I neep help...

[Spanks_please]

So I'm facing a dilemma.

I've been with my current boyfriend for the past 1 1/2 yr or so. We've hit a few rough spots, but have worked them out and become a stronger couple for it. He knows I come to this site (been reading for a while, just never made an account) and knows I'm into bondage a bit, but I'm not sure how to tell him that I want to really bring the Dom/sub scene into the bedroom. Normally we are very open with each other, and suggesting new ideas has never been a problem. I'm just not sure how to approach this particular topic with him...

So how do you tell someone that you want them to dominate you?

Heh...dilemma #2: I'm also pretty new to the bondage, D/s world...is it better to enter with someone who knows what they are doing, or to start with a 'virgin' and sort of experiment together?

[Dragon's muse]

Print one or two stories from the site that really melt your butter. You can do one or two things with them, depending on your level of shyness. You can be a fraidy-cat and just ask him to read them. Hand write some notes in the margin ("Oh, baby, i would so love for you to do that to me" etc). If you want to be really bold, fix him a nice dinner, serve it on a tray in a favorite chair, soft lights, nice music, sexy lingerie and while he is eating this divine repast you have prepared, READ the story to him, in your sultriest voice. Let your body language show that what you are reading is getting you hot and bothered --squirm a bit, maybe let your fingers drift across your nipples to draw attention to the fact that they are getting hard, maybe evengraze your fingertips up and down your inner thighs, just teasing at the good stuff.

Dilemma #2
The discovery of D/s together can be a beautiful journey. enjoy it

Best of luck. Let us know how it goes

muse

[Ozme52]

Either way works, it's the journey that counts...

...unless of course you are advertising for an experienced trainer.... :rolleyes:

[vampyres{ID}]

I think the best way is to come right out and say it, dancing around the subject,and dropping hints doesn't always work, sometimes people can't see the big picture unless you show it to them.

[laine]

I was in the same boat wasnt sure if i should or shouldnt say anything ... and i left hints but didnt seem to work the best so i sat down and told him exactly what i wanted and we talked........communication is a HUGE factor.......so try and pick a time were TV isnt going..computer...kids.....like maybe over dinner when its just the two of you and there wont be any interuptions.....

[Spanks_please]

Luckily no kids :) Not yet anyway...*hopeful look*
But anyway, I'll try talk to him...and hope he doesn't freak out too much.

[janine80]

If you have a close bond you shouldn't worry too much. The best thing to do is ask him just out of the blue what he thinks of BDSM,and ask him would he be more Dominant or Submissive.You also need to know that because if his a sub well then u might have a problem unless he can do both and switch.
If you get a positive answer out of him then continue it with umm how u fantisied about a man domminating you.Then see his reaction.
I don't think he'll freak out most guys love to hear what their girls fantizise about...
Good luck!

[pyarrie]

I don't think he'll freak out most guys love to hear what their girls fantizise about

I totally agree. When my fiancee and i first started dating he was my first and I was his second so it wasn't like both of us had years of experience behind us. He had an idea of what he wanted and I didn't have a clue. I however didn't want to seem clueless. So I started reading erotica more for ideas on what to do and trying to figure out what I liked and wanted. The stories with bondage and spanking got me the most excited. So then I printed out an article on how to have a proper spanking and saying thank you master after each slap and asked do you want to try this. Lo and behold we both had a grand time with it. He didn't think he would and I think initially the realization that he enjoyed slapping me scared him but we enjoyed it too much. In case if he doesn't respond favorly I may suggest giving him some time. Initially both of us were against threesomes or introducing other ppl in the equation. Then somewhere along the line (through constant communication and sharing of fantasies) we realized that the idea of threesome did appeal. Something changed and we're not sure when. Now i personally would love the idea of two guys and me but at first he found the idea of another guy uncomfortable. So I was like that's fine our third could be a female. But recently he said he wouldn't mind a guy. I thought he was saying that to make me happy but he guided my hands to his equipment and he was genuinely intrigued by the idea of another guy as well. So goodluck and sometimes the initial reaction isn't neccessarily what ends up sticking. Opinions grow and change and as long as you guys communicate wants and needs you'll be fine

[Mr W]

So I'm facing a dilemma.



So how do you tell someone that you want them to dominate you?

Little clues or BIG clues are the best way to go forward imo depending on your partner. Why not try suggesting something during a session. As its fairly new to you both it can even be brushed off as a bit of a joke if its not recieved well

Heh...dilemma #2: I'm also pretty new to the bondage, D/s world...is it better to enter with someone who knows what they are doing, or to start with a 'virgin' and sort of experiment together?

My only suggestion here is that you need to sit and talk together find out about each other. A journey can only take place with 2 willing people