Breaking a habit.

[DemonGoddess]

You've become a habit
I just can't give up.
You're the addiction
I can't quit.

I've wanted you since I first heard your story.
loved you since the first time I saw you.
I've been missing you since you got the call.
And waiting for you since you asked the question.

I know in my head you're gone.
That you won't be coming back.
But you've become a habit I can't seem to quit.

Three years have passed and I'm still not ready to move on.
The details are fading.
Some are already gone.
But I can't let you go.

[moptop]

DG, you are obviously going through some turmoil at the moment, and I wish you the best.

These are emotional outpourings, which tend to be more satisfying to the writer than the reader - I know I write things like that, but I rarely rate them when the emotion has died down and I read them later; yet I value their usefulness and significance in my life.

I didn't take to 'Indecisive', but I quite like this. The rythm is all over the place, but that describes the intensity and pain/frustration of the emotion to me quite well. I also like it precisely because I don't know the underlying story, and you have several lines in there that just cannot be meaningful to the reader - but it doesn't matter. I am intrigued, of course, but at the same time, there is absolutely no need for me to know the story, to understand the feelings you are describing. So, doesn't that make it a good poem? Not that you particularly care at this juncture, actually.

Stanza 1 Line 3 and stanza 3 line 1: 'your' should be 'you're'

[DemonGoddess]

While there's more to the story than just this here's a supper condensed version since most people don't know about it...

When I was 16 my boyfriend got called to the Middle East and before he left we got engaged. Most of his friends didn't aprove of us (Well they didn't approve of me given that I was 9 years younger than him and we didn't tell my friends.) We made plans to get married after his contract was up, which would have been about a year and a half ago now when I would have been 19. After high school I was going to go to comunity college and take a year of GenEd classes and then we were going to get married and move. We had everything planed. And then a few weeks before graduation his brother told me that he'd been killed almost 5 months before and that their grandfather (who I'd be come very close to) had recently died and they had had the funeral two days before. I've never really gotten over the loss of either of them.

[moptop]

Thank you for sharing that, DG. When I read your poem, I thought 'This feels like grief for a death to me, not just a relationship that's gone wrong.' I understand that grief, my partner died some while back, and there are definitely stages... 3 years; 5 years; I think 5 years for me was the letting go point. I have a short story I wrote that I would like to share with you, which deals with grief, that I wrote at the 5 year point, and which was a cathartic letting go. May I share it with you? it is not something I would post to the forum. PM me & let me know where to send it if you would like to.

All I can say to you is, it never disappears, but it does get easier. Eventually, you remember with a smile more often than with tears. Eventually, you realise that there actually has been a day gone by when you didn't think of him. Just takes time.