Uncle_Ed
01-25-2007, 01:46 PM
Before anything else I would like to point out that I really don't enjoy writing for competition and just normally write for fun. However, I was sad to see only one entry for January so have topped up with wine and written a piece.
Lest old Aquaintances be forget
I sit in my favourite armchair in the lounge and doze quietly, a half-finished mug of coffee cooling beside me. It is the time I treasure. I have spent much of the year in the company of others but at the year’s end now I am winding down and plan to do little or nothing except eat and indulge my passion for “B” movies on TV.
The letter box rattles and I hear the thud of mail hitting the rug in the porch. I debate whether to leave the comfort of my chair. Curiosity wins and I slowly slouch towards the front door where I find the usual junk mail, bills and one personal letter. The bills I throw into my filing corner and the junk mail disappears down the slit in the shredder.
I return to the comfort of the chair and examine the envelope. It is wholly unremarkable and with a shrug I tear it open. It reads as follows:
Dear Bozo,
As I expect you are still a sad git and alone at this time of the year I have decided to take pity on you and invite you to my New Years Eve party. You never could organise a piss-up in a brewery so you will have given it no thought. You will have no girl-friend to bring and will probably make us all bloody miserable. On second thoughts-ignore this invitation and drown in your own vomit. Ha ha! Just kidding!
Actually my insane sister Heather insists that I invite you which is odd as she usually shows good taste. You remember her? You met once in the swimming pool. You left a lasting impression, apparently.
Do me a favour and stay away!
Yours,
Dave R.
I read the letter several times. It makes less and less sense as I remember Dave, have fond memories of the pool but have no ideas about Heather. I go through the single man’s mental filing system: Bum-tight or saggy? Nothing. Tits-small, large or the size of a small planet? Again nothing. Hair? Eyes? I draw a total blank. In one last desperate effort I attempt to summon up a face but with no success. I groan quietly as this girl was obviously rejected as a total dog. I am however intrigued by the possibility of meeting a non-dog so reach for the phone. I dial Dave’s last known number.
“Hello?” It is a soft female voice. Unless I’m much mistaken, it isn’t Dave.
“This is Ed. I got Dave’s invitation. I would like to accept.” The line is quiet for a moment, then: “It is you. I remember you. I’ll look forward to seeing you again.” Then the connection is broken and I’m left gaping into the phone wondering if I’ve spoken to Heather or Alice. Was that the dog the just barked? I start to really anticipate the party.
New Year’s Eve arrives. I drive out to Dave’s place and park the car. The neighbourhood is affluent and soft lights shine out over well-kept lawns and cultured bushes. I ring the front door bell and stand slightly back. The door is opened by a tall girl in a tight little black dress and I sigh inwardly at her lack of originality. I do however smile at her until my head is rocked by a full-blooded right hook. She turns without a word and stalks off. I stand there, no doubt looking extremely foolish with my mouth open and a small dribble of blood from my split lip running down my chin.
I’ve never been one to fight very much. I make a point of not hitting women in anger. On this occasion I’m seriously considering an exception and I snarl to the front door before kicking it out of the way and making my way through the house to the room where I can hear the music. The girl is standing at one side smirking at me. I ignore the other people in the room and miss the startled exclamation of the man next to my target as I stride up to her and take her firmly by the arm.
The girl’s expression abruptly changes as I swing her around and lean her across my out-stretched leg. The room grows immediately silent as I hold her there, her smooth buttocks outlined through the black silk. I hesitate. I intended to spank her but something holds me back and I look up at the faces surrounding us. I spot Dave, the one who had been standing next to the girl in my grasp.
“Steady on Ed!” He stammers, “I don’t think you really want to do that to my sister”
Dave is right. I don’t subscribe to cruelty to animals so do not wish to beat the dog. It occurs to me that I am holding Heather who is anything but a dog, so I gently right her and turn her to look at me. She looks back steadily. “Oh my! You’re not Edward!”
“I am not Edward” I confirm. “I am just Ed”
“Very well just Ed” She grins. She slips free and sways over to an armchair. She looks back at me over her shoulder and pulls up the dress with some difficulty. Her long legs come into my view and I note she wears stockings. She wears tiny black panties also.
