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Clevernick
05-15-2007, 02:38 PM
Part 3 -- Psychology

I had to work a bit late that day, and when I got home, dinner had started without me. I sat down at the table and noticed that Lynn was already sitting down – beside me! Lynn *never* sat beside me – she preferred the head of the table, where she could preach to us all on her favorite religious topics. She was still wearing her pink skirt, and I had no doubt that she was going commando beneath it. Especially since she kept glancing sidelong at me, apparently waiting for me to molest her at the dinner table again. She was obviously enjoying her punishment far too much. How could I respond to this? Public humiliation this morning had only whetted her appetite for more, and apparently she didn’t mind taking another chance on her roommates finding out either. Even I wasn’t sure I wanted the roommates in on this. I ignored her at the table altogether. Where was the uptight Church Lady when I needed one? I complimented Richard on his salad, and told Chuck I’d finished his Chesterton book and asked to drop by his room after dinner to pick out another.

After dinner I went up to Chuck’s room and we talked books for a while, but he quickly got onto his favorite topic, which was, coincidentally, how much he despised Lynn. All the things that bothered me about her (at least, up until Monday), bothered him twice as much, and he ranted frequently on the topic. Eventually I couldn’t resist a tease, and I said, “Did you notice her at dinner tonight? Not so much religion, not so much sanctimony.”

He thought back and frowned, and said “yes, and she was sitting with you this time. Don’t tell me she’s going to be controlling you now.”

“Quite the opposite,” I grinned. “She’s under control now. If she gives you any trouble, just let me know.”

“Really? I won’t be hearing any more sermons? How did you manage that?”

“Really. Under my thumb.”

But I didn’t tell him any more. I still wasn’t sure what to say.

When 10:30 came along I was in my room again, door open. Lynn walked in, barefoot, as if she belonged there, closed the door, and without hesitation stripped off her pink skirt and blouse, which was all she was wearing. I had nothing to complain about – she was naked well within the time limit. But the balance of power was all off. She even enjoyed the panty patrol now. Not that I didn’t, but it was going to be hard to discipline someone who enjoyed the punishments as much as I did. To stall for time, I told her that I could see some stubble, and she needed to shave and trim before we could begin. She had to put on her clothes again, go out to the bathroom, fetch a razor and a bucket, and come back and shave for me. She accepted the task without question, and came back quicker than I’d expected.

Then she handed me the razor, and took all her clothes off again, very matter-of-fact. Once a girl loses that modesty thing, I guess it’s lost for good. I handed the razor back to her and told her to sit on the floor, put the bottoms of her feet together, and shave. “Keep that ‘S’ nicely trimmed and visible, mind you.” Then I watched her shave in that position, occasionally scooting back against the carpet to tilt her hips up further. This position certainly would have embarrassed me, and she seemed undisturbed this time.

I wondered how far her new brazenness extended. When she was done shaving, I told her to put the razor and bucket back in the bathroom. I handed her the skirt and she put it on, reached for the blouse, and I held onto it, shook my finger. This time she was unhappy. She stopped at the bedroom door, looked at me, eyes wide and lip trembling a bit. “Don’t speak to anyone you may see”, I added, just in case. She nodded, but didn’t open the door. “One more second’s hesitation, and you’ll be doing it naked, with a feather duster protruding from your ass”, I told her sternly. This was enough for her, and she quickly opened the door a bit, saw Betty leaving the bathroom. She waited a few extra seconds to let Betty get to her bedroom, then scooted out the door and dived into the bathroom.

Betty had turned around and seen a flash of Lynn’s naked top. “Lynn, are you all right?” Betty looked around; saw me standing in the doorway. I smirked and shrugged, said “It’s sad, really. Perfectly shameless. You’re a good woman, Betty, and you’re her friend. I hope you can help her.”

Betty was a quiet, slow-moving Mennonite with small eyes and two chins. She was neither old nor fat, but she looked like she’d be more comfortable with herself when she was both. She was not stupid. She looked back at me venomously, apparently well aware of where her roommate had been these last two nights, and hissed “Whatever you’re doing to her, stop it right now!”

I shook my head sadly at Betty as Lynn walked, breasts too pert to bounce, quietly back into my bedroom and disappeared inside. “What makes you think she’d want it to stop?” I asked with a certain sincerity that matched my own growing realization. Betty looked back at me uncertainly, then glared and backed into her room, slamming the door.

I closed us back into the room and found Lynn standing a few steps away, already naked, hands behind her, eyes lowered as I looked at her. I would swear I’d never taught her submissive postures – she seemed to have picked this one up on her own. “Legs apart, shameless slut”, I tried. She flinched visibly at the epithet, brought one leg over and continued to wait with her feet a meter apart. Her lower lip was twitching a bit and I realized that this really had been very humiliating for her, and she was hiding it for me. I checked her pussy with two fingers. “And you’re sopping wet, too. Did I tell you that you could enjoy yourself?” She shook her head quickly. Oh, dear. Now she was expecting a punishment.

I realized that she was actually hoping I’d keep escalating the violence and humiliation. And that she was probably able to take more of it than I was willing to dish out. Already it was making me more uncomfortable than it made her. She had probably put on those slutty panties this morning hoping to get caught at the bus stop. This was bad – if it came down to her forcing me to punish her for liking her punishments, things could get much wilder than I’d hoped. I wasn’t expecting to have progressed to naked roommate encounters for another couple of weeks yet, if at all.

I decided to ask Chuck, since he was good with psychology. But first I needed to bring him in on the secret.

I figured that I could do this in a way that would humiliate her, hopefully without making Chuck too uncomfortable. I thought about it for a while, and then told Lynn to lie face down on the bed. I cuffed her hands behind her, and her ankles, and then cuffed those together, leaving her loosely hogtied. I told her I’d be back to punish her for her attention-seeking behavior this morning. Just so she’d have something to think about while I was gone.

