tessa's first assignment: "the deflowering project"

[tessa]

Ok, I tried something different than I originally intended for this assignment. I'm not at all sure if it worked, but that's why I'm here...to see what works and what doesn't when my words get tossed about. I cannot believe how nervous I am! Oh well, here goes.

All about the perfect first time, as seen through the trappings of a telephone call.


Lost in Conversation

“Hello? Hey, Mom. No, it’s okay. I’m just unpacking from the trip is all. It was a great weekend. Yes, that place up the coast that Laura heard about.”

To have you all to myself, little one, here with me, for the first time, is such a gift. This is just the beginning for us. We will explore together and discover our passions. We will find paradise in each other. Come to me, my love. Let me lead you to the place where we both crave to dwell.

“Mostly, we just hung out at the beach. It felt so good to forget the pressure of school and exams for a little bit. Laying in the sun always works for me.”

Look at you! Nothing has ever looked so beautiful as you like this. The sunlight falls like liquid gold over your body, pet. Your blonde locks fall over your shoulders as if they are the waves washing onto the shore. The ocean depths are to be gazed upon in those bewitching green eyes. And your lips, a ghrá, so luscious there on the landscape of your face, created to be molded against mine in this eternal kiss.

“We also took a couple side trips to some nearby towns. Just drove around until we saw a place that looked fun. Found a couple interesting shops to wander around in. I know. We were lucky not to get lost.”

Open for me, my love. You will find yourself, find where you belong. Never again will you feel lost or lonely, without a compass to find your way. I will be your guide for every step down this path we will travel. If you stumble, I will catch you. If you waver, I will pull you back on course. I will not allow you to lose your way along this journey. I am now your destination.

“And I did manage to get some time to visit the botanical gardens while I was there. Spent a few hours just strolling around the place. I might take a class in botany next semester. Oh, just a developing interest really."

’He that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.’ Remember when I had you read Anne Brontë, darling one? It was in hopes of this moment, when I could trail this perfect red rose over your body and see the brilliant contrast. How beautifully the color on the petals stands out against the backdrop of your pale flesh. But not just for this image did I have your take in those words. My wish is that you learn my mind, my passions. And they are, in many ways, just the same as this perfect rose I trace along the curves of your flesh…so very beautiful, yet studded with dangerous thorns. Ah yes, my pet, feel what the stunning combination of beauty and destruction does to a body and mind.

“They really did have such pretty gardens there. The rose gardens were absolutely gorgeous, but I really do have a fondness for them…thorns and all. And after this trip, I know I’ll never look at a rose in quite the same way again.”

The scent of you on this rose is fiercely intoxicating, my angel. And your blood glistening as glitter here on these petals tastes just as sweet as any wine. Your mind, your body, your soul all a bountiful feast in which I long to indulge over and over again. Every part of you will cry out for me and I will always be here to take in each delicious utterance. Oh, I smell your fear, slut. It makes your pain that much more exquisite to behold. Breathe in the power of this moment. Embrace it all and keep it close. Let our coming together overwhelm every part of you. Your very soul branded now by me. There will more firsts for us. But never
one…
like…
this...

“Sorry, Mom? What was that? No, just a little distracted for a minute. Oh, yes. I’m sure I’ll go back up that way soon. I just didn’t get enough the first time.”

[Dragon's muse]

I am a little short on time for a in-depth review, so that will have to wait until tomorrow morning. But i did want to say WOW!

Beautiful, i love the juxtapositions of memories with the mundane conversations. Will write more about it tomorrow. But it did work.

[H Dean]

I just got a chance to see this. It is quite good. In particular, I enjoyed the language used and the jolting contrast between the juxtaposed conversations...or was it a note she was reading? The jolt between the two made a difficult transition quite readable. Also, I will add that the language used reminds me, not a little, of the style of writing more typically used by James Oliver Curwood and other writers of his time.

There were a couple of mistakes that a proof reading would have fixed, but nothing particularly egregious.

