Multiple partner scenes.

Greetings everyone,

I know this isn't a strictly 'BDSM'-type question, but I am considering having a threesome or foursome with my current boyfriend/Dom... I brought up the idea and it really excites me. :) I have some concerns, as does he, about how we will react in that type of situation (neither of us have tried it before). We are, of course, going to be safe and use protection and get to know the person/couple first. That being said:

My questions are for those who have experienced something along these lines before:
Was your experience a positive one?
Would you do (or have you done) it again?
What do you wish you had known going into the experience?

Thanks for any input and/or advice!
Keep it safe and sane!
missy masseuse

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Originally Posted by missymasseuse

What do you wish you had known going into the experience?

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For me this question would be the key point. The one thing that always runs through my mind in this type of scenario is WHO is in charge? If it is one Dom that is fairly simple, but 2 Dom's, who is the lead, are details worked out in advance, etc. And does everyone trust that person to be in the lead role?

*lol* I always have this vision of 3 or 4 naked people standing in a room with the common theme being "I don't care what do YOU want to do?" Think that would be a quick mood killer!

my main concern is that this requires lots of trust on all parts. Personally I am not into it and I am probably too monogamous to even try it.
As long as everybody actually wants it and nobody will get annoyed at somebody else that participates then I think it is all good. If one is opposed and dont want to then the idea isnt going to work in the long run.
and lol annie. yes you need somebody that is in "charge" and not two :p

Polyday (polyday.org.uk) is coming up in London this Saturday. It has seminars and chats. There may be stuff to learn there.

I answered this question before in another forum, and had received some flack for it. But realistically, when you do this for the first time, you may already have a scenario of how it will go in your mind. It can be quite a different experience actually participating, regardless as to how everyone thinks they are on the same page.

I have done this a couple of times, one time was spontaneous, and the other was planned out. Both were equally satisfying and fun.

If you want to try and experience things such as this, talk a lot first to your boyfriend, and figure out what you both want.
Do you want to be with another woman, or with two men? Do you like the idea of your boyfriend being with another woman?

Think about things as well, jealousy may pop up in the middle of your play even if you thought otherwise.

Always remember who your boyfriend is and he should do the same. Getting into the heat of the moment with someone else may cause friction between the two of you.

Getting to know the other people is good as well, feeling comfortable, and knowing what their expectations are makes the experience more enjoyable for everyone. Although sometimes spontenaity is a good thing too :)

My six cents on the subject, and it is the philosophy that I follow.
Hope that some of it helped a bit.

I realized that I didn't really answer your questions, but you really have to know what you want and why you want it.
Both of my experiences were good, I would definately do it again, and I wouldn't change things. But doing that is kind of my kink, and I don't ponder things at all. If I had an inkling of doubt or regret I would probably reconsider ever doing it again.

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Originally Posted by Logic1

and lol annie. yes you need somebody that is in "charge" and not two :p

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I have that image because my hubby at one point had mentioned another woman joining in our relationship... in a D/s type of situation, with him supposedly being the "Dom." Knowing how vanilla my hubby is I kept getting that image because although it may sound good to him, he would freeze and I would probably end up in charge... again.... *growls.* So... that is why I always have the picture of everyone standing around going "I don't care, what do you want to do?" :D

yes that sounds like a strange situation for a sub to have to take charge and especially a nilla hubby that thinks he can take charge over 2 girls when he cant seem to do it with one.
*hugs* for you annie

I've been there more times. Three, four and more somes. The first time was totally unplanned and I really was flabbergasted afterwards (it was with my best friend at that time and her boyfriend). We were all watching a movie and she started to kiss me and well I just did what felt right at that time. She asked me if I agreed to let her bf join in and I said yes. Afterwards I was confused, excited and more I can not put a label on. It happend a few times after that (until my bf at that time wanted to join in then it stopped, they just wanted me not him). I had an open relationship btw lol.

My ex husband and I had an agreement before we got married, and we tried out all sorts of things (not on BDSM he was not in to *that*). But after I got pregnant I changed alot and I didn't feel like sharing my body with anyone but my partner anymore. Well ofcourse he had a different view on it and he still did it even when he knew I didn't agree (he just *forgat* to tell he did something).

