Could you do what your partner does?

[mina]

Not for switches! lol Cus I can guess already what your answer would be... but switches can comment if they want.

Anyway, I'm curious about some stuff...

To all the Dom/mes out there, could you take what your sub does? Could you yourself do the tasks or punishments that you give to your sub? I'm more curious about the pain though if that's something you do. Could you tolerate the amount of pain you inflict upon your sub if it was inflicted on you?

And to the subs, could you do to someone what is done to you?

I ask because today I was begging Master to go somewhere, and he said he'd take me if I managed to bruise his skin. Not because he really wanted a bruise or anything, but because he knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I was kinda shocked and asked how I was supposed to bruise him, and he said to hit him. I asked with what, and he said anything. (I also think he did this for amusement purposes, because I'm like the weakest person ever lol and he's... yeah.) But anyway, my thought process during this seemed kind of funny to me. I couldn't do it because I didn't want to hurt him. It felt like it'd be "wrong" to hurt him, not only because it's usually him who hurts me, but because I love him and the idea of hurting him is just... weird. And that's so strange to me, because I have no problem with him hurting me and it's so normal for it to happen.

And then I started thinking about all the pain I'm able to take, because I can take quite a bit, and wondered how a Dom would feel about that kind of pain. Obviously they're not a sub or masochist so they wouldn't enjoy it, but would it be too much for them? Are there some Dom/mes who hate feeling pain themselves but love to see their sub in pain?

Any thoughts on any of this?

Oh and in case anyone is wondering, after he provoked me some more, eventually I did try to hurt him on his arm (ha... what a joke that was), but I gave up after he started laughing at me LOL.

[cariad]

Could I, yes. Would I, only if they really wished me to, and then I would find it very hard and would only do so as a act of submission to his wishes.

cariad

[_ID_]

I would never be able to take the pain that I have inflicted on others. Would I attempt to swap positions for the sake of pain, just to say I have done it. No.

The reason for the first is those who endure pain during play develop a pain tolerance to the pain that is given them. Don't believe me. Try not getting any kind of pain for a month, and then see if you are able to endure what you did just one month prior.

To the second. I detest pain on myself. Find no enjoyment in it, and I have not developed a tolerance to it.

V/R
ID

[karin]

yes i could..and have. not to ID, of course ~L~ but i enjoy toying with a male submissive on occassion and with His permission....

[Daes]

Can, but dont enjoy it much lol ... However, sometimes it can be kinda erotic having your partner share in that same pain. I'm not sure how a Dom/me percieves it on the recieving end, but I'd think it allows for more empathy, that the Dom/me can appreciate what the sub is going through.

In a way I think its something the Dom should experience, just because it can be fun and allow him or her to taste what its like on our end, and share another experience with the sub. ^_^

[_ID_]

In a way I think its something the Dom should experience, just because it can be fun and allow him or her to taste what its like on our end,

I believe this was the thinking of the Old School Dom/mes and submissives if I understand the history correctly.

V/R
ID

[vistana]

Sometimes I've thwacked my dom in play, not very hard at all, but enough to make him go 'ow!'. Then I laugh at him, say 'aw, muffin', similar bratty platitudes.
Of course I then end up with a very frim demonstration of the differences between a sadist and a masochist.

The guy I used to be with was switchy. We rarely did it because I'm almost incapable of switching, but when we did I proved that I can dom a little, but have no taste for inflicting pain. and I could never ever do any humiliation play, or anything along those lines from the other side.
So no, I couldn't do what is done to me. And my current dom at least for sure couldn't take it. :D

[annie]

i have played with a Dom in the past that was actually trained as a sub, for a year, before changing to Dom. (i don't consider him a switch because once he changed over, more then 18 years ago, he hasn't subbed again.)

i always felt, that because of that experience he understood the pain factor better and therefore understood my needs/levels better.

Could i inflict the pain on another. i can... but i don't enjoy it. Push me far enough though and i will do it just to prove a point if nothing else... the entire time hating the fact i am doing it. (Even being a Domme to hellish and michebe in the cellar was a push for me... lol).

Someone once told me that it takes a special mind set to be a Sadist... inflict pain on the one you love and still be able to look at them over the breakfast table the next morning without regret...

[TomOfSweden]

No, I'm a bit touchy about pain. It doesn't excite me. But I do love being in fights, (martial arts) and getting my ass kicked, which is a completly different kind of pain. Being dominant and getting beaten around. Fight club yay.