I was still dressed, so I closed the door and went over to Chuck’s room. It wasn’t that late, and he was still up, reading. Rich was asleep in the room though, so Chuck took me downstairs to chat.

“So,” he began “you’ve got Lynn under control, have you? Are you ready to tell me how?” I guess he still had the question on his mind from last tim

“Better,” I said. “I’m ready to show you, if you don’t mind a bit of a shock. If you get uncomfortable, just let me know you have to leave, and I’ll join you down here again in a few minutes.”

“OK,” he agreed, obviously very curious. He started to follow me back upstairs, and I said “Give me a few minutes to prepare, and then come in when I open the door again. And whatever I say, just play along.” He agreed he could manage this.

Then I went back into the room, closed the door, and told the still naked and hogtied Lynn “You seem awfully comfortable tonight, and that will stop right now. You were bad this morning, and broke your panty-patrol agreement. Worse, I suspect you wanted to get caught at it. So the following punishment for that will embarrass you very much. It’s at least as humiliating as the pictures we took earlier. You will do exactly as you’re told, and remain completely silent. Think of that gag in your mouth before, and of the chains you’re wearing now, and remember they are there even when they’re not. You will not protest. You may be turned on, and you may not. You may like what I say, and you may hate it. It doesn’t matter. Do you understand and agree, and solemnly promise to be a good, quiet, obedient slave?” She nodded, her eyes glinting with fear and excitement. I checked with two fingers between her legs, and sure enough, she was turned on by the idea. Slut. Then I took off all her cuffs, put them away, and told her to stand facing the bed, away from the door, hands at her sides.

Then I opened the door to invite Chuck in.

“Excuse me, am I interrupting something?” he said, taken aback at Lynn’s naked behind. He nearly walked out again. Lynn started, and whirled round in shock, then immediately turned back toward the bed.

“Not at all,” I said, “I was just working on a great new robot. Check this out, doesn’t it look just like our favorite housemate?” I expected Lynn hated Chuck as much as he hated her.

“You mean that’s not her?” he said.

“No, she’s over with Betty, as usual. This is Robo-Lynn”, I said proudly. “It’s quite lifelike, isn’t it? Robo-Lynn, turn around.” Lynn reluctantly turned to face us, and I expect she wished I’d left the chains on by now. Her mouth was set in a frown, her face was bright red, and she didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands. I helped her out a bit. “Robo-Lynn, hands on your breasts.” She glared at me, but did so, covering up her nearly conical b-cups, avoiding Chuck’s amused gaze. She was doing so well, and Chuck looked like he could handle it, so I thought I'd stretch a bit further. "Robo-Lynn, hands under your breasts." She moved her hands down to her ribs, looked at me defiantly. I'd wanted her to cup the breasts, and she knew that. I glared back and said "Robo-Lynn, pinch your nipples, and remain holding them out." She couldn't misinterpret this, so she did as I said. Chuck had gone from amused to amazed.

“Notice the brand logo there on the pubic area? That’s how you know it’s my work. The real Lynn wouldn’t have that either”, I grinned at Chuck.

“Robo-Lynn, hands on the bed, lean on them.” She turned back away from us and put her hands on the waterbed, which gave under her weight, sticking her ass in the air.

Chuck mused, “Very good, does it speak?”

“No”, I said, “I haven’t got that far yet, and I’m not sure I’d want to. But it takes orders, and it feels quite lifelike. And,” I continued proudly, “It’s fully functional. Check this out.” I put my hand on Lynn’s ass, shoved a couple of fingers into her pussy, and brought them out glistening. “I’ve used it in every orifice already – it’s a good sex toy. It will accommodate you too if you want.” Lynn choked and gasped, flushing all over, but stayed where she was.

“No thanks. That sounds like fun but it’s getting late.” said Chuck.

“I understand, maybe later”, I said. “Robo-Lynn, lie on your back on the bed. Now lift your legs, grab your ankles. Wave goodbye to Chuck. Grab your ankles again. Good, now stay that way until I return.”



Then I took the notebook and followed Chuck out the door. We walked downstairs, Chuck excited and nearly giggling. I was a bit more somber. “How the fuck did you do that?” he burst out.

“A careful combination of bullying, bondage, and blackmail”, I said. “She’s promised on pain of exposure to follow my commands for a full four weeks, and as you can see, it works. Including the religious remarks, you’ll note.” I showed him the notebook with Lynn’s repeated promise. “I’m so happy to see that”, he chortled.

“But something’s going wrong, and I need your opinion”, I continued.

“What’s that?”

“She seems to like it. A lot. And when she screws up, I punish her, and she seems to like the punishments too. Not at the time, maybe, but by the next day for sure. I suspect she’s starting to screw up on purpose, to get caught, so she can be punished. That’s going to be a disaster.”

“Why a disaster?”

“Because I’m getting uncomfortable with the level of roughness and humiliation I have to use, and she apparently doesn’t mind.”

“When did she stop being her usual evil self and start looking like she liked it?” Chuck asked.

“Well, she was unusually cooperative, maybe even pleased, Monday night when she first came to see me in my room. That morning I’d forced her to promise 4 weeks’ unquestioning obedience by night, and she was furious. I expected resentment that evening, or that she’d disappear or even get violent, but not smiles.”

“Ever heard of cognitive dissonance?” Chuck asked, smiling.

“What’s that?”

