Doms subs switch what started you

[Mr.J]

I am interested in finding out from other Doms, subs and switches what started you out in this life style did you always know deep down inside the vanilla life was not for you or did a friend or partner introduce you to this lifestyle, maybe a book or a film got your attention.

To start the ball rolling I always knew I wanted something different from a teenager but did not know what. This was before the age of the inter-web/net so I was not able to find any information or talk to anyone I did not want to talk to girlfriends and friends about this afraid they would run screaming away calling me a freak.

I carried on with my life dating vanillas when surprise surprise totally by accident I started to date a sub woman, when she got comfortable in are relationship she sat down and talked to me about being a sub what she liked to do, well what she liked to be done to her and the two of us ran off to the bedroom, and I have not looked back since although we are not together anymore I have very found memories of my first sub, and I don’t care if people run away form me calling me a freak now

[Timberwolf]

I am also one of those that didn't know about this when I was younger. For the record, I am a male switch, now 25.

I was always somewhat uncomfortable with the "vanilla" setting but at the time, I dismissed it as simply teenage nerves. In hindsight, I am now quite sure there was more to it than that.

I did not have the internet through most of my teenage years (it seems my family is traditionally "late" to come on board with new technologies), but once I did have access on my own probably around 19 or so, I began some sexual exploration. I began reading stories online, but mostly not BDSM - I still had many misconceptions, having never known an open "Lifestyle" person, and at the time I believed it did not hold interest for me.

I must also state I had virtually no self confidence coming out of my teenage years for a variety of reasons. My self percieved worth was very low.

At any rate, being a young man with a lack of both experience and confidence, I found I was highly attracted at the time to the dynamic of stories about older women taking on younger, less experienced lovers. This appealed to me on several levels at the time. It was that appeal that eventually led me to decide for myself... maybe I could try being a submissive, to an older woman. The real trigger was when I began chatting regularly with one such woman in a chatroom, and we started getting close. She was the first Domme I'd really known. She was a fascinating and highly sexual woman, and I look back on the time we spent together very fondly. I had *a lot* of BDSM misconceptions early on, and frankly I got lucky - I could have easily fallen into more abusive hands. Unlinke some Dommes who seem to make it their business to belittle men, she helped me get over one of my main fears, that somehow showing off submission made me "less" of a male. She helped me pitch that idea out the window. For that I am very grateful as it spared me a great amount of self doubt and confusion. It was her greatest lesson to me.

Shortening this ever-lenthening story up a bit ;) , as time went on, my confidence grew. When I'd started, I simply didn't have the confidence I needed to see the other side of my switch coin, the dominant side. I do firmly believe that a successful dominant requires self belief. Over time, throuhg some healthy submission, I discovered that other side more and more. Eventually I came to embrace that I'd been blessed with the unique gift of being a switch.

As for my view on vanilla, no, I don't think I can go back. Nor do I wish to. I always had the sense back then, that there was something "more" that was just missing. I've now put names to those things that I just thought of as "more" then, and I don't think I will ever give that up.

[Havensov]

From my folks.

"The Talk" from my dad also have BDSM undertones to it and i glean allot of info from them over the years. I would have to say that the best thing they did was drill home the Safe Sane Consensual theme of BDSM. But, it has lead to a very depressed few years in high school and more then once losing a possible lover because they couldn't get over their own taboos and insecurities..

[dynamicbuttler]

I am a sub by nature. Nurture may also be a part of it, but an almost irrelevant part. You see, from a VERY young age, I've loved being the victim. In a play fight, I would always exaggerate the extent of an enemy's blow and throw myself into a wall. I absolutely loved being dominated, but this was at very first more emotional than sexual. When I began thinking about women at a very very young age, the thoughts would be of her power, and her ability to rape me. My emotional and physical vulnerability are sacred to me- I am sensitive mentally and built very scrawny/weak. My vulnerability makes me feel in a way sexy, although in terms of appearance I believe myself to look odd. I feel sexy because I feel helpless: I am girl food.

When I began understanding my submissive feelings, I assumed women liked this sort of vulnerability and were turned on by it. For the most part, I was very wrong. The vast majority of women are repulsed by these things, and dommes are very rare. Also, untill recently, I didn't believe I was into s&m... I was kind of a believer in reverse vanilla, with a weak man and a strong woman on top. Overnight I came to embrace chains, whips, strap ons, etc... And will like to try again bondage, though that is rough ground for me.

I am not a switch. I have absolutely no dominant tendencies. I'm so vehement in my submission that if I had a domme, even for a serious relationship, I'd like her to fuck dom guys whenever she needed it rough, because male dominant sex is something I cannot do. I'm clumsy with it, but more importantly, it destroys me emotionally.

[I1985]

I guess I've had a Dom tendency for a long time. And the thought of girls/women bound have always interested me. Or at least from early teens. But it was not until I was about 17, with the help of internet, that a world opened for me. And yes I violated quite a number of disclamers that year. Mostly looking for pics, and quickly followed with stories.