Quite frankly, it reminded me of moments in my own life; conversations interupted by what I was reading or remembering. Very good.

[Mad Lews]

I'll add my wows as well. His nice rich descriptions in his reverie and the contrast with her mundane conversation give both characters very distinct voices. It’s important that you don’t overlap them and you have no trouble there. The sparks of humor as the two stories lines intersect are purely you .
Just a few thoughts; you are mixing two points of view, separated only by paragraphs. You need to tip toe when you do that for readers can become confused. You pull it off, it works as well as It can be done I suspect, and for a first piece that’s an amazing trick.
The question I’d have you ask is why?
Was there any easier way (for the reader, as well as yourself) to give the distinctively different POVs between him and her, and use them to tell of the differences between her with him, and her in a more vanilla world where she still needs to exist sometimes.
A lot to cover in such a short assignment, ya done good.
Mad
:)

[tessa]

I just got a chance to see this. It is quite good. In particular, I enjoyed the language used and the jolting contrast between the juxtaposed conversations...or was it a note she was reading? The jolt between the two made a difficult transition quite readable.

I was trying to let the reader inside her mind, to know that her mind wasn't on her mother's words, but his words. How certain words from her own comments would pull her thoughts away from the phone conversation with her mother and cause her to think on what he'd said to her while she was with him. I didn't pull it off as well as I wanted to, but hopefully by writing here, I can figure out how to write it the way I want the reader to feel it, how I truly want it to translate.


Also, I will add that the language used reminds me, not a little, of the style of writing more typically used by James Oliver Curwood and other writers of his time.

I am quite ignorant of James Oliver Curwood's books. :o But as my Grandma would say to me on occasion, "the difference between ignorance and stupidity is the willingness to learn", so I'll be looking him up pretty quick like.


There were a couple of mistakes that a proof reading would have fixed, but nothing particularly egregious.

I went nearly blind proof reading that story. Damn. Where are they? Little buggers.


Quite frankly, it reminded me of moments in my own life; conversations interupted by what I was reading or remembering. Very good.
That you thought it "quite good", that you "enjoyed the language used" and that something I wrote evoked an actual from-life feeling for you, well Mr. Dean, I am all the way through tickled pink! For feeling it and for telling me about it, thank you very much.

To prowl through your author's mind while I might have it so inclined my way...keeping the basic format of how I want to present the story, what would you suggest that would tighten it up, make it fly high with the reader?

Truly, thanks again for being so supportive. :)

[tessa]

I'll add my wows as well. His nice rich descriptions in his reverie and the contrast with her mundane conversation give both characters very distinct voices. It’s important that you don’t overlap them and you have no trouble there. The sparks of humor as the two stories lines intersect are purely you .
~big hug~ You have to know, Mad Lews, how bright that made me smile.


Just a few thoughts; you are mixing two points of view, separated only by paragraphs. You need to tip toe when you do that for readers can become confused. You pull it off, it works as well as It can be done I suspect, and for a first piece that’s an amazing trick.

No other way of putting it out there occurred to me other than using the paragraphs with the italicizing to show the difference. Considering the reader should be a bit more frontal in my thinking. Thank you for the word of caution.


The question I’d have you ask is why?
I wanted to risk trying something I wasn't at all comfortable with. Well, truth is, putting my story words out there to be read isn't comfortable no matter how it's done. But for this Writer's Block, because it is a supportive and rich-in-author-wisdom environment, I want to challenge myself to be a bit more daring in the way I approach my writing. I guess that's why. Maybe. I think so at least.


Was there any easier way (for the reader, as well as yourself) to give the distinctively different POVs between him and her, and use them to tell of the differences between her with him, and her in a more vanilla world where she still needs to exist sometimes.

The answer to this question of yours is eluding me, basically again because I really don't know of other ways to present the idea in the way I was thinking it. Care to give me any hints? Please?? How would you have provided a clear demarcation of POV's?

A lot to cover in such a short assignment, ya done good.