“Nobody likes to think they’ve made a dumb decision. It’s such a powerful feeling, people will fool themselves into thinking they’ve done something smart instead. Think about it. You’re Lynn. You start out thinking you have no choice but to spend the next 4 weeks sleeping with a guy you don’t like, and something worse will happen if you don’t. Wouldn’t you rather spend a day convincing yourself you had just found a new boyfriend, the sex was fantastic, and you were sleeping with him because you really liked him?”

The penny dropped. This explained a lot. “So I’m her boyfriend now?”

“Yep. A good one, since you’re obviously keeping her aroused.” He glanced at my slimy fingers. “But a pretty scummy one, too, since you just offered to share her with your housemate. Good boyfriends don’t do that.”

“Well, good. I hope I can continue to do things boyfriends don’t do, because I don’t want her as a girlfriend. I just want a very obedient little bedmate, for a while.”

“This may not be as easy as you think.” Chuck warned. “She’s convincing herself to fall in love with you, which will appeal to your soft side. And there’s the B&D paradox, too: submissives have a lot of power over those who dominate them, especially when the Dom is essentially softhearted like you are. Basically, it becomes your job to come up with new punishments and make sure they stretch her boundaries, but that she enjoys them. Who’s actually in charge in that case? Who is working hard for whom? And if she’s enjoying the sex, and not disturbed by your punishments, you don’t even have that as a trump card.”

“I was starting to figure that out”, I said sadly. “What can I do about it?”

“Well, as I see it, you may have done something good tonight”, he said. “You brought her out of the boyfriend/girlfriend world by bringing me in. Being shared by her boyfriend isn’t part of her lifestyle. She’ll either decide she hates you again, leaving you back in control, or she’ll expand her worldview.”

“And what if she expands her worldview?”

“Well, I should say I'd like that, since I'd get plenty of free sex. But honestly, I think danger lies that way. If she doesn't mind being shared, you’d better bail out right away, my friend, because she’s probably more than you can handle.”

“It’s even worse than that”, I admitted. “If she keeps this up, I might even start liking her. Her new personality is cheerful, sexy, submissive but with a streak of willfulness, and above all silent. It’s very tempting.”

“Then I was right before. She’s going to be controlling you now. Get out while you still can”, he said seriously.


* * *

I thanked him and went back up to my room. Lynn was there, on the bed, knees up, but her arms were relaxed at her sides. She quickly grabbed her ankles after I came in. I knew she had heard me coming, and had had plenty of time to get back in position before I opened the door. She was hoping to be punished again. Chuck had given me a clue, though, and I had an idea what to try next.

"Now you're just trying to piss me off", I glared. "It's not going to work. The punishment for looking for punishment is a bit different. Sit on the edge of the bed." I still wanted the sex, so I sat beside her on the bed's edge, took off my clothes, and picked her up bodily and slid her down onto my erection, facing away from me. I told her I needed some sex, and that she happened to be handy, so she should start riding. Then I just sat there, made her do all the work herself, until I was relieved. I don't think she finished, though. Then, no longer horny, I told her to put on her clothes and get out. She turned to look at me, big-eyed. "You heard me. Go back to your own bed. Slaves who look for extra attention don't get any at all. No more deliberate slips. Just follow the agreement." She put on the skirt and blouse, ignored the sperm dripping down the inside and back of one thigh, and left quietly.

I heard Betty first shouting, then pleading with Lynn from behind their door. Good. If I couldn’t bring back her sense of shame, maybe Betty could.

I was certainly right about the attention-seeking. Thursday when I got up to shower (late as usual), Lynn was already in the shower. But this time, the bathroom door was open a crack. She was hoping for company. Definitely not part of the agreement. I ignored it and went downstairs in my robe to eat breakfast instead. She came downstairs, dressed and ready for work, as I was finishing, and started gathering her breakfast. As I got up to leave, she opened the fridge to get some milk. She didn't look back at me, but bent over to reach the jam, and remained there a little longer than necessary. Since it was convenient, I reached under her skirt, stroked her bare pussy once, slapped her behind approvingly, and went upstairs to shower.



As I jerked off alone in the shower, I wondered who I was punishing now.



* * *



I avoided Lynn at dinnertime, too, letting her try to remember her lessons. She was good about not mentioning religion, I’ll admit. But she seemed to take extra excuses to walk by me when she could, perhaps hoping for some “candyfloss” action. I decided I’d let that ride until later tonight.

At 10 I was up in Chuck’s room, telling him about the last day and my attempt to bring things back under control. I told him how I’d slapped her down verbally, and ignored her for a night and a day. I wanted it clear that she’d get no attention in reward for her attention-seeking misbehavior. Whether she was trying to push me into rougher treatment, or just wanted her boyfriend to like her, I hoped this would tell her to slow down. Chuck agreed that this was a good move, but was still cautious about my continued control of the situation. He did say that if I appeared to have things under control after a few days, he might be interested in my previous offer, though. As we spoke, I saw Lynn go by his open door and into my room, barefoot. I checked my watch – 10:16. “Someone’s still a bit overenthusiastic”, I said. “Good luck”, smiled Chuck.

I entered my room to find Lynn there, already naked, and sitting on the bed. Her skirt and sweatshirt were lying in front of the door. I picked them up, put them in a drawer, and then checked my watch. “You’re over 10 minutes early, slave”, I said. “You will have to leave now, and come back on time.” She nodded, then her eyes widened as she realized I wasn’t giving her any clothes back. I grinned. “Maybe nobody’s out there, and you can hide in the bathroom”, I suggested. She pleaded with her eyes, I shook my head and opened the door, standing aside. “Go.”

She streaked outside, past Chuck’s open door, and into the bathroom, which fortunately was unoccupied. I saw her shut herself in there, which would probably annoy Betty shortly since it was about her bedtime. I walked back into Chuck’s room and continued our conversation. I left the door open so we could watch her return later. “I kicked her out; she was too early.” I explained. “Good work”, laughed Chuck. “And you’re right, it does look very lifelike.”

