How to break it off? (Non-Domme)

[dynamicbuttler]

Here's my problem: My girlfriend thinks I'm gay after she found out I like strap ons. She's totally close minded sexually in terms of this stuff, which is okay because it's her right to see sex however she wants to see it, and I hold nothing against her for not being a domme. The thing is, though... that I need a domme. I don't care about the sex like I care about the little things, like sitting at a woman's feet while she's on the couch watching TV, or doing her dishes or eating her scraps or having to kiss her feet when she comes home or just generally not feeling in charge. These are things I feel I need out of a relationship.
So how do I go about cutting off my relationship of one year and almost six months? Is there an easy way to say "I'm a submissive male who needs to be mistreated/abused/used/dominated" without sounding shallow or like a monster? Believe me, i know I sound it but I'm not shallow. It's just that when a woman gets naked in front of me and spreads her legs, I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'm bored. It's just not something I can do. It's hard to get hard, and when I can, I either go to quickly or can't go at all, just because I can't possibly get into it. Eating her out, as hot and tasty as she is, is also a chore. I eat her out to make her cum. To me, that defines boredom. Fucking just to have a mechanical and average orgasm? Licking just because she likes it? I need my hair to be pulled while I lick her... i need not to feel like her equal, but to feel intimidated. I need to know that if i don't please her, there will be consequences.
Basically, I don't get to experience this kind of stuff... I've never known the feeling of being at the mercy of a woman, and it to me is like being a virgin. I've been comfortable with all my non-mainstream desires, even the strap on thing... but when I saw the look in my girlfriend's eyes when she found out, she broke my pride and made me feel like some sort of child molester or killer or coward or sicko. It hurts really badly.
I've heard a poster on these forums once say something to the effect of this: "How do you hurt a masochist? Well, I guess you don't." Well, I found a way. If the masochist is a guy, give him a sweet, caring, beautiful woman with a great body and make her want to have sex the traditional way and have no domme desires. The pain will be something unendurable, believe me.

Back to the main question, how do I tell her I can't take it anymore and we're too different? This is a really hard question to ask because I still love her.

[_ID_]

the truth is always a good place to start. since you intend not to continue the relationship. her feelings although hurt, would be hers to deal with. you have a need that must be satisfied in order to be happy. she will/can't provide it. Tell her you intend to seek out someone that will. let the chips fall where they may.

[Ruby]

What ID said.

Be polite, courteous and let her know that the two of you are not compatible.

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that they are
right for you. Nor does it mean that a person will change for us. Part of a solid long term relationship is loving someone for who they are today.

If she isn't willing to open her mind, understand your needs or become the domme that you desire, then she isn't the one for you. You don't need to give her a huge explanation, if she hasn't figured it out by now, then there truly is a problem.

This isn't about blame, anger, etc. It's about two people who don't have the key things in common needed to succeed in the long run.

Take care of yourself.

[orchidsoul]

oops... didn't see this post before I responded in your other thread!

Ruby and ID gave you some great advice. Though if I may ask, have you ever sat down with her and expressed your desires outside of in the middle of intimacy? If she's rebuked them, then by all means you're incompatible, and that's not necessarily a bad circumstance. Rather figure it out now than in another 2 yrs.

Take good care, and best of luck in this difficult situation.

[dynamicbuttler]

Hey guys, nice advice, but sadly, i don't think it can work. Let me explain:

As for her not dominating, she knows what I want. She is simply not a dom. As a male sub, when I spread a girl's legs to fuck her missionary, I feel a mix of confusion and boredom. I don't know how to please a girl by going hard and rough... it never came natural to me, because I find it boring and I absolutely hate it. Now how can I blame her for being the same way? She's tried to dominate me, but she wasn't figuring it out or very into it. In short, she won't dominate me because she isn't into it and is lost when she tries to. If I blamed her for that I'd be a hypocrite.
As for the relationship, which is why I started this thread, I heard answers like "be open and honest!"... I wish for the love of god that would work. I tried to be open, and here's what happened: I told her I loved her but wasn't "in" love and she yelled at me and ran constant guilt and wouldn't stop calling me, even at 4 AM, and sadly she doesn't have too many friends, as I got her away from her friends who were all bad people. Basically, it's at the point where I'm her social life aside from her family, so when she's sad, she calls me. EVEN IF SHE'S SAD BECAUSE I BROKE UP WITH HER!!! I swear by now, I'm thinking of using her belief that I'm gay... and just running with it. FINE! I'M GAY! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? FUCK SOMEONE ELSE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! You know, it's one step easier to do than faking your own death. Then again, if her view of men who like strap ons being gay is accurate, I am a flaming homosexual!

[_ID_]

sometimes letting someone believe something is easier than having them face the truth. If her thinking you are gay will help meet your goal of her moving on, then maybe that would be the best option.

As far as what she thinks of you. So long as your confident in how you feel about being submissive, and what it means to you. Then it really doesn't matter what she thinks or doesn't think. That can also go for most anyone else you encounter as well. Least thats how I approach things.

ID

[dynamicbuttler]

Yeah you're right. Thanks. I think I WILL go with the gay thing.

[Ruby]

dynamicbuttler,

Your cheering section is rooting for you!

:cheerlead :cheerlead :cheerlead

Am hoping you can make a clean break of the relationship
to start over.

As a comedian once said, "Sometimes we just have
to yell, NEXT!"

Good luck and best wishes,

Ruby
:rose:

[dynamicbuttler]

aww, thnx! My own cheering section. You have a way of making me feel better about stuff haha!