~another hug~ Thanks for that, Mad One. That means so much coming from you. :)

[tessa]

I am a little short on time for a in-depth review, so that will have to wait until tomorrow morning. But i did want to say WOW!

Beautiful, i love the juxtapositions of memories with the mundane conversations. Will write more about it tomorrow. But it did work.

When I read this, I smiled, I giggled that insanely excited giggle and I breathed one big sigh of relief. Then I read it again and repeated the experience. I can't wait to hear your review and your constructs!

Thank you for taking the time you didn't really have in the first place to comment. And thank you for the positive tone it had. :)

[H Dean]

To prowl through your author's mind while I might have it so inclined my way...keeping the basic format of how I want to present the story, what would you suggest that would tighten it up, make it fly high with the reader?

As Mad Lews suggested, the POV changes are difficult, at best. True, the italisized text aided in this, though not so much as the definative differences in voice. I am reticent to offer ways that might make this a bit deeper, simply because I do not wish to re-write anything. However, I will try to offer a few things...

“Hello? Hey, Mom. No, it’s okay. I’m just unpacking from the trip is all. It was a great weekend. Yes, that place up the coast that Laura heard about.”

She conversed, barely able to concentrate on aught but memories of her lover as he spake words that made her tremble"To have you all to myself, little one, here with me, for the first time, is such a gift. This is just the beginning for us. We will explore together and discover our passions. We will find paradise in each other. Come to me, my love. Let me lead you to the place where we both crave to dwell.

Of course, that's a quick suggestion. I am certain that what I offered is a bit rough, but you could have offered it similarly to make the differences more obvious. Moreover, similar interjections could have lent a bit more to the obvious torrent that was filling her mind. Perhaps made it more abrupt and made his words that much louder.

[suchaminx]

tessa

I haven't posted for a long time but I couldn't not post when I read your story - I loved it, couldn't wait to get the next bit of her mind talking

~HUGS~

minxy xx

[Rabbit1]

Very nice indeed

[tessa]

As Mad Lews suggested, the POV changes are difficult, at best. True, the italisized text aided in this, though not so much as the definative differences in voice. I am reticent to offer ways that might make this a bit deeper, simply because I do not wish to re-write anything. However, I will try to offer a few things...

Hello? Hey, Mom. No, it’s okay. I’m just unpacking from the trip is all. It was a great weekend. Yes, that place up the coast that Laura heard about.”

She conversed, barely able to concentrate on aught but memories of her lover as he spake words that made her tremble"To have you all to myself, little one, here with me, for the first time, is such a gift. This is just the beginning for us. We will explore together and discover our passions. We will find paradise in each other. Come to me, my love. Let me lead you to the place where we both crave to dwell.
************

Of course, that's a quick suggestion. I am certain that what I offered is a bit rough, but you could have offered it similarly to make the differences more obvious. Moreover, similar interjections could have lent a bit more to the obvious torrent that was filling her mind. Perhaps made it more abrupt and made his words that much louder.

That is a great idea! It would have added more of her feeling about it all into the story and it would have improved the overall perspective of her rethinking the events, I think. Thank you very much for the suggestion! :)

[tessa]

tessa

I haven't posted for a long time but I couldn't not post when I read your story - I loved it, couldn't wait to get the next bit of her mind talking

minxy, I have noticed your absence. You have been very missed. I'm thinking about you, sweetie.

It means so much to me that you would be here for me like this. ~hugs you right back~

And Rabbit, my smiling thank you for your lovely comment. Greatly appreciated, that was. :)

[Dragon's muse]

And i am back.

Another way to clarify what her lover is saying would be to put it in letter form. Just a short narrative sentence about her finding a not he left in her things before they parted. She could just be opening it when the phone rings.

But i actually like Dean's suggestion. Just a quick cue to let us know what the italicized portions are. The phrase " The memory ofHis voice echoed in her mind", keeps popping into my head for some reason.



Marvelous evokation of emotion. Gives a real feel for how hard it can be to come "back to reality"after such a time. You do create a sense of authentic existence for the setting and people.

