1st Assignment for Satan Klaus and Anonymouse

[Dragon's muse]

Welcome to Writer's Block!!

Describe for me, set the stage for the perfect seduction. Your can write from the point of view of the seducer or the seducee, or from a third person stand. Remember to layer all the senses, draw me into the scene.

Ready, Set, Write!!!!!

[anonymouse]

Wow!

Perfect; seduction -- two words loaded with possibilities.

Thinking cap on!

anonymouse

[anonymouse]

It's impossible to describe a perfect seduction without resorting to metaphor. You could say it's like the most delicious ice cream. A tantalizing treat of unexpected taste sensations. It's rich creaminess is familiar however, the tang of boysenberries is what really captivates you. The temptation it instills is irresistible; the surrender to this temptation overwhelms your senses.

[I need to start again, but I thought I'd post this anyway]

anonymouse

[Rhabbi]

It's impossible to describe a perfect seduction without resorting to metaphor. You could say it's like the most delicious ice cream. A tantalizing treat of unexpected taste sensations. It's rich creaminess is familiar however, the tang of boysenberries is what really captivates you. The temptation it instills is irresistible; the surrender to this temptation overwhelms your senses.

[I need to start again, but I thought I'd post this anyway]

anonymouse

Really? Read mine, and what is wrong with metaphor anyway?

[anonymouse]

Really? Read mine, and what is wrong with metaphor anyway?


hehe - nothing, I guess.

"Seduction is a metaphor - life provides its analogies" - me :)

anonymouse

[Satan_Klaus]

My first asignment did not turn out as planned. I wanted to tell a story about the power of seduction, about being powerless to resist. It turned out, well, creepy.

But I went with the flow and that is usually a good thing. So here is my first asignment:




Perfect Seduction

She appeared in a blaze of beauty. The warm summer breeze flaunted her blonde mane as she approached me. Her dress flowed out loosely behind her but was pressed firmly against the front of her delectable body, forcing an unchaste thought into my brain that I could not, would not, suppress. I hated myself at that moment; how could I do this vision of perfect beauty justice? How? How, if the wind was outlining not only her bountiful breasts but even hinted at her nipples? No man is that strong.

She did not know that I was watching her, not then, was unaware of the fact that I could have simply reached out, not only to hold her at arms length but to pull her in and never let her go. To ravage her in my arms, to feel the soft warm flesh yield before my voracious fingers, to explore what could be mine, should be mine.

Even though I could see every mole and every little scar in a moment of crystal clarity, I knew that her skin was perfect. I could not even conceive it in any other way. My eyes tore away the thin summer dress and explored her fully, drank in her hidden beauty that was only bared for me.

As we passed one another, she granted me a fleeting smile, flashing her white teeth at me. Did she know that I had nothing but her taste on my lips? That my hot breath, heavy with desire, mixed with hers? That our insatiable tongues danced around one another without ever leaving our mouths?

Like a bar fighter who is kicked with steel capped boots once he is down, her scent overwhelmed as I came downwind. I staggered and almost fell as her perfume assaulted me; the musky, bittersweet fragrance of her sweat expressed everything I needed to know. I knew how it would be to trace my tongue over her glistening skin, guided only by her scent like a blind animal.

The swaying of her hips before my weary eyes and the rhythmic ‘toc toc’ of her heels had me hypnotized like a snake. I could not turn away, could not let her walk away like that. It was the perfect moment to strike.

I turned away.

She did not know that I was watching her, not then, not ever.

[anonymouse]

Hello Satan_Klaus,

I really like this. You refer to it as 'creepy' but in fact, that's what makes the piece so readable (for me). There's lots of imagery evoked throughout, and a great closing line. :)

anonymouse

[Mad Lews]

My first asignment did not turn out as planned. I wanted to tell a story about the power of seduction, about being powerless to resist. It turned out, well, creepy.



The swaying of her hips before my weary eyes and the rhythmic ‘toc toc’ of her heels had me hypnotized like a snake. I could not turn away, could not let her walk away like that. It was the perfect moment to strike.

I turned away.

She did not know that I was watching her, not then, not ever.

"And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from,"

Nice job, great concept, just a little disappointed in your strength of character! ;) next time waver a bit:)
Mad Lews

was that a snake metaphor I saw?

[anonymouse]

was that a snake metaphor I saw?

"Is this an apple I see before me?"

All rhetoric aside, it's a bright red one, and ... um ... nevermind...

anonymouse

[Dragon's muse]

Herr Klaus,

If this is what happens when you "go with the flow", then you should do no other. It does have a touch of creepiness about it, but a good kind of creepiness, a warm shiver running up the spine kind of creepiness.


