Wait

[moptop]

Walk slowly round me
Don’t touch me
Just yet
Move so that I am tensed, waiting
For the blow that I know must
Fall

Pull slowly on me
Don’t torture me
Just yet
Move so that I am tensed, waiting
For the screw that I know must
Turn

Slip softly into me
Don’t make me scream
Just yet
Move so that I am tensed, waiting
For the thrust that I know must
Come

Lie gently with me
Don’t leave me alone
Just yet
Do not move. Let us stay still
All waiting
Gone

[TheDeSade]

I like this. At first, I though there was something wrong with the scansion. Then I read it aloud and let it work and, lo and behold, I GOT IT! . . . very very effective. A very sophisticated use of line breaks and rythm to evoke an unusual emotion. It made me uncomfortable to read because I had to consiously make the rythm work . . . and that feeling of discomfort worked with the words to creation a feeling of tension, almost the exact tension that the writer was talking about I think.

[moptop]

Oh, thank you, DeSade, really blushing for that. I am touched that you put so much effort into reading it, and in fact (as I think happens for many writers) your own reaction allowed me to go back and read it again myself, understanding more about what I'd done than I did when I wrote it. I now consciously see just how each verse ends with a

[INDENT]]*gasp*[/INDENT

[moptop]

oops

[Warbaby1943]

moptop that was very nice. Thanks for sharing it with us.

[moptop]

Warababy, thank you, and I love that you read & post so much!

[Echoes]

It is..I feel myself tensing anticipatory from the placement just by reading it, by the way the words are place and from the words used to a gentle easing at the end, relaxation. Very effective and wonderful way to write this moptop. More please? :rose:

[moptop]

*big hugs* echoes

[Mack_Bolan{lily}]

Yes a very good piece of work there moptop I look forward to reading many more such works from you.

[Timberwolf]

Very nice work.

[moptop]

Oh, thanks, guys - it is so encouraging for all of us to be able to share our love of words, to open our emotions and have them understood, shared; to give and receive feedback. I havn't written so much in years, and I'm really enjoying finding a new language at the moment. So much within erotic poetry has to be unsaid, felt, implied, the sensation given but not stated... it is fascinating & there are many beautiful, moving pieces in this forum.

[frankee]

i'm not well-versed in what kind of style of writing is used or about 'breaks' and so forth. i suppose it's because i don't have a writer's head for words.

I do know that, the poetry in this forum, is fantastic.

If it touches my heart, evokes an intense emotion or makes me cry, it's a work of art.

moptop...great poem, i really enjoyed it!