Now, (adjusting my Nazi hat), on to the picking of the nits.

Come to me, my love. Let me lead you to the place where we both crave to dwell.

where is unnecessary in this context.

The sunlight falls like liquid gold over your body, pet. Your blonde locks fall over your shoulders as if they are the waves washing onto the shore.

You use the verb "fall" twice in as many sentences. Vary your verb choice. Maybe her hair could tumble or drift over her shoulders. Maybe the sunlight could dance over or caress her body. (i do like the liquid gold image though)

And your lips, a ghrá, so luscious there on the landscape of your face, werecreated to be molded against mine in this eternal kiss.


You need the "were" in this sentence to create a complete predicate. Without it you have a fragment.

But not just for this image did I have your take in those words. My wish is that you learn my mind, my passions. And they are, in many ways, just the same as this perfect rose I trace along the curves of your flesh…so very beautiful, yet studded with dangerous thorns.

These sentences will stand quite well without the But and the And at the beginning of them. Beginning a sentences with a conjunction is a tricky thing.

Convert the elipsis to a dash or a colon.

And your blood glistening as glitter here on these petals tastes just as sweet as any wine.

Once again, the "and" is not really necessary. Neither is "just".

Your mind, your body, your soul all makea bountiful feast in which I long to indulge over and over again.

You need the verb there to avoid a fragment.

There will more firsts for us. But never
one…
like…
this...


Change the period into a comma and make this one sentence.


End of my nits. See, that did not hurt a bit, did it?

Again, i do want to say "Wow!"

Now i have to come up with a second assignment that will challenge you.

[tessa]

And i am back.

Yay! :)


Another way to clarify what her lover is saying would be to put it in letter form. Just a short narrative sentence about her finding a not he left in her things before they parted. She could just be opening it when the phone rings.

But i actually like Dean's suggestion. Just a quick cue to let us know what the italicized portions are. The phrase " The memory ofHis voice echoed in her mind", keeps popping into my head for some reason.

Either of these ideas would serve the story well, I believe. I wish I'd thought of it. But that's why I'm here with you, because I didn't think of it.


Marvelous evokation of emotion. Gives a real feel for how hard it can be to come "back to reality"after such a time. You do create a sense of authentic existence for the setting and people.

Thanks for that. It helps to know that my words are making the impact I was hoping for.


Now, (adjusting my Nazi hat), on to the picking of the nits.

Nice look on you. ;) But I need to focus on the nits, I suppose.


There will more firsts for us. But never
one…
like…
this...


Change the period into a comma and make this one sentence.

Okay, here I was trying to emphasize her feelings about these particular words of his. How could I have done this without making it just another sentence in the text, yet make it more grammatically appropriate?


End of my nits. See, that did not hurt a bit, did it?
Well, I wasn't perfect in my attempt, so it hurt in that way. The way you pointed out my imperfections, no, did not hurt one little bit. Didn't hurt that you had on that nifty hat either. :)


Again, i do want to say "Wow!"
I am going to hold that really close for a long time. Thank you.


Now i have to come up with a second assignment that will challenge you.

That won't be very difficult, let me say. This assignment had me thinking for almost a week on how to write it. I do want to rework this story, using the great suggestions I have gotten so far plus any others that might come my way. When I do that, would you mind looking that over as well. Could I be more greedy for your commentary? Just asking. Time isn't easy for any of us to come by, so I will more than understand if you can't.

If I could adequately express how very grateful I am to you for taking us on as the Level One instructor, then I'd be some kind of writer. As it is, I will just have to resort to saying how very much I appreciate your efforts.

tessa :wave:

[Dragon's muse]

i would be more than happy to look at it reworked. There is one school of thought that Stories are never finished, only abandoned. You just arent' ready to let this one go yet.

[H Dean]

Keep in mind, Tess, that shit doesn't just fall into place. As I mentioned to you before, my earlier writings were dreck in comparison to my stuff today. It took a while to reach the lofty state of "not as crappy" as I manage today.

