Lessons In Submission and Humiliation

My Weekend of Lessons...

I'm not sure where to begin as my weekend was hectic, demanding, controlled, submissive, humiliating and very erotic. I guess I'll begin at the beginning... good place, huh? Usually I get 4-5 days with my handsome Sir, but this time it was all crammed into 2 days/3 nights. He had given me fair warning of what my weekend would entail, but I kinda thought he might be exaggerating a little... NOT. Anal, urine, submission, trust, strippers, dancing and needles were the agenda... i was scared. VERY SCARED. I have issues with certain things and just need to work on some of the others. Could I really handle a weekend this demanding?

He left me a note with instructions. I thought I would have plenty of time to mentally prepare myself because he was working and I wouldn't see him until early in the morning. I would have a peaceful night sleep at his house... in his bed... snuggled against his pillows...feeling very safe.. My panic rose when I received the phone call. He was coming home... OMG. The instructions. Would I be able to follow every one without disappointing him? I worried so much about failure. I talked myself down and decided that 1) he would NEVER do anything to mentally, emotionally or physically cause me severe or permanent damage 2) everything he chooses to teach me and I am able to learn will only benefit us and further our bond and relationship 3) I love him 4) he loves me and 5) I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

The Bowl- The instructions were that I would pee only in the bowl, the bowl would be on top of the coffee table (strong coffee table), I would wipe with my hand. I had been petrified of the bowl. The cutsie pink with flowers and sparklies bowl that Sir had made for me the second weekend I ever visited him. Ok... a brief history of the bowl issue. First weekend visit to Sir we had gone out and upon returning home he decided to put my submission to the test and in the process created a phobia of Pyrex. I had asked to go to the bathroom and he placed a blue Pyrex bowl on the floor in the kitchen and well, let's just say ummm... it was a no "go." My brain instantly searched out the loopholes and decided I wouldn't drink much water, I would ask to use the bathroom away from the house and other ways to get around THAT issue. Well, NOW he had decided to
address this issue without possibility of me finding loopholes. He had thought of everything. He treated me like a kid and didn't let me go when we were away from the house. I did it. I followed his instructions with only brief worried glances. I surprised myself. I urinated in the bowl and wiped with my hand. I was humiliated, felt very submissive, confused and apprehensive. He was aware of all these reactions and I think he expected more of a struggle. I was struggling mentally, but what he didn't know and I didn't tell him was that I was watching his every movement while I did this. I paid very close attention to his line of vision, his body positioning, the curve of his lips, the spark in his eye... even the bulge that grew in his pants. I knew I was affecting him and he was definitely affecting me. It became a game in my head. It went from
humiliating to an erotic game of "let's see how turned on I can make my Sir". I was not sure if he thought I would ever go there in my head and I tried really hard to not let him see that I was attempting to play with his head as he was working with mine. Oh... and did you know that peeing in a bowl on a coffee table while holding onto a stripper pole is not only very submissive, but hilarious as hell!!!

The Ass Plug- The instructions were that I would wear the plug anytime we were at home even if only for a short time. I agree that I need some work in this area. As Sir says... i have the "anus of a 7 year old boy" (reference to Borat here). No matter how much play time I have I seem to stay tight. Hmmm... Is that a bad thing? I wore the plug. I tried to tease him when I would put it in (not sure if it worked...lol). Sir was very kind when I let him know that my ass was getting sore from the plug and he allowed me to not wear it for certain lengths of time. He's not cruel thank goodness, but he does expect my best and I sooo want to give it to him. My reward was a brutal ass fucking on Sunday night.... the hardest Sir had ever given me. OMG... I loved it!!! I was a bit disappointed when he stopped and had me finish him with my mouth. I am very proud of myself that I took it... I took everything he could give me... I did it... he did it... he fucked my ass no holds barred. Taken, owned, used, abused and brutally ass raped... oh yes!!! I loved every minute of it!!!

Strippers and dancing- I am (or was) intimidated by strippers. I love looking at them, watching them dance, even drooling over their long legs, beautiful tits and yummy ass, but I always feel a bit nervous around them. We went to the strip club. Oh... I had no problems this time. I was drooling heavily over this little brunette who could shake her ass like nobody's business. Then I saw the one I wanted to go home with me. This adorable red-head with facial piercings, sparkly eyes, long legs and tits I wanted to nibble on right there. I had no problems giving her dollars. I think if Sir had let me stay there I would have broke him...lol. Lap dance? From her? OOhhh... I am sooo there!!! When she licked my cheek as I gave her a dollar I felt myself get damp. I'm sure I would have soaked my panties had I been wearing any. My Sir took me home and opened up Club Craig... with me as his private stripper. I love dancing for him and teasing him. Now that I am more comfortable with myself I really enjoy the tease. I just wish I was more comfy dancing in the stripper shoes... I always feel like I'm gonna trip or stumble. Grace is not my middle name, but he's trying to teach me. I danced for him that night. I must have done something right because he took me to the bedroom, rewarded me by licking and torturing my pussy with his tongue then fucking me to orgasm.

Needles- My heart sinks thinking about needles piercing sensitive parts of my body. Sir has let me experience some needle play before, but I am still VERY nervous and anxious thinking about them. Not really sure why since my career involves sticking others with needles and drawing blood from arteries. Sunday night (before the ass fucking) we were downstairs in the dungeon. He had warmed me up by having me restrained over a spanking bench (that was a first for me) and made my ass burn from the flogger, dragontail and his hand. I practiced the meditation and pain disbursement that Pan had taught me (see previous blog) and it worked, but in the back of my head I could still feel the anxiety and fear of the needles I knew were coming soon. Too soon I was placed on the special chair, blindfolded (thankfully not gagged) and left to hear the crinkling of plastic... not sure if it was the needle wrappers or something else, but I have excellent hearing and a very active imagination. I had been told not to focus on the individual prick of the needle, but on the experience as a whole... the big picture. I was still petrified. I couldn't let him down. OMG... can I really do it? I can do it... I just don't wanna see it. I knew the slight sting for what it was as each needle passed thru my skin into my tits. He said I had 22 needles in me at the end, but I didn't feel that many. Maybe I was focusing on more than each prick of the needle... maybe I was passing through that point. I was beginning to feel a sense of accomplishment... I had done it. I had needles in my tits and I was OK. Then I fell apart. I just knew Sir was gonna put a needle through my areola or nipple. All I could focus on was the pain from when he had pierced my nipples (see previous blog). I panicked...
BIG!!! I was truly scared. I realized that the needles in my tits didn't hurt (most any way and not too bad). I think I was more scared of the unknown. He had pushed me and I was dangling on the edge. My safeword was bouncing around inside my mouth, but I trust my Sir. He will hold on to me and not let me go. I know this. I think he realized where I was heading and backed off a little... drawing my focus elsewhere. OMG... was he really gonna put needles there?!? Yes, my focus was elsewhere now, but was this any better? Then I felt the prick of the needle. He asked me if I could feel the needle... was it still buried in the skin above my pussy? I admit I didn't know. It was the same sensation as my tits. Nothing... until he touched it. It was there. When our time with the needles was over I was still very anxious and he reassured me. I cried... not because I was upset. It's just something that happens... my emotions need to be released. Sir always comforts me during this and I'm thankful I didn't disappoint him (at least I hope I didn't).

I was challenged, scared, pushed and somewhat humiliated this weekend. I think I handled this weekend pretty well and left on Monday with an extreme feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Thank you Sir for teaching me about myself, pushing me and showing me the edge and holding tight to me so I could peek over.

I Love You.