Help pleasing my girl

[Jebus_kanesus]

Hi everyone!

The actual reason i joined this forum is really because of my girlfriend. You see, she's REALLY into bdsm (she can barely enjoy any other form of sex), and lately i've felt i don't got what i takes to please her through different forms of bdsm. This is really frustrating for both me and my girlfriend, so i decided to reg here and learn some .

The role she wants me to play is most often is some sort of fatherly loving person, but still only treats her like an animal. She likes to be spanked and humiliated in EVERY way, and she loves it when i call her "daddys little whore". Hope you're getting the idea.

Almost everything works for her as long as the feeling is right. Now, my problem is that i'm having a real hard time just being natural and i find myself lacking in imagination. It's like i wan't to spank her, but i can't come up with any fictional reason which seems to "fit" in the situation.

So, what i'd really like are some tips and inspiration on how to dominate my girl (whom i luuuv <3) in a pleasing way. Feel free to ask anything that can help you help me.

/bdsm-noob ^_^

[Daes]

There are a few issues in your post that signal alarms in my mind but first off, Welcome to the Forums ^^ hopefully anything I can say will help at least a little.

Now, are you doing this Only for her? Think about this carefully and be honest with yourself, is this something you are truly interested in & enjoy or is it more for pleasing your girl and you get some satisfaction because you are trying to make her happy?

I only ask cause this is a situation that reminds me of Pearls Before Ponygirls..

Just think about it is all Im saying, you want to be true to yourself you know.

As for how to help dominate her, there’s lots of help and advice to be found here and for starters, How do you want to dominate her? How much control does she want you to have? How much control /can/ she give you and how much /can/ you dominate her?

What aspects of bdsm is she more into over others? Does she like pain a bit more, is it the humiliation? Does she like bondage? How much bondage? Does she like power play, commands, slapping, behavior restriction? Is it only during sex or outside of bed as well?

Theres so much to explore here, but I think this can help specify what you need help with =)


Edit: I was looking around and came upon an interesting site. Perhaps you might want to look into it. http://www.submissiveloving.com/maledom.html

[Ozme52]

Welcome to the forum.

If you explore in the knowledge bases you'll find all your questions asked and answered... which hopefully will spur you to ask more questions.

Start there and join in.

[ElectricBadger]

Welcome! It's awesome to see someone willing to explore some kink for their loved one, often I see posts here about spouses who won't work to compromise -- so this makes me happy!

As for reasons, well, there are all sorts of things: first, find out what SHE wants to do. Is she on a diet, or working out? Breaches of those are good reasons to 'punish' -- it helps her towards her own goals and leads to fun too! Same with schoolwork or errands or whatever. You can also have spankings for random things: I forbid my wife from saying "no" (she can decline things, just not use that specific word). That's given me more opportunities than anything. Lastly, there doesn't always have to be a reason -- "I felt like spanking you til you begged me to stop" is valid!

Beyond this, just try to think of a couple routines to enforce: the no thing, a specific sort of greeting when she gets home (kissing your feet/crotch...asking permission to enter), or bed time ritual -- something that will reinforce "bdsm" on a daily basis. Then, try to think of random things to do every couple days. Call her up on her cell when she's at work or in a public place and tell her to immediately go to the restroom and remove her panties. Tell her to expect a spanking when she gets home, or masturbate while you're away. Things like that give the sense of domination without a whole lot of effort on either of your parts.

Hope it helps!

[phantasy_seeker]

Hello. :) Firstly, it's great that you're open to the idea of doing BDSM with your gf, despite it being new to you. Then again, I just realized that you didn't state anything about that, so if I may ask... how long have you guys been trying it out?