[tessa]

Keep in mind, Tess, that shit doesn't just fall into place. As I mentioned to you before, my earlier writings were dreck in comparison to my stuff today. It took a while to reach the lofty state of "not as crappy" as I manage today.

Well, I like to be perfect right off the starting block, so yeah, this is going to be tough. But the support I'm getting here makes the feeling less icky on a soul. Thank you for your part of that support. And the assignments will only help. Writing assignments, that is.

"not as crappy"...you do make me smile, Mr Dean.

[Mad Lews]

Tessa,
It was not my intention to invoke too much nonsense over an interesting experiment in Point of View. I just didn't want to see you end up in some editor’s office draped over his lap with your skirt up and panties tangled about your ankles whilst an editorial paddle warmed your cheeks to a glowing red.:rolleyes:

Ok I lied, I wouldn’t mind seeing that,:hubba: but that’s not what the assignments are for.

Some things to ponder as you rewrite,

First as Dragon’s muse points out, the code of the Bard is that a tale can always be improved with each retelling. Now, mayhaps, you might wish to focus on your goal in this story? It’s about her and the two experiences, the weekend and the phone call with Mum. You’re also exploring differences between her and her lover, their roles, their expectations, and their thoughts. You do that by going into two different people’s minds in the first person.

That’s a tough sell.

Two other possibilities come to mind. Write in the “third person omnipotent" point of view. In this version the narrator is not a character in the story, but a third person who reports the thoughts, feelings, and actions of both characters, and even mom’s if you’d like. This is a quite common form of storytelling but doesn’t have as authentic a voice or seem as compelling as a first person story teller.

So the other approach might be to chose a character, (hint chose the girl) speak from her point of view, the reveries interspersed between the phone conversation are her own, about him, and about them, she can’t use his actual thoughts or emotions but can reminisce about his words and actions toward her. Working through that you can paint a pretty accurate picture of what’s going through his heart and mind.

This would dramatically change the story, it would lose the sharp (and to a fumbling reader like Lews, sometimes jarring,) contrast it now has because you would now have just one story teller not two. It might make the story a little smoother and the interplay/disconnect between her phone conversation and what’s passing through her mind a little more pronounced because it would be her own musings not the actual thoughts and feelings of her lover/master.

Think on it a bit all three approaches have pluses and minuses find the one that best suits your goals.

Mad Lews

[H Dean]

I volunteer to be editor. Back off, Mad! You too, Lews!

[Mad Lews]

I volunteer to be editor. Back off, Mad! You too, Lews!

Hey I'm just waitin' around for a student to get to my class. But ifin ya feel your editorial prerogatives are being threatened I'll back off, just so long as I can watch:rolleyes:
Lews

[tessa]

[QUOTE=Mad Lews]Tessa,
It was not my intention to invoke too much nonsense over an interesting experiment in Point of View. I just didn't want to see you end up in some editor’s office draped over his lap with your skirt up and panties tangled about your ankles whilst an editorial paddle warmed your cheeks to a glowing red.:rolleyes:

Ok I lied, I wouldn’t mind seeing that,:hubba: but that’s not what the assignments are for.

Damn. It would have been a real treat to meet that editor and his paddle. And that pulled up skirt and taken down panties is a good look on me, too. And you could have watched and taken pictures, then we could have had a Writer's Block slide show presentation to show all the other writers how important proper grammar is, as evidenced by my reddened cheekies. ~sighs~ Oh well, since that's not what assignments are for, I'll move on to the pondering.


First as Dragon’s muse points out, the code of the Bard is that a tale can always be improved with each retelling. Now, mayhaps, you might wish to focus on your goal in this story? It’s about her and the two experiences, the weekend and the phone call with Mum. You’re also exploring differences between her and her lover, their roles, their expectations, and their thoughts. You do that by going into two different people’s minds in the first person.

That’s a tough sell.
Ok, a tough sell, but if it is done better than I did it, can it be done at all?


