my wife is into what??

[Mr. Mojo Risin]

so, a few months ago my wife tells me she's into bdsm or whatever and after she explained to me what it was i must say i was beyond shocked, stunned, and of course turned on. i still have not grasped the fact that she is as kinky as she is, this came from a girl who is a "goody goody" always tries to do the right thing. not saying that her kinkiness is wrong or sinful but just looking at her history, i think it would shock anyone. so now that i'm getting over the shock and realizing what she wants, i'm having a hard time playing the part of dom. sure the hair pulling and spankings are very much a turn on for me, having her lie there and telling me she wants me to use her, she wants me to tell her how to please me, i would be an idiot not to! but still unsure of what to do really, i feel weird doing this, i want to do it but i don't really want to make her uncomfortable or cross the line with her. we've had plenty of discussions on how far she wants to go, her limits and all that good stuff. but really there's only a couple of things my little imagination can come up with. so i was wondering if any doms out there might like to share with me, on what to do or something. she's not into heavy stuff at all, just some light fun d/s play...any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

[Jadetiger]

Mr. Mojo Risin,
To help we really do need to know her limits and all that good stuff. Not to mention how arousing it is to read what turns other people on;) First I will suggest safe words. I use yellow for ease off or give me a second, red for stop whatever is happening at that moment and green, green, green when I want the play to escalate. Moaing harder harder also is used as a susitute for green. ~grins

Being the dominant entails a lot of responsiility but also remember you are both learning ang growing together so relax and enjoy each other. I don't really know your wife's mindset or needs so I am only going to give some basic suggestions.

If she gets home before you do and you don't have children running around. You can have her meet to at the door naked and kneeling when you get home for work. She should give you a well deserved welcome home kiss and I don't mean on your lips. This can also be subsituted as a requirement for you entering the bedroom at night. Just a warning don't get lost in the feeling or the nights play may be over before you know it. A blind fold will also add to the experience.

The more information you give us on her needs the more we can help with suggestions. These I think are pretty safe and hopefully do not infringe on any of her limits.

You both have a wonderful and exciting time a head. Remember to talk about how things make you feel. Understand that not every experience is going to blow your mind away with excitement or arousal but that even those experinces will bring you closer together. You will learn more about your needs as well as having the joy of sharing your partners experiences.

Just one more thing. BDSM can be very intense emotionally for the sub as well as the dom as you move into more extreme paly. So someone saying red and sobbing their eyes out does not mean that hurt them beyond repair. Sometimes just cuddling until the emotional or physical stress in over is all that is needed then of course talking about it later after you have made passionate love helps. :)

Jade

[TomOfSweden]

I suggest you ask her what erotic stories she likes. Since it was she who brought you here I'm sure she'll have plenty of favorites. You'll get inside her head in no time.

[_ID_]

Ok... regardless of what you know she wants or will or will not enjoy. I am going to post a link here that I think you will find useful for activities.

BDSM Scenarios - Ideas to spark your sex life
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm_scenarios.html


As far as how to Dominate her.... well that depends on if you want what your doing to be a bedroom only thing, or take it out of the bedroom to enjoy the extra special feeling people can get from being kinky out in public (even if it is done so that no one but the two of you know what is going on).

I suggest picking up a couple of books.
A different loving written by Gloria Brame is very well written.

and

Screw the roses send the thorns written by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon. A very good introductory book to have in the home when discussing what each of you would like to experience.

On top of all that information, we have a VERY well written thread here on the boards....

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4529

The thread discusses many topics that a person just starting their journey into BDSM should know.

I am sure if you have questions as you are taking in all this information, and you ask a question, you will find people here more than willing to help you figure out what you want to know.

Above all else, have fun!

V/R
ID

[MsUther]

Exelent post, IDCrewDawg.

[Talia]

Just a quick interruption...I moved this to Knowledge Base Questions for a Master...you are looking for answers that a Master can answer...IDCrewDawg is always very informational...hope his post helps.

SB

[_ID_]

I try. Thanks for the compliment.

[ElectricBadger]

I'd suggest telling her to make a list of things she wants to try; draw one randomly when you're a bit stuck, or use them as inspiration for your own ideas.

Also remember that with a small change anything can be D/S, just about. Housework is boring...housework in the nude chained to the furniture is pretty fun. A trip to the store is dull...a trip with a short skirt and no undies is exciting.

