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sweetlynaughty

Someday I値l try again. But not today.

Rating: 1 votes, 1.00 average.
Someday I’ll try again to find a Dom. But what if he’s not out there? What if “My Mr. Perfect” doesn’t exist?

I thought I found it this time, I thought it was going so well. Long phone conversations, texting every day, amazing sex, deep mental and emotional connection. We even had fun together, laughed during sex, lazy time spent resting in his arms or on the couch talking with our feet meeting in the middle. Everything was so easy. Except one critical thing:

RULE #1 Exchange forms of identification!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I let this one slip. He gave me hard time about this because “he said” he never did this before and his word should be good enough. Christ, just typing that I feel like a bigger asshole than I did a when this all unraveled. I didn’t think that was possible.

Humiliation? Oh I learned a new level of that when I had to delete one photo at a time from our sessions. Photos of me tied up, photos with writing on my body, and much more intimate photos. Photos, select, delete, over and over and over again. Slowly deleting the life I always wanted and thought I had. Slowly deleting photos that were based on lies.

I know better! I was taught better. I got…lazy? I was manipulated. Fucking dumb ass! I’m not a newbie or uneducated in the world of BDSM. I know better and STILL I let rule #1 slip. I’m lucky I didn’t’ get myself physically hurt or killed.

This weekend, I’m processing stupidity, humiliation, fear, sadness, anger, betrayal, well, all the steps of mourning a loss.

There is a bright side though. True friends that swarmed in to support me every step of the way. They called and texted for days during the process ending things with him. I really couldn’t have better mentors in lifestyle than these two friends.

So there is always a bright side, and things could always be worse. I thank God for what I have and what I escaped.

Someday I’ll try again. But not today.

Updated 04-10-2016 at 10:38 AM by sweetlynaughty

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Comments

  1. Woogsbie's Avatar
    {{{{hugs}}}}
  2. just_ine's Avatar
    I'm so sorry it happened.
    *hugs*

    You know where to find me...
    X
  3. Velvet Paws's Avatar
    I am sorry this person was not what they should have been.

    I feel you should not focus on belittling yourself as it is simply negative energy, just take the lesson to heart & I am sure you will be more careful in future.

    You are not alone in having let someone manipulate you, some are expert at doing so & get past the red flags we see. That is on him, Not you.

    I am glad you have been letting those that care about you support you!

    I know this is a very hard time period for you, it will get easier!

    *gentle hugs*
  4. hoosakitty's Avatar
    You know what they say about hindsight...and you're certainly not the first to fall for the smooth lines of some asshole. You're not stupid, my friend....you're human...and i love you for it

    feel better
  5. jondomoz's Avatar
    Ahhh shit. Your words and how you talk.... wow! Any true person would be happy to have you. You sound like a prize catch, sweetly.

    I hope you feel better very soon..... smiles to you and more hugs...

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