A very late introduction & a little more...OK, a lot more, haha!

[STONE'sSLUT]

Hello, All.

I figured that, since my king & I have been hanging around here for some time, I should go ahead & introduce myself as he has. Obviously, I’m a submissive, married to my dom for just over 4 years. We are basically living the lifestyle 24/7, barring the normal barriers of reasonability regarding things like making a living, etc. We have only recently been honest with each other about needing a D/s lifestyle & it has saved our relationship (read below if you want to know about that). We especially enjoy spanking, flogging, hair pulling & humiliation. I’m an oral whore – love to suck cock with a passion & am, so I’ve been told, rather skilled…plus, my king has a very pretty cock that just makes my mouth water. I’m also an anal slut – my king has claimed my ass as his & does with it whatever he wants, helping me realize that I actually enjoy it very much. My king is particularly skilled at bringing out the naughty little slut in me when it comes to begging for what I really want, particularly when I want to cum. We’ve just started exploring face slapping, full-body strapping, abrasion play, fantasy rape (he doesn’t know it yet, but one of our rules is that I must come clean about & set up one of my fantasies every 2nd week of each month, and I’m planning to reveal this one this weekend :264:), and some possible body modifications (branding, tattooing – marking his territory & such, more body piercing, etc.). Can’t think of much else ya’all might want to know, but you can always ask. We are both exceedingly blunt & don’t shy easily from any topic, so feel free. Other than that, hope to make new friends & learn all the while.

Hugs & Spankins!
Stone’s Slut


How D/s saved our marriage, cont….

There were tons of reason our marriage was failing (medical problems, money problems resulting from medical problems, a kid out of control across the country, undiagnosed depression & bipolarism, half-assed communication, dishonesty about our needs, etc.) but I realize now that, for my part, I had one particular problem: you see, I am a feminist. What kind of feminist wants her man to humiliate her & punish her for not following his demands? What kind of feminist wants to be spanked, slapped, be collared & kneel before a man in submission? As educated as I was about feminism & sexuality (I’m a history prof with several areas of emphases, including women & gender relations), I could not reconcile my perceptions about what being a feminist entails with these thoughts, & so shoved them down into that place that we don’t reveal to anyone, including ourselves. On the same note, my king followed the same misperceptions in determining his behavior in our relationship, hiding his dom nature (though not well, lol) under a vanilla coating that we soon both came to resent without knowing why. Despite being best friends, we were both dishonest about what we are, what we need, & what we desire. (Not to mention, we were totally incorrect about feminism being incompatible with D/s…you can ask me to elaborate on those thoughts if you are interested.)

Eventually, the proverbial shit hit the fan & I left him. Lucky for us, we had supportive friends & family encouraging us to not make hasty decisions that would cause us to throw away a good thing. I realized that we had to examine some things about ourselves & our relationship. I asked him to make a list of the things we needed to fix, what he was willing to do, & what he needed from me. I, in turn, came to the conclusion that my being a submissive was not contrary or exclusive of my being a feminist & that I had unfairly expected him to “fix” things that I had not shared with him. I had to come clean to give him an opportunity to address ALL of our problems – not just the ones I was comfortable with.

So, as hard as it was, I busted out with the truth & explained that all of the work we might do otherwise to rebuild our relationship wouldn’t mean a thing if we couldn’t address the D/s issue. To my surprise, he reacted quite well….quite ;) We got him some help for his bipolarism/depression & we started over again with the policy of complete honesty (true, full honesty – not just the honesty we thought we had had before this whole thing). Through D/s, we have been able to build a relationship based on trust, a healthy exchange of power, support, acceptance, & love. We no longer feel the need to take from the other to serve our own needs, but rather give & receive in all things in a way that serves us both. I am able to submit without sacrificing my individuality, independence, & identity – relishing in the release of control & feeding the pleaser in me. He is able to dominate without the fear of disrespecting our friendship & love – releasing his true wicked & evil nature. We are intimate in a way we have never had before. Our sex life is amazing – we talk about everything; he fucks at least one of my holes every day; he punishes & rewards me as he sees fit; both of us are completely satisfied each night when we go to sleep; we both feel loved.

