Rules for your slave.

My live in g/f is a sub & I am a dom but we rarly ever act on it (all talk). Neather of us have ever really done the whole BDSM thing for reel mutch less 24/7.

I am thinking the best way for us to start is to lay down some rules (not just for her but also to keep me consistant.)

So I would greatly appreciate it if I could se a list of rules that some of you may have already layed down.
I also under stand that these rule are subject to change as we try to fit them in whith real life.

Again any help would greatly appreciated. :D

That's a good question, Hern. Living it and talking it are two differnt things altogether, aren't they?

I would start simple. Have a few rules only so that it is not an overwhelming task. That way, when she gets those down pat, you can, if you like add more. Simple things like remaining shaved, doing certain tasks around the house. What ever tickles you fancy. There is no set guideline to rules. It's what ever you two decide what you are capable of and what you are interested in.

Good luck!

I agree with Finding_Fantasy.

I prefer giving only a single rule, or a small number of very simple rules at any one time. Once those are mastered by the submissive I'm willing to gradually add more rules.

The reasoning behind this is that if you give a comprehensive list of rules you expect obeyed she is going to have a difficult time remembering/obeying them all. And you're going to have a difficult time remembering and correcting her errors. This will lead to uneven and haphazzard enforcement of your rules... you may lose her respect since you're not consistent in your enforcement. she wont be happy and you won't be happy.

As for what rules to give, consider the reason we use rules in the first place. Rules are meant to change, shape, and guide behavior.

So for her first rule, decide what you'd like to change or accomplish. Perhaps you enjoy being called "sir", or you always want the seat on the toilet left up. Pick some behavior you want and give her a rule to enforce that behavior.

I also suggest you write the rule down where you can both consult it. That way the rule is clearly spelled out and both of you can refer back to it. You'll be surprised at how quickly your list will grow.

Finally consider how you're going to enforce the rule. I personally use a graduated scale, initially when I'm training on a new rule/task I correct her verbally, then if she continues to have problems I use physical correction, such as the paddle or the strap. More severe punishments would be forced to sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed, or even in another room. The ultimate punishment for a submissive would be release from the relationship. Every submissive is different in what works best for them. You can customize the enforcement for each new rule, or you can pick one set of responses and use them across the board on everything.

Thank you for responding to this thread and warm welcome Master JackWolf. i do hope we hear from you more on this and on any other topic you might find interesting.

I would like to invite you to give us a little description of your self in New Members - Introduction thread as we love to keep all our sheep (and Wolfs) accounted for :D

Umm depending on how you want your relationship to be one rather large general rule that can be made is something akin to what you say is "law." This may be something that can be just generally known but it seems to be to be something that actually needs to be said. Or at the very least understood.

We, as a general rule, negotiate our rules. Find something that is agreeable for both of us. Once the rule is made, however, it is set. After the negotiation period, that is it.

I'd suggest adding a rule...say every two weeks. It keeps the excitement going on for a long time. Keep us posted

Guys, Hern is asking for suggestions of specific rules.

My suggestion would be to start with clothing rules. Do you want her to show off more or less than she does now, and how much is acceptable at her school or place of business? No bra is a good place to start (or an open-nipple bra if she's top -heavy). If she needs to wear a bra for work or a function, let her 'buy' the privilege by bribing you with something. Have her come up with the bribe.

Another one I've used is mandatory masturbation. Five or ten minutes (enough to warm her up, but not enough to finish off), before she goes to work or to class in the morning, then again at lunch (coffeebreak) and again when she gets home. Then see what she's up for that evening. An 'accidental' orgasm earns her a punishment.

A good punishment for lack of orgasm control is to require an orgasm an hour for an evening (six or eight hours). Make sure she cools off in between, so she's always starting from scratch.

As far as rules for a Dom, you'll have to hope someone else writes in.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Curtis
Guys, Hern is asking for suggestions of specific rules.

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Well, Curtis, some of did make suggestions. :p

Yup, you and Jack. Sorry.

I just implemented that one last night. My sub has to masturbate once a night now (never did it before if you can believe that) I told her I want her to masturbate every night so she can "perform" for me when I desire it...but she isn't allowed to cum. She was a little upset about the "not allowed to cum" part...but, oh well!

I am full of suggestions...

Going to work with a butt plug and/or chastity belt on...preferable both...would be a nice but undetectable touch. The nice thing about a good chastity belt is that she can't even pee unless you are there with the key.

I know this is not exactly what you asked for, Hern, but as a suggestion for first time/ part time players I would venture the idea of not having any permanent rules in place until both of you know a bit more about how intense you want your play to be.

It is great that you are able to talk about it, and if anything, the first thing you should have in place would be a safeword to be able to stop the procedings if any of you feel like things are getting too intense.

Also useful is a "playword", a specific sign or word that will indicate to her that she should conseder herself "in role/characther", henceforth.

Another suggestion: Have your sub do something, anything for you as her master, every day. Whatever she decides to do will give you an even clearer idea of how play will be conducted.

This has worked very well for me and my boyfriend F. since we started into this lifestyle. To this day we do not have any permanent rules other than me being forbidden NOT to use my safeword if I need it. The constant improvisation keeps me on my toes and enhances our creativity.

"To this day we do not have any permanent rules other than me being forbidden NOT to use my safeword if I need it."

lol..I had to read that sentence three times, making different inflections on the words for it to make sense. It sounded like you were banned from using your safeword to me, but I understand now what you were saying..the whole double negative thing.

Another reason not to have too many rules is that those subs with a perfectionist streak will make sure thet follow them to perfection, thus creating the need for rules so complex the sub needs a lawyer to understand them.
Interesting for those into the more complex mental levels of bdsm, though.

This is some great stuff!
Please keep it coming.

One of the first rules I set for my submissive was that he was to tell me whenever he found himself aroused by what we were talking about or doing. In doing so, I was able to learn, rather quickly, what sorts of fantasies he had, whether or not he felt comfortable offering them to me. It also gave him a sense for some the structure I would require.

Further, having him tell me he was aroused or hard by using protocol, i.e."I am hard now, Mistress" also acted a reminder concerning why we were discussing or doing the things we were doing.