[fantassy]

Yep, I could do it. Not to my Dom but to a male sub, yes. A week ago or so, a sub IM'd me looking for some play apparently not knowing I am a sub. I was IMing with my Dom at the time, and with his consent started interrogating the sub. I had a great time, but it was fun - not deep or arousing to me. My Dom got such a kick out of it, he's trying to set something else up for me to expand my horizons in this area.

fantassy

[Guest 91108]

I am in an odd situation. neither of us seem to be into deep pain.
I've been sub roles and i don't find that i get so turned on by recieving.
I am sometimes torn over what to do, as i worry over the pain infliction to a point. I am building trust and watchin pushing limitations for all involved.
I'm fairly new to being Dom. so admitting this is a huge step that i learn from both sides...
of course i said that when i started posting. learned a lot since then.

[MrDom]

Well yes i could endure as much pain as I give to my pet. I just have a high threshold to pain any ways but yes If i really wanted to i could but it's not me. lol.


MrDom

[Uncle_Ed]

I've thought about this question before when a r/l sub suddenly tried to switch on me and whacked me. I must say that I nearly tore her arm off as I felt so affronted. I was amazed at how I reacted as I'm actually not very aggressive, so got to considering the switching idea.

I have concluded that I really don't like the idea at all. Even in quiet fantasy it is not something on which I dwell. I am appalling at carrying out tasks and following orders as the majority of the time I feel that the ones in charge of me are incapable dullards, at best. This is primarily why I have not joined the Academy or the Writers Circle. Nothing personal, I hastily add, as I don't know anyone who is there!

Can I take pain? Not really-but since I've never received any in a sexual manner, when the pain receptors confuse pain with pleasure, I suppose I can't tell. I know that after an hour of sitting through having a wisdom tooth hacked out I felt terrible! (And had to stay in a side ward at the hospital for two hours until I had a reasonable blood pressure again! It was so low!)

[moptop]

Well, I have tied someone up and found that quite erotic; but then trying to whap 'em - well, no. I mean, I did, a few times, but I really couldn't bring myself to go on. It was just - wrong. But then in the context of that relationship, I was usually submissive to him, and I didn't feel he really wanted to be hit - just wanted to see what it was like. So I couldn't carry on with it on the basis that I was pleasuring him, and I just had to stop.

But, I think I could get into it, sometimes, switching with a partner who genuinely wanted to submit and was turned on by receiving pain - sometimes.

[sipgirl]

I am completely incapable of domination behind closed doors. In my every day life I am in charge of everything I am the "strong one". I often wonder if this is why I am so very submissive to my Master (hubby).
I could never bring myself to tie anyone up and/ or inflict pain on them...they wanna tie me up and whip my ass for an hour bring it on!!LOL!

[Daes]

I believe this was the thinking of the Old School Dom/mes and submissives if I understand the history correctly.

V/R
ID

O? Thats interesting =) This a good thing or bad thing hehe

Though, I actually wouldn't want a Dom that wanted me to switch often, it'd make me feel out of place and awkward depending on the situation- because I wont know what the heck Im doing :/ I can understand goofing off every once in a while, but going into more extreme forms of pain? Eh... I dont know about that, I dont think I could bring myself to go beyond some light pain play.

[_ID_]

Because of the rich history, and incredible insight I was taught by someone who was taught in the old school ways. I think it is a good thing. I did not get trained this way, and it doesn't hold an interest for me, but I am glad that history, and training method has been, and still does get used.

ID

[vampyres{ID}]

I could if they really wanted it, I was raised as to be strong willed, and I have no qualms about hurting people (Don't get off on it but it really doesn't bother me). But it isn't my thing and if I don't have to Ill choose not to.

[mina]

Thanks for all the great responses!


Sometimes I've thwacked my dom in play, not very hard at all, but enough to make him go 'ow!'. Then I laugh at him, say 'aw, muffin', similar bratty platitudes.

LOL that's so cute!


Someone once told me that it takes a special mind set to be a Sadist... inflict pain on the one you love and still be able to look at them over the breakfast table the next morning without regret...

Hmm yeah... that's very interesting. I guess our mindsets are opposite then? Because I have no problem with the one I love inflicting pain on me, but I could never bring myself to inflict pain on someone I was in love with.


The reason for the first is those who endure pain during play develop a pain tolerance to the pain that is given them.

*nods* That makes sense.


I've thought about this question before when a r/l sub suddenly tried to switch on me and whacked me. I must say that I nearly tore her arm off as I felt so affronted. I was amazed at how I reacted as I'm actually not very aggressive, so got to considering the switching idea.

lol! Interesting...

