Natural switch or something learnt?

When I began this part of my life I easily slipped into the postion of sub...it suited my needs, my desires and lifestyle. However, by the time I came out of the first proper D/s contract I had changed a great deal. I guess I had grown up a little too. Either way, in my new freedom I found a desire to switch that has become central to my character and my relationship to DarkSister.

Im not sure I could pinpoint any particular event or time where I suddenly thought...hmm, I'd like to make her beg for my touch...

My question is, would you say you are just a natural switch...or its something that has developed and changed you from either being primairly Dom or Sub?

I came to the conclusion that I was a switch only recently. Before that I always assumed that I was a dom only. My problem was that as a dom, I didn't have a problem with the physical aspect (spanking, etc), but I didn't fancy receiving it as a sub. However, I always felt from time to time to submit to a woman who is strong and controlling, who could be able to delve into my mind and go pass the simple ordering the sub around bit (I know I'm being vague, I have yet to experience a feeling like this in r/l, at the moment it's simply a fantasy).

So then I thought I was turning into a sub. But some members here are so increadibly subly, and after talking to them and hearing their experiences and fantasies I realised I wanted both, which then put me in the switch category.

So I guess I'm a natural switch, ever since learning about bdsm, I've always felt these conflicting emotions and thanks to this forum, I've figured out.

In all honesty I’m not sure how to approach answering this question… initially, I guess, my relationship with PainSister started tentatively, I was at the dying end of a vanilla relationship and had been carrying with me this sense that I was deeply unsatisfied… I had had only one relationship where I guess I would say I only went out with one guy who dominated me, though it was far from a D/s relationship in the truest sense of the word…

Looking back I can probably tie a lot of how I am to certain events in my past… things that are known and fully understood by Pain… its these things, I guess, that are the fundamental reason to why I fit so comfortably, and I would say naturally as a switch, although its something I have only come to realise over time as Pain has helped me embrace this lifestyle that seems to fit perfectly.

Dark xXx

I can't pinpoint an exact moment when I realized I was a switch, either. I tend to believe I'm a natural switch because it depends mostly on the partner I'm with. However, I lean far to the subbie side as I have never been satisfied in a relationship with what I perceived as a submissive male. My Dom and I have noticed a rather odd occurrence, though. Almost every time we have played a bit, i.e. spanking, I have an urge to whack him on the ass. *ggls* Needless to say, I only dare to give him a playful tap. He wondered aloud what the percentage was of subs who feel like spanking their Doms. I suppose very few indeed. *sigh* Sometimes I think he forgets I'm only 55% sub, not 100%. *weg*

Thanks nk and fr...especially for giving such a precise figure of subbness :)

Dark you know you have my thanks as ever.

I have another question that I might ask, do you think switches are often the poor cousin amongst the community? As neither sub nor dom really know how to talk to you..unless you already have some form of relationship with said sub or dom?

I think this is a good question but I don’t think I can add much in the way of an answer, only my waffling thoughts on the matter. It’s my understanding that many switches are submissive to a different person over who they Dom, at least a lot of the literature I’ve read seems to support this… (of course I could be erroneous in my understanding in which case feel free to correct and punish as appropriate *grins)… so I am curious of how many switches effectively switch as part of a couple, with Pain and I we can seem to be able to read each others moods and needs and switch accordingly…

In my experience/opinion certainly, I’m thinking that switches are powerful both as dominants and when acting submissive because they do not fear or avoid one side or the other and are usually very clear about what they are doing while they are doing it and don’t ‘switch’ in the middle, ‘us I guess that trying to top from the bottom would see the Dom taking what steps were required to regain control…

I know in many aspects of life people get pigeon holed… for example I am a student… now I’m sure that just reading that has conjured up a stereotypical image of a student (I know that I am just as guilty on that score)… so is this the same for the some factions of the BDSM community as a whole? And are switches seen as occupying some grey area that seems difficult to define and are thusly seen as being something indefinable and non-committal?

Ok… I admit I have in effect just asked the same question again… *sigh

this is a hard question to answer but i'm gonna give it a shot..... in my case i consider my self to be a natural switch but lean more twords my slave side. i tend to be able to switch only for my Master and tend to be submissive twords others who me and my Master play with.i don't think that being a switch is something that can be learned because if it's not in a person to switch than they should not try doing it. the reason that it's easy for me to switch is cause i have some what of a dominate personality and that helps me beable to switch.

