Domme Rapists?

[dynamicbuttler]

Are there incidents when a female dominant will rape a male? I don't know why I need to know this... it's mostly out of curiosity, as I find most psychology questions interesting. I know rape is never a sexy thing, but this is something I got in an argument about with a friend. He said they probably do and I said they probably don't. Just curious... need to settle a score.

[ShadowyFox]

I don't know about dominant is quite the word I would use for an individual (in the Mistress sense, no; but definitely so in personality), but I can for sure say that a female can rape a male. I've been a victim of it, and it's not pretty.

[Ruby]

Wow, dynamicbuttler, what a great question.
We haven't discussed this topic in awhile.

ShadowyFox, huge hugs and sympathy to you.
You are so right, rape, actual rape, is not pretty.

See: Consider this for discussion on an actual court case
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3244

Are there incidents when a female dominant will rape a male?

If we are talking about a BDSM domme, who plays SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) it would be nice to think that "no, means no" or a safeword means no for those who play that way. Could misunderstandings or deliberate rape happen? Yes.

Fantasy rape? Yes.

Actual rape that's not fantasy play? Yes, again.

There are females who rape males, just like there are males who rape females as well as males on males and females on females.



An estimated 91% of victims of rape are female, 9% are male and 99% of offenders are male. (Bureau of Justice Statistics 1999)

Males are the least likely to report a sexual assault, though it is estimated they make up 10% of all victims. (2005)

This and other stats can be found on the sites below:

http://www.rainn.org/statistics/index.html

http://www2.ucsc.edu/rape-prevention/statistics.html

http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm

Whether the stats were taking in the 1990's or 2000's, they are fairly close in percentages.

And most certainly something to consider.

[dynamicbuttler]

Thanks for answering my questions... thanks a ton. There's just this problem though. I think by BDSM standards, some would think I'm sick. Flat out ill mentally. I was going back in my head to the time I was cuffed and cried... even to the fucked up experience that traumatized me from bondage. All the stuff- the most horrific things I've experienced. I'm begging to view things in a more and more masochistic way... These things are starting to excite me. I want to delve so far into my masochism that I'm screaming in pain, doubled over and crying, not giving consent. I want to experience the deepest depths of degradation, and I want to wallow in shit. I kind of lied, okay? I am turned on by female rape: Even if she's obese and smells like shit and i shit my pants from the pain or get sent to the hospital and nearly die. I know I wouldn't want it then, but the thoughts of how id feel afterwards are starting to interest me: It'd be the blackest, bleakest, most fucked up sense of vulnerability and self loathing. That time I freaked out from being cuffed, I realized I WAS experiencing sub drop: And thinking back, I like it. I want it again.

SHADOWFOX, I know how insensative i sound. I AM sorry about what happened to you... it's just that the crappier i feel the more comfortable i am. I just want to be brutally raped, and i know this is an appalling opinion, but i was just wondering if it's happened so i could fantasized about it. i feel wrong for that, and i don't feel very normal at all.

[gagged_Louise]

Of course a woman-on-man thing can become rape, and by the laws of at least many Western countries, rape doesn't have to include "full penetration" though that's the first thing that comes to mind. I've read about recent rape cases (in the news in the last years) where it didn't really mean "forced entry", rather attempted making-out, tearing clothes off and trying (very close) to cuddle the crotch in spite of struggling back etc. This makes it no less disturbing to the victim of course, but it shows that rape doesn't have to mean forcibly plugging into the pussy.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Safe, sane and consensual has become the motto for BDSM, though David Stein never meant you could only be whipped with a wet noodle. However, you really need to seek professional help for this neurotically self-destructive behavior. My fear is that you are seeking criminal abuse which could very well land you in the hospital or even worse.

[Rabbit1]

In the BDSM Lifestyle ---"Rape" means rape fantasy ----we do not condone any actual non consentual relationships ----If it is real Rape it is not BDSM it is a sick individual --that needs help

[Ruby]

Thanks for answering my questions... thanks a ton. There's just this problem though. I think by BDSM standards, some would think I'm sick. Flat out ill mentally.

Ah, don't be so hard on yourself. To each their own. My kink may not be your kink, but I will defend your right to have your kink. I may not defend your right to perpetrate your kink onto another.


I was going back in my head to the time I was cuffed and cried... even to the fucked up experience that traumatized me from bondage...That time I freaked out from being cuffed, I realized I WAS experiencing sub drop: And thinking back, I like it. I want it again.


That is very good to know. That you want it again.

What is it that you truly want?
To experience sub drop?
Submission to another's will?
To be raped - truly raped without consent?

Many, many people get off on rape fantasies.

Why do you think the "bodice rippers" of romance are so popular? Or Luke and Laura on General Hospital?
Guy rapes girl, after she decides she liked it, loves him, so it wasn't really rape, was it? They get together and live happily every after. (The answer of course is that at the time, it was rape. She said no and meant it. )

And many people get off on rape. Check out all the non-consensual stories in the BDSM library. They wouldn't be there or read if people didn't like them.

Then there's reality.

If you really want to be raped, then is it rape?
Or is it wanting to be subdued so you can submit?
Humiliated so you can revel in it?

When I read about the domme who "forced" you do to things you didn't want with another male, that showed a great deal about what you crave.

