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cariad
09-22-2006, 01:18 AM
(Not the third part to the story which I have already started)


In her mind’s eye she held the dying the rose as its deep rich petals fell.

Lingeringly she gently touched each fallen petal, each one symbolic of part of what they had been. Part of what had been ‘them’.

She had previously only been aware of the beauty of the whole. But now as she looked at the disintegrating flower she saw clearly what each part. How precious each was, how complete in itself, how unique and wonderful.

As each petal fell and she traced its shape and marveled at its delicacy and her heart was ripped apart again. Her tears of anguish soaking the embracing pillow.

Just the hard core at the end of the stem remained as the last petal fell. The beauty of rose gone, even that last petal loosing its gentle strength as it slipped into decay.

She howled into the pillow, crying out from depths she did not know were there, until her tears ran dry. She lay exhausted, seeing only the darkness where he was not, unable to think beyond that moment.

“I can fill that hole, if you will let me.” In the stillness of the room she heard her Master’s voice.

“I want to be all those things for you, and so much more, but you have to leave those petals there, let them be, only then can you enjoy what I have to offer you.”

His voice so still, so powerful, so full of love held her soul in perfect peace. She felt His arms hold her, remind her what could be hers. Then He stepped back. The choice was hers.

Behind her, her Master stood waiting; before her that last fallen petal of the flower she had loved so much. Could she leave that to its natural decay and turn to receive the unknown of what he offered. With all her heart she yearned to stay and bury the rose, to cloak herself in black and kneel by the side of the grave and mourn.

Behind her, her Master stood silently a tear in his eye as he awaited her decision.

She knew His terms. He had given everything to be able to have her for His. He was hers for the asking. She struggled to find the strength to turn from last fallen petal, to the strength to turn and kneel at His feet and accept His leash.

She knew that once she was there He would care for her every need, it would not be an easy life with Him, it would be an unknown and probably dangerous one, but one in which He promised her victory. If she would kneel. That bit she had do in by herself, in her own strength.

Behind her, her Master sadly bowed his head, rejected by the girl He had given His life for.

In her weakness she waited too, waited until she was ready to accept the inevitable.

“Let the dead bury their dead.”

Empty and broken she turned to crawl to her Master.

SheepishJaina
09-22-2006, 01:29 AM
cariad, that's beautful. Words cannot express how my heart feels after reading that. Thank You.

*gives a big tight hug*

suchaminx
09-22-2006, 03:57 PM
cariad

Words fail me, I can feel your tears and your heartache.

Know that you are loved so much ~hugs and so much more~ minx xx

maddie
09-22-2006, 04:55 PM
Oh, cariad. *hugs* That was beautiful.

Needs a few more commas, but still beautiful. :)

Aussiegirl1
09-22-2006, 08:41 PM
Oh Cariad, I agree that was beautiful and that you do need a few more commas too.


As each petal fell and she traced its shape and marveled at its delicacy and her heart was ripped apart again.

This sentence needs some changes, a comma is needed after fell and maybe a full stop after shape. You could then start a new sentence with the other half. You could also write it this way-- " As each petal fell, she traced its shape, marveling at its delicacy whil her heart was ripped apart again."



Behind her, her Master stood silently a tear in his eye as he awaited her decision.

Here a comma is needed after silently.


She knew that once she was there He would care for her every need, it would not be an easy life with Him, it would be an unknown and probably dangerous one, but one in which He promised her victory.

A comma in needed after there. This sentence could also be made into two sentences.

This is not a major issue though, and with the emotion your writing has, would not be noticed by many people.

Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful story with us all. If you have not done do, I would encourage you to put it onto the main story site. It is a story that deserves more readers.

The only thing I need you to do now, is to respond to the readings at the top of this level. If you have done this already, do let me know. I have changed the order of the assignment since you began the level.

cariad
09-22-2006, 09:32 PM
Aussiegirl, I have done that as my second assignment. http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6481

Thank you for the comments and encouragment, and maybe one day I will post it elsewhere.

cariad

Aussiegirl1
09-23-2006, 02:03 AM
Sorry about that Cariad, and I had even replied!! It is the first day of my holidays, so please forgive me for being a bit spaced out!

Well, that means you are able to move onto Level three! I will tell Rabbit to give you access.

Have fun
Aussiegirl

cariad
09-23-2006, 02:17 AM
Smiles - is nice to know that I am not the only non super human on this planet!

cariad

maddie
09-23-2006, 06:10 AM
Welcome to level three! :)

Aussiegirl1
09-23-2006, 06:29 AM
Smiles - is nice to know that I am not the only non super human on this planet!

cariad



Oh yes, I certainly have plenty of non super human days!:rolleyes:

Have a great time in Level three:)

cariad
09-23-2006, 07:35 AM
Welcome to level three! :)

No eating all the chocolate before I get there!

cariad