Anyway. There's a strange paradox about domming that has some parallels with sleeping: the best way to succeed is to stop trying and just let go. That doesn't mean that you don't put any effort into it; it means that you should stop worrying about whether or not you are pleasing your gf, or whether or not your manner is domly enough. Instead, I suggest you just relax and try to enjoy yourself, enjoy the feeling of control and power and immerse yourself in it. See, if your gf is anything like me and several other subbie girls I know, she will not be happy as long as you just try to fulfil her wishes, rather than doing it because you want to and enjoy it. When you are in role, don't think about pleasing her, rather think about pleasing yourself.

And confidence. Can't stress the importance of that too much. And the best thing is, it's something that most people can learn through practice and experience. Kinda like winging a not-very-well-rehearsed performance, ya know? As long as you believe you're doing great and enjoying yourself at the same time, there's absolutely no reason why you should not do great. There's nothing that kills the scene more than 'Dear, am I doing this right?" midway. ;)

As for ideas for play, there are lots of resources for that -- in fact, you could probably start with the stories right on this site. Granted, many of them are meant to be fiction and nothing more, but some really contain some great ideas that can be applied. The resource sites that are listed above are great too, but a word of caution here: take every piece of advice (which includes this one ;)) with a pinch of salt. Don't try to conform to the mold of the ideal dom or the ideal bedroom scene which works for others, but very well may not work for you and your gf.

Indeed there should never need to be any reasons for a good spanking. ;) But if you want it to seem like 'punishment', well, any small silly thing would do, actually. 'Is that no panties I see beneath that skirt? Bad girl!' etc. She may want to give you hints whenever she feels like playing, too, anything suggestive or endearingly bratty would be wonderful excuses for play.

Wishing you all the best. :)

[Tojo]

As the rather clever Daes said- are you doing this just for her? It has to be something you enjoy or it'll never work.

If you get your own enjoyment, I can only suggest one thing- believe in yourself. She obviously loves & trusts you- you're in an enviable position.

All else is merely detail- if you can believe in yourself, & get over the self doubts you're there.

Be sure & let us know how you go.


Tojo

[Jebus_kanesus]

God damn, I'm amazed by the respone! Thanks for all of your great answers!



Now, are you doing this Only for her? Think about this carefully and be honest with yourself, is this something you are truly interested in & enjoy or is it more for pleasing your girl and you get some satisfaction because you are trying to make her happy?


Oh noo, nono. It's more like an unexplored side of me (which i enjoy :)), but would probably have stayed unexplored if it wasn't because of her, if you copy?



How do you want to dominate her? How much control does she want you to have? How much control /can/ she give you and how much /can/ you dominate her?


I'd love to have full control over her (the power to both supply & deny sorta), and that's pretty much what she want's to. I also love making her worship me, and applying pain to her is also a huge turn-on.




What aspects of bdsm is she more into over others? Does she like pain a bit more, is it the humiliation? Does she like bondage? How much bondage? Does she like power play, commands, slapping, behavior restriction? Is it only during sex or outside of bed as well?


Well, as i said, total control and humiliation is her biggest turn-ons. She likes being punished with a caring, yet perverted feeling. Like the way you would feel infor punish a slave whom you care for. She goes for almost everything, as long as it's right. She want's to be driven to the point where i can do whatever i want with her (in a mutual way).




If you get your own enjoyment, I can only suggest one thing- believe in yourself. She obviously loves & trusts you- you're in an enviable position.

Thank you for that piece of advice. It kinda went right into my heart :).


And to the rest, THANK YOU for spending time on helping me, it's very valuable to me :). LOVE!

[Havensov]

Ok as corny as it may sound... if what she really want is the pain and humiliation but you need some context to do it, i would suggest giving her tasks, say during the day or week that you know she can't or will have a hard time doing. Then use the pain, humiliation, spanking etc as her punishemtns... if what she wants is punishments, well then.. have at her.

Or, come up with your own reason... one of my favs is having your sub take you birthday spankings... either in public, every time some one mentions it, have them do it to her. or in privet you can deliver them, plus any that you feel that she has coming to her for any embarrassment you had during the day.

Just a few suggestions.

