The blight of experience...

[anonymouse]

There's currently a thread over on the Personals board (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9131&page=2) discussing the pros and cons of 'experienced/older Dom' Vs. 'inexperienced, youthful Dom'. My question here is directed at the 'older, experienced sub/slave' -- what is your view on playing with younger and perhaps more inexperienced Doms?

For me personally, I've always enjoyed the touch of older experience (so to speak) but as I've become older and more experienced myself, my own experience (and age) as a sub often frightens off the younger, eager Dom. I hasten to say here that I'm not soliciting for either a younger or older Dom! If I wanted to do that, I'd have started this thread in the Personals. I'm also not posting to illuminate any course for young submissives -- they have their own 'thrill of discovery' ahead of them. Nor is this any attempt to 'educate' young Doms.

As an older sub, it's both invigorating and a validation of 'worth' whenever a young Dom takes an interest in me. Alas, my experience has been that to have 'experience' as a submissive is often something seen as intimidating by younger Doms. Furthermore, if I'm honest about it upfront (as I have been), it has tended to be regarded in simplistic terms such as 'you're topping from the bottom' -- an accusation that has some truth but which denies my most basic 'submissiveness' which is simply, to seek ways to give pleasure.

So anyway, there it is. Thoughts and opinions are welcome...

anonymouse

[TomOfSweden]

As an older sub, it's both invigorating and a validation of 'worth' whenever a young Dom takes an interest in me.

he he funny. I feel exactly the same way about younger inexperienced subs. It's fun to get the attention but they're just not worth the time and energy they require, (in my humble experience at least).

[cariad]

Not sure how old or how experienced you mean, and whether or not I count, but answering anyway.

I always feel very sorry for young and inexperienced Doms, there is an assumption that they know what they are doing, and all too often their lack of experience combined with enthusiasm results in them being labeled as wannabes. It takes more confidence than most people have to come out and declare, I would love to dominant someone, but I have never done it before and am not quite sure how to go about it. Therefore, I have chatted and occasionally played on line with a novice Dom, if I both like him as a person and feel that there is a true Dom waiting to come out. I have enjoyed those times, but freely admit to looking for someone with more maturity to build a relationship with.

One of the thrills of my online life has been someone I met elsewhere, who initially presented as one of the worse types of online Doms I know, but for some reason I chatted to him for a little while. That built into a lasting friendship, and I was able to mentor him through from what I later discovered was his first day in chat, through to him entering a sustainable 24/7 relationship.

cariad

[Warbaby1943]

From either prospective D or s, one doesn't necessarily have to be young to be inexperienced. Willingness to admit and to learn, I believe, are important no matter what the age.

Age doesn't always assure experience or wisdom, does it?

[anonymouse]

Best said (and I forget the source of the quote) -- "Youth is squandered on the young".

anonymouse

[TomOfSweden]

Best said (and I forget the source of the quote) -- "Youth is squandered on the young".

anonymouse

George Bernard Shaw. I think the correct quote is also "wasted".

[anonymouse]

George Bernard Shaw. I think the correct quote is also "wasted".

Me and my faulty (old) memory :)

anonymouse

[TomOfSweden]

I always feel very sorry for young and inexperienced Doms, there is an assumption that they know what they are doing, and all too often their lack of experience combined with enthusiasm results in them being labeled as wannabes.

Only based on talking to Doms at parties my extremly simplified model of Domery is that a true Doms start out their career being/feeling really really strange about sex, and having trouble conveying this without scaring subs/women off.

Wannabes have the oposite problem. Their biggest problem is rampant normalness and general cluelessness about what turns a sub on. It's more a an identity/subcluture thing than a craving.

I'm very open here to be extremly wrong. But it's my theory for now.

edit: I'm only talking about young inexperienced Doms here.

[anonymouse]

Only based on talking to Doms at parties my extremly simplified model of Domery is that a true Doms start out their career being/feeling really really strange about sex, and having trouble conveying this without scaring subs/women off.

Wannabes have the oposite problem. Their biggest problem is rampant normalness and general cluelessness about what turns a sub on. It's more a an identity/subcluture thing than a craving.

Two things:

Firstly, 'Domery' has entered my vocabulary (alongside kinkery and other funny words)

Secondly, (aside from the 'true doms' which you forgot to acknowledge is a TM sign) ... um, it's so true I can't help but laugh :)

anonymouse

[Guest 91108]

as an Ancient one .... I generally prefer older more experienced women be they subs or not. The more experience one can show me she has the more I am comfortable letting go and seeing how things progress .. and that is what adds to the situation. The letting go ...

Young ladies , while energetic and usually eager, are just too annoying for the most part. I have found that rarely does such a one come into one's path that you try and find commonality and it works. I have such a one with wlg at this time.

When I was in my teens i went for those older .. the 19 + crowd who at least had an idea what they wanted compared to those my own age when i was 15. by the time I was 25, i found nothing that much of a turn on for younger women except to see pics , cause at that time and the times .. once they started talking it was a huge turnoff.
now ... at 45 ... I see that most who have walked into my path and become friends and acquaintances are very interesting and lack some of the qualities that turned me totally off when i was a young man , whether you wish to consider Domery or not. I think i have always been thus .. so .. smiles.

[orchid]

personally, i wouldn't be opposed to it.
everyone starts somewhere and someone mentored me, id like to think that i could do the same for someone who wanted to learn. not saying i could mentor a Dom - lol! - just that if i thought it would help them be a better Dom, and i trusted them, i wouldn't mind

respectfully,
orchid