“She’s yours for an hour if I say the word”, I offered. “Not today”, he grinned. “Let’s see if you can bring her back in line first. She still seems a bit overenthusiastic. Plus you’re trying to de-escalate now.”

“We have over three weeks to go”, I replied. “No rush.”

Chuck and I talked literature and language for another 10 minutes until we heard the bathroom door open. Now it was 10:29. We watched the naked Lynn peep around the corner, and seeing nobody on the landing, (Betty apparently hadn’t come up yet) scoot over to my door. As she opened it, Chuck and I waved cheerfully at her from his room. I thought I saw her turn red as she dived inside.

“Time to go, I guess.” I took my leave of Chuck and slipped back into my room. Lynn was sitting on the bed again, and seemed close to tears. My first instinct was to go comfort her, but then I realized I was being manipulated. Whether she was actually falling in love, or just couldn’t get enough of the attention, I didn’t want to encourage her.

But I was tired of punishing her, too. She really hadn’t done anything wrong this last day. I thought it would be nice to let her come up with some ideas for a change.

“Ok, punishment is over. You’ve kept your agreement all last night and today, and your overenthusiasm just now won’t be repeated, I’m sure. So let’s just relax.”

She looked at me, still looking quite sad. “I can see you’re sorry for trying to be punished, and you won’t do it again”, I interpreted for her. “Apology accepted”. She smiled (I really didn’t like her smile, but there you go. Hey, she wasn’t my girlfriend.), and I thought of a way to make her the creative one. “I’ve got a cool book, and I’d like to read a bit before bedtime,” I mentioned, “so I’ll just sit down here at the desk and read for a while. If you can’t wait any longer for your sex, you can try to find a way to distract me, but you can’t make a sound, or touch me.”

That should do it.

I opened the book Chuck had lent me, and was only two pages in when Lynn was sitting on the corner of the desk. I glanced up to see she had one heel up on the desk, her pussy wide in front of me, and one hand already half inside and plumbing herself gently. Her other foot was up on my chair, between my legs, but carefully not touching me. Her other hand was playing temptingly with her firm breasts. I guess without touching me, she couldn’t get much more distracting than that. I rewarded her creativity by watching for a while as she aroused herself. I told her she should keep massaging herself, but would not be allowed to come until I said so.

Then I went back to my book. 10 pages later, she was whimpering, and I looked up again. Her fingers were soaked, she had three of them all the way inside her, moving fast, and she was whimpering rhythmically, but apparently restraining her finish as I’d commanded. “Very good, keep it up and wait for my command”, I said, and went back to my book. But I knew she couldn’t keep it up much longer. Her little whimpers turned into squeaks, and I watched for a while as she bit her lip trying to hold back. Finally I put down the book, pulled her hand out, put three fingers of my own into her, a thumb on her button, and looked her in the eye and said “Now.”

It actually worked. She came prodigiously, and I’m glad I didn’t have any important papers on my desk. I had her lick the desk clean, of course. I was still amazed she followed orders like that.

This was nice -- I could now claim I had the magic touch. I could see now why she was starting to show signs of sexual addiction. Was that a problem? As long as she didn’t keep pushing me into abusing her, I guessed a little sexual addiction was fine. I stripped, and picked her up by the hips, off my desk and down onto my hard dick, straddling me. Then I sat back down in the chair and nodded my head. She rode me for a good 10 minutes as I watched her perky tits bounce, chewing on them once in a while, until I came.

Then I told her “You’re not being punished for anything now, and you’ve had your sex, so you may go back to your room or stay here, as you please. If you stay here, you’ll have to sleep chained up a bit, though.” I don’t know why I added that last bit, I just didn’t want it to get too cozy and familiar. I also wanted to see how badly she wanted to stay. I guess I wasn’t all that surprised when she got into the bed and held out her hands for binding. I preferred a loose binding, since I was trying to de-escalate the discomfort level, so I handcuffed her hands behind her with some nice fuzzy cuffs, then her elbows with another pair. I added a neck collar and chained it lightly to the elbows cuffs, so they wouldn’t slip down. I helped her to lie down, facing me, with lower knee up, the other leg straight. I didn’t bind her legs, just told her to stay that way all night. This opened up her bald, still wet pussy quite wide for me. I used the opportunity to check if I could actually slip four fingers into her, and though only three fit at first; with a little work, I managed a fourth. She grunted and squirmed a lot, and was very ready to go again, but I was happy in my new discovery. I left my hand there, and turned off the light.

I woke up, again around 5 am, with a raging erection, and a difference. The difference was that my erection was already in use. I was on my back, and she was riding me gently. Once she saw I was awake, she sped up, and pounded away until both of us came. She collapsed on top of me, still effectively armless. I guess it was pretty impressive that she’d managed to mount me without using her hands. Well, sex was what she was here for, so I couldn’t be too hard on her for wanting more. After she recovered, she rolled off me, moaned a bit and jerked her head toward the door, and I realized she wanted a bathroom break again. Last night I’d taken extra sex in return for this inconvenience. She had earned her bathroom pass in advance this time.

I put some pants on and a t-shirt, helped her out of bed, took the chain behind her neck, and walked her, still naked and bound, out to the bathroom. I left the door open to reduce surprises coming out, sat her on the commode, waited while she peed, wiped her off, and then walked her back to my room again. I guess I should mention how she reacted to all this, but actually she didn’t react at all. She just went along quietly, almost as if this were a normal way to go to the bathroom. Finally I put her back into bed and had her resume her position. I slipped my clothes off and my fingers back inside her. She was, if anything, wetter and hornier than before, but I wasn’t there for her convenience. I left my hand inside her, just because I could, and let her squirm while I went back to sleep.

