Coming to terms.

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02-28-2012
kaizokuj

Coming to terms.

Hi, I'm pretty new here but I wanted to make a post and just ask some stuff.
I have most of my adolescent/"adult" life (I'm 23 so not that old..) thought about dominating a girl.
I imagined lots of things I'd do and lots of things I would make her do.

But recently I found out that I also have a pretty serious submissive side.
For the last few months my best friend and I have been in a sort of dom/sub relationship, however I think she/he doesnt really want to take it as serious as I would like to.
Recently some stuff happened and I had to face that I'm submissive too and that has left me feeling a little confused about who I am in that respect so I was hoping that maybe I could get some advice on how to deal with these feelings..

After realizing that I am, I am left wondering stuff that I cant answer anymore, like if the things I imagined doing I was really hoping them done to me?
Since I have no experience in being a dom maybe it was a fabrication of my mind to keep me from realizing I want to be dominated..
Have you had any thougths like these?
Also recently I have really felt like I want a proper mistress or a sub to play with myself.. How do I deal with the desire?
05-24-2012
Kuve {Sett}

as an introduction to technique for the beginner I'd recommend "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, they cover everything you know to get started once you've found someone with whom to play.
as to dealing with the desire I've always found the best way to be to act on them, there's no reason why you can't have both a Mistress and a sub as long as you make it clear to both at the start for what it is your looking and both agree.
Something I've found is that My dom and sub sides are in most cases a matter of with whom I'm with, some people bring out My dominance and others my submission so it's not something that causes any conflict or confusion and, being poly, I can explore at either level. Whether that would work for you only you can decide.
05-25-2012
angelic.zest

I agree with Kuve S, there isn't anything wrong with having both a Mistress and submissive as long as both parties are well aware of everything going into the relationship.
Also, its best to be honest with yourself and what you are looking for that way when you do go out searching for either a submissive or a Mistress you will have an idea of what you are looking for at that time. I will also suggest getting some reading material also, maybe trying to find a local group or a group that you feel comfortable with to discuss some of these issues/concerns you are having because you are not alone!
05-29-2012
thir

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaizokuj

Hi, I'm pretty new here but I wanted to make a post and just ask some stuff.
I have most of my adolescent/"adult" life (I'm 23 so not that old..) thought about dominating a girl.
I imagined lots of things I'd do and lots of things I would make her do.

But recently I found out that I also have a pretty serious submissive side.
For the last few months my best friend and I have been in a sort of dom/sub relationship, however I think she/he doesnt really want to take it as serious as I would like to.
Recently some stuff happened and I had to face that I'm submissive too and that has left me feeling a little confused about who I am in that respect so I was hoping that maybe I could get some advice on how to deal with these feelings..

After realizing that I am, I am left wondering stuff that I cant answer anymore, like if the things I imagined doing I was really hoping them done to me?
Since I have no experience in being a dom maybe it was a fabrication of my mind to keep me from realizing I want to be dominated..
Have you had any thougths like these?
Also recently I have really felt like I want a proper mistress or a sub to play with myself.. How do I deal with the desire?

Not trying to be flippant, but you deal with it like you do with any other desire, you try to get your needs met.

If you have fantised about dominating someone for a long time, I think you can be pretty certain that that need is real, but there really is no other way than to try it out. Try out both roles, see if they are both for real. Reading is definitly a good idea, but after that, you have to try and see how it feels. You cannot think that one out.

It is completely normal to have both sides, and from my own experience I know that they can sort of see-saw. There are all kinds of ratios and ways.

Good luck on your journey :-)