caught fire feedback

[Dari]

As I am just a little bit nervous because of the very few emails I got for my latest story, I wanted to post here so that maybe someone might get interested and tell me what s/he thinks of the story.

here's the link: caught fire (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/story.php?storyid=1988)

there's yet more to come, and I haven't yet provided enough to justify all the story codes, but that will come soon. I'm also planning on going more into character details as I really like writing the story, so that by itself might be the first dark splotch on it. if you liked it, or if you didn't, I'd be glad for some words of advice or critique - I don't want someone to stroke my ego, I'd rather have your honest opinions.

[GaryWilcox]

Some of the best historical writing focuses on examining the practical aspects of trying to live in a another age. In the time Caught Fire is set, there's no power, no skycrapers, and the night is a scary place. Walking out of a home at midnight is usually an unhappy experience.

The back story is deftly laid out for us at the introduction, and begins setting the pace even as it's introducing us to our heroine, Jeanne. The first event in the story is fantasy, but it's done realistically, too!

Tane is a well-rounded character. I enjoy the conversations he and Jeanne have.

Here's a no-no:
"The next couple of days went by in a nearly normal fashion, compared to the latest three."
Show, don't tell. Simply start the story three days later and have the characters reflect that very little happened.

More later-- got to prepare for trick-or-treaters!

[Faibhar]

As RubbrSpatula prepares for the Trick or Treaters it is worth repeating his oft mentioned phrase to current and would-be writers:
Show, don't tell

As for historical stuff any assistance is welcomed on the subject of "Jacquerie". This particular 1358th period is currently under research and while many of the actual events well neither be shown nor told in potentially upcoming fiction, (because they are too heinous even for this sometimes over the top scribbler), the class warfare time might lend itself to yet another version to be posted here.