[frankee]

i've tried in the past to dominate my ex-Mistress. She wanted me to try it out....i couldnt do it!! i was like a deer caught in the head lights, had no fucking clue where to start lol.

i know for sure that i could never dominate a man...EVER! If the right woman came along, Domme or subbie and she brought those instincts out in me, i would definitely explore those urges.

This lifesyle sometime throws things at you that you would never expect:)

[Warbaby1943]

Short and sweet answer, if I couldn't take it I wouldn't dish it out. I'm not being a wise ass either I truly mean it. Of course there are certain things that anatomy will not allow but other than that on stickily a pain level I stand by my reply. However to be fair I ma not into any sever type of pain either.

[mina]

i've tried in the past to dominate my ex-Mistress. She wanted me to try it out....i couldnt do it!! i was like a deer caught in the head lights, had no fucking clue where to start lol.

i know for sure that i could never dominate a man...EVER!

Ohh I know, something about domming a man, particularly a strong one with tattoos everywhere... seems um, wrong? lol. To me at least, I know that sounds appealing to some of you, hehe. And yeah I wouldn't know wtf to do either!


i do believe that being a sadist and being a masochist are very similar. Although a sadist causes the pain and the masochist recieves it, the mindsets are very close--the pain is pleasurable or else it is just abuse. Whether giving or recieving, both partners are experiencing the pain (albiet at different levels) and derive satisfaction and pleasure from that.

Yeah I see what you're saying and partly agree with you, but the fact that one is taking the pain and the other is giving the pain is why I said the mindsets are opposite. Like (as was previously mentioned), a Dom who dishes out a lot of pain but hates feeling it himself, and a sub who enjoys feeling a lot of pain but couldn't bring themself to hurt another human being like that. But yes I get what you're saying about their minds would have to be in a similar place to share that experience of pain/pleasure together.

And thanks for that honest answer, Warbaby :)

[TomOfSweden]

Off-course not. That would hurt.

[Timberwolf]

Some very interesting replies, I've observed this one with some fascination to see the responses.

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

I could and have.

I have no qualms about doing some self exploration
before sharing it with anyone else.

[OttifantSir]

I may be out of my league here since I don't consider myself having had any real BDSM events. Once tied the hands of my girlfriend and blindfolded her and used a dildo, vaginal balls and myself to satisfy her, but I have yet to learn to talk during sex.

Still, I have thought of this a lot since entering the realm that is this forum. I find myself enjoying the thought of being in control of the partner I'm with, so I guess I am a dominant at heart, but too nervous to be truly dominant IRL. So for me, inflicting pain would mostly involve using myself. That means I could leave marks by biting nipples, leaving a "hickie" or inflame their ass with my hand or a light paddle, at most a belt. Now, could I take this pain myself? I truly think so. I generally consider myself a sissy but fact is fact: When I was in the sixth grade, I broke my upper arm. I was thrown on ice and landed on my left arm. It hurt like hell off course. I got off the last two classes of school that day, after having attended one class after this happened. Got to my grand parents' home and watched TV. Took pain killers to sleep that night. That was it, apart from being excused from gymnastics for three weeks. After two weeks I continued playing my flute and after three weeks I went back to gym, doing push ups and pull ups (not so good off course) just like everybody else. After the pain was still there six weeks later my parents and I finally thought it was time to check it out. Got an X-ray, a requisition to see the physical therapist and a line I'll never forget: "How have you endured this? Lucky as well. It's healed perfectly"

Another time I broke my lower left arm. Didn't take as long to get an X-ray this time as the following it was clear it was broken by the bulge on my arm. Still, only three weeks later we were at a sailing school and even though it hurt, the teachers said I was the best one at piling/taking down (don't know the maritime term) the sails.

What I am saying is that most people can endure a lot more pain than they think, and what I believe myself capable of inflicting upon others would be no more than what I have already lived through myself.

[vampyres{ID}]

Ok I change what I said, I found out my husband has some sub tendencies and wanted to switch with me, I tried it, failed miserably and now I feel like shit, both because I couldn't go through with what I promised, and even worse because he wants me to try it again. Really odd from me, because I have kicked the crap out of guys both literally and verbally, guess I just can’t do it to someone I love and respect.

Well now I know why he can’t stick with being Dom at least, which makes me depressed, guilty (For being depressed) and frustrated. (Finally got up the nerve to admit this, and realize I am never going to do anything more then part time play, which is really bumming me out)