Clevernick
05-16-2007, 05:31 AM
A little note to my faithful readers (both of them, if the thread view count is any indication)

Chuck's assessment of Lynn's motivations is NOT correct. It's convincing but wrong. Don't worry.

Blue_Monday
05-16-2007, 04:07 PM
I just found this today. Really good stuff! I love the way the new dom struggles to keep control and still have fun. There's a little back-and-forth that I think exists in most D/s relationships, but that a lot of writers try to polish out of their fictional relationships. Looking forward to going back and reading the earlier segments...

Clevernick
05-16-2007, 05:05 PM
Thank you Blue Monday for neatly putting your finger on why my story is good, not just lacking in true Domness.

I'm ever so insecure about this story, because it lacks the total arrogance and certainty of the Dom figure that all other stories seem to have. But something inside wants me to write it as I'm doing.

And your comment just told me why. Yes! Not all natural Doms know what they're doing. Not all humiliated subs are reluctant forever, nor necessarily orgasm-addicted and desperate. Not all Doms are able to push all subs as far as they wish to be pushed. Writing and reading about imperfect kinky humans is fun too.

I think this was the extra push I needed to get part 12 moving again. Thanks again! :wave:

Links in sig point way to other parts.

twitch
05-16-2007, 06:28 PM
A very well written, and well thought out story. I read both parts one, and two the other night, and was delighted to see that you had added part three.

This is one of my favorite stories here. Hope to read more, soon. :)

Clevernick
05-17-2007, 01:44 PM
Thanks for the kind words! My sig now contains links to the first three parts. Part 4 will be posted here as soon as Part 3 makes it to the Archive.

Blue_Monday
05-17-2007, 05:15 PM
A few thoughts/questions.... of course you the author are the ultimate Dom of this entire fictional world and are not obligated to answer them. "Because I wanted it that way," is perfectly fine!

How does the narrator (did I miss his name?) feel about Lynn? This seems obvious--contempt, irritation. But it's hard to understand why, at the very beginning, he is both brutal and tender with her. Unlike a guy who might fly off the handle and slap a woman, then apologize, our hero totally jumps into the deep end with an arrangement that he can't back out of any more than Lynn can. Yet it doesn't seem to be sheer rage that motivates him--he's cold but gentle. Cold I can understand. Why gentle? (For instance, why does he use a butt plug rather than her Jesus statue? Especially since this is fiction, what made you hold back from total bloody violence?)

With this elaborate setup, it seems like he's fascinated with Lynn as much as disgusted with her. If he really hates her being around, why doesn't he just blackmail her to move out or leave him alone? (I guess because then we'd have no story!) But really, is he turned on by her? Or does he feel that sex (even more so than another type of violence or blackmail) is the most effective way to hurt her? Has he been feeling subjugated, and just enjoying having the upper hand?

I rather like Lynn's silence--not only that she doesn't talk, but that the narrator doesn't attempt to divine her feelings. In a typical story, the sub is emotional and the Dom private--I like the mysterious sub. You don't know what she's thinking, and you don't much care (for now).

If I had one suggestion to balance out the story, it would be to see a little more of the housemates *before* the day Lynn went silent. Just a day or two worth of "typical" Lynn behavior, so we can understand why the narrator is so sick of her, or possibly to build up some sexual tension between them.

Okay, sorry to be your therapist here. :-) I'm just really interested in these characters and sharing some questions I have as a reader. We don't always know what motivates characters, but when we find out, their motivations seem to propel the story.

Great work and looking forward to more!

annie
05-17-2007, 06:16 PM
Only have a second but have enjoyed all three parts so far... looking forward to more!

Clevernick
05-17-2007, 06:20 PM
Thanks for the wonderful comments and questions, Blue Monday! By the way, if that's a picture of you in your avatar, my compliments both to your legs and your photographer!

The narrator's name is my name, and I'm keeping myself anonymous, so the narrator does too. His initial is "S", and Lynn bears it in a personal place.

The other questions are harder, because so much of me is in there. I'm cold because I don't like her, and gentle because I have trouble hurting anyone in a premeditated way. I can of course get angry and hit someone and feel sorry afterwards, but I can't do the cold-blooded violence thing, and this fantasy works best because I'm letting it be about me. As soon as I make it about someone else, it's harder to write.

Contempt and irritation, but also some attraction. Why does he have sex with her instead of hurting her or getting rid of her?
First, because her original challenge to him was sexual -- she challenged his manhood, while he stood naked in the shower and she stood nearly so, just outside the door.
Second, because he's a horny 20-year-old guy who is up for sex with practically anything--even the crack of dawn looks good. He has no luck at the bars, and she has a nice body. He says in Chapter 1 that he'd put a paper bag over her head if necessary. And she's forced to be silent, so he doesn't have to put up with the usual price of sex :)
Third because even in my fantasy, violence is illegal and has consequences, whereas consensual sex is between consenting adults. Aside from those few stomach punches, brief bondage, and the butt plug at the beginning (which leave no marks and are pretty much impossible to prove later), Lynn consents (in some sense) to everything he ever does to her body, and that's important because he doesn't want to end up at the police station. Remember Lynn goes to work every day between sessions. This is a real-world situation. Real police are somewhere out there too.
And lastly because she's so religious and uptight and aggressive about it that turning her into a horny, willing slut, outraging all she stands for, is a perfect revenge.

I'm sad that you don't think the narrator tries to divine her feelings. I think nearly every paragraph where she submits or obeys has some attempt to guess how she's feeling. Even her nods or looks are given an interpretation from the narrator's point of view, though not a guaranteed correct one. I will look it over again with this question in mind, but I'm amazed I've left those reactions out that often.

