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Echoes

Grief

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You deny me an audience before your passing
Deny me the honor to sit at your feet and read you your favorite prose
Or stories
Or just to ease your pain at each breath you breathe.
To feed you tiny morsels of delicacies to tempt you to eat
To entice you to live one more day as the pain takes over more.


You were my gentle giant,
the man who took me, broken from the barren rocks, as a child
Who laid an ear to my own pain and terror
And held me.
You fed me hope and love so that I would breathe each day
And cry less, grow.


You deny my love and my ability to love you
You deny me
Am I selfish? I now question myself
You adopted me when I had no parents to turn to
When they turned me away…
And now you turn me away,


denying me months of giving you the tiniest of pleasures
denying me months of your presence,
of remaining life together.
That I now live in the knowledge that you are dying,
my heart begging as I used to beg as a child,
for love and protection, before you


You have returned me there to that loveless child
Abused and discarded
I feel hurt and so much anger, betrayal, for you even refuse to talk to me
Because I chose to help my real mother in her dire moment of need.
And she gloats now, not embracing me with love but with a smirk of how she has destroyed us
But she has not, you did.


I have lost respect for you
My gentle giant, my inspiration to life
My love, my adopted father
You have hurt me worse than any person ever could
Or have I hurt myself, did I betray you?
Did I do this to us?


You taught me to love everything
Everyone
Wholly, Universally,
All things great and small
And I embraced your guidance and love
Then you slam the door in my face?
You are crushing my heart.
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