If you are actively seeking a domme, knowing what you want will help you receive it and her to provide the experience for you.

A word of caution, let's not confuse fufilling your desires with physical harm. I've known too many subs who have ended up in the hospital because their "owners" didn't know where to draw the line. Your ongoing health and safety is your responsibility, too.

[dynamicbuttler]

hmmm... Thanks everyone. And I will try to curb my super-self destructiveness... Eh, and thanks Ruby, always being the optimist! I guess i WILL take more responsibility for my own safety

[Ruby]

I guess i WILL take more responsibility for my own safety

Good boy!

* giving you a nice pat on the head *

There is another topic that we should mention while we are in this discussion, it's RACK or risk aware consensual kink. Edge play and playing without safewords often falls into this category.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Risk-aware_consensual_kink

The choice to play SSC or RACK is clearly up to the partners involved. Let's be very clear here, it is a choice that both partners should make, not one or the other.

Both SSC and RACK are lifestyle philosphies or slogans to rally around. Yet to pit one against the other, my kink against yours as it were, doesn't help the community as a whole. Personal choices are just that.

As in other discussions, I believe that both partners are responsible for each other's safety.

Safety - whose responsibility?
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8398

More questions, comments or concerns? Ask away.
Who's next with something to share on this topic?

[dynamicbuttler]

I like pats on the head! *asks for another* :)

Lol, thanks a lot... It's not too often someone as experienced as you decides to use that experience for the forces of good and help others... and pat others on the head!

[Blue_Monday]

Ruby, thank you for, as always, offering insightful and sensitve advice.

db, your posts always make me think, and I've been thinking about this one for a few days. I've come to the conclusion that I have nothing in particular to offer :) except sympathy. I don't have any special knowledge of rape, regardless of the gender configuration.

I feel for you when you say some people would think you're sick. Some people would indeed think that, but I assure you that there is always someone sicker. Especially when it comes to pure fantasy (that is, ideas that might be portrayed in stories or images, but would never be acted upon), some people seem to get a thrill simply from diving as deep as they can, from trying to think up the most horrific tortures imaginable. Whether they imagine doing these things or having them done doesn't really matter--they seem to like the super-extreme, maybe a bit like people who enjoy horror movies.

I guess what I'm saying is that even if you truly relish the idea of being raped, you shouldn't feel bad about your fantasies.

Based on other things you've written, I think you're at a point where you're sorting out fantasies from things you actually want to happen. You don't have to know right off the bat. Sometimes you have to try something and find out you don't really like it. It's okay if you don't yet know where to draw the line. (I don't always know where to draw the line, myself. Sometimes something sounds great, but it turns out it hurts way too much or is otherwise not right for me or my partner.)

I don't know if I've added much to this, but I just wanted to reiterate that you're not the first person to fantasize about being raped, and it doesn't mean you're sick. I hope that you give yourself a lot of space to explore *all* of your fantasies, either in your own head or with a partner. I also hope that you proceed carefully when you do find a partner. I haven't known anyone to end up in the hospital, but I have known people to get turned off to BDSM because of a careless or poorly matched partner. Or by jumping in too fast, and getting in too deep before they were ready.

[Ruby]

I like pats on the head! *asks for another* :)

It's so tempting to make you beg. Ah, the anticipation. Will she or won't she give another pat? Hmmmmm.

* wicked grin *

Well, you have been such a good boy. And quite brave in your openess and willing to broach subjects that deserve a good conversation.

* gives you a nice pat on the head
followed by what I think you really want,
a swat on the ass *

Next time say, "please" for either if you want one and I haven't given it. Perfect practice makes perfect.


Lol, thanks a lot... It's not too often someone as experienced as you decides to use that experience for the forces of good and help others... and pat others on the head!

Thank you, DB
:rose:
---

Blue_Monday,

Thank you as well. Your post was delightful to read and added to the subject quite nicely. Excellent advice.


Who's next?

[dynamicbuttler]

Blue monday, I agree with Ruby. (Who doesn't?) Thanks a ton! Flaming redhead, you were so ready to make me feel abnormal :( I guess it's okay though.

Sorry for my bad manners, Ruby. Can I please be forgiven for not saying please enough? Please? :-(

And thanks for the pat and the spank :)

[Ruby]

DB, you are forgiven.

* with another pat on the head and a big smile from me *

When you ask for advice, you'll get all kinds of responses.

Be prepared to sift through them to take what you can use and ditch the rest.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Flaming redhead, you were so ready to make me feel abnormal. I guess it's okay though.

awwwww Hon, I was just worried about ya. There are the fantasies you live with, and then there's reality. Some things should just never happen for one reason or another. While I might enjoy rape fantasies, does that mean I want to be raped in reality? Definitely not. If it's a roleplay that you've consented to, then it's not rape. Anyone who would go out and purposely try to get raped and anyone who would perpetrate said rape, IMHO, are indeed sick individuals.

[dynamicbuttler]

You're right, lol. I guy can't exactly "go out and try to get raped" like a girl can, but if I could... Okay, fine. I can't say for SURE I wouldn't. Maybe I actually would :-( But you're right, people shouldn't go around looking for shit like that, because the reality is a lot more raw and disgusting than the fantasy... much more of a violation.