Editing Request (docs.google?)

[Quale]

Hey, I finally got around to finishing a new story but I'd appreciate some help editing it before I get around to really posting it. The story is about a somewhat reluctant student who gets taken advantage of by her TA (despite what it might seem it's actually more my gf's fantasy than mine) and filmed having sex with him on his desk.

Anyway I hope this is the right forum to ask for help in but if anyone would be willing to give it a read and do some editing I would be most appreciative. It seems to me the easiest way to do this would be to let someone else collaborate on it via google docs. However, I'm happy to do this however works best for anyone nice enough to help.

If you are willing to give me a hand drop me an email at logicnazi@gmail.com or respond to this thread.

Thanks
Peter

[ElectricBadger]

This is definitely the right place to seek editing help, welcome to the fun. As another option, you could always include the story as an attached document or simply paste it into a post.

[Quale]

Didn't realize I could attach. Anyway here is my story so you don't need to mess with google docs.

I realize most people may have better things to do than proofread someone else's work but if you decide to read through it I would appreciate it if you would let me know about one or two problems you see.

Peter

[ElectricBadger]

Very nice so far, good plot and a hot scene!

Edited: 11944

Consistent problems I saw:

Lewis'...no double S
Asian/English/British...caps

You use the description "half-Asian" constantly...vary your adjectives a bit to prevent seeming repetitive and to more completely describe her.

You also use the same sentence pattern over and over..."fragment, sentence." First off, remember to add a comma after that...this is one of the rare works I've had to add lots in rather than take them out! Secondly, vary your structure a bit or again, it can become a bit repetitive. Also, break down your sentences -- there are a ton that seem to keep going and going!

All in all, though, really good stuff -- I hope you'll continue it further!