Marvelous use of imagery. i could feel that knocked-for-a-loop sensation. i really enjoyed this. i do hope you see her again, and maybe continue the tale.

There were precious few nits to pick, proof of the old adage that foreigners tend to learn our language better than we do.

i will get your next assignemnt up this afternoon or tomorrow.

rose
My first asignment did not turn out as planned. I wanted to tell a story about the power of seduction, about being powerless to resist. It turned out, well, creepy.

But I went with the flow and that is usually a good thing. So here is my first asignment:




Perfect Seduction

She appeared in a blaze of beauty. The warm summer breeze flaunted her blonde mane as she approached me. Her dress flowed out loosely behind her but was pressed firmly against the front of her delectable body, forcing an unchaste thought into my brain that I could not, would not, suppress. I hated myself at that moment; how could I do this vision of perfect beauty justice? How? How, if the wind was outlining not only her bountiful breasts but even hinted at her nipples? No man is that strong.

She did not know that I was watching her, not then,change this comma to a semicolon and add 'she' before was was unaware of the fact that I could have simply reached out, not only to hold her at arms length but to pull her in and never let her go. To ravage her in my arms, to feel the soft warm flesh yield before my voracious fingers, to explore what could be mine, should be mine.

Even though I could see every mole and every little scar in a moment of crystal clarity, I knew that her skin was perfect. I could not even conceive it in any other way. My eyes tore away the thin summer dress and explored her fully, drank in her hidden beauty that was only bared (the flow of the sentence will be slightly improved if this read 'bared only'for me.

As we passed one another, she granted me a fleeting smile, flashing her white teeth at me. Did she know that I had nothing but her taste on my lips? That my hot breath, heavy with desire, mixed with hers? That our insatiable tongues danced around one another without ever leaving our mouths?

Like a bar fighter who is kicked with steel capped boots once he is down, her scent overwhelmed as I came downwind. (i really like the imagery of the bar fighter, but to make the analogy make sense the rest of the sentence should be "i was overwhelmed by her scent as i came downwind." the noun it modifies should be the closest to the modifying phrase I staggered and almost fell as her perfume assaulted me; the musky, bittersweet fragrance of her sweat expressed everything I needed to know. I knew how it would be to trace my tongue over her glistening skin, guided only by her scent like a blind animal.

The swaying of her hips before my weary eyes and the rhythmic ‘toc toc’ of her heels had me hypnotized like a snake. I could not turn away, could not let her walk away like that. It was the perfect moment to strike.

I turned away.

She did not know that I was watching her, not then, not ever.

[Dragon's muse]

It's impossible to describe a perfect seduction without resorting to metaphor. You could say it's like the most delicious ice cream. A tantalizing treat of unexpected taste sensations. It's rich creaminess is familiar however, the tang of boysenberries is what really captivates you. The temptation it instills is irresistible; the surrender to this temptation overwhelms your senses.

[I need to start again, but I thought I'd post this anyway]

anonymouse

i like metaphors, hit me with your best shot (metaphorically speaking). How would the "perfect man" go about seducing you in the "perfect way"?

[Satan_Klaus]

I really like this. You refer to it as 'creepy' but in fact, that's what makes the piece so readable (for me).

anonymouse

Yes it has this 'human touch' as the chracter himself admits that he is struggling. I think that makes it easier to identify with him.

Besides, the difference between a good man and an evil one is not what they desire, its what they do about it.

Satan_Klaus

[Satan_Klaus]

If this is what happens when you "go with the flow", then you should do no other. It does have a touch of creepiness about it, but a good kind of creepiness, a warm shiver running up the spine kind of creepiness.


Marvelous use of imagery. i could feel that knocked-for-a-loop sensation. i really enjoyed this. i do hope you see her again, and maybe continue the tale.



Yes this one was really a 'flow' story. As I said, I wanted to write about the power of seduction and being powerless before it. Quickly, the story got a mind of its own and decided that being powerless allowed the monsters to come out to play. I'm not unhappy about it, its just different than I had imagined.

I don't think I could do a sequel to that story, though. A good story is not always enriched by adding to it and this one feels complete as it is, a standalone encouter. In addition, a sequel would belie the powerful last sentence.


And thank you for kind words and editing work. I really appreciate what you are doing for us Rose.

Satan_Klaus

[Rhabbi]

Klaus,

This is a great story, and perfectly illustates the line between fantasy and reality by never crossing it. Thumbs up all the way.