The only thing I believe we regret is that it took us so long to be fully honest. If we had been, we might have avoided loads of hurt & resentment; we wouldn’t have wasted all of this time being dishonest &, now, healing the wounds we’ve caused each other; we wouldn’t have gotten to the point of loosing our marriage before realizing how much we wanted to be with one another. As I tell people, just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should be with them…You have to WANT to be with someone; you have to have trust, communication, & a regular, damn satisfying fuck - all necessary! :) If the latter includes BDSM or D/s, then that’s not something you can fully forfeit without loosing yourself &, eventually, your relationship. I don’t speak in judgment (every situation is different, I know), but rather out of empathy & sympathy. I hope that others can take our story into consideration if they are sacrificing so much by hiding who they are to save a relationship that will inevitably fail because it is lacking true trust & honesty. Thanks for taking the time to read on, by the way.

Hugs & Spankins! (again, lol)
Stone’s Slut

[Stone]

Good post my preciuos little slut

[BaronVonWinger]

Hi & welcome, its good to have u guys here.

[cadence]

Hello and Welcome
You have written an excellent and thought provoking post.
Your story has definately hit home with me.
My b/f and I have only just started to address the D/s issue, and it took me an extremely long time to even start to express myself to him.
Our relationship had become so stagnant for so long, it became a comfortable thing between us.

And I hope I am not the only one who would like to hear your thoughts on feminism being incompatible with D/s. I would have agreed with that statement as well.

[STONE'sSLUT]

MasterStone: Thank you, my king. I am always happy to hear that I have pleased you.
BaronVonWinger: Hello & thank you very much.
cadence: Hello, Thank you for the welcome and your kind words. I sympathize with your situation – we are not long out from where you two are now. I so glad to hear you shared that part of yourself with him. IMO, only good can come of it. I encourage you to keep that in mind as you continue exploring – even, perhaps especially, during the rocky moments we all face in determining our boundaries and interests. Since I read your post, I’ve been typing madly away. I hope what follows will answer your questions about my point of view…

I garnered my definition of feminism from two areas: my upbringing – which was basically feminist when it came to me, but very traditional when it came to gender roles within the household; my undergrad & graduate education – which involved the study of history with concentrations in gender relations, Women's Studies & psychology of prejudice. Through my studies, I learned the basic definition of the word, feminism:

1: the theory of the political, economic, & social equality of the sexes
2: organized activity on behalf of women's rights & interests

I also began to see many contradictory &, frankly, hypocritical beliefs & agendas that I could not ascribe to placed under the protection of claiming it as a feminist ideal (discussed below). Despite becoming increasingly confused by the ambiguity of much of my sister-feminists’ rhetoric, I was particularly influenced by the idea that being a feminist meant taking control of all aspects of one’s life – in & out of the bedroom. The idea of rebuking any kind of dominance & refusing to feed my submissive nature seemed to make sense in the context of the old axiom: “give an inch, they take a mile.” To address this fully, let me first cover some of my issues with some “feminist” suppositions:

Firstly, the definition of feminism clearly addresses the interaction between the individual/group with society in the public sphere, yet some seem to indiscriminatingly apply it to issues well outside the public realm of influence. For example, the claim that “patriarchy-approved” activity between consenting individuals – such as giving head, having sex doggystyle, or enjoying BDSM – somehow calls for shaming women for their sexual choices (something I never have & never will support). This seems entirely outside addressing public equality for women, & much more in the realm of setting up yet still more socially motivated, oppressive dictates that are used to control women’s sexual behavior.

Secondly, I see a distinct difference between feminism & female supremacy. There are definitely inequalities between people – those who claim otherwise are simply not letting the truth stand in the way of setting up their agenda as sacrosanct. Truthfully, there are a plethora of factors that make us unequal – I just don’t believe that gender is one of them. Being a woman is a wonderful thing…but it doesn’t make me “better” by simple virtue of what’s between my legs. THAT idea is much more suited to coming from the supporters of the patriarchy, IMO.

