briansmine
12-03-2006, 08:07 AM
brian and I have been working on getting to a more 24/7 D/s relationship as opposed to switching or me being dominant in the bedroom and in large things, but day-to-day more of a traditional or equitable relationship. It's hard-going, but we're making painful progress. He suggested this past "crash-and-burn" that I want all the benefits of 24/7 and none of the responsibility. And I admit, the responsibility of it scares me, but I also don't think it's ever going to live up to his fantasy and sometimes he's very unfair and illogical in his anger. He has a very hard time articulating his needs and when pressed, he can even admit that there's no logic or fairness involved.
I likened this growth as to me being in an early teenager phase. Kind of bratty, stubborn, "you do as I say" without providing any context or motivation, PITA. Out of the toddler phases where I basically just let him top from bottom and the elementary school phases where I was learning, learning, learning, but less creative.
Since I've grown to that point, we can have constructive arguments after we have our C&B's, but our C&Bs are becoming more and more frequent and volatile. But our constructive arguments don't tell us how to a) avoid him getting hurt and angry or b) how to make me grow into my responsibilities faster so we don't kill each other.
What's the most frustrating thing in a laundry list of frustrations is that often our biggest conflicts occur when we both are wanting the same thing. This last one he put a butt plug in wanting to me to find it and I already was scheming on how to get him into one(and dressed) so I could cut his hair and playtime to go from there. He decided I didn't find the plug in a timely enough manner and became the typical brat sub acting up which he knows turns me OFF, so I simply cut his hair and we had a raging fight for a few days. There's more, but that was the sticking point and a succession of "I want this and you should KNOW it"s and "Its MY timetable, not YOURS" accumulated.
Ok, this is getting really long and I'm not too sure if it makes sense, but if anyone has any input on how to improve this and speed growth, or even just to say they've been there and gotten past it, I'd appreciate it.
E
I likened this growth as to me being in an early teenager phase. Kind of bratty, stubborn, "you do as I say" without providing any context or motivation, PITA. Out of the toddler phases where I basically just let him top from bottom and the elementary school phases where I was learning, learning, learning, but less creative.
Since I've grown to that point, we can have constructive arguments after we have our C&B's, but our C&Bs are becoming more and more frequent and volatile. But our constructive arguments don't tell us how to a) avoid him getting hurt and angry or b) how to make me grow into my responsibilities faster so we don't kill each other.
What's the most frustrating thing in a laundry list of frustrations is that often our biggest conflicts occur when we both are wanting the same thing. This last one he put a butt plug in wanting to me to find it and I already was scheming on how to get him into one(and dressed) so I could cut his hair and playtime to go from there. He decided I didn't find the plug in a timely enough manner and became the typical brat sub acting up which he knows turns me OFF, so I simply cut his hair and we had a raging fight for a few days. There's more, but that was the sticking point and a succession of "I want this and you should KNOW it"s and "Its MY timetable, not YOURS" accumulated.
Ok, this is getting really long and I'm not too sure if it makes sense, but if anyone has any input on how to improve this and speed growth, or even just to say they've been there and gotten past it, I'd appreciate it.
E