So the other approach might be to chose a character, (hint chose the girl) speak from her point of view, the reveries interspersed between the phone conversation are her own, about him, and about them, she can’t use his actual thoughts or emotions but can reminisce about his words and actions toward her. Working through that you can paint a pretty accurate picture of what’s going through his heart and mind. This would dramatically change the story, it would lose the sharp (and to a fumbling reader like Lews, sometimes jarring,) contrast it now has because you would now have just one story teller not two.

I think I can take a hint, but I have a question or 10 to ask. Could I write those words of his as her remembrances? Use that suggestion Mr. Dean had about prefacing the lover's words with some thought about what is going on with her? Such as, "It was her mother's voice in her ear, but her mind was still consumed with thoughts of him." - then use the italicized his-words approach? I guess I want to keep that sharp contrast in language, but make it more palatable a read (I'd hate to jar poor Lews any further). Sure, I can write it that way, but should it be done is what I'm asking, I guess.

Ok, I've been the clingy writing student long enough in this post, so I'll stop now. Thanks again for all this input, Mr. Mad Lews. :hihi:

Still, a real shame about that editor/paddle thing.

Oh, wait a minute! I just saw that Mr. Dean has volunteered his editing services! Now, if he just has a paddle and you have some type of camera, we can make this assignment seriously interesting.

[Mad Lews]

[QUOTE]

Still, a real shame about that editor/paddle thing.

Oh, wait a minute! I just saw that Mr. Dean has volunteered his editing services! Now, if he just has a paddle and you have some type of camera, we can make this assignment seriously interesting.

Well if you two are gonna get kinky I guess I'll need my digital and a Polaroid.:camera2:
A couple of tripods, some lighting, a Video Cam, check. OK I'm ready. SO let the lesson begin. ;)
Mad

[tessa]

Well if you two are gonna get kinky I guess I'll need my digital and a Polaroid.:camera2:
A couple of tripods, some lighting, a Video Cam, check. OK I'm ready. SO let the lesson begin. ;)
Mad

Just a few essentials for the basic grammar editing session, I see. Well, the basic type session for this place.

That equipment and those cameras probably won't help me much with my writing assignments, but what fun! :)

[tessa]

Lost in Conversation

“Hello? Hey, Mom. No, it’s okay. I’m just unpacking from the trip is all. It was a great weekend. Yes, that place up the coast that Laura heard about.”

Her mother’s words registered at some level, but all she could imagine were his words of greeting to her. “To have you all to myself, little one, here with me, for the first time, is such a gift. This is just the beginning for us. We will explore together and discover our passions. We will find paradise in each other. Come to me, my love. Let me lead you to the place we both crave to dwell.”

“Mostly, we just hung out at the beach. It felt so good to forget the pressure of school and exams for a little bit. Laying in the sun always works for me.”

Kneeling before him in the sun was the experience of a lifetime. “Look at you! Nothing has ever looked so beautiful as you like this. The sunlight falls like liquid gold over your body, pet. Your blonde locks splash across your shoulders as if they are the waves washing onto the shore. The ocean depths are to be gazed upon in those bewitching green eyes. And your lips, a ghrá, so luscious there on the landscape of your face, were created to be molded against mine in this eternal kiss.”

“We also took a couple side trips to some nearby towns. Just drove around until we saw a place that looked fun. Found a couple interesting shops to wander around in. I know. We were lucky not to get lost.”

Lost is exactly where she wanted to be with him. “Open for me, my love. You will find yourself, find where you belong. Never again will you feel lost or lonely, without a compass to find your way. I will be your guide for every step down this path we will travel. If you stumble, I will catch you. If you waver, I will pull you back on course. I will not allow you to lose your way along this journey. I am now your destination.”

