So we've been exploring our newly poly relationship and having a lot of fun. A few months ago, I looked into online dating to see if I could meet some women to date on the side, or possibly bring into our relationship (all with D's knowledge and permission, of course). Since there seem to be a lot more submissive women than switches or Dommes in my local dating pool, I had sort of thought "well, I can switch a little if I have to, but I don't think I can really get into that kind of persona."
I'd messed around a bit with this really great lady I met on the dating site, but we hadn't gotten really kinky except for the occasional ass smack or something. I think we were both sort of nervous about what to do about us both being submissives. But then last weekend, we were making out in her car in a parking garage in the middle of the night, and she adjusted her seat back so that I was positioned over her, and within a couple of minutes things just clicked and I was pulling her hair and making her beg me to suck on her tits, and she was moaning that she was my slut ... and I loved it. I wasn't expecting that.
I was amazed by how sexy and powerful I felt. I sort of let go of the rules that I must have in my head somewhere about what it's okay for a girl to want or to express, and just let myself enjoy her. For the first time I wasn't concerned about whether I was pleasing enough or attractive enough. I could just appreciate how gorgeous and sexy my partner is.
A few days later, we were talking online and ended up going through a whole scene in cyber. It wasn't anything especially hardcore or elaborate, but it was enough to make me feel confident that I can be in control and actually know what I'm doing. Part of this is because I've learned from watching D and A (our soon-to-be live-in gf) do it, but I think part of it comes from inside of me, too, from parts of me that I hadn't really connected with before.
We're seeing each other again tomorrow, and I'm so excited. :) I don't feel like my submissiveness is at all diminished, and I still belong to my husband and love to serve him -- in fact, after I got back from my little adventure last weekend, he spent most of the next day putting me through my paces. :) But this is part of me, too, and it feels really good to be okay with exploring that, to finally be in a place in my life where I'm not afraid to be someone different from who I thought I was. That's a huge step for me. And I just wanted to share it with you lovely people.