Thirdly, I abhor the suggestion that dominance over & the degradation of one gender is a necessary evil for the other to maintain basic human rights. This should really coincide with the issue of female supremacy being a completely separate & virtually diametrically opposed ideal to feminism by virtue of the definition of equality, but I separate the two because I believe that we all too often feel the need to “right the wrongs” of the white male privileged patriarchy by creating an exceedingly hostile world for men by stripping them of every vestige of their identities as male & making socially dictated & inherent characteristics of manhood anathema to our “modern” world. This leads me to the next point…

Fourthly, I don’t believe that appropriately cultivating, appreciating, &/or celebrating the culturally dictated & inherent differences in the sexes goes against any feminist tenant. I feel that it is important that we look to the biological differences as something to be proud of – not ashamed of (generally, women are soft while men are hard; men are physically stronger while women have astounding physical endurance/pain tolerance…I could go on, but you get the picture). There is a purpose for the differences & I see no reason to look upon them as a “curse,” but prefer to see them as a gift.

Continuing on this point, I refuse to see simple acts of consideration (the least I would do for a roommate or stranger – i.e. doing laundry, keeping house, etc. or opening the door, etc.) for the person I love as some affront to my personhood – or his! And I certainly don’t believe that a woman asking to be treated “like a woman,” or a man asking to be treated “like a man,” should be viewed as some kind acquiescence to the idea that gender should dictate political, economic, or social equality. As much as I am a feminist, so am I a realist. There are traditions & expectations that determine how the different genders behave & interact that are so deeply entrenched in & imperative to the continuance of our unique culture, with the benefit of both sexes in mind, that they must be modified & added to, not wholly eradicated. As a simple example, men have consistently been charged with two main purposes throughout human history: provide & protect. Who would benefit by removing (or wrestling?) those responsibilities from their hands? Would it not be more efficient to allow women to equally join in these responsibilities?

Fifthly, the general sentiment I consistently hear from too many “open-minded, forward thinking, non-judgmental” feminist seems to be, “You can’t judge me because it’s wrong. I won’t judge you – as long as you believe, follow & espouse exactly what I do.” My personal ethics do not allow me to view my beliefs, lifestyle, & choices as qualifying me to dictate these things to others. I may well think you are an idiot, but I am completely comfortable with agreeing to disagree & do not see it as my duty to intervene in any way until laws we have all agreed upon have been violated. So….

What I see much more clearly today as a submissive, as a feminist, & as a loving partner, is that this ideal of feminism being equivalent to completely governing a relationship sets up the inevitability of one partner always being oppressed by the other who TAKES control. In better understanding the basics of the power dynamic in any type of healthy relationship (consensual giving & receiving), I have come to the conclusion that those of us involved in D/s are actually much more honest in our dealings involving control & power than most in the vanilla world, & can therefore support truly feminist ideals with the very kind of relationship so many hold up as an abomination (Hey – at least the feminist & the religious zealot can find common ground, huh? ;)). Rather than a woman “fighting” for control of her life, I believe D/s (from the perspective of a submissive, of course) allows a woman the freedom to CHOOSE what aspects of her life she is willing to relinquish, which issues she is willing to compromise on, & what her hard lines are – all shared in a manner that is loving, respectful, & cooperatively progressing toward happiness for all involved. Any healthy relationship should require trust, honesty and communication, but they are all absolutely imperative in a D/s relationship. None of that, for me, calls my feminism into question. In fact, the idea that a woman should be equally invested in her relationship with someone who respects her needs & desires fits perfectly into my more fully developed understanding of feminism as an ideal & a lifestyle. After all, is that not what feminism ultimately calls for?

Well, I think I’ve ranted enough for tonight. I’ve been up typing for hours, so if there is something that doesn’t make sense or grievous grammatical errors, please forgive me & feel free to ask me for clarification or justification.

Hugs & Spankins!
Stone’s Slut

[Flaming_Redhead]

:wel:

Amen, sister!