“And I did manage to get some time to visit the botanical gardens while I was there. Spent a few hours just strolling around the place. I might take a class in botany next semester. Oh, just a developing interest really."
The only interests she had were in the possibilities he brought to her life. “’He that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.’ Remember when I had you read Anne Brontë, darling one? It was in hopes of this moment, when I could trail this perfect red rose over your body and see the brilliant contrast. How beautifully the color on the petals stands out against the backdrop of your pale flesh. Not just for this image did I have your take in those words. My wish is that you learn my mind, my passions. They are, in many ways, just the same as this perfect rose I trace along the curves of your flesh - so very beautiful, yet studded with dangerous thorns. Ah yes, my pet, feel what the stunning combination of beauty and destruction does to a body and mind.”

“They really did have such pretty gardens there. The rose gardens were absolutely gorgeous, but I really do have a fondness for them…thorns and all. And after this trip, I know I’ll never look at a rose in quite the same way again.”

Nothing about her existence would ever be the same, not after he entered her world. “The scent of you on this rose is fiercely intoxicating, my angel. And your blood glistening as glitter here on these petals tastes just as sweet as any wine. Your mind, your body, your soul all make a bountiful feast in which I long to indulge over and over again. Every part of you will cry out for me and I will always be here to take in each delicious utterance. Oh, I smell your fear, slut. It makes your pain that much more exquisite to behold. Breathe in the power of this moment. Embrace it all and keep it close. Let our coming together overwhelm every part of you. Your very soul branded now by me. There will more firsts for us. But never one…like…this.”

“Sorry, Mom? What was that? No, just a little distracted for a minute. Oh, yes. I’m sure I’ll go back up that way soon. I just didn’t get enough the first time.”

Though it was her mother’s goodbye she was listening to, remembering his parting words to her made her eyes close on a sigh. “Soon, my love. Soon.”

[Dragon's muse]

Lovely, simply simply lovely. You do have the soul of a writer.

[tessa]

Hello, rose! :hihi:

I really can't take credit for the additions. I stole the ideas that you and H Dean and Mad Lews gave me.

I will, however, keep the good feeling your words give me. Thanks!

[Beswitchingly Positive]

dear romantic tessa,

I like the rewrite, I liked the idea from the start, the wandering mind of honeymoon lust. That was a great way to catch it, the diverging points of view. Was this assignment descibing a perfect deflowering?

Nice way to emphasize the romance instead of just the raw intrusion of a live account of their actual acts together. One has to wonder what else he did to her, for her to be so hypnotized.

Be kinda fun to see a more graphic (yet still tastefully romantic) live account of this weekend. Just a thought.

Switch

[tessa]

Switch, I have also had the thought of changing this into its more graphic form. Goodness knows the images are in my head. I hope I get the time to develop this alternate form.

You called me "romantic". That made me smile.

tessa:wave:

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Switch, I have also had the thought of changing this into its more graphic form. Goodness knows the images are in my head. I hope I get the time to develop this alternate form.

You called me "romantic". That made me smile.

tessa:wave:


Tastefully romantic, no doubt! It was the quality of your idea and the execution that made me notice the romantic icing on your writing. It would be cool to try to do a tastefully graphic version, or prelude. Of couse the images are in your head, or you wouldn't have been able to pull it off at all!

So yes, please smile! I just hit level 2 and am trying to bust out the first assignment, but after I catch up and get some work done I can't wait to peruse your level 2 stuff...did you get in level 3 yet?

Switchy

[tessa]

Yes, cariad finally unlocked the door for me, so in I went. I don't mind saying that Ruby is gonna kick my writer's butt, but it will be done in the best of ways knowing Ruby. It's going to be a challenge. Ruby is of the mind that I am up for it. We shall see.

Besides, can't get into Mad's Level 4 without getting through Level 3. Meeting Ruby's standards and making her proud then getting the key to Mad's door is incentive enough to work at it. And hard.

Good luck in Level 2. You will no doubt have a blast. Aussiegirl is just such a bright spot! (I'll let you in on a secret. ~leans in close to whisper~ I have it on good authority that she can be bribed with chocolate.)

~grins and waves bye~
tessa :wave: