The Perfect Submissive Guy Blog Title

When you grow up as a male, you learn pretty quickly what behaviors are expected of you to satisfy the societal expectations for the male gender; avoidance of femininity, restricted emotions, self-reliance. strength and aggression. If you expect to be taken seriously as a male you must in in summary behave dominantly. Later as you grow up you add a few more expected behaviors to the list; sex disconnected from intimacy and pursuit of achievement and status.

Another thing you learn once you begin having sex is that females for the most part expect you to perform the topping role in the bedroom. Not just females who would fall into the submissive spectrum, whether they have they slightest interest in BDSM or D/s or not, but females in general, even those vanilla women who otherwise are quite independent, assertive and unafraid to speak their minds in every other aspect of life.

I’m just speculating of course, but I think the driving force behind the fact that so many women choose the submissive role in the bedroom is because like males, they are also subjected to certain societal expectations. One of those expectations is that a female behave as a “good girl.” By allowing the male to assume the dominant role during sex she is relieved of all responsibility for what occurs. Even though the acts are consensual and she may in fact be wildly enthusiastic about participating in them, she can still come away from the experience with her “good girl” persona intact.

But what about a guy who makes the perplexing discovery that he wants to call a woman “Ma’am” or “Mistress,” craves filling the bottom role in his relationships and hungers for a woman who will put him in his place? A woman who expects him to repress his own wants and desires and instead focus on fulfilling hers. This is the plight of the male submissive who then struggles with himself internally over how he maintains the expected gender identity as a strong, stoic, reproductive, repressed, traditional male when he knows he really gets off on letting women push him around and dictate his behavior.

As a male submissive, I do not really believe that my preferred orientation is truly about gender deconstruction as many people believe that male submission is. I think it is just a different way to look at masculinity within the context of relationships with women. To me gender behavior should not be dictated by societal “norms.” What the individual finds fulfills them and resonates with them to the core of there essence is how they should permitted to live. In other words, there should not in my opinion be any such demarcation as “female things” or “guy stuff.” Accepted gender behavior should be about a lot more in my estimation than whether a person sits or stands while peeing.

Very early in life I was aware of the submissive part of my being. But it took years for me to embrace that part of my nature, in part because it seemed to be so antithetical to my conditioned beliefs about masculinity. Then I realized that part of being a human being, for me, was taking control of my sexuality, admitting what I wanted and finding a way to have it that keeps me sane and happy. I am fundamentally in favor of everyone being able to embrace and seek the kind of lifestyle and sexuality that they want as long as it does not victimize or endanger others. Sexuality after all is simply one of the many facets of life and there is nothing wrong with men embracing submissiveness and having the desire for a relationship with a dominant.

I was raised in a very normal and nurturing environment. I always felt loved and secure and actually growing up in the generation that I did, I find strong similarities between my childhood and the Americana depicted in the old, comfortable Norman Rockwell prints. As the older brother of three sisters, I learned and accepted the role of protector for females. Yet in none of that do I find something to point to as the catalyst for why I am submissive. Thus, long ago I accepted that it is simply the way I’m wired and a function not environmental factors, socialization or conditioning, but of birth.

Submitting for me is definitely by relationships. While I respect women and admire them in general, I don’t feel submissive to every women, whether she is dominant or not. Yet with the right woman, in the right circumstances I can be extraordinarily, perhaps even inordinately submissive to them. I am not an undiscriminating submissive, but with the right partner I am an ardent one.

In the context of a D/s relationship, “Ma’am” has a very specific meaning and I don’t use it carelessly or casually at all. I use it in the sense of conveying respect to my dominant and acceptance of her role as well as an acknowledgement of my place as the bottom in the relationship.

To me the implication that there is some inherent implication of dominance, authority and power that accrues simply by virtue of someone being born with a penis instead of a vagina is really just whacked. People should be free to interact with a partner in the way that best fits them and their own inherent natures. Not all women are submissive and not all men are dominant.

I am a sexual submissive but that is only one aspect of my submissiveness. Submission and D/s is not simply about kinky sex. Sure, D/s couples do sometimes have kinky sex but so do a lot of vanilla couples. The defining thing about D/s relationships is the power exchange which can be experienced with something as simple as a submissive being told “no” when they ask for something to being told to kneel before or serve the dominant.

I do like giving up control over my body in the bedroom. I do experience sexual gratification from acts involving binding, spanking, pinching experiencing moderate pain and being subjected to mild humiliation, among other activities. Yet I never expect my Mistress to "do me" and provide me with every kinky sexual experience and to fulfill every sexual fantasy I can imagine so I can cum and cum and cum. Instead, what I like and find compelling about being sexually submissive is being able to focus on giving my dominant partner what she wants, fulfilling her every sexual need and desire without any expectation of reciprocation.

Beyond the sexual aspects, I also like giving up control of my mind and will to my Mistress. Here again subjecting my desires, wants and my will to hers. Giving her dominion over my time and talents helps me to focus on her and her needs. By serving her, doing something for her that pleases her, gives her happiness or just makes her life a little easier brings me incredible pleasure and helps me feel and experience my submission deeply and meaningfully.

I find nothing in my submission that is inherently inimical to my male identity. I still see myself as a strong and competent man. In my opinion women are not inherently submissive and men are not inherently dominant. The genders, in this regard I think are equal. Some individuals simply choose to submit to their partner and others find domination gratifying. On the whole I think this is completely independent of their sex.

When I submit, I do it from a place of strength. I decide to whom I submit. It is never taken from me but given consensually. I do not offer submission to anyone who does not both understand and value the depths of what I am giving up for them because I value myself too much to do so.

My Mistress and I are not boyfriend and girlfriend even though romance is involved. We are not equals. She is "Ma'am" and I am her property. I provide service and in turn she provides for my physical, emotional and spiritual well-being in the ways she sees fit. We do not role-play only during certain times and in certain places. We are in our respective roles with respect to each other all the time. It is just the reality of our relationship.

While we do not have a contract as some D/s couples do and our relationship is not rule-bound, there is an understanding between us with regards to what each of us needs from the relationship and what we expect from each other. Unlike a lot of vanilla relationships, everything is clear and upfront and there is no guess work.

The foundation of a D/s relationship is trust. The submissive trusts the dominant with their physical and mental well-being and to always have their best interests at heart. The dominant trusts the submissive to be completely transparent and truthful with them, giving them the information and feedback they need to make good decisions. As communication flows freely, trust grows and the relationship becomes stronger, deeper and more fulfilling for both.

Being a submissive male is merely a shift in the concept of how a man “should be” of previous eras. Submissive men can practice less avoidance of femininity and embrace without guilt some customs and attitudes once deemed by society the province of women without calling into question their masculinity.