[STONE'sSLUT]

:)

[caligirl{Rob}]

What a great post!!!
hugs!
cali

[~hellish one~]

wow! what an intro!!

Welcome Stone's Slut! :wave:

i've already had the pleasure of seeing you in chat a few times but it's good to see you here in the forums as well!! :)

[cariad]

As hellish said - what an intro! And one which is far to interesting to be lost in this part of the forum, so I am going to be cheeky and copy your posts into a new thread in MY BDSM Life; On honesty and feminism (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8821)

I look forward to sharing forums with you.

:wel

cariad

[elyse]

:welcome:

welcome to the forums, Stone's Slut!

~elyse

[STONE'sSLUT]

caligirl: thanks! hugs back, & some spankins ;)

hellish: :) thank you! yes, indeed, I've been in chat. hope to be there more as I am back into regular semester schedule. hope to see you there! hugs & spanksins!

cariad: wow - thank you! I'm honored & hope to get lots of interesting feedback :) glad to be here. Thanks for the warm welcome!

eleyse: thanks!

[frankee]

WOW....awesome intro!

It's been great getting to know you in chat and YIM!

You rock, girly!!

*hugs*

[STONE'sSLUT]

thanks, back at ya, & hugs, frankee :)

[Pollywog]

that was beautifully said :)

[Eponine]

Wow, Stone's Slut,
I really enjoyed reading your posts in this thread. It is so good to read such well-written sentiments on D/s and feminism from an obviously intelligent, educated, and talented woman.
I think a lot of the wannabe doms need to read and understand everything you wrote... I say that because my ex-husband-to-be thought he was dominant in that he just wanted me to never argue with him or state my own opinion. I tried explaining to him how I can be a strong and assertive female and yet still submissive (to him or the right person) at the same time. I consider him a wannabe dom b/c I just don't think he gets the critical point you made about feminism and D/s- that WE HAVE A CHOICE!!- a choice about who we want to be, what we will accept, and from whom we will accept it!
I struggled with wanting to be a stay-at-home mom, a.k.a. household manager- which i find a very apt term- and being a feminist. I remember commenting to a friend about this year ago that I felt like i would be betraying womankind if i chose to be a homemaker, but she said that the point is i have the choice to do whatever i want.
Well, Stone's Slut, thank you for your openness and your well-worded posts. I hope all is going well for you and your king.

by the way- I think it is very sweet and extra considerate of you to recognize each individual who replied to your post.

[STONE'sSLUT]

Hi, ThisGirl.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts & praise. I think that you are right about the "wanna-be-dom" issue - submission doesn't mean (at least to me) that one cannot be an individual with thoughts and opinions of one's own. I liken what you describe from your ex as slavery, not submission. It's a sad fact that I have seen many who don't see that vital point - there is a distinct difference between the willing exchange of power and someone simply taking it without consideration to the person they are taking it from - at least in my view of D/s & feminism. Choice, as a feminist, is of the utmost importance to me.

I also think that we rarely recognize the fact that being "just" a stay-at-home mom is, at least IMO, THE most important job for the future of our country & society. I applaud you for taking on such a profoundly significant job! Don't ever be ashamed of that! :)

Um - i feel weird saying "you're welcome," lol, so I'll just say thank you for your kind words. We are doing pretty darn well, thanks :)

And I do appoligize for taking so long to reply. This post got lost pretty fast - I promise that I'll keep an eye out from now on ;)

Be Well
SS

[sexmaster_dom]

I am impressed by your intro! You and your Master enjoy yourselves to the max!

[STONE'sSLUT]

Thank you, sexmater_dom :)

[midi]

Stone'sslut,

i just want to thank you for the very intelligent, introspective, inspirational post :) i can't think of any more "i" words, lol. Honestly i can relate to so much that you said in your introduction and it was refreshing to read such a well thought out posting.

wishing your Master and you much continued happiness :)

peace and love,
midi

[isabeau6]

hello Stone's slut..i've seen you around posting..good luck with everything and i see you are still with your King...aka Master..very iinteresting introduction...