Point to my story is you really have to be in a stable and open (communication wise) relationship for this. Ask yourselves how jealous you really are? Can you handle it when the third party has more feelings then just the lust part for either you or your partner - or worse- if you or your partner develops deeper feelings for the third party?
Cause it all seems like fun and really horny if you fantasize about it, but reality is more complicated then fantasy. You have to set boundries and make sure you all understand them.

Good luck on your decision.

mysc

ps. Three somes are better in my opinion then four/more somes, it gets me confused, to many arms and legs lol

I have always enjoyed threes and multiples there of. * smiles *

A lot has to do with openness and ability to accept, understanding and other complex issues that crop up.
The sensory overload that I have experienced has always been so good that it would cause me to jump right in the middle again if I had the chance to arise.

I can not comment on this in regards to real life expierence but i do have a few thoughts for you to ponder.

How will you feel after it happens, does everyone just go on their way or spend the night? How does it end

What if you or your partner say something while excited and playing that the other person is upset by eg, that feels so good or something they feel should not have been shared.

DO either of you ever, ever toss out jealous comments about things that happened that upset one of you during a fight. In other words is it a possibility the fact the encounter was enjoyed become ammo in an argument.

If its people that you know socially how will it be to meet again. Is there concern about one of the parties becoming too close to one of you.

How open have your communications been in the past? This needs the biggest amount of honesty ever, good or bad it has to be able to be talked about.

Will you become ashamed due to guilt about it later (only you know how you feel about your sexuality) Does your partner read your underlying feelings well enough to understand it.

Try to imagine the encounter from start to finish and allow yourself to feel what the reality may be as opposed to the fantasy of what happens. think about it from start to finish and then what may happen when you are alone again.

On a side note I wonder how on starts out these things haha I can never quite get over how it would start in real life for me, but that is just me.

Have you considered the location, if its strangers to you can you trust them in your home , if you have children you may not want it to happen in your house Your safety on dealing with an unknown couple must be also considered.

If its a friend then what if you and your partner are fine with it later but they are not and get all weird on you. Are you willing to perhaps loose a friend that can not handle the reality?

I do think it can work but it means a very hard look at all the ramifications as you are trying to do in this thread. Good Luck

That is excellent advice Widget, thanks for sharing that!

I have experienced a few threesomes but never with a partner which I am sure will give a totally different dynamic to the situation but I will happily share a little with you.

I had a spontaneous one with two guys who were best friends and on the same college course to me when in my late teens. It wasn't all I had hoped it would be as they became a little competitive with one another, nothing that put me at risk but it was something I picked up on and was a bit of a mood killer.

Fast forward 10 years and I have a great relationship with a lovely couple I met through a swinging site. We have all met up 3 times now and each time has been great. We got to know each other well before hand and now that we try to meet up semi-regularly we are all really comfortable with one another and are experimenting more and more each time, trying new things. Open and honest communication being the key as well as all having a laugh too. We often speak in advanced of what we want to get out of our next meeting as well as being open to whatever happens on the night.

From their point of view when they were seeking someone to play with they did everything together, opened emails/answered emails, chated online etc which I think is key from that point of view. I have come across so many couples registered somewhere but you only see the guy (or less so the woman) online or sending out/answering emails (which I avoided like the plague). Remember you are inviting someone else into your relationship so you have the power to pick and choose... take your time and it can be all you want it to be.

Oh and remember if you are going to play out in a hotel phone before and make sure you are getting a super kingsize bed!! heh heh!

My two cents.

I was a swinger for many years, enjoyed it throughly. We were picky and choose wisely our partners, either of us could say no not that couple and that was that.

If your relationship is strong and caring it can combine the best of being a couple with being single again. Funny how that works, you will find yourself wanting to be in better shape because after all it may help get the partner you desire. It can and does make each person more sexual aware and alive.

A word of warning here, even with protection being used they can split, tear and otherwise leak so knowing that each person has a clean bill of health is very important. That was the reason we said to our friends we won't play anymore to easy to get a disease from a careless friend.

I have no experience with multiple partners, but it has been a long running fantasy of mine. I know I'll have to get over a few things to do that.