moptop
05-09-2007, 11:47 AM
The phrase that is resonating in my head today is "Ma belle soumise." It just means "My beautiful submissive" - nothing really wild about that - except today is the first time he called me beautiful, the first time he called me his submissive, the first time he called me his.
Hey hang on, you might say - anyone who is aware of any of my recent life posts, over the last few months - who's he?
He is French, I met him on a French bdsm meeting site. He is a photographer and, as far as I can tell, just about everything else, too. Ex-cross Atlantic sailor, musician (piano, guitar and trombone! who the hell plays the trombone?), used to be in an opera chorus, quotes English poetry to me, for Christ's sake, and he's French! recognises Shakespeare quotes - in English - and just fucks my mind like no-one has ever, ever done.
We have met once, we had a very nice lunch (well the food wasn't great but we didn't notice, we just talked and talked). And since then the play has been growing... I actually got myself a webcam (on instruction) - and I've been doing many things that I always said to myself just weren't me, but it feels like coming home. After we'd met, we couldn't meet again or spend much time on line because a French long weekend was coming up and he had his kids (divorced). And although we will be meeting and having physical time together, it won't be that much; he travels a lot for his work, and we're quite a way from eachother.
He put me on CR, with instructions to practice positions each night, and then bring myself to the brink; every other day, to practice my pussy muscles, no hands, no toys, but to seek my pleasure purely through my muscles (jeez, am I a long way off being able to do that!). And of course to report on progress, feelings etc every day (before noon) with photos.
He is also very interested in the Academy - which I told him about, and I'd translated a fair number of things I've written, tasks I've done. So he told me to pick 10 tasks - that I thought he might like, no other guide - and translate them for him. He will pick something out of them for me...
It kept me very busy, I can tell you!
None of that is anything like I ever thought I wanted; but I found myself quite naturally writing a journal. Every spare minute, I'd write more to him. He was with me all that time... all the time.
He's very... quietly and calmly insistent on his wishes. He expects (wants) me to be proud, dignified and controlled at all times... unless he says to let go. He is extremely demanding, in a totally - how can I put it? - correct sort of way. He wants to push me, he wants me to push myself. But he wants nothing that is not achievable and reasonable.
So this afternoon he came back. Oh-my-God. We played for 2 hours. Well, in a lot of ways it was pretty vanilla, I suppose. He was in a good mood, and very pleased with me (I'm amazingly obedient and very assiduous in my desire to fulfil his wishes). So he wanted to let me come. But he also is not specifically directive, a lot of the time. He wants me to guess, know what he wants, and do it without being told. He will hint... guide... but not too much. He likes me to take the initiative - sometimes - to some extent - just depends. He will say something, I will ask him if he means xyz, and he will say 'I want you to take the risk.' Gaaaaaah. Anyway, he talked me to a certain point, I undressed for him on a hint, not even a suggestion; he has this way of anwering things I say just by saying "....". Nothing else. It is my opportunity to guess/feel what he wants, and to do it. I may be wrong... but he likes me to work it out. So after some "...." I was naked and playing with my body, with my rabbit, on cam for him - now that may sound nothing to you, but I am not used to it, it took me a leap to do it, and then I found I loooooved it - playing for bloody ages, actually :D, he didn't say much for a long time... then he told me I had 5 minutes to come as much as I liked because after that it was finished... and then he took over (yeah, I managed to get another one in :D).
He likes to bind me so that a movement will create a dilemma. He likes dilemmas. He likes to bind me so that I am under his control, but he can choose to loosen... or tighten... the hold he has on me. Sometimes I am allowed some movement; but that movement in itself will cause me a dilemma (want to move my hands, but it pulls on that rope going across my clit, between my thighs). Sometimes none... And this is fantasy binding - I'm amazingly good at fantasy I find :rolleyes: But it is fantasy only in as much as he's not here - he explains very, very exactly what he's doing; and being a sailor, he knows ropes and knots... the very fact that I know it's going to be happening for real soon just adds so much.
Again, might all sound like old hat to you but the on line stuff is new to me!
