drkrvn's first assignment....

[DrkRvn]

Write about a Vacation.... I don't have many vacations and most of them sucka dn I try to forget, but here is one that was great... its short..


One of the best vacations that I have taken in recent years was Halloween last year. Devin, my husband’s family was having a family reunion and it was also the 50th wedding anniversary of his aunt and uncle. Most of the family live either in California or somewhere in the west, so they chose Anaheim as the meeting place, because it wasn‘t far from the family, and they just happened to choose Halloween weekend. Now what do you do in Anaheim for fun? That’s right we went to “Disneyland!!!!!” Not only that, but it was Halloween, and do you know what they did for Halloween…. They took my favorite ride, The Haunted Mansion and my favorite movie, the Nightmare Before Christmas, and they combined them into an awesome and fun ride. They had Nightmare Before Christmas Carols, and pretty gothic Nightmare Before Christmas Trees and the best part, was getting ornaments for my Yule tree. The trip also meant I got to be out of Utah for a weekend and have a yummy big dinner and meet more of the relatives I have heard Devin talk so much about, and boy does he have a lot.

[Aussiegirl1]

Hi DrkRvn,

I am not your level instructor and am not sure what they were looking for in your description, but I liked the images you invoked. To me, what a description should do is make me feel like I can picture what it is you are descripting. I could imagine the fun you would have had and coming from a large family, I also know what it is like meeting lots of relatives in one place!

Thanks for posting your description, it was well done.

Aussiegirl
level two instructor

[DrkRvn]

Thanks for the feed back, Aussiegirl

[Aussiegirl1]

Thanks for the feed back, Aussiegirl

My pleasure! I look forward to seeing you in level two one day soon!

[Dragon's muse]

Drkrvn,

Excellent beginning. I got a real sense of the enjoyment of the weekend. Now, get a little more specific for me.

I have never been to Disneyland. For your second assignment, describe your favorite ride to me. Not only what goes on with the ride itself, but the way it makes you feel (does your heart pound, your fingertips tingle?) Remember to involve as many of the 5 senses as possible to layer the experience and make it even more real for the reader.

rose