PDA

View Full Version : Control



lily27
11-10-2006, 09:17 PM
This is the first of my poetry I have shared. Please be gentle.




Control

please
i whisper
beneath my breath

Not yet
You scold
So tenderly

please
i whimper
impatiently

Not yet
You growl
More forcefully

please
i cry out
with abandon

Not yet
You demand
my submission

please
my eyes plead
my lips silent


Yes
Now, my girl
Cum for me


please
i whisper
beneath my breath

Again
You scold
So tenderly

please
i whimper
exhausted

Again
You growl
More forcefully

please
i cry out
with abandon

Again
You demand
my submission

Timberwolf
11-10-2006, 10:40 PM
I very much like this. The ebb and flow of the energy of what you do is captured in these words. And knowing you well enough as I do, it paints an especially lovely picture to me.

How lucky your Sir is, to recieve your gift. :)

moptop
11-11-2006, 04:46 AM
lily, I loved this - sparse, intensely evocative with so few words... mmmm.

cookiecat
11-11-2006, 09:41 AM
thanks for sharing

elyse
11-11-2006, 10:06 AM
oh, lily! there is no need to be kind, or gentle -- it's a wonderful poem! dynamic, urgent, nice use of repetition to underscore the rhythm, clearly defined points of view... brava!!

i think you should write more. AGAIN

cariad
11-11-2006, 11:07 AM
I read your poem, decided what I was going to post, and then found that elyse had posted almost exactly what I was going to put.

Thank you - and please be encouraged.

cariad

Curious_1
11-11-2006, 01:10 PM
That was wonderful lily!!!!! And so many of us can relate :)

Echoes
11-11-2006, 08:05 PM
one thing which never stops to astound me is that a lot of poems seeming simple in format are the most impacting, driven and intense poems read.
so little saying so much, a true beauty...please do write more! :rose:

TheDeSade
11-11-2006, 08:08 PM
what more can I say than has been said already. The intrigue only grows.

lily27
11-11-2006, 08:31 PM
Thank you for your kind words, everyone. All of your opinions mean so much to me. And you have quite inspired me to try it again as well.

Mack_Bolan{lily}
11-12-2006, 02:03 AM
Such tender moments, such sweet submission and I ache every day to hear your cries. But not yet my girl, not yet...