jem

All my adult life I have been submissive. I have pursued it with a drive and desire that couldn't and wasn't ever hidden. I needed to be on my knees. Serving. Owned. Controlled. I needed to belong. Be 'HIS'.

For the past few weeks I have shed many tears. I mourn the loss of a huge part of me.... I seem to have lost my submission. It hasn't happened over night. Nor was it something I planned. It has been a sad and long slow realisation that all I was and all I knew was somehow ... No more. Well I don't know. I mean maybe it is still there somewhere, but man it has hidden itself far too well for me to find!

I am sharing this as I needed to explain my absence the last few months. Also because I would like to apologise. I have always portrayed the submission I believed in with honesty and integrity. Somehow now I feel a fraud.

I have chosen to take time out so I don't hurt those here I love dearly. I have also had the space to make sure the focus and searching was mine and not influenced by my well meaning friends.

I hope I still have those. The friends I have always loved and held dear here. I will make an effort to pop on more. To touch base with all those I love and have played with, talked to and built relationships with. My submission is questionable... I am however still me. I am still jem.