I would just LOVE to give some background of "Lynn's" typical utterances before, and the dynamic between the housemates, and it's sad that I can't remember enough of those dialogues, 20 years later, well enough to do that, and I'm not a good enough writer yet to make it up convincingly. I'll try again sometime, and maybe have a talk with "Chuck", who I'm still in touch with and might have a better memory for dialogue than I do. Yeah, the people are all real, so is the house. The shower pounding at the door, complete with insults, and earlier accidental naked viewing happened. The rest is fiction, but more of the "gee I shoulda just ..." kinda fiction.

And last, about what Lynn's thinking -- this gets more and more important. In chapter 3 you see that she's starting to control the situation a bit as her need to be dominated exceeds the narrator's will to dominate. In chapter 4 you'll see her take a very proactive role, though her motivations remain mysterious. Chapter 7 is told entirely from her point of view. Chapters 8 through 11 have almost no Lynn in them, but by chapter 12, still unwritten, what Lynn thinks will control the future of everyone in the story.

Looking forward to more comments! Thanks so much. I do wonder why so few people view these threads.

Beswitchingly Positive
05-17-2007, 07:51 PM
Ok, first I want to say bravo, very clever!

I agree with Blue Monday. More active examples of Lynn's behaviour as an hyperactive member of the God squad, to establish her irritability factor, would be effective.
Many readers who have not dealt with this attitude will not quickly empathize with our hero (so his intial is S, according to the pubes, but what is his name?) It is hard to believe there are people who would monopolize every conversation and turn it to Jesus. They exist, but if you actually challenge them, they turn out to be relatively tolerable people.

I have a friend who is founder of a protest group, dedicated to protest the religious fanatics that come to New Orleans every year for Mardi Gras. If they thought it might save you, they would shove Jesus up your ass. As it is they make giant banners, shout at the sinners through megaphones, tie themselves to crosses, pass out mass amounts of paper explaining what they are shouting at you, and they have their own parade; it is easy to get irritated. An event a pre pubic S "Lynn" might have gone for a nice vacation. Can I get a witness?

Anyway, after 7 consecutive years of protesting the protestors (by doing things like bringing a giant tapestry of the last supper out to the scene for photos. They cut Jesus' face out and let people pose as Jesus for pictures) my buddy has said he has grown to "like" these people as people. They are nice enough to him as well.

With no adversary there is no excitement.

When you see someone over and over you can't help but develope an attachment, even if you are on opposing sides of a fight. He doesn't seem to be softening too fast; it is cute how bent he is on humiliating her. He just seems soft because we get to know his thoughts. On the outside he is pretty rude, but has a little mercy. All he really wants is an embarressed sex slave. At first. Even though he is just trying to be a dog and shut her up, he has a bit of a heart. This makes him human for me. I have met this guy at least 6 times in my life. Not that anyone has ever wanted to shut me up.

Now that they have seen each other repeatedly, they get along (kinda in secret.

This is the same thing that happened to my protesters. They do their best to out shout each other all day, and then say, "Hey, so how was your Mardi Gras this year?" when the sun sets. They do not end up having hot sex; they don't really like each other....oh, yikes, I think I might see where your story is going. Post it!

I believe it is possible for enemies to at least appear friendly. I think a different build (as suggested by Blue) would make it more evident. I had no problem getting into why he wanted to reem her with Jesus, as I have met those kind of preachy party poopers. I think he said he didn't want to ruin her for his cock later as to why he did not let Jesus himself fuck up her butt. Some guys tend to be a bit territorial.

Not to sound too crazy, onto my next thought. Your first person perspective is quite well done, however you might want to consider the power of a more omniscient angle. Assuming that beautiful imagination of yours has more stories clawing their way out.
When I first got serious about sitting down and writing all of my stuff was first person. It seem the most natural, after all, I was telling the story. Well, like many experiences, it made me nervous, until I tried it. Don't be scared, perhaps not in this story (you must be almost finished) but maybe try a different person next time. It is not as hard as it looks. It helped me to remove myself from my characters, freeing them to do things I would likely never do. After you get over the shyness of stepping out of third person, it can actually be quite fun. You get to be God.

I really like hearing the Dom's perspective as well.

Good God man, you just posted Chapter 4. You're a machine!

Nice work.

Beswitchingly

Blue_Monday
05-17-2007, 08:51 PM
Amen, Beswitchingly! :-)

Clevernick, let me take back what I said about the narrator not trying to understand Lynn. This whole segment was about that very topic. I think what I meant was that you are true to a first-person perspective. Your narrator doesn't have any *extraordinary* powers of understanding Lynn--that's part of what's great about the story. Still, I think it's unusual that we know the Dom's feelings more than the sub's.

Also, I read the story backwards, starting with Part 3. Reading it in order, it makes more sense how "S" first watches her reactions, then begins to interpret them.

Anyway, it's hot. Off to read Part 4!

Clevernick
05-18-2007, 09:40 AM
With this elaborate setup, it seems like he's fascinated with Lynn as much as disgusted with her. If he really hates her being around, why doesn't he just blackmail her to move out or leave him alone? (I guess because then we'd have no story!) But really, is he turned on by her? Or does he feel that sex (even more so than another type of violence or blackmail) is the most effective way to hurt her? Has he been feeling subjugated, and just enjoying having the upper hand?

Blue, I had to add that this question really made me smile, because only a female would ask it. Ask any young single man if he'd have sex for 2 weeks with a woman, having seen only her picture and that she was good looking, and I'd bet 98% would say yes, without hesitation. The 2% who hesitated would be wondering if she was psychotic and likely to murder them in their sleep or go Lorena Bobbitt on them.