As long as I've known about BDS&M (which is about as long as I've known about sex), I've known I'm a switch. I think I'm a switch with Domme tendencies, in that I realized my thing is in part based on controling others by meeting their needs, so even when I'm subbing I'm looking out for numero uno, which probably makes me a bad sub to the pure 'Master First!' crowd, but works out okay as far as day to day relations. In mating I look for an anvil to my hammer, which is to say I want my male equal in switchery.

The disadvantage is that I tend to find relationships with pure subs or pure Doms awkward, as I find the former fires my protective instincts and makes it hard to play the cruel games I like, and the latter orientation brings out the sadistic desire to take them down a peg or two, which I know is rationally not ethical.

I think that people who are not willing to switch roles are kind of selfish. For me, its one thing if you are a sub, and you love it, and you luck up and find someone who is a dom and you guys are both perfect matches. But It is my opinion that most relationships are give and take. And if your partner is willing to sacrifice their likes/dislikes to satisfy you, you should be willing to that for them (If thats what they wan).

So to answer your question, I would definetly say for me, being a switch was something that I learned. I am easily more submissive. But I think its easier to talk to people if you can switch. And then you are in a better position to say, "Hey Look..its my turn to kneel now lol

For me it's natural. When I was young I liked to tie myself up (when you play alone there is only one person to tie and get tied). I was five.

When I played cops and robbers with my friends I liked to tie other people, though sometimes I was jealous of them. Before I ever knew what dominance or submission was I liked to do both, or either.

I love the feel or rope on my skin and I also love how other people look when I tie them up. Life would be terribly uninteresting if I was forced to go one way or another.

Ultimately, I think, the biggest draw for me is being with the person I care about most and sharing a good time together. It fun to think about her tied down and unable to avoid my attentions. It's more fun to picture her being denied and getting frustrated, only to end in a tremendous explosion, when I let her of course.

And I like her to do the same for me.

I've pretty much been doing both from the outset. However I've found that though I started out more domme centered, I'm been paying attention to my submissive side more recently. All this is still quite new to me, but I'm having so much fun with it already.

I never really thought or fantasized about BDSM until actually became sexually active. I wonder if it just pressed my "kink activate" button.

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Originally Posted by Guest91408

My question is, would you say you are just a natural switch...or its something that has developed and changed you from either being primairly Dom or Sub?

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I had both sides right from the start, but only used the subside for years as I felt rather confused by the whole thing which burst out unexpectedly in my mid twenties and felt one side was more than enough to get on with ;-)

After a number of years I became domme, feeling that the sub side was frustrating in that you were always depending on others, and I could not seem to find a good partner. Several other women experienced the same thing at that time.

Now I am in a relationship with another dom/switch, and I am sub with him, mostly, and domme with others.

My earliest fantasies, when I was so young that sex was a thing grownups did to make babies, ranged easily between top and bottom situations. When I was a teenager it largely depended on my mood. If I was feeling comfortable with life, I could enjoy a fantasy of being abused and humilated by a bunch of girls: if the world was treating me bad, I wanted to torture and degrade some imaginary victim(s). I often liked turnabout scenes where the victim took over and punished the abuser, sometimes running through several reversals of roles in a feature-length daydream.

But when I started to experiment with bondage games with friends, I found that most of them couldn't grok what I wanted done to me, so I got used to taking charge and being the binder/torturer/slavedriver. That still seems to work best for me, but it depends on the other partner.

As I was reading these posts I came to the realization that I always had something inside of me that was both. I fantasized when I was younger about situations but not identify as either role. I spent a lot of my super younger years tying other little kids up and being tied up and I enjoyed both equally.

My first experience in BDSM land was as a sub and it was awesome. I went to try some Domination when I was very young (like 15) and ended up slitting someones wrists open on a pair of cuffs (which to this day freak me out). I decided then that I was NO Dom. 10 years later and I finally came back to it.

I want to say that it was learned that it was something that I fell into but really looking back, that feeling of Dominating another person is something I've always enjoyed (sometimes just a bit to much).