I was abused as a child and also as a young adult. One of my abusers attempted to use bdsm as an excuse because she knew that my previous girlfriend and I had been into it. I have since learned that rape is rape, no matter your sexual preference or turn-ons, but I still struggle with being a sub sometimes. I feel guilt over enjoying consensual play, wondering if some part of me did "want it" (as my abuser so frequently told me) and asked for it. I know that being a sub does not me I can be used/abused
You….have changed me…
Molded me into a new and beautiful creature,
strong and resilient…powerful on my knees.
You have forged my heart in cruel and awesome fires…
only to wrap me in tenderness,
and to fold me in arms of light.
You…have given me a name…a purpose…
and a hope that will not fade…
You have made me...Yours.
Some days, I sit feeling so sorry for myself. I see people in my family doing things I wish I could do. One of my sisters has gone to the beach several times this year. Now i see on facebook where she is in Cancun with her boyfriend. I sigh when I see the pictures, knowing how happy she is. Knowing she is living the charmed life. She has her own business...she's thin and beautiful. She has a gorgeous home, and a boyfriend to match. I really envy her and her life. I sit wondering, why I ever divorced
You smirk down at the girl,
She thinks she’s so strong,
But you know just how to crack her veneer,
Smudge glistening tears clear across her face,
The slap of your hand silences her lips.
Push and menace and hold her down,
Not til she breaks only til she’s close,
It’s sick how she accepts your hand around her throat,
You reward her with coldness at most,
But the bite of your tongue makes her smaller.
And even when
So good to be back and hopefully make up for lost time with real good friends that i have missed
So I spent 3 hours at the hemotologist today (blood specialist). I was talked to for a good while by his physician assistant, explaining what they found in My blood work and why I was there. I was told that My blood protein was high, and it was a concern....normal is 1-20. Mine was 30. So they drew more blood, and took a urine sample. They are trying to rule out multiple myeloma, which is a cancer of the blood plasma. Needless to say, I am very very frightened. I already have enough on My plate
Your kisses, like fire, burning where they touch
Your fingers the kindling, spreading the flame along my skin
And i am consumed by your using, every particle devoured…
Every breath my last
i've discovered something this weekend about my nature...about His hold on me...about this rapturous disaster that fills me again and again, sating this god-forsaken hunger with the sweetened bliss only He can give.
i watched moths come to the candle in
I got the results of the ct scan back last week. They showed severe degeneration in discs of the cervical and lumbar area. Also, the blood test still wasn't quite right so I go see the hemotologist on Tuesday, May 29th. Still waiting for an appointment with the neurosurgeon so he can evaluate what needs to be done to get Me out of this horrific pain....I will keep y'all posted and thank you for your concern.
Can you count tears? Can you catch them, like diamonds, and put a name to each one? Lay them out on the floor, where you fell in grief, and order them in straight lines…trying to make some sense of the pain? Is it possible to contain them in a velvet bag like jewels, and take them to the one they were spilt for…trying to buy back their love?
Or do you just let them soak into the earth…to disappear with your very heart…
was sitting around missing my Sir, and began reading a recent note he sent me...how he considered me to be a "good girl", and everything that term meant to him. this is part of that note:
Good girls are intelligent and can be witty, they are interesting to talk with and like to smile and laugh. Their intelligence and wit allows them to be cheeky and, sometimes, to get away with it. Good girls are feminine because they like being women.
Good girls are