Question for the Mistresses

Hi there. I am a fairly new Mistress and have just started a sub/dom relationship with someone online. The problem is, well I am new and I guess I need more information on what I can do or need to do with my sub. I have already set the basic rules of not touching himself without permission and not cumming without permission. But, is there anything anyone can suggest to spice things up. Tasks I can give him while he is online or to do when I am not around. Is there anything in particular that any of you have used or that your subs like. Any suggestions would be great.

As well, my sub has been naughty and has broken my rules twice now. Any suggestions on punishment and how to stand firm to him when he tries to talk his way out of punishment. God, I feel like such a newbie, which I admit I am, but, hey everyone has to start somewhere.

I hope all you mistresses out there will give me some ideas. I have read all the information here about being a Domme and how to treat your sub and I haev that pretty much down I think. This site is great. Hope to hear from you all soon

Kaena

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Originally Posted by kaena

Hi there. I am a fairly new Mistress and have just started a sub/dom relationship with someone online. The problem is, well I am new and I guess I need more information on what I can do or need to do with my sub. I have already set the basic rules of not touching himself without permission and not cumming without permission. But, is there anything anyone can suggest to spice things up. Tasks I can give him while he is online or to do when I am not around. Is there anything in particular that any of you have used or that your subs like. Any suggestions would be great.

Kaena

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Well first off tasks can be as creative as you are able to put your devious mind to. Do you know your subs likes and dislikes? If not then you should have him or her do a bdsm questionnaire so you have a base to start from. If your sub has a hard limit about urine for example and you task them with peeing in their pants before they are allowed to masturbate, the sub is not going to be willing to do it. One example can be found here,

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9385 but if you Google BDSM limits questionnaire you will also get a few links to choose from.

You also have to consider if access to cameras, web cam ect is practical or not to incorporate into a task. I find that even with chat and email you can set and have a task for a sub that is still just as challenging even with no visual proof. You can assign a specific task that you require a report on when they are done, or you can create a set of things the sub must accomplish and have them send to you some form of report to you. Of course web cam or pictures add to what you can include as well.

Just to give you an idea, I recently assigned a sub the task of kneeling in the presence of a woman once a day for seven days and then sending me a report about each incident as it was completed. He was not allowed to cum until the seven women were completed even if he had to go longer than the seven days. When it went over the seven day limit I then penalized him by tasking him to get a hard on whenever he had to answer a email until he got the last one done. All of it was online, none of it needed visual proof and it was a very good task for an online format. I may have sent a few extra emails after I had to add on the hard on but no cumming penalty..but ...I just could not resist..

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Originally Posted by kaena

As well, my sub has been naughty and has broken my rules twice now. Any suggestions on punishment and how to stand firm to him when he tries to talk his way out of punishment. God, I feel like such a newbie, which I admit I am, but, hey everyone has to start somewhere.

Kaena

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Hmmm now for the rule breaking stuff. I would not let that slide at all. I can bet the sub is just waiting to see if you are going to let it slide. Do not do it. Do not allow any discussion about why the sub failed so they should not get a punishment, In fact add on to it just for that alone. They need to know you are firm, mean what you say and that you are not going to allow them to manipulate you. Trust me the sub will want you to take action. There are a few threads here that have some ideas for punishment on the forums
,
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=11010
has a few ideas. I find that ignoring is very effective. I have assigned essays on what a good sub should behave like, given lines to do, told the sub to invent their own punishment and make it good, ordered a sub to wear panties to work ect. I have demoted them from being allowed to address me in a certain way or from me using a preferred nick. No matter what you assign as a punishment you should instruct the sub to explain why they were in the wrong before you forgive them as what is the point of correction when the sub has no idea what they did in the first place. Restrict them from the internet or order them to sit on a chair like a bad child for a length of time for a few days, in short if you know something they particularly enjoy restrict them from being allowed to do it.

If they start to argue order them to be silent and listen and if they do not, ignore them for a bit then try again. I bet you do that one time and they will be willing to shut up and listen to you if you are going to ignore them. I would also let it be understood that if they do not listen to you and continue to challenge you then perhaps they do not deserve your time. I bet you will only have to say that one time and they will smarten up fast if they really want to interact with you. Feel free to contact me with any questions if you wish.

*grinz at the wise Widget... remembering her useless worm... rofl*

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Originally Posted by just_annie

*grinz at the wise Widget... remembering her useless worm... rofl*

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*grinz wickedly* we had so much fun with him giggles....

I know I'm not a Domme but coming from the sub side of things, I would have to agree with with Widget, maybe filling out the questionair, finding what his hard limits are, want makes him ticks and what doesn't, what he absolutely dreeds and he loves. As Widget mention about the kneeling in front of a 7 females, its humliating but also exciting for the sub she gave the task to, I'm sure he loved it..giggles..writing tasks, humilating tasks, and pleasure/painful(depends on ur sub) tasks...and go from there...

The punishment ...I know myself and if I fail a task it kills me inside and all I want to do is make things better, but I wouldn't want my Dom to let things just slide becuz I give hime a pouty face or some half ass excuse, if he did I would have some questions forming in my head about his role, im not saying you can't be understanding giving cerain circumstances but it shouldn't be something that happens a lot!

I personly am kinda new to this myself, and although I have a female sub, i believe i might have some insite from the newbi couch.

I had the same problum thinking of punishments as you did, luckly my sub is a bit more experienced then me. I personly feel that writing lines or an essay about what they did wrong is a good place to start with an online D/s relationship. I also agree with Widget, you CANNOT let transgresions slide. This was one of my hangups for a bit, i love my sub very much, and had a hard time at first with punishing her. Luckly, she is very well behaved and i have not had to punish her yet.

You can be a good Domme without a heart, but being to soft will only cause you a lot of problums in the end, but you must figure out for youself what to punish him for, and what not to. If you cannot bring yourself to punish, then you might want to re examin if this is the right thing for you.

As far as ideas for online play go, jump in the chat room here and see how other people online play around. Get a feel for it. I have seen some really good scenes in there myself. Gave me a few more wicked ideas!

Thanks for everyone who has responded. Your information has been most helpful. If you or anyone else has anymore ideas feel free to give me incite. you guys are great

No problum Kaena, if you have any more questions, just ask.