that not looks; not anything!!!!

[mollydoll]

I have to say from my own personal POV, that I LOVE a little older man (although there is always something to be said for younger men too I think I just love men! LOL) My favorite men Brent Spiner, Alan Rickman and William Petersen (Gil Grissom CSI) *sighs* I love the geeky, nerdy, tends to be emotionally withdrawn or a little cold (I mean how much colder can you get than a corpse and an android?) types and I don't look for "looks" as much as I do the attitude...
I like men who take care of themselves but aren't narcissistic about it and even though I love licking the occasional tattoo, I don't usually look for extra piercings and tattoos, but they seem to love me! LOL! (I guess Court Reporters are like catnip to rocker guys!) *laughs*
So, anyway that's my own personal take on things, I LOVE men (and the occasional woman) *winks* and I don't care what my Master looks like as long as he's willing to drag me by my hair into the bedroom and whip my willing Irish ass whenever the mood strikes him!
mollydoll

[bpqueen]

Looks, for me, have nothing to do with a Master (for like what most of the others have said, it is mainly in the eyes). However, that being said, an initial feeler session for the right person would probably start with the more physically attractive ones and then drift to the intelligent ones. Don't get me wrong...I will always wind up with the ones 1) older than me by at least 10 years (I am 28) 2) intelligent 3) at least 6 feet tall and 4) stronger than me. But as for initial interest, I would probably do the shallow thing and be more likely to at least approach and keep a conversation going with someone that I thought was physically attractive.

For the record, my Master was not at all attractive to me when we started our relationship, and he gets more and more so as the relationship grows :-)

[Arria]

A guy who tries, as someone else in this thread said, to look the part too hard, is prone to turn me off.

As I have never gone after the sort of man who is considered "good-looking" (model-type) by most women I know, and as it´s not the looks but the radiation a person gives that attracts me, it´s hard to tell.
If the man does not have "that special something", he can look great to the rest of the world, and still do nothing for me...

What I enjoy in the online community is that one can get to know people without judging first by their looks. Looks can be very deceiving. I also met my fair share of men in real life who were considered good-looking by the majority of people, and who acted as if their looks should be sufficient, and I had no right to expect an interesting personality behind the face (a total and complete turn-off for me).

My r/l hubby who is also my Dom happens to fit my ideal pretty perfectly (more on the scruffy side, and my best gay friend usually describes him as The Viking), but there I simply got lucky. We started out for a loose play-only thing, and it evolved into a real relationship pretty quick, and later we got married...

What I´d like to share, however, is how I met my first real life acquaintances in the lifestyle, a couple who taught me the first steps and allowed me to ask questions until their ears bled... it was so hilarious.

I had gotten together with the woman first, who spoke of her Dom in a way that made me expect a cross-breed between Marlon Brando and Julius Caesar (I am not kidding here).
When she introduced us later, I was very disappointed to find a completely normal looking guy - I completely underestimated his domly abilities. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig mistake! *laughs*

[alleykat]

My looks are important to me. I keep myself well groomed, in shape and stylishly dressed. I consider myself to have a beautiful and captivating personality and i see no reason that that shouldn't be displayed outwardly. Keeping those views of myself in mind i want my Dom to feel the same way about himself.

On a more shallow note, I am fairly good at attracting men. I would like my dom to be as attractive as myself and especially at least as attractive as the other men who are interested in me. I respect and adore my Dom for who he is, how he knows me, and how he treats me, but i'm only human and physical attraction is important to me.

[thenatural]

So no its not about facial hair or tattoos but a picture is important. Use the picture to your advantage. Put some thought into it differentiate yourself from the millions of web-cam face photo shots and penis profiles. Be creative, because imagination is a desirable quality in a Dom, put some imagination into your photos. My advice is wear something that makes you look good, stay away from bright colors, use scene pictures i.e. your in a forest, your sitting in your office, your at your job, your with your dog who is sitting nicely for you *hehe, your at the beach, your at a sports event something that speaks to part of your character. The picture can be a great Segway to conversation it can make a curious mind think, like "Mmm motorcycle", "Sexy kilt", "Nice sunglasses"...