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I'd like your opinion of the following...
Do you feel that reminding your sub of their duties/rules is a fine way of teaching them and or gaining their attention better.Or do you feel that once the
rules are laid down on the table and properly discussed there shouldn't have to be any reminders.
Also to throw this in.. Does "forgetting" duties and or rules make it appear to you as they are not being serious about it?
From a subbie's POV:
It's good to remind a sub of the rules because we will forget things occasionally. Just a simple reminder will do, it doesn't have to be condecending. It also makes the sub feel that their Dom wants to make sure that they're doing their best.
We subbies aren't infallible. We do forget to do things. I forgot to do my journals two days in a row, honest to God forgot to do it. Sir forgave me, but let me know that if it happened again there would be consequences. If the sub just flat out doesn't do them, then I don't think they're being serious about it. If a sub genuinely forgets to do something, we generally feel awful about it and try to make up for it in any way possible. If the sub is just blowing off her tasks, she's ultimately hurting herself in the process because she is not getting the full experience that submission can bring.
Yes, fae, I agree - we do all forget things. That can mean there is perhaps a little control lacking - the dom/me needs to pick up on it. Reminders shouldn't need to be too frequent. An ignored reminder should be punished, I think. But there can be more to it than that.
There are times (she says, remembering well) when subbies get rebelious. They might refuse outright to do things - or it may be more subtle - they might 'forget' to do things.
It could be for various reasons. It may very well be that they want their dom/me to lay down the law: they are just plain asking for more strict control. They may be asking for recognition, for the dom/me to show that they are actually taking notice of what the sub is doing for them, and that they appreciate it. A little praise can go a long way.
It may be that they are finding the tasks or something else too stressful, and are not able to talk about it themselves - they need some prod or another, some question, from their master/mistress, to allow them to talk; 'forgetting' to task is a way of highlighting the issue.
There may very well be other reasons - I mean, maybe they just plain don't like the task, it's just not something that falls into their wants and needs?
So - I guess it all comes back down to communication again.
Whichever way, reminding is good: asking them why they havn't done something first off is of course the place to start. I mean, did they actually forget, or do you assume that? Have you dug a little further?
another sub chiming in.
Another variable to consider is if this is a longstanding task. If i forget something like bringing him his coffee in the morning or making sure that he has a shirt ironed, first he will want to know why.
Another thing to consider is if it is a one tim e thing or a regular occurance.
Occasionally, is different from it happening on a daily or weekly basis.
And one other question, respectfully. Are you in Dom-mode all the time? do you always remember the "good girl" when a task is completed? We want to be perfect Dom/mes or subs, but real life can intrude into our minds.
And sometimes a reminder can be hot. Sometimes, when real life is getting in the way for both of us, he will just lean in close to my ear and growl, "Who do you belong to?"
Gets us both neatly back into our roles.
I'm sorry to go off thread here for just a moment but
Woof woof WOOF! Oh boy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon's muse
There is also health issues to be considered too. At the moment we are doing vanilla do to her health and actually not even vanilla.
I would say that it depends whether sub/slave is showing proper respect to you. She gives you her gift of submission but without respect being shown then it is of little value. My advice is to let her know that failing is not exceptable and impacts you deeply. When she fails you fail, if she knows that and continues to fail I doubt that she is serious about the life outside of the sex and games. At that point I stop giving my gift of Dominance to her and let her be in total control of herself.
I tend to be of the school that reminders are not needed for tasks. At first I check, but once I see that things are being done the way they are supposed to I tend to let it ride, though I do look and make appropriate comments when necessary, which are usually good girl type things.