Since Lynn is portrayed as moderately attractive, 20, and not actually violently psycho, and "S" is portrayed as normal, 20, single, and reasonably sexually active, (or at least wanting to be) there is no motivation at all required for him to ask her for 2 weeks' sex. Even if he hates her, it's a good thing. He doesn't have to be fascinated with her, or want to hurt her, or even like her.

He just wants to use her. Plain and simple. He wants sex, she can provide it. She's a free prostitute. The humiliation/subjugation is important, and there are several other layers above that as you saw, and as I provide in my other answer. But they're not necessary for most men to identify with the basic motivation.

I always find it a bit funny when a woman assumes a man must really like her, or be fascinated with her, or want to hurt her, when all he wants is her body. Sometimes, to paraphrase Freud, a penis is just a penis.

Does anyone think I'm way off here?

I suspect that if women had evolved so that there would be no personal consequences to sex, they might feel the same way more often than they do.

Personally, after about 1 to 2 weeks, I would start to form an emotional attachment, or failing that, a strong repulsion. So the 4 weeks wouldn't have worked for me. But that's just me-- everyone's different on that score.

Blue_Monday
05-18-2007, 06:20 PM
Well defended, CN. And not offensive, at least not to anyone who hangs around here. :-)

It actually strikes me as really funny, too, now that you explain it. I guess I have forgotten what it's like to be 20 and not very picky about partners. Those were the days...

PS -- Wasn't it "a cigar is just a cigar?" But your example is even more apt--if everything else is symbolic of sex, why would sex be symbolic of something else?

Satan_Klaus
05-24-2007, 06:02 AM
Hello Clevernick,

I just started reading your story and immediately realized that you are up to something great. So immediately, while reading, I made a list of things that bugged me so you could improve on them. Even though that might seem nitpicky or patronizing, I only do this for stories I REALLY enjoy because it somewhat dampens the reading experience. So please don't be annoyed and at least pretend to feel honored. :rolleyes:

First:Sometimes I get the feeling that you are compulsively trying to keep the story "safe sane and consensual". Like replacing 'Jesus' with a plug.
Well blackmail and solar-plexus punching are not SSC-certified. It is good if your 'hero' has some code of personal ethics he abides by. It keeps the story from slipping into blood, gore and murder and also makes him so much more likable, but I feel a little of 'double standards' and hypocrisy in his reasoning. Not hurting a woman is obviously not part of his ethics but other things might be. You must find a standard of honor that is not too limiting for your story but not too broad to violate your own good taste and then stick to it.


The second thing that bugged me was Lynn having an ugly face. I'm somewhat ambivalent about this. It's something of an turnoff but on the other hand real people are not porn stars.

The third thing that I thought about is this: 'S' seems so well prepared, regarding not only his equipment but also mentally that he must have planned this in advance. Normal people don't just pull off something like this without blinking with an eye. They need serious planning to bolster their resolve.

Fourth: The first chapter is in the present while in the second part you switch to past tense. I think this is illegally switching narrative time (beginning in the past and moving on into the present would be ok)

Fifth: "I guess she’d had only nice experiences with bondage so far." from the lower half of chapter two. She is a devout conservative christian, I would think that her only experience in bodage so far would be with 'S'.
(and not that nice...)




Contempt and irritation, but also some attraction.


A wiser man than me once said that love and hate are both attracting emotions. We are invariably fascinated by what we hate and so it is quite understandably that once he has silenced her, practically eliminating the initial reason why he hates, the fascination remains.


If you like, I will continue commenting on your story while i read further chapters.

Satan_Klaus

Clevernick
05-24-2007, 06:31 AM
Thanks for the feedback and the claim of greatness!


Hello Clevernick,


[QUOTE]First:Sometimes I get the feeling that you are compulsively trying to keep the story "safe sane and consensual". Like replacing 'Jesus' with a plug.
Well blackmail and solar-plexus punching are not SSC-certified.
It is good if your 'hero' has some code of personal ethics he abides by.

Good comment, but not quite how I see it. I don't consider the limitations I place on my hero in this part to be ethical ones, or attempts at consensuality. He's not being ethical, he's being practical. The code in this part is simply "what can I get away with, without causing anyone physical damage, or leaving obvious evidence for the police?". In a more foresighted sense, he's hoping Lynn will, by that evening, come to him on her own, rather than taking her injured ass to the hospital or police station, or finding 3 large boyfriends to come back with her to beat him up. For practical reasons, damage is not permitted, and part of the game is convincing Lynn that she has consented, whether in fact she has or not.






You must find a standard of honor that is not too limiting for your story but not too broad to violate your own good taste and then stick to it.

To my mind, that's just what I've done. I couldn't have said it any better.



The second thing that bugged me was Lynn having an ugly face. I'm somewhat ambivalent about this. It's something of an turnoff but on the other hand real people are not porn stars.

Lynn isn't ugly. She's graceless, and with an unattractive mouth. You could actually say the same for many porn stars, and it doesn't seem to limit their success.



The third thing that I thought about is this: 'S' seems so well prepared, regarding not only his equipment but also mentally that he must have planned this in advance. Normal people don't just pull off something like this without blinking with an eye. They need serious planning to bolster their resolve.

Yep, that's a serious flaw all right. :) Yes, you are 100% right. He has the benefit of my having thought about it far too long. I guess that's what happens when I try to represent a fantasy as reality. I haven't even earned the suspension of disbelief that comes in a musical film, where everyone spontaneously starts singing and dancing, without interrupting the story line. I'll have to put this one down to artistic license.

Looking back at this, I could have done it better -- I could have found some way to show he'd been plotting such a conquest for ages beforehand, but that would require Lynn to have had a habit of shower-pounding. And she didn't, it was a one-time thing. So without being flip, I really can't think of a good way to fix it.



