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how many subs can/should a Master have
in one sense I feel I should have only one sub but that seems too much like a monogamous relationship
this site is meant to be a fantasy site afterall
if I can command more than one sub at a time shouldn't I be allowed to build a harem?
i think as long as everyone's needs are being met and everyone is honest up front about what they expect, whatever works is what should be. If you think you can handle a harem, and the harem is fine with it, go for it. Especially if all you want is online play/fantasy.
A harem? Pffft! I want a cult that worships the singular wisdom of the great Wiscoman. Church services are daily, ladies only :hubba:
Seriously though, you've got to make sure that a) everyone's OK with that and b) everyone involved knows about it. If you're getting a little on the side, then you're a cheater -- D/s relationship or vanilla. Trust means everything (OK, almost everything) is right out in the open.
I agree with what's been said.
Honesty is the key- anything less is a display of abject, utter disregard. It's easy to get caught up with the fun of playing, or flirting, or what-have-you and forget that there is another person on the other side of the screen.
So if you agree to be exclusive, or play on a limited basis, you'd better follow through. If you involve another person, you ought to really consider their feelings; otherwise, you should just go download some pr0n and entertain yourself.
Absolutely, i have seen to many subs/Dom's get involved and then have it blow up because one or the other was not honest about the type of relationship they wanted. Everyone should be aware that you have more than one sub, heck if possible they should get to know each other and like each other, and be able to interact with each other at some point. Online takes a great bit of trust and honesty just like in real life that sometimes gets over looked because you sit behind the screen, web cam, Skype, etc and get to know each other through type, this does not mean to the Dom or sub that it is "play" because everyone i know takes it very seriously and it is a very important part of their life, hugely important in fact and not just a role play.
If you are looking for just fun and games, just make sure that the people you play with know that it is just fantasy and you are not taking it seriously long term. There is nothing wrong with that at all, so long as the sub does not go getting involved with you beyond the paly session to find out you "play" with 14 others and make her feel her submission was a joke.
As others have said, how many you have it up to you and any other subs you have.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeeker
I do disagree that this site was meant to be a fantasy site. As some people may come here for fantasy reasons, I'd say just as many, if not more, come for real information on how they live their life, or to look for real relationships (and this has successfully happened). Just as any library, we have our fiction and nonfiction sections.
you sound like you are feeling obliged to have multiple subs, because that is what fantasy would dictate.
It is not fantasy if you are getting people emotionally involved with you, and this should be considered before having more than one sub. It is not a requirement and should not be done for the sake of not being monogomous because it seems "normal" but because it is what is right for everyone involved.
Arch
Very excellent point!Quote:
Originally Posted by Archeon
you all make excellent points, I could have posted a thank you on each response
I have put myself in a dilemma, I have come to know 2 subs very closely
if I were put in a situation of selecting one over the other I am not sure I could do it
yet I would hate to lose either of them
On the up side of this, I believe poly is a lot easier to start if both girls enter the relationship at the same time, rather than one first, then another later. If you genuinely feel poly is for you, and both the girls want it, then it may not be so bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeeker
Regards,
Arch
Presumably you have told the two subs about each other as well? You're on a hiding for grief if you aren't up-front with both of them.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeeker
Well you cant argue with the stud factor af having a couple of subs.
Still if thats all it is, stuffing for an ego.
Well I have met doms like that, come to think of it they probably where mostely doms in the first place to boost their ego.
Now im not saying that anyone here is like that. But relationships that are all about the dom, really only belong online. Even there they should only exist on an informed consensual basis.
Worst possible thing you can do to a sub is everything they dream of. Because theyll dream up more and now that they did it all, theyll want worse. This is a destructive spiral in my experience, i dont know where it ends but i have met subs that rode it too far and got off at a bad place.
So if your playing with two subs because thats something you all want to try out well go ahead.
If your doing it for yourself or for one of them as an ultimate fantasy. Bail out before you crash and burn.
unfortunately this has become a moot point for me, one of the subs I desired has told me we are not compatible
don't laugh but I am feeling a lot of pain at her loss
Well sad as that may be. I think theres a lesson to be learned..
That is you got yourself in a mess with two subs at once because you didnt think it true. Now in the clarity of hindsight you get to consider if thats a route you want to go again and what you did wrong the frst time.
