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At first blush one might be tempted to combine submissive emotional training with the mental training category, but I believe the two, while akin, are not the same. Recall the last time you did or said something when you were angry. It is easy to see that emotions are not the rational cognitive thought processes we think of when we use the word mental.

The Emotions

Emotions, often called feelings include experiences such as love, hate, anger, trust, joy, panic, fear, and grief. Emotions are specific reactions to a particular event that are usually of fairly short duration.

Emotions and Submissive Training

Dominants subject a submissive to emotional training for numerous reasons and purposes; to help the submissive overcome unhelpful emotions (e.g., fear, guilt, shame), to control emotional expression by the submissive, to facilitate openness on the part of the submissive and to extinguish things like dishonesty, possessiveness, materialism, jealousy, stubbornness, resistance, bratiness, surliness and egotism.

Illustrative Personal Examples and Unhelpful Emotions

Conditioned to embrace conservative standards of modesty from childhood, spending time naked alone and especially when in the presence of a female dominant was something I found supremely uncomfortable. Until beginning my journey into the lifestyle, about the only time I spent naked was when I was either bathing or having sex. My very first dominant quickly became aware of the emotional response that I had to being naked and decided that it was in my best interests to cure me of the unhelpful emotions that being naked produced for me.

First she required that at any time I was in her presence I had to be nude yet she remained clothed to heighten my awareness of my nudity. Whether we met face to face, talked on the phone or chatted online, it became the rule that the first thing I had to do was strip. Overtime I became acclimated to the nudity in much the same way that a person gains a measure of comfortableness with being nude in the presence of a vanilla romantic partner.

She also required that I spend increasing amounts of time naked when at home, from mere minutes in the beginning to entire days when I was not at work. She then began requiring me to go to public places, like department store clothing dressing rooms where I was required to get completely naked and then to stand before a dressing mirror for prescribed amounts of time. Eventually, she took me to places where I was required to be naked in the presence of other kinky people. Over time, my negative emotional responses to nudity were extinguished.

Another example that comes to mind is training I received to overcome male egotism. Men are typically ego-driven creatures to the extreme, perhaps because our egos are actually quite fragile. All of my former Mistresses preferred masculine submissive men yet without exception, all recognized that the male ego had to be suppressed for them to establish and maintain effective control. They employed emotional training to literally emasculate me to a degree so that my male ego did not get in the way of my submission.

Being made to wear female panties was one such emasculating activity. I have never quite gotten beyond all feelings of embarrassment when made to wear them, but I have become more comfortable with it. Once humiliating, being made to wear them now produces only mild embarrassment and actually does cause me to feel aroused and submissive.

My perspective is limited to that of a male submissive, yet I can imagine that female subs are often required to wear lingerie items like corsets, bustiers, garter belts and other things by their dominants to achieve similar objectives.

Other Examples

Jealousy is a common emotion with both males and females. Dominants typically do not find the expression of jealousy an endearing quality and most actively take steps to quash it. In my own experience, I have belonged to dominants who even if they didn’t have an interest in owning more than one submissive at a time, would take on another submissive for the specific purpose of extinguishing my feelings of jealousy. One in particular went a step further by requiring me to be present and observe while she engaged in intimate play with another male.

Jealousy is a negative in the BDSM world because it demonstrates feelings of possessiveness and entitlement, two things that a submissive is not permitted. Dominants do not belong to us, we belong to them and thus possessiveness and feelings of entitlement are reserved for dominants alone.

Plenty of male and female dominants choose to have more than one submissive at a time and/or may have a vanilla wife, husband or other romantic partner outside a D/s relationship, another reason jealousy on the part of a sub can be problematic.

Emotional Training and the Sexual

The last area of emotional training I will touch on has to do with how it is used within the realm of sex. Sexual training is an entire category that we have yet to cover, but there are aspects of sex between a dominant and a submissive that fall in the emotional training area and so I will touch on it briefly.

If you have ever reviewed either alone or with a dominant one of the many different types of scene questionnaires, I am certain that many of you have probably seen certain erotic activities or sexual acts that you simply can’t imagine participating in or enjoying. These things might be your limits, either hard or soft. Dominants utilize emotional training to help break down barriers and to stretch those soft limits by eliminating the emotional responses that a submissive has to a particular activity or act so that they become willing to at least experiment with it if not eventually embrace it.

Let us say for example a submissive female finds swallowing semen to be a particularly revolting idea and perhaps does not even care for giving fellatio to begin with. Feelings of revulsion then of course are emotive, the very subject of our discussion. Oftentimes, if a dominant can successfully extinguish a negative emotion that a submissive associates with the performance of a particular act, like swallowing semen, she can then become willing to do it and in time may actually learn to enjoy it, even crave it. How does the dominant accomplish this? By requiring the submissive to do an act again and again, until over time the negative emotional response is felt less intensely and perhaps even extinguished altogether. The same process can be used to extinguish fear in a submissive at the thought of participating in a wide range of activities and acts.

My last illustrative personal example comes from an erotic activity that can and is often a part of the sexual aspects of a D/s relationship. When first introduced to BDSM, when faced with a questionnaire like the one I provided the embedded link to, there were many activities listed that I considered either hard or soft limits. But over the past decade, dominants have pushed and expanded my limits to such a degree that some former hard limits were transformed to soft limits and some soft limits were eliminated altogether.

Water sports, specifically urine play, was once something I considered a hard limit and was unwilling to do. But while serving a dominant who found golden showers to be highly erotic and an activity she definitely wanted to be a part of our relationship, she subjected me to emotional training that eventually made me willing to not only explore golden showers but that in the end turned something that was a limit for me into something I too began to find intensely erotic and arousing.

First she convinced me to try peeing myself while taking a shower. From there she encouraged me to pee myself while wearing underwear while sitting in the tub or standing in the shower without the water. She then talked me into peeing on my hand and smelling and tasting it to learn that it wasn’t really something horrible. Finally in a play session one day, she secured my agreement to lay in her bathtub while naked as she squatted over and urinated on my genitals. To be honest, it required only a few more repetitions of that experience and a very short time before I could, by merely fantasizing about the feel of her warm urine cascading over my penis and testicles, experience incredible arousal. I still have limits with respect to urine. I can’t envision myself thirstily gulping down a glass of the golden Mistress nectar provided me by a dominant but certainly that former Mistress succeeded in eradicating any negative emotions I had about participating in golden showers.

It is my hope that I have provided now sufficient information and examples so that my twin objectives for this category have been met. Hopefully the reader now sees the concept of and the uses for emotional training from a clearer vantage point and also is more clear about the differences between emotional training and mental training. We are now at the halfway point, having worked our way through the first four submissive training categories and have only four remaining.