[Timberwolf]

Nice thread, cool to see you taking a very open minded approach and enjoying your exploration as you go along.

First off, you say you enjoy inflicting pain on her, and I certainly assume she enjoys recieving it. So if she likes getting spanked (or what have you) I say use it as a reward, not punishment. If she's a good girl, spank her for it. If she's a bad girl, send her to the corner and make her think about what she's done. If you both truly enjoy that kind of activity, no reason to go looking for mistakes if she didn't really make any. If she likes spanking, make it her reward for good behavior. Throw in the phrase "pain slut" now and again, just for fun. Which leads to point #2... ;)

If she likes being called "Daddy's little whore" and such, you've certainly got more than a foot in the door in terms of tapping into what she finds humiliating in a fun way. You say she really wants you to be the one with the control. So think about things you've always wanted but perhaps certain sociatal rules say you can't have, or things that might simply amuse you. For example, I'm sure you like it when your girl dresses sexy. So assign her a sexy dress code around the home. Think of it like a school dress code, but in reverse "No skirts longer than X" or what have you. Hell if she likes being called Daddy's little whore, the school theme in general might be worth digging into. Does the thought of her cuming when you tell her to amuse you? Tell her she *has* to cum once every 2 hours someday. No matter whether she's at work or what have you. Give her, say a 10 minute window at the top of the hour to do it. If she's got a cell phone, make her call you and report that she's doing it. Or maybe let you listen in, if workable. I don't know about you but I'd find scurrying off to the office bathroom with a cell phone because it's my cum time a bit humiliatiing.

Just suggestions of course, rather specific ones true, but my real point being just open up your mind, don't be afraid to get dirty, remember if she really wants you to take charge, then don't be afraid to try things you've always wanted, or to dig into those little dark corners in your brain you've probably been taught how to bury. Control doesn't have to be physical - own her mind at least as much as her body. Don't be shy about reading, either stories or threads here, or whatever. Borrow ideas liberally if you like them, there's no originality score required as long as you enjoy it.

I agree with the others that confidence is big. Don't worry about a flub now and again. That happens. Don't worry about not knowing everything right away. That's reality. And though not all D/s couples can work it, I personally say don't even be shy about taking a suggestion from the sub and running with it, so long as it srtikes your fancy. If she suggests something would be enjoyable for her... have her prove it. Several times. :)

You sound to me like somoen eager to learn and dig into this, and someone with a very willing partner. I'd say you've already got more than half the battle won.

[_ID_]

My favorite reason for spanking... Just because!

ID

[Daes]

Jebus thats great =) its a beautiful thing to see a couple be able to rediscover themselves through exploring bdsm. You have something very very special and I hope you two have rewarding experiences with each other ^_^

Just take it slow, always be aware of her safety (Im sure you know this already), never rush things. This is a whole new area to learn about, take her boundries and push them without ever breaking them. Always have fun and make shes having fun to. I'll leave you to the Dom(me)s of the site, theres much to learn here, and Im still learning myself.

Best of luck to both of you! ^_^

[ChurchofVirus]

I'm pretty much in the similiar situation as Jebus, at first, honestly, it will feel a little awkward, I've been doing a little better with myself in letting go and just taking the moment as it comes lately but the it all comes with experiance. Just do stuff you've wanted to do or thought of doing, and things she's suggested. I've found a lot of great ideas throughout these forums.

Punishment is a hard one for me as well, mostly because I am not inventive as well, but definatly as said before, encourage her to encourage you to punish her, have her give you suggestions. Communication is the key.

Good luck man!

[Guest 91108]

I was introduced to becoming part of this board as my Pet thought i might could learn somethings... she is slightly more into the scene than i was . So , I've been working on trying to see what area i may be lacking in to pick up the difference without pushing her beyond her lines.
I'm thinking it's going to be a journey for the both of us. i see it as a great thing.
have learned alot already that i didn't know about the modern culture. i like it .
a lot.