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Rituals have been used by pagans and religions for thousands of years to deepen psychic and spiritual awareness. At its most basic, a ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the inner self or subconscious level making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.

BDSM activities easily lend themselves to rituals. Dominants use rituals in submissive training for two primary purposes - modification and maintenance. Rituals have the power to modify and change the thoughts and behaviors of a submissive, preparing them to serve and to grow in ways they would not otherwise be able to do. Observance of rituals helps to ground a submissive by providing times of inner reflection and giving a sense of form and grace to the services he or she performs.

When activities, techniques and spirituality come together in the context of rituals, there can be compelling form, grace and beauty in the practice and experience of the BDSM lifestyle. Rituals can provide inner peace and self-confidence for the submissive and can help form and strengthen the bond between dominant and submissive.

While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies, formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are however a few points that dominant’s generally bear in mind when creating and using rituals.

• Rituals have an exactly repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
• Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
• The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
• Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
• Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
• The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity.

Examples of Rituals

Remember there are no formally recognized rituals in BDSM, so here I offer only some illustrative examples from my own experiences and the experiences of others. There is no right or wrong way for creating and using rituals. Dominants are free to design and implement rituals taking into consideration the dynamics of his or her own specific D/s relationship. The types and uses for rituals are really limited only by his or her own imagination.

Waking Rituals

A former Domme once required me to kneel naked each morning, before my open bedroom window for 15 minutes. During that time I was to meditate on a particular focus topic that she provided which changed sometimes daily and sometimes weekly. Afterwards I was required to journal any thoughts or questions that had occurred to me and then send them to her by email for review.

Another past Domme required me to masturbate to an edge, first thing every morning before getting out of bed. While doing so I was required to repeat a simple mantra that influenced me to keep in mind that I was doing the act as a sign of obedience to her. This was quite challenging at times given that the thing most of us need to do first thing upon waking is to empty a full bladder and thus this ritual made me feel the dominant‘s control quite intensely. This ritual had an interesting effect for me in that over time, I rarely awakened in the mornings without already being erect, illustrating the power of a repetitive act.

In both of these examples, the rituals met all of the criteria I spoke of earlier. They were scripted, had a definite purpose (focusing me on the control of my dominant), had a direct link to a specific activity or event (waking up), were simple, using only a few words and actions and had a definite beginning and end (e.g., time limit in the first, reaching an edge in the second).

Bathing Ritual

One female submissive I know of, was required to perform a ritual each time she bathed or showered. She was required to strip naked, kneel in the bathroom floor and then recite what I thought was a rather beautiful and meaningful mantra before getting into the tub or shower. Once she had finished her bath and shower, after drying off, she was required to kneel and repeat the mantra again before leaving the bathroom. Again this ritual meets all the established criteria. There was a script to follow, a definite purpose (focusing her on here submission to her dominant and his ownership of her body), had a direct link to a specific activity (bathing), simple and had a specific beginning and end.

Day Specific Ritual Examples

I have often been given rituals to observe by former Dominants that I was required to perform on a set day each week. One of my favorites was a “commando day" ritual instituted by one former Domme. Each Monday, I was forbidden to wear underwear from the time I awakened until I went to bed that evening. It was non-negotiable and so it didn’t matter whether I was working that day, on a day off or on vacation. The best part of that ritual for me was that my Mistress joined me in the ritual and did not wear panties on Mondays. Thus, my own lack of underwear as you may imagine reminded me specifically of the fact that my Mistress was also not wearing knickers and kept me focused on her in general throughout the day.

A similar, day specific ritual was one where a former Domme required that I wear female panties each Friday, from rising to bedtime, again irrespective of whether I was working, off or on vacation, the panties were required to be worn beneath my regular clothing. I was required to wear a specific pair that were reserved only for use in the ritual. This particular dominant had me wearing panties quite often so having a special pair for use only with the ritual helped me to develop a strong sense of attachment to them over time. I also was required to recite a brief mantra each Friday morning when putting them on for the first time. And at the end of the day, after removing them before bed, I was required to hand wash them and hang them to dry so that they would be clean and fresh for the next week.

In these examples, the primary purpose of the first was to focus me intently on my Mistress, to think about her throughout the day. In the second I believe the goal was simply to focus me on the ownership of my Mistress and the fact that she could impose clothing restrictions on me when she chose. They had a direct link to a specific activity (getting dressed that day), they were simple to remember and observe and had a specific beginning and end (waking to bedtime on a specific day).

Other rituals with which I am familiar that subs have been required to observe on a specific day each week include; being required to shave their pubic area, wear an anal plug or vaginal toy for a prescribed length of time, female subs being required to remove old polish and re-polish toenails and fingernails, wearing a specific clothing outfit and wearing a simple rope harness or crotch rope (bondage activity) beneath their clothing on a specific day. In this vein, I was once required to sit on a toilet each time I needed to pee each Thursday, regardless of where I was or what I was doing. A female submissive I knew was required by her Dom to wear thong panties on one specific day of the week, but with a twist. She was required to wear them backwards with the thong portion between her vaginal lips. Another was required one day each week to sit backwards (facing the wall) on a toilet anytime she needed to urinate. As you may envision, this required her to undress from the waist down if she was not wearing a dress or skirt and at the very least to completely remove her panties numerous times during the day.

As you might imagine after reading these examples, a whole host of BDSM activities and acts can be ritualized. All that is needed is a script, a definite goal or purpose, a direct link to a specific activity or event and a definite beginning and end.

You may have noticed, that I mentioned mantras numerous times in the ritual examples I provided. Mantra are often used in conjunction with rituals and can even form rituals in and of themselves. In the next post, I will discuss mantras in depth and the role they play in submissive training.