I read all I could find. Then when I was 19 I think I discovered this site. Or better said the story part of it. And read all that remotely interested me. I found a lot of them fascinating, a few turning me off... Sometimes a period of not looking into it, often busy with other things, but always getting back over time...

Then in late august, 20 then, I decided I wanted more. Not just the fantasies and pictures. But the real thing. So I registered here, plowing through the forums, again reading all that I could. I already had a pretty clear picture of what I wanted when I joined, or so I thought.... My main kink lays with bondage, mainly the ropes, but the D/s side of it all gets an increasing amount of interest. The more I read, the more I realise there is a lot to explore.

Although online I find it pretty easy to meet people. In real life I'm getting over, yes almost a fear to meet new people. I mainly blame my past for that, as it is not who I am, it's what I became. Now over time I'm getting more at ease with myself, getting stonger by the day. And not in the least because of this site, and all the people here. It's great to meet so many great people, with often similar interests.

And I often seriously wonder, where would I be today, without the magic of the net...

[Guest 91108]

Those That have known me for years would not be surprised that my Dominant side has borne such fruitation i think this past year. Timing of it all was a big key to going more out there.
Then a friend asked me to come here to help her share. smiles. for that i will be grateful for awhile yet.

I have learned how to expand what i already knew... the finer points of D/s relationships is what i needed more information on.. i think i have gained that.

[Cage]

I suppose this is as good a place for my first post as any...

I had a Dukes of Hazzard coloring book when I was 5 years old. In the story, Daisy Duke was abducted by the bad guys. She was bound and gagged in the back of a van, but managed to free herself. In the coloring book there was a picture of her in the process of freeing herself, still gagged and partially bound, having just managed to untie the knots. I proceeded to steal some White-Out from my mother's desk and blot out the loose ends of the rope and draw the rope back in with the knots firmly back in place. Then I colored the picture and hung it on my wall.

For the next couple years after that, I played whatever game gave me an excuse to tie up the girl who lived in the apartment across the hall. If I had to play the robber, she was the unfortunate housewife who was home when I broke in and she had to be tied up and gagged so she couldn't yell for help. If I was the cop, she was the dangerous robber who had to be restrained for purposes of public safety.

So anyway, I'm a 32 year old male dom with I guess about 27 years of experience. :)

[poppy_gal]

I was enduring the disintegration of a long and loving relationship when I discovered the internet. Next thing I was chatting to a man who told me all about D/s. I was gobsmacked. And HAD to try!

So did, and loved it. Suddenly understood why I had always felt like an outsider. I knew I was different from all my girlfriends, but didnt know why. It was so nice to understand that even if I am a freak, Im in good company :wave:

[cadence]

I have always had submissive tendencies since I can remember. Seeing that I am from a small town, I was labled abnormal by most of my peers, when I started dating and in the throes of young passion, I requested some pretty lewd, erotic and strange things from my dates. I was quite the lonely camper from then on.
I then began to actually believe that I was a sexual deviant and that I really needed to control my bizarre urges. When I met my b/f, he once stated that being tied up was a pretty sick thing to do. I had to relunctantly agree.
It wasn't until just recently, I became so frustrated and bored with sex, even though I care deeply for my b/f, I started to cruise the internet.
Now I know that I am not deviant, and that there are others who share my passion and need for this lifestyle, and my b/f has even started to show some interest, although he is very slow to keep up with me.
I am so glad that I did find out that my abnormality is definately normal and that there are sites such as these where I can express myself and not be labeled as a weirdo.

[Masterandsub]

I, like a lot of others, have long had an interest in bondage, since pre-pubescence. Any game that my friends and I played involving someone being tied up etc interested me more than other games.

Again, like so many others it was the internet which truely started me on a journey of exploration. My first experience of internet Ds was when I found reference to a bondage site in one of my mother's magazines. It was by no means an extreme site, being in an ordinary woman's magazine, but it got me thinking...

For a few years I toyed with whether I was a Dom, sub or switch, finally settling on Dom, perhaps the sub/switch part of me was due to randomly manifesting teenage hormones. But surfice to say I am now a 21 year old Dom with a loving sub of 2 years (together for 4).

All the best

Master Martin

[Wolven_Vixen]

Wolfscout had been telling me about the things he'd read here. I admit that I could not understand how people could like the things he described. I think maybe I'de been the "victim" too often in past relationships. No way was being sub for me!

....but then....the first time he pulled my hair and held my hands behind me, teasing me in such a dominant manner....that was it. I was hooked. There's no feeling in the world like being a WILLING victim with someone you trust!

I'm grateful to all here for sharing this lifestyle with us.

And to Sir Wolf, thank you for making me "alive" for the first time in a very long time.

[Guest 91108]

Grins.