Fourth: The first chapter is in the present while in the second part you switch to past tense. I think this is illegally switching narrative time (beginning in the past and moving on into the present would fix it)

Yes. I found the present tense awkward so I dropped it after the first chapter. I knew it, but you're the first to comment on it. If and when I ever collect this and publish it, I'll either make that consistent, or rearrange the chapters into story and flashback, if it works better.


Fifth: "I guess she’d had only nice experiences with bondage so far." from the lower half of chapter two. She is a devout conservative christian, I would think that her only experience in bodage so far would be with 'S'.
(and not that nice...)

It was a little joke to myself. I was referring to her previous experience with S. I guess it wasn't funny, so I'll probably take it out.




A wiser man than me once said that love and hate are both attracting emotions. We are invariably fascinated by what we hate and so it is quite understandably that once he has silenced her, practically eliminating the initial reason why he hates, the fascination remains.

Very wise and I agree.



If you like, I will continue commenting on your story while i read further chapters.

Yes, please do!

P.S. I also liked the mindfuck aspect of making Lynn THINK she had a Jesus statuette up her ass. That in itself was appealing, almost as much as the practical outcome of not tearing her ass to ribbons.

Satan_Klaus
05-24-2007, 07:43 AM
Good comment, but not quite how I see it. I don't consider the limitations I place on my hero in this part to be ethical ones, or attempts at consensuality. He's not being ethical, he's being practical.


At least later, (chapter3) he seems to have serious moral issues.

I guess the situation could be defused by using less force in the beginning. He is probably a lot stronger than Lyn and could overpower her without beating her up.




Lynn isn't ugly. She's graceless, and with an unattractive mouth. You could actually say the same for many porn stars, and it doesn't seem to limit their success.


Excerpt Chapter1: "...as ugly as her face and soul were..."

Keep in mind that as the Author you can imagine your charaters much better than your readers. Not everything will come across as you intend it.




Looking back at this, I could have done it better -- I could have found some way to show he'd been plotting such a conquest for ages beforehand, but that would require Lynn to have had a habit of shower-pounding. And she didn't, it was a one-time thing. So without being flip, I really can't think of a good way to fix it.


Well he didn't have to plan everything meticulously. Just the firm intention to do something about the 'Lynn situation' is enough. He may have thought of blackmail as a good way to get at this Uberchristian bitch.

Maybe he even had doubts if he could carry it through but that angry moment in the bathroom made his descision.




P.S. I also liked the mindfuck aspect of making Lynn THINK she had a Jesus statuette up her ass.


I'd like to think that not all Jesus statuettes are unusable as sex toys. Of course the crown of thorns might hurt a little and once you get to the cross bar, things get REEEAAALY ugly.:28:

Seriously, though when I read read your story I was thinking of one where he was depicted standing with his hands folded in front of him. Those might not be entirely sex toy certified but safe enough.

I just loved the imagery of shoving Jesus up her ass and somehow felt cheated...

Satan_Klaus

PS: On an blasphemous afterthought, Mother Mary could be quite suitable as a sex toy; the head of baby Jesus provides the little 'bump' that the ladies just love!

Blue_Monday
05-24-2007, 08:54 PM
Lots of good comments, Satan_Klaus, and I agree with a lot of them, especially that this whole thing seems premeditated. (Nothing wrong with that.) Although as it goes on and the author has to dig a little deeper for ideas, S's thought process is more revealed.

But I'm with Clevernick that using the butt plug instead of the Jesus was even better, because of the mindfuck. In one small way, S was controlling Lynn's thoughts (she thought she had Jesus up her ass), which is hotter than actually doing it. Just my opinion.


I haven't even earned the suspension of disbelief that comes in a musical film, where everyone spontaneously starts singing and dancing, without interrupting the story line. I'll have to put this one down to artistic license.

LOL Musicals can really suck you in, can't they?

Clevernick
05-25-2007, 05:59 AM
I guess the situation could be defused by using less force in the beginning. He is probably a lot stronger than Lyn and could overpower her without beating her up.

Funny I never considered that possibility. Possibly because it's not true in my memory. Lynn's a healthy girl who keeps in shape. S is a skinny guy who doesn't. The element of surprise would be needed, or he might well get his balls handed to him.




Excerpt Chapter1: "...as ugly as her face and soul were..."

Keep in mind that as the Author you can imagine your charaters much better than your readers. Not everything will come across as you intend it.

Good point! Keep in mind though not to take feelings and judgements literally. S is telling chapter 1 in present tense. To him, at that moment, she's the God Squad slobby intolerable tormenting housemate who is making him miserable. He will magnify her unattractive mouth into ugliness.

Later on when she's silent and compliant, he is less critical of her looks, and she's really not all that bad. Not "America's Next Model" material, but ok. And by chapter 3 he's no longer talking about putting a bag over her head.



Well he didn't have to plan everything meticulously. Just the firm intention to do something about the 'Lynn situation' is enough. He may have thought of blackmail as a good way to get at this Uberchristian bitch.

Maybe he even had doubts if he could carry it through but that angry moment in the bathroom made his descision.

Yes, that might well work.



I just loved the imagery of shoving Jesus up her ass and somehow felt cheated...

Well, with the way she's been getting used and stretched over the course of the story, she may end up using Jesus that way herself by the end! You may yet get your wish.

Clevernick
05-27-2007, 07:01 PM
I'm going to publish the full story as an e-book. So I spent time today going through Chapter 1, fixing the tense problem. While I was at it, I addressed most of the issues you raised, and it's much better I think.

I also made some changes I felt more comfortable with -- I'd never really liked the second punching session or the suffocation threat, and they were changed to something better and more amusing.

I'll post the newer draft here on this subforum.