Owning...

[itsnottheend]

Well, dont know where to start.

I'm 20 years old, with a newly discovered dom side and have a girlfriend who wants to be owned for me to get her to completely listening to me. I'm sort of new to the whole BDSM scene but willing to try almost anything. A little about her, same age as me, she's now a sub, she was a dominatrix a few years back, she's stubborn and doesn't take me seriously at times due to me being a little nutty and having a strong affectionate side in day to day life, which she likes. I know she wants me to own her, but i'm not sure how. I know a lot about her past and what she's been through and dont want to be see seen as taking advantage of her because of that. I dont want to end up in fights and such.

Any tips? What can I try? I want her to listen to me so basically i'm saying I want to tame her. I'll do almost anything to tame and 'own' her.

Where do I start? Any help is appreciated.

[TomOfSweden]

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4529
Here's a good start by Aesop.

Each submissive wants to be dominated in a different way. Some like to be submissive 24/7, others only sometimes. Some are submissive by nature and some need to be made submissive, (with a whip for instance). Talk to her about what she wants, and be very open. Most of the responsibility is yours so be very careful or you'll fuck it up. It's aparent that she trusts you or she wouldn't want to be your slave. Some advice I'd like to have when I was 20 was, "think before doing".

There's not only one way to be a good Master or any special things you need to do. There are no things you must do.

She aparently wants/needs to be used by you. I hope you've come far enough in your life that you've figured out what you want, or things are going to get very confusing for both you and her.

There's plenty of ways to go wrong. Never forget that she takes pleasure in being your slave. If she doesn't enjoy herself you're doing it wrong, (Note: that doesn't mean she needs to smile all the time. People can enjoy themselves with tears in there eyes begging for mercy :) ). Pleasure has many different faces. But being a Master isn't only an egotrip ride. It's most definitely just as much about her needs as yours.

Take care and don't count on this life being for you. Most people don't want to get all they desire. Only a few of us are bent that way.

[Hime]

For me so much of it is tied to (ha ha ha) facial expressions, body language and, really really importantly, tones of voice. As a dancer, I'm very sensitive to the way people move and occupy space, but these things can have powerful effects even on people who aren't aware of them.

This might sound really weird and trust me, I'm not suggesting you involve animals in play, but I would recommend watching Cesar Milan's show "The Dog Whisperer" on National Geographic or reading his book "Cesar's Way". He very clearly explains how to use universal signals to indicate who's in charge, and uses examples of easily identifiable celebrities and historical figures to show how calm, confident dominance can be just as useful with people as it is with dogs.

[Bliss]

Just wanted to second Hime's suggestion about Cesar Millan's show. I happened across the Dog Whisperer once and then began regularly watching it. I always wanted to discuss the idea that a lot of what he says and does would work on people, too. But the couple of times I've broached that subject, I was met with the horrified expressions of my friends even though I did not say or even imply anything sexual about it.

I was suprised to see someone mention the show here. I think it's a great way to learn about the body language and energy of dominance. As a sub, I watch the show with fascination. I have been known to say, "I think I'm falling in love with Cesar Millan." :)

[ObeyMe]

isnot,

Talk...then talk some more. This life is wonderful, but, just because you are labeled the Dom in a relationship, its not liscense to act irresponsibly.

Actually, being the Dom is alot of work, you have a huge responsibilty to care for, yet maintain authority of your submissive. A fine balancing act, I assure you.

As I already said, talk with your sub, as Tom also said. Be blunt in what you expect.....then the same from her......then you negotiate the things that will make this enjoyable for the 2 of you.

Now, as for her being obstinent......2 things are occurring....1 you are being tested, pushed, to see what you'll take, or in her case being she was dominant before, shes trying to see your response.

Or 2, shes truly being disrespectful, and then you have a decision to make........thankfully, I dont have to punish often, its a most unpleasant task, and in a 24/7, its alot harder than punishing online.

If you need to punish isnot, you are there, you know what she hates most.....use that. i.e.......spanking a painslut makes little sense as punishment, but maybe, shes into oral, withdraw that for a week.....you get the idea.

Good Luck.

[Miraculix]

For me so much of it is tied to (ha ha ha) facial expressions, body language and, really really importantly, tones of voice. As a dancer, I'm very sensitive to the way people move and occupy space, but these things can have powerful effects even on people who aren't aware of them.

This might sound really weird and trust me, I'm not suggesting you involve animals in play, but I would recommend watching Cesar Milan's show "The Dog Whisperer" on National Geographic or reading his book "Cesar's Way". He very clearly explains how to use universal signals to indicate who's in charge, and uses examples of easily identifiable celebrities and historical figures to show how calm, confident dominance can be just as useful with people as it is with dogs.

I like the way you coined the phrase: "occupy space"... Love it!

[TheDeSade]

Not much I can add to what has already been said other than to reiterate that being a good Dominate is work. It means that you are in charge, that you remain cognizant that you are expected to be in charge, and, probably in your case, you will be tested to see if you are aware that you are in charge and how you react.

I would suggest that you look around the forums, that you read, you ask more questions, you participate. There is a wealth of knowledge, experience and information here if you will take the time to ferret it out and then pay attention.

TDS