BDSM Lifestyle

I'm new to these forums, so if this thread is posted in the wrong place please move it, if it isn't appropriate then please delete it, and if either are true my apologies in advance :)

I know that decisions for my life are best made by myself, but I am interested in knowing if others who understand BDSM and their need for it in their lives, would agree on the decision I made that changed my life.

In essence I ended my six year marriage due to a growing frustration growing in myself, and the unfair effects it was having on my partner. I was born and raised in Scotland and though I love the country to bits, its not exactly filled with people. This for me held me back in a lot of ways from developing when I grew up, as I wasn't truly able to find anyone to explore, experiment and grow with in my blooming needs for aspects of BDSM and fetish lifestyle.

My only real contact with others came from the early arrival of the internet and the occasional chance meeting of like minded people on forums and chat rooms. It helped me feel less, hmmm different I guess when I saw others who weren't that unlike myself. Still though, having no real outlet for growing needs inside myself, was starting to cause a lot of frustration and confusion.

Like all young men i dated my fair share growing up, but i found something missing in relationships. I tried to approach the subject of my likes quite a few times with partners but to be honest it caused issues that helped kill the relationship.

I guess what i am trying to say is, that by the time i met the woman I married, I was inexperienced in actually knowing what I wanted and was frustrated. Then she came into my life and for the first time I met someone who didn't seem to mind the things I asked for, least initially. Looking back on it now, i see i got lost in that initial release and didn't look as deep into the matter as i should have.

Due to various factors, like her being American and only in the UK on work for a limited period, I took a chance in life and moved with her back to the US where we married. I'd only know her for maybe 9 to 10 months, but I wanted to take that chance and hoped it would work out.

Heh I realized not to long into things a lesson I wont forget now my entire life. Being with someone who doesn't mind letting you do the things you like, is not much better than being with someone who wont do them. When I realized that I was the only one that was truly wanting these things, and that my wife would have been just as happy with just vanilla things, I basically pulled back from her. Needless to say :) the eventual toll that took lead to the end of the marriage. I felt it wasn't fair on her, wasn't fair on me, and it was best to split.

In most other ways the relationship worked great, and neither of us had complaints. So it truly comes down to my needs for why it didn't work out. Feels weird to realize that :) Least to me.

So, I'm headed back home to Scotland this very next week and I feel worried about being back in such an isolated place. I guess the reason I stopped lurking here and erm, came out so to speak :)

I haven't been able to tell anyone the reason for the end of the marriage, no one would understand. I guess I hope for acceptance here with people who can understand where I come from :)

Sorry to have rambled on so much. I'm still pretty green when it comes to writing on these types of forums and fitting in.

Mara.

I think it was a great post, nothing to be embarrassed about. Is it possible for you to move to a more populated portion of Scotland, or are you pretty much stuck in the country for now?

I would recommend looking around online for other BDSM interested people in Scotland and perhaps in other portions of the U.K. I'm sure they exist, and they must have local get togethers, parties, etc. I bet that with time and patience, you will be able to find someone not-too-far-away who will feel the same way you do and want to find a BDSM relationship. It might take some time, but one nice thing about the internet and the online community is that it can at least help provide a sense of community and belonging in the meantime, and help provide an emotional outlet while you are looking for that special someone.

Good luck with your search :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marachai

Sorry to have rambled on so much. I'm still pretty green when it comes to writing on these types of forums and fitting in.

Mara.

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Marachai,

Your post was excellent - very clear and coherent and heartfelt. Don't worry so much about fitting in - just be yourself. We are all different and that seems to work. :)

Also being myself,
jeanne

You wrote down everything very well, certainly nothing to be ashamed of and all too common an experience for many in different stages of their lives. You are not the first to go through this nor shall you be the last, you can only be true to who you really are, trying to be otherwise would only infest in you like a rot and grow until it exploded.

Mara

What a wonderful worded post - thank you for sharing.

I can't imagine a more beautiful place to come back to. There are quite a few of us from the UK around on the forums and in chat - so once you are back and settled keep saying hi and posting :)

Good luck and looking forwarding to seeing more of your posts

~smiles~

minxy

Thank you all for your words of support, they are very much appreciated. :)

I think for me one of the most important lessons I've learnt with this whole situation has been to push myself out of "Lurking" and realize that I need to be an active member of the bdsm scene / community, or I am never gonna stand a chance at finding what I need. I'm ready to do that now, but its strange doing it since its a part of me that I've kept locked away from others for all the fears of how it would look if anyone I knew found out.

When I was much younger a friend of mine had sent me a copy of a book called "BDSM 101", least I think that was the title. While visiting one day, one of my friends happened to dig into the drawer by my bed for something i cant remember now and found it. I still remember walking in lol and him standing there with the most funny expression on his face :) Thats as close as I came to anyone around me knowing.

As much as I loved the States, I am looking forward to getting back to Scotland. I lived six years in Florida heh and trust me, for a Scotsman thats hard time in heat and humidity :) . I'll be located back in the central belt, so as far as Scotland goes close to all the major population area's, which I hope helps when it comes time to find others.

Thanks again for letting me share all this :) It does help to let it out in an understanding and safe place. For which I am grateful.

Mara

The book is SM 101, and it has lots of useful information, doesn't it? I'm glad you're getting to go back home.

Ah yes that was the correct title :) Its been a few years since I last read it and I just couldn't fully remember.

I loved the book on the whole. It really helped focus me and helped me understand the things I did and did not want in a bdsm relationship. Though figuring that out was a difficult time too heh, which I wouldn't bore anyone with :)

Getting home will be good, if for no other reason than seeing family again. It was a real strange time being away from everyone i knew for so long.

Mara.

Very informative and well presented post Mara. Welocme aboard.

:wel

good luck. the journey is everything.

Welcome Mara I think you will find a lot here that will help you on your journey. Your post was very informative. Hope you enjoy it here.

I read your post, Marachai, the day you posted it and it felt very honest, a really good introduction. Of course it's easier to introduce yourself in terms of being successful in what you wished to achieve, writing it as a success story, but one thing you'll get to see about this place is - everyone's permitted to try, you don't have to get it right the first time or even the third time. This is difficult stuff and, like you're aware, not accepted as a matter of course by the minstream.
You're right you need to get in touch with the r/l bdsm community - I feel a need to expand my lines there too - but you'll find lots of advice, friendship and, frankly, turn-on at this Forum. I hope you'll be around for some time.

Thanks everyone for the kind welcome :)

I certainly hope to be about more, just as soon as I get back to Scotland. I left Florida for chicago to meet up with a friend before heading back next weekend, so computer access is ... heh rare :) I just wanted to let everyone know that you've already made this place feel more like home :)

Mara.

Good luck in your return home. At least now when you go back, you will have a much clearer vision of what you want. With the contact you have already made on the forums, you are of to a great start.

Dear Marachai

I have sent you a private message with information that might help you


cg (Sadistic1's girl)