So anyway - I now have a sore clit; I am seeing (as it were) him again tonight; but he's warned me that I will be on CR again until we next physically meet: which might be next week...
Then again...
Hey hang on, you might say - anyone who is aware of any of my recent life posts, over the last few months - who's he?
He is French, I met him on a French bdsm meeting site. He is a photographer and, as far as I can tell, just about everything else, too. Ex-cross Atlantic sailor, musician (piano, guitar and trombone! who the hell plays the trombone?), used to be in an opera chorus, quotes English poetry to me, for Christ's sake, and he's French! recognises Shakespeare quotes - in English - and just fucks my mind like no-one has ever, ever done.
We have met once, we had a very nice lunch (well the food wasn't great but we didn't notice, we just talked and talked). And since then the play has been growing... I actually got myself a webcam (on instruction) - and I've been doing many things that I always said to myself just weren't me, but it feels like coming home. After we'd met, we couldn't meet again or spend much time on line because a French long weekend was coming up and he had his kids (divorced). And although we will be meeting and having physical time together, it won't be that much; he travels a lot for his work, and we're quite a way from eachother.
He put me on CR, with instructions to practice positions each night, and then bring myself to the brink; every other day, to practice my pussy muscles, no hands, no toys, but to seek my pleasure purely through my muscles (jeez, am I a long way off being able to do that!). And of course to report on progress, feelings etc every day (before noon) with photos.
He is also very interested in the Academy - which I told him about, and I'd translated a fair number of things I've written, tasks I've done. So he told me to pick 10 tasks - that I thought he might like, no other guide - and translate them for him. He will pick something out of them for me...
It kept me very busy, I can tell you!
None of that is anything like I ever thought I wanted; but I found myself quite naturally writing a journal. Every spare minute, I'd write more to him. He was with me all that time... all the time.
He's very... quietly and calmly insistent on his wishes. He expects (wants) me to be proud, dignified and controlled at all times... unless he says to let go. He is extremely demanding, in a totally - how can I put it? - correct sort of way. He wants to push me, he wants me to push myself. But he wants nothing that is not achievable and reasonable.
So this afternoon he came back. Oh-my-God. We played for 2 hours. Well, in a lot of ways it was pretty vanilla, I suppose. He was in a good mood, and very pleased with me (I'm amazingly obedient and very assiduous in my desire to fulfil his wishes). So he wanted to let me come. But he also is not specifically directive, a lot of the time. He wants me to guess, know what he wants, and do it without being told. He will hint... guide... but not too much. He likes me to take the initiative - sometimes - to some extent - just depends. He will say something, I will ask him if he means xyz, and he will say 'I want you to take the risk.' Gaaaaaah. Anyway, he talked me to a certain point, I undressed for him on a hint, not even a suggestion; he has this way of anwering things I say just by saying "....". Nothing else. It is my opportunity to guess/feel what he wants, and to do it. I may be wrong... but he likes me to work it out. So after some "...." I was naked and playing with my body, with my rabbit, on cam for him - now that may sound nothing to you, but I am not used to it, it took me a leap to do it, and then I found I loooooved it - playing for bloody ages, actually :D, he didn't say much for a long time... then he told me I had 5 minutes to come as much as I liked because after that it was finished... and then he took over (yeah, I managed to get another one in :D).
He likes to bind me so that a movement will create a dilemma. He likes dilemmas. He likes to bind me so that I am under his control, but he can choose to loosen... or tighten... the hold he has on me. Sometimes I am allowed some movement; but that movement in itself will cause me a dilemma (want to move my hands, but it pulls on that rope going across my clit, between my thighs). Sometimes none... And this is fantasy binding - I'm amazingly good at fantasy I find :rolleyes: But it is fantasy only in as much as he's not here - he explains very, very exactly what he's doing; and being a sailor, he knows ropes and knots... the very fact that I know it's going to be happening for real soon just adds so much.
Again, might all sound like old hat to you but the on line stuff is new to me!
So anyway - I now have a sore clit; I am seeing (as it were) him again tonight; but he's warned me that I will be on CR again until we next physically meet: which might be next week...
Then again...