Some of the ball should also be in her court. Part of submission, in my opinion, is wanting to please one's top: talk to her and make sure she knows she can and should take the initiative on things as well -- initiative does not equate power! Meeting you at home naked, or emailing sexy photos of herself, or giving you a new whip for a present are very submissive. I have in the past told my slave to "think of something to please me and do it within 24 hours." Enjoy the squirming as she tries to find something suitable.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

[Ozme52]

Practicing and maintaining submissive postures and positions are a great place to start.

Make her write a journal for you. Things she does and how they make her feel. It'll give you greater insight into her needs, and what you do that's right and what you do that doesn't quite cut it...

I always enjoy a nice shower. Just stand there and let her do all the washing. If you have a plastic chair, bring it in and get your hair washed too.

Dictate her clothing options. Make her do out-of-the-house chores in risque clothing.

Go shopping with her... take a pass through the kitchenware/laundry/bathroom sections, ask her about any number of items, spatulas, wooden spoons, wire wisks, clothespins, etc. and ask her if she'd like you to buy "it" for (fill in the blank, whether spankings, insertions, etc.)

Get a massage.

Role Play:

Give a massage, but "abuse" her like the horny, blackmailing masseuer you are.

Play doctor like you always wanted to as a horny teenager.

Kidnap her.

[Ozme52]

Oh, I just bought a great book on knot tying at Barnes and Noble.

Take her to a tack shop and see what's pervertable. Riding crops and whips, reins, bits.

Go "rope" shopping. Then practice knot tying. Hitches, bends, loops and nooses.

[katie_21]

These are all great suggestions, but...I just want you to be yourself and have fun with this. You don't have to "be" perfect, just be yourself and we'll try out new things if you want to. I already love you, I'm already married to you, there is no need to impress me. You know me better then anyone else, so I have complete faith in you.

One of the hardest things to realize when learning about all of this, is the main thing...just have fun :)

[annie]

Mr. Mojo...

i have basically NO suggestions to add but did want to give you kudo's for being willing to explore, for asking questions, being willing to learn, trying to find a happy play place for the two of you.

When i told my husband about my interest several years ago it didn't go NEARLY as well... which has of course created a strain on us.

So... WELL DONE!

annie

[BorderCollie]

Hey Mojo,
Our predicaments are/were similar but not the same.

I am dominant and have always been into bondage, ever since a mate found what was a very very old Bondage magazine when I was a kid.

My wife/sub is 6 years my senior and was in a totally vanilla life for 22 years before we got together let alone married.
Now that we have converted here to a sub, she is a bondage freak, heels, stockings, anal sex, submissive the works.
I tell you, Canadian Subs rock!

If your missus is a sub and loves the bondage, you are living the dream of many men.:bondage: :mountie:

[MasterBluePrint]

I think all I can say after the brilliant ideas that have already been discussed is good luck, take it slow and enjoy the lifestyle... let us all know how it is progressing.

BP

[ObeyMe]

I may be able to shed some light, as a recovering nilla marriage and relationship of 14 yrs. Wwe are headed into Oour 6th month of D/s life.

Take the things you enjoyed before, and then find her desires, you mentioned light play, and thats where Wwe began intermigled with a terrifically renewed sex life now, Wwe only have contact for that in the Dungeon, its wonderful.

But I digress, Wwe began with lite pain, restraints, and have rapily moved into very heavy 'spankings' much rougher activity in general, again, all revolving around the sexual acts.

I'm fortunate,, as she is willing to try things out, different nipple clamps, wax, etc

So find her needs, if you 2 arent sure,talk.....talk alot......its a great relationship builder.

Now as for Uus, and I felt you were asking this without saying it
the rest of the D/s relationship; this has been the hardest challenge for Me, 14 years of knowing a way in the relationship is much harder to deal with than edge play is to learn.

Now communication is everything, have talks often and meaningful talks, not lip service.F ind out what submissive means to her, each girl is different, then once you KNOW her heart, take control over the relationship, and be consistent, not letting nilla remnants creep in, although they will pop up time to time. SQUASH em

She wants a Dom for a reason, and she wants it to be you FOR a reason, take what shes giving, and take your desires, mingle them together, and be her Dom, while being her husband too. While the 2 of you grow together, your relationship will have a strong foundation.