“We’ve not met before. I believe I may have mistaken you for another acquaintance and owe you a very great apology. I hope that you accept my apology-just as I am about to accept your punishment. And,” She adds, “Happy New Year” The clock strikes. So do I.
Lest old Aquaintances be forget
I sit in my favourite armchair in the lounge and doze quietly, a half-finished mug of coffee cooling beside me. It is the time I treasure. I have spent much of the year in the company of others but at the year’s end now I am winding down and plan to do little or nothing except eat and indulge my passion for “B” movies on TV.
The letter box rattles and I hear the thud of mail hitting the rug in the porch. I debate whether to leave the comfort of my chair. Curiosity wins and I slowly slouch towards the front door where I find the usual junk mail, bills and one personal letter. The bills I throw into my filing corner and the junk mail disappears down the slit in the shredder.
I return to the comfort of the chair and examine the envelope. It is wholly unremarkable and with a shrug I tear it open. It reads as follows:
Dear Bozo,
As I expect you are still a sad git and alone at this time of the year I have decided to take pity on you and invite you to my New Years Eve party. You never could organise a piss-up in a brewery so you will have given it no thought. You will have no girl-friend to bring and will probably make us all bloody miserable. On second thoughts-ignore this invitation and drown in your own vomit. Ha ha! Just kidding!
Actually my insane sister Heather insists that I invite you which is odd as she usually shows good taste. You remember her? You met once in the swimming pool. You left a lasting impression, apparently.
Do me a favour and stay away!
Yours,
Dave R.
I read the letter several times. It makes less and less sense as I remember Dave, have fond memories of the pool but have no ideas about Heather. I go through the single man’s mental filing system: Bum-tight or saggy? Nothing. Tits-small, large or the size of a small planet? Again nothing. Hair? Eyes? I draw a total blank. In one last desperate effort I attempt to summon up a face but with no success. I groan quietly as this girl was obviously rejected as a total dog. I am however intrigued by the possibility of meeting a non-dog so reach for the phone. I dial Dave’s last known number.
“Hello?” It is a soft female voice. Unless I’m much mistaken, it isn’t Dave.
“This is Ed. I got Dave’s invitation. I would like to accept.” The line is quiet for a moment, then: “It is you. I remember you. I’ll look forward to seeing you again.” Then the connection is broken and I’m left gaping into the phone wondering if I’ve spoken to Heather or Alice. Was that the dog the just barked? I start to really anticipate the party.
New Year’s Eve arrives. I drive out to Dave’s place and park the car. The neighbourhood is affluent and soft lights shine out over well-kept lawns and cultured bushes. I ring the front door bell and stand slightly back. The door is opened by a tall girl in a tight little black dress and I sigh inwardly at her lack of originality. I do however smile at her until my head is rocked by a full-blooded right hook. She turns without a word and stalks off. I stand there, no doubt looking extremely foolish with my mouth open and a small dribble of blood from my split lip running down my chin.
I’ve never been one to fight very much. I make a point of not hitting women in anger. On this occasion I’m seriously considering an exception and I snarl to the front door before kicking it out of the way and making my way through the house to the room where I can hear the music. The girl is standing at one side smirking at me. I ignore the other people in the room and miss the startled exclamation of the man next to my target as I stride up to her and take her firmly by the arm.
The girl’s expression abruptly changes as I swing her around and lean her across my out-stretched leg. The room grows immediately silent as I hold her there, her smooth buttocks outlined through the black silk. I hesitate. I intended to spank her but something holds me back and I look up at the faces surrounding us. I spot Dave, the one who had been standing next to the girl in my grasp.
“Steady on Ed!” He stammers, “I don’t think you really want to do that to my sister”
Dave is right. I don’t subscribe to cruelty to animals so do not wish to beat the dog. It occurs to me that I am holding Heather who is anything but a dog, so I gently right her and turn her to look at me. She looks back steadily. “Oh my! You’re not Edward!”
“I am not Edward” I confirm. “I am just Ed”
“Very well just Ed” She grins. She slips free and sways over to an armchair. She looks back at me over her shoulder and pulls up the dress with some difficulty. Her long legs come into my view and I note she wears stockings. She wears tiny black panties also.
“We’ve not met before. I believe I may have mistaken you for another acquaintance and owe you a very great apology. I hope that you accept my apology-just as I am about to accept your punishment. And,” She adds, “Happy New Year” The clock strikes. So do I.