Understanding Submissive Training
by, 07-11-2010 at 06:37 PM (2926 Views)
When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from his or her dominant, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often the heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters.
By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?
I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.
Why the Mystery
When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace and self-confidence
Beginning With the Macro View
Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don't despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific. Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.
This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training. It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.
Some Simple Truths About Training
It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from the dominant to the submissive and all learning is absorbed by the submissive. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.
Yes, the dominant instructs and the submissive learns yet at the same time the dominant is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he or she is learning about the new submissive, his or her own unique personality, capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the dominant formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for training, training that is individualized and specific to that submissive.
Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific individual.
Submissive Training Categories
I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and end up with more than eight. Yet it isn't the number of categories that is important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training categories include...
- Physical Training
- Verbal Training
- Mental Training
- Emotional Training
- Pratical Skills Training
- Rituals and Mantras
- Sexual Training
- Discipline and Correction
This is a natural place to pause. Next time we will begin to seek the devil in the details of the above listed areas beginning with physical training. As we go along, I will endeavor to explain in detail what may be expected in each area and will also provide some illustrative examples from my own personal experiences.
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