How to get more comfortable with BDSM [Archive]

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DrkRvn

11-05-2006, 10:02 PM

My Husband and i have started exploring the wide world of BDSM. i've know for quite awhile that i had interests in being submissive, and He enjoys being my Master, but He is still reluctant to push me. He is getting better, but i have to keep reminding Him that we have safe words for a reason and He can go farther. I know some of it is just going to take time, but are there any tips or ideas or games that might help us. He tends to like it more free forma nd not very structured, and i am not sure if that is helping him get more comfortable, or if we laid down more rules adn structure if it would help or be as exciting for him....Any thought would be welcomed.

PS I hope I put this in the right place.

TomOfSweden

11-06-2006, 01:27 AM

Go and find stories on this site and share them with eachother and talk about what exites you and why. That should make things start happening. But I think you're doing it right as is. Just go slow and don't give up because you have some missunderstandings. Being new to Mastery can be very very confusing. I'm not saying it isn't confusing becoming a sub, but I can't really relate to it.

good luck

_ID_

11-06-2006, 02:28 AM

DrkRvn - Because he loves you, it will be a difficult road for him to go down, hurting the one you adore is a difficult task.

Have him look over this site
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm_scenarios.html

See what he finds appealing, that you don't have any objections to.

Enjoy

V/R
ID

Guest 91108

11-06-2006, 03:35 AM

DrkRvn - Because he loves you, it will be a difficult road for him to go down, hurting the one you adore is a difficult task.
...
V/R
ID

I have found that to be the hardest part to get beyond. is the thought that to please her more intently i shall have to add in some pain of various levels.
my um.. situation is slightly different but we shall see. i'm working on it.

Dragon's muse

11-06-2006, 06:16 AM

One thing to remember is that Aftercare is just as important for Doms sometimes, especially new Doms. After each session, remind him, tell him how much you enjoyed the things he did, be specific. Give lots and lots of positive reinforcement, and show gratitude. If marks are left, new Doms can find that especially hard to deal with. Run your fingers over bruises and tell him how much you love the reminders of your time.

Timberwolf

11-06-2006, 10:36 AM

Especially since you're both inexperienced, I reccomend doing your best to find the things you both know you enjoy, and are doing well at, and try focussing on those more, and expanding on them if you can. Go from strength to strength if possible.

DrkRvn

11-06-2006, 12:53 PM

All wonderful suggestions. We do take time afterwards to talk about things, and I try to let him know how much I enjoy it. I think one of the things is he is a so much less vocal about it than I am. I try to get thoughts and ideas out of him but he still is very hesitant at times. So I think reading stories together might be a wonderful idea. I am just going to have to try hard to be patient.

Jadetiger

11-06-2006, 01:18 PM

I know this will sound strange but I forced my subs to say their safewords. Ours are yellow, red and green. By doing so I became more and more comfortable pushing them in a play scene. I still do this little test every once in awhile to reassured myself that they are not trying to take more just to please me. It takes tons of trust on both people's part. He needs to feel secure when giving you pain.

Jade

tessa

01-08-2007, 01:21 PM

gagged_Louise

01-08-2007, 02:08 PM

It matters a lot to get to know your body, not just what you feel good doing and do not like, but probing how much you want, how your muscles feel and how you're affected afterwards. Submitting to a spanking that didn't feel that extreme when it happened, three days later you may feel as if someone had stabbed a muscle (it's the same if you fly off your bike sometimes).

And I guess it's useful to keep in mind the difference between fantasies and the real thing. Some things that are potent fantasies are physically all but impossible (like, being deep-throated through a ring gag - it's too narrow to really let in a heavily erect cock all the way - or being flogged just endlessly while hanging from a hook). Sometimes I have an issue with some kinds of hardcore porn because I feel it pushes off those boundaries completely, but I guess it's also about in what kind of situation those images are seen and used.

_ID_

01-09-2007, 02:01 AM

Tessa - your welcome. I'm glad it helped.

Louise - you mentioned some extreme porn, and the way it gets viewed. I think porn can be a catalyst of sorts. Just cause they did it in a movie doesn't mean it would be okay to do in real life. This is true for any regular movie, as well as porn. Even still, it can motivate people to try a less extreme version of what was portrayed.