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Solis

For now, useful notes of no particular significance.

  1. Happy Valentine's Day

    When a book is turned into a movie, we often hear the same lament: “Damn, they ruined it!” The novel’s beautiful prose and careful plot development are reduced to clichés and excuses for explosions. Beloved characters get written out or transformed into caricatures. (Don’t get me started on the butchery of J.R.R. Tolkien’s work.)

    Thankfully, that didn’t happen with America’s most widely read and widely viewed BDSM franchise: the Fifty Shades oeuvre. How did they avoid the problem? ...

    Updated 02-14-2018 at 03:45 PM by Solis

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  2. "I caress the scar gently"

    Yes, I know: you've been wounded, and wounded again. The urge to hide is so strong that the simple act of stepping out the door, greeting another day, taking another risk, reflects heroic effort.

    Welcome, wounded friend, to the company of the shattered.

    The internet is rife with recitation of a line from the 13th century Sufi poet and lawyer, commonly called Rumi. "The wound is the place with the light enters." Translation is treacherous, translation from
    ...
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  3. Delusional or dissembling? You get to vote!

    I was at the grocery today, picking up a few things to help finish off dinner with friends tonight. (My 14-year-old is cooking. Breaths everywhere are bated.) My cashier was a woman in her 30s, of average build, dark burgundy hair and effusive manner. She was wearing two things that stood out: a man's shirt (old, soft, oxford) and a collar. A Turian-style collar: a finely woven brown leather cord formed into a choker. It rode just above her collarbone, close upon her throat. From the front descending ...
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  4. You know that you make psychologists crazy, right?

    Researchers often start with the conceit “my prejudices brilliantly describe reality” and design research projects to celebrate their insights. The best of them, when confronted by evidence that they’re wrong, publicly announce the fact. The rest of them hide the confounding evidence away in a locked file cabinet.

    And so it is with studies of the BDSM community. There’s a near universal prejudice among academics that members of this community are defective: the products of broken ...
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  5. should you believe your Dom/me?

    Question: Do you believe your Master?

    Question: Should you?

    Answer: No.

    At least "no, not if s/he's doing it right."

    We are hostages of a long-ago philosophical debate than many don't even know occurred. The setting for the debate was the 18th century, and the scene was western Europe. For centuries, our universe was filled with the Unknowable. Things we had no way of understanding:

    where do spices comes from? The border
    ...

    Updated 03-25-2011 at 11:45 AM by Solis (typo!)

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  6. your responsibilities as a submissive

    I'm a great admirer of the singer/songwriter Christine Lavin. She manages to alternate laughable slice-of-life songs with ones that offer powerful reflection on parts of life we experience but don't know how to name. In particular, I was thinking of subs and listening to Lavin's "Damaged Goods." The middle lyrics:

    She had her first man when she was 23,
    Years after all her girlfriends gave away their virginity.
    And now at last she thought her life had begun,
    ...
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  7. Ballerina on a razor's edge

    Do you like to dance? Little boys and girls, universally. Women, generally. Young men, occasionally. "Mature" men (hah!), not so much. Actually, "way too much given how wretched they are." Work by British evolutionary biologists suggests a painful explanation for the near-universal horror of middle-aged male dancing:

    The cringeworthy ''dad dancing'' witnessed at wedding receptions every weekend may be an unconscious way in which ageing males repel the attention
    ...
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  8. the kisses you owe (revised)

    English seems particularly poor in its grasp of kissing. We have a hundred synonyms ("smooch"), some unattractive ("snog") but precious little subtlety. The Romans knew that the kiss on my child's forehead doesn't even come from the same universe as the kiss my lover hopes to spray across me.

    osculum: a friendship kiss
    basium: an affectionate kiss on the lips
    suavium: a lover’s kiss

    The Germans are even more inventive, knowing that ...
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  9. "The Knowing" (resurrected)

    I originally posted this poem on September 7, and it was lost in the subsequent server crash. My thanks to the indefatigable chip for having saved it.

    A sort of tribute to a woman's quiet realization.

    I do not know what he sees, but I see
    eyes of surpassing tenderness
    and calm, a calm like the dignity
    of matter. I love the open ocean
    blue-grey-green of his iris, I love
    the curve of it against the white,
    that curve the sight
    ...
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  10. Happy Valentine's Day

    It's a day about love, an emotion that we too often screw up. We expect effortless magic, neglect the work, ignore the risk. In truth, it's harder and more bitter than we wish. It's work. Anais Nin once wrote, "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

    But you already knew that, didn't ...

    Updated 02-14-2011 at 07:30 PM by Solis

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