Edible Restraints (Humor)
Edible Restraints Introduces New Spaghetti Bondage Range
Naples (AFP) Luigi Bondalucia, speaking from his factory in Southern Italy, today announced plans to supply US-based company Edible Restraints with an entire new range of bondage products. The assembled media were treated to a demonstration of spaghetti bondage in a comparison test against Japanese rivals, Seaweed Strapedos.
"Seaweed may seem more durable," Senor Bondalucia said in his thickly accented voice, "But it tastes, ah, you know? It tastes like salty grass and only cows eat grass!"
Senor Bondalucia then went on to make an impassioned plea for dominants around the world to show their submissives a little more respect and not treat them as cows in restraints.
"My spaghetti restraints are the finest in the world," Senor Bondalucia said. "We grow it ourselves in a special orchard alongside our olive groves where it is ripened to perfection. Unlike traditional spaghetti, its strands are smooth and as flexible as any natural or synthetic thread. More than this, we treat it with all your favorite sauces so customers can choose from hearty bolognaise to cabonara and marinara to enhance their bondage experience."
The women chosen to model the new products mostly seemed partial to the cabonara and this reporter can confirm the rich, creamy white sauce did add a certain look as it trickled from their restraints over the dark complexions of their wrists and ankles that was at once esthetically pleasing and hunger-arousing.
As the women ate their way from their restraints, Senor Bondalucia pointed attention to another of his products: Gnocchi Anal Beads.
"You see," Senor Bondalucia said by way of demonstration on one woman struggling in fetticini cabonara restraints, "Both the sauce and the texture of the gnocchi make the use of additional lubricants unnecessary!"
The assembled media was impressed, not just with Senor Bondalucia's deft skill inserting the gnocchi beads into the struggling woman's ass, but with his broad range knowledge of wines that could be used as an enema clense after such a session.
Edible Restraints expects to sell the spaghetti range for between $4 and $10 per packet. Look for it now at your local supermarket.