For me, multiple subs is more work than i care for and really my game is more about discovering one sub's mind in depth, than getting my rocks off.
Perhaps a bit unfair to assume the incompatibility was over the poly thing, as opposed to something else.Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstBorn
well he did himself start a thread on the issue. Now that doesnt say thats the problem, but obviusly it did put some strain on the whole thing or it wouldnt have concernded OP. Seeing that hes thanking you, im guessing other issues caused it but thats no reason not to take whatever lesson to heart.Quote:
Originally Posted by Archeon
okay.... well, seeings as it sounds like they don't know about each other then i'm going to say You went about it really wrong, and i'll be almost shocked if they both don't leave You.
Being Honest and building trust is something important (at least to me and most everyone i know in the lifestyle). So You worrying You'll have to pick one over the other means You didn't really think about it completely. How would You feel if Your submissives had other Dom's they didn't tell You about? What if one day they came to You and said, Here's my other Dom and You two have to play nice because i can't pick one over the other. Doubt You (or anyone, unless they are really into getting emotional pain) would enjoy that.
This lifestyle includes many forms and fantasy ideas, that doesn't mean that feelings and human nature still doesnt apply. i am poly. i bottom to 2 people, i submit to one, and i top another. We all know about each other and go out for drinks. So i suggest sitting down and thinking about someone else's feelings instead of Your fantasy.
Btw Firstborn, i doubt the poly was the problem as much as the shady way He seems to have done it.(i say seems, feel free to correct me, not many people tell the whole story and i don't know You) Poly for me has only been a problem the second one of my partners decided to do something shady and behind my back. He got kicked to the curb.
~j~
raven you bight deep, I didn't mean to deceive anyone or collect a haremQuote:
Originally Posted by ravenbounduptight
I merely exchanged PMs with the 2 ladies, we seemed to enjoy each other's correspndence very much and before I was aware of what was happening I was involved with 2 subs
I was only looking to make friends, not deceive anyone
The problem you have as a very public person, and wanting to do a lot of correspondence in public (c.f. you other posts) I imagine this post may have been the first thing the 2 subs heard of each other, along with the set tasks...probably not the best way to find out.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeeker
Regards,
Arch
A dominant can have as many submissives as he/she is willing to provide for and as many who want what he/she has to offer them.
As far as your situation is concerned, I don't think you really did anything "wrong." This isn't junior high. Just because you exchange a few PMs with someone doesn't make you an item. As a matter of fact, playing with someone a few times doesn't amount to much, either. You really don't know where you stand with anyone until you have the relationship talk. Monogamy shouldn't be assumed, especially in an alternative lifestyle.
One, I never thought of this as a fantasy site and I still don't. Two, I agree with Flaming Redhead that, just as going on a few dates doesn't make you married, exchanging a few PMs doesn't make you someone's master.
I think you are discovering that, while many interactions here might satisfy some of your fantasies, there are real people at the other end of them and they can engage your feelings beyond what your fantasies might dictate. And thank God for that. I think it says really nice things about you that you were able to connect with someone to the extent of feeling badly at her loss. I can't imagine why you thought anyone would laugh about that.
When I used to date vanilla, I used to just drop a few hints if I wasn't seeing someone exclusively. You don't have to tattoo, I'M SEEING OTHER PEOPLE on your forehead, but just saying, oh I'd love to join you but I already have plans, or something similar, can give someone that information. Similarly, if you are in communication with a few people online, saying something like, oh, hey, I'd love to chat but I'm talking with someone else right now, or even posting VMs, can just let people know that there are others you are in contact with.
On the other hand, tell your fantasies that there's nothing WRONG with monogamous relationships, even online. If your actual interactions with people lead you to want to commit to one of them, then why not?
The reality of a Polygamous household means a fair amount of effort, and that's even with a harem that all get along very well. In fantasy play, go for it, the realms of fantasy are just that, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeeker
If you step into the Reality of a Polygamous household, be careful and make sure you select those who will get along and bond well. I got very damned lucky with the situation that unfoled of it's own accord here in my home--6 women--and not a day happens that I am not very glad that they all get along and have a 'sisterly' sense